Radio Hurts God
By Craw/Brad

A pale hand reaches over and flips on the radio. An old clock sits on top of one of the speakers; it reads 1:30. Lights come on as a fast paced intro starts to pay. "Screaming American, Screaming American, Screaming American!" (A/N: One of my fav DJ's is the Screaming Viking{check out buzz103.com})

"Greetings listeners!" a faintly accented voice said in English. "For todays show we have managed to kidnap a very yummy guest from the world of fiction. He should be arriving soon, but until he does, I fell the need to rant."

"High school sucks! First they force you to get you at an unholy hour, then they send you off to think! They won't even let you buy coffee once you get there because it is 'bad for your health'. Next they force you to take stupid classes that you will never need in the real world. That is enough to piss off even the most even tempered person, but they will search your stuff if you make even the slightest hint that you would like to kill or even mildly maim a classmate. On top of that, they take your pocket knife and lighter!" Here there is a pause as the host talks to some one in the studio. "It seems our guest has just arrived, so we will be right back!" (A/N: This in fact did not happen to me... I have had like five people ask if it had. So, just in case you were worried, I am still in posesion of both my lighter and pocket knife.)

Commercials start to play and the pale man walks into the kitchen to retrieve a bag of chips (Cheeto's, the fluffy kind) and a bottle of water. As he returned to his armchair, the song starts to play again, "Screaming America, Screaming American, Screaming American!"

"Welcome back loyal listeners. Now we are joined in the studio by the cold and closed off Abyssinian. The question on everyones mind, or at least mine, is: What is going on between you and Farf?"

At the man in the armchair spit out the mouthful of water he had just taken in. He knows for a fact that he MUST have heard that wrong.

"Why am I here?" came the voice of a very annoyed Ran from the black box that was the speaker.

"Well, isn't that obvious? Your here because I had the hamsters kidnap you." the host said in a voice that one would use when talking to a five year old. An odd smirk could almost be detected in her voice.

"Who are you?" the red haired assassin asked.

"I am the daughter of death and deceit.
I am the spawn of heaven and hell.
I am the caretaker of the dead.
The real question is: Who are you?" she answered in a sing-song voice.

"How do you know who I am?" Ran asked. Even the avid listener could here the glare in his voice.

"I know because I wanted to know." she answered shortly. "But you are getting off topic! My listeners want to know the juice details of your and Farf's love life."

"I don't see how Farfarello's or my love life is any of your business."

"OK, I'll start with an easier question. Do the two of you get into S&M?" she asked.

"Hn."

"I'll take that as a yes! Go me! Are you on top? Or does Farf get to be Dom?"

"......"

"Go Farf! He got you to let him be seme? I have a new found deep respect for him."

The listener found himself smiling at her commits despite himself. She really had guts, even Ken was smart enough to know not to talk about Ran's love life. He was kicked out of his thoughts by the WTF-ness of her next question.

"Have you ever thought of sleeping with Nagi?"

Ran voiced what the listener had been thinking. "Are you sick? What the hell? He is fifteen! He's sleeping with one of my team mates. Why the hell you I want to bang him? I have Farfie."

This very un-Ran-like speech seemed to have pleased the host a great deal, because the next thing she said was, "Good! You are now free to go." Then to the listeners she said, "Remember to toon in tomorrow night where we will be kidnapping another unsuspecting guest and asking them personal and inane questions!"

The clock read 2:00 as the pale hand reached to flip off the radio. As we fade out, we hear the listener say, "God is crying now." as he goes to await his red haired lovers return.

End?......

This kinda sucked, but review anyway!