Sadly, I don't own Yazoo (if I did, he'd be chained in my chair so he won't run away), or Kadaj, or Loz (phew) or Sephiroth (I wish. I really really wish). I don't own Schala, Magus, Chrono, Squall, Rinoa, Yuna, or Seymour either. I think they're all owned by Square-Enix.

Getting Married

Kadaj, Yazoo, Loz and Sephiroth were sitting at a table in their nice little cozy house in Lifestream, drinking cups of tea. Their mother, Jenova, (or what was left of it, after it got ripped off by Sephiroth and absorbed by Kadaj and going through all kinds of tough mishaps in between) sat peacefully on the table, watching her four stunningly sexy metrosexual sons. Loz was still weepy, Yazoo was still looking definitely metrosexual, and Kadaj… poor Kadaj… after realizing that the Mother was indeed, just a head with no body, his childhood dreams of baking cookies with Jenova or going to the zoo had been shattered into million pieces (hence the light after Cloud performed Omnislash on Sephiroth/Kadaj in the old Shinra Building). As the result, he was slightly insane. He kept giggling and eating cookies that didn't exist. Sephiroth was slightly perturbed by this, but he was going to make a declaration to his family today and such things could not be disturbed by double-bladed-sword-wielding (oh wait, one is a shadow blade), metrosexual, erratic, insane male who could seriously kick some ass. So, he sipped his tea, and said, "I have an announcement."

Kadaj giggled. Loz wept. Yazoo sniffed (has anyone noticed he has said less than 20 words in the ENTIRE movie, and has managed to sniff his conversation?). Jenova just sat there, oozing.

"After serious consideration," Sephiroth began his speech grandiosa, "I am reaching the age 32, am single, despite my beauty, and while you guys last forever-" he shook a dismissive hand towards Kadaj, Loz, Yazoo and Jenova – "you guys are boring."

"Horray!" Kadaj yelled loudly. Loz wept even more. Yazoo blew his nose in a pink handkerchief. Jenova… well, she just oozed.

"I plan to get married."

Kadaj stopped. Loz giggled. Yazoo stopped blowing his nose. And Jenova exploded. Literally. Into thousand tiny jellies. They got stuck in four metrosexual males' hairs, creating a fiasco.

"I mean, come on!" Sephiroth protested to the three aghast males. "What could I do?"

"Marry?" Loz said stupidly. Yazoo kicked him.

"Very good, Loz. So I plan to get married."

"Erm… Brother?" Yazoo asked fearfully. "To whom?"

That was indeed a valid question. Aeris? Nope, she was already Cloud/Zack/Lost-Identity's, and besides, being stabbed through the stomach wasn't exactly an ideal love proposal. Either way, the pink twit was annoying anyways. So she was out.

Tifa? Oops, stabbed her too. Sephiroth couldn't exactly see the martial artist going "Sephiroth, you stabbed me through my heart… and you robbed it too!". Besides, Tifa was in love with the Chocobo Head as well. Goddamn it, why was Cloud so popular? Was it his idiocy that caused maternal love? Or was it his hair? But then, chocobos would be very popular among women. Or were they…?

Sephiroth stopped wrenching his beautiful silver hair out over something as trivial as chocobos. It didn't suit his beauty, brain, prowess, or metrosexualness. Tifa was out too.

Yuffie? No friggin way, no sir. Not only was she flat-chested, she was a kid, and he didn't exactly want to feel like a child molester. Besides, her "Nyuk nyuk nyuk" laughter and her thieving habits were rather annoying. So no.

Marlene? Forget about it.

Ifalna? Wasn't she dead…? Anyways, no Aeris, so no Ifalna.

Lucrecia…? Oh god no. Marrying his own birthmother was gross.

"DAMN IT, WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO MARRY?" Sephiroth yelled. Kadaj smiled stupidly. Yazoo was in the bathroom (and stop your thought right there, you dirty-minded readers). And Loz was… crying. Big surprise there.

"Marry me!" Yuna yelled. Sephiroth glared at the sudden appearance of the female.

"Didn't you marry Seymour Guado?"

"Erm…" (Sorry, I haven't played FFX for a while… forgot. Sorry if I'm wrong)

"Anyways, Seymour's a wuss. You married Seymour. So you're a wuss too. And so no."

"Sorry!" Seymour, the blue-haired villain of FFX, came running. "Yuna! Why are you cheating on me!"

"CUT! WRONG GAME!" The director yelled. With the poof of logic, the two disappeared.

"You can marry me!" Rinoa appeared out of the blue.

"You're Squall Leonheart's! Now do go away, I don't endorse adultery."

"I'm Squall Leonheart! Where's Rinoa?" Squall Leonheart appeared, rounded up Rinoa, and disappeared.

"Marry meeee!" Schala appeared.

"You aren't even from Final Fantasy! You're from Chrono Trigger!"

"AND YOU'RE MINE!" Magus yelled from the vorpal void (I have no clue what that is).

"And you're dead… killed by Chrono… sorry Schala, I'm not a necrophilia, unlike the Chocobo Head…"

"Hey!" Cloud yelled out of the blue. Tifa looked at him strangely.

Sephiroth sighed. Maybe family wasn't for him.

Don't worry, bits of Jenova stuck in his silver hair whispered. Sephiroth looked around and found no one talking.

"Was that you talking, Kadaj?"

"COOKIES!" Kadaj yelled. Ok, so maybe not.

"Loz…?"

"Mommmmmy!" he howled, crying.

"Yazoo? Oh never mind, he's still hiding in the toilet."

We're your family, Sephiroth. You are not alone.

"Is that you, Mother?"

Yes. I will always be your mother.

"Mother, I love you."

I love you too.

"Great… um, Mother?"

Yes, Sephiroth?

"Will you please get out of my hair?"