Painful Past

Summary: Edwards a mysterious guy with a past, will that stop the relationship with Bella? Will their relationship be able to survive the hurt, the pain and regret?

Authors Note: New at this so don't be too harsh =) plus my beta is in Canada ...x 33.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Song belongs to Linkin Park: Leave Out All the Rest

EPOV

November 12th… I sat at home staring at the wall where the newspaper articles hung. Reminding me of all the pain I had caused. It has been exactly 6 years since the event occurred and I was still devastated. Every November 12th I sat at home questioning myself and wondering what happened if the accident hadn't happened. Would I be alone now? Would I have all this guilt and pain? Would the world be a better place without me…?

*flash back*

The rain smashed against the window shield as the police officer took me into custody at the Forks Police Station. Thunder cracked and you could see the flashes of lightning miles away. The sky lit up and the night sky flashed in my eyes. The flash was bright enough to show me the glint of metal confining my wrists together and the scars still healing on my writhed body. The police station had picked me up straight from the hospital, as soon as I had the "Okay" to leave. I was still healing but I was healthy enough to leave. I knew that I wouldn't get much rest at the police station, but I'd have to do my duty I deserved it for all I had done to her and her son.

*Present time*

The sun was coming up it was 6am. I had been sitting here for over 5 hrs contemplating if I should contact any forms of society today because everyone I knew, knew it was the anniversary of the dreadful accident that occurred. I decided it was time to go to the cemetery and pay my respects even though it hurt so much seeing the little boy who shouldn't have died so young. The sun had just risen while my car backed out the driveway of my town house. You'd think I was very close with my neighbors since I had a "town house" but I usually kept to myself. I kept to myself with everyone. I had no girlfriend, few friends that actually stood by me even through the accident (I had lost most of them after the accident) and my family and I were not that close except for my little sister Alice who pried her way into my life, even when I had put my emotional wall up.

I had arrived to the grave cemetery and I stared at the headstones. "wonderful wife, friend and mother" "He will be greatly missed" "R.I.P." . All these headstones represented all who had died and that they were missed. I snarled to myself, why did he have to die? I walked up to Seth's headstone and all the painful memories began to flood my mind…

*flash back*

The blinding white lights were making my head pound and it was distracting me. BOOM and I was unconscious.

*present time*

The memories were too painful; they hurt even thinking about them on the surface. I regretted each moment of the time I had become so stupid and immature. I didn't deserve to live.

"Seth, it's me Edward… I know that I shouldn't even have the right to talk to you, but as you remember I come here everyday on this fateful anniversary. I'm sorry about what happened Seth, I know I didn't know you that well but I know that you didn't deserve to die. All the newspapers and media coverage on you explained that to me all too well. "The little league baseball star, the advanced academic student, the one that was loved by everyone; friends and family included". I'm sorry your life was taken and not mine. I was a stupid kid back then, and I was worthless to everyone. They all wouldn't have cared if I had died, you are more important then I am. No one loves me... everyone loved you, they still love you and they hate me more now more then ever. I hope your okay up there in heaven, I know they all say "you're in a better place up there", but you were too young to die… What's heaven without all the people you love? I'll go to hell one day and then I'll really get what I deserved. I hope you can accept my apology even though I know I cannot ever repay you. Good luck and I will see you next year… thoughts of you and the accident haunt me everyday of my life…"

I walked out of the cemetery staring back at the daisies that were brought to him by his mother, I would have brought flowers but I didn't want anyone to know that I came here every year, because I didn't have the right to talk to Seth after what I had done. Climbing into my silver Volvo, I headed to Alice's apartment. The streets were filled with people since it was a Saturday and I stared ahead not wanting to make eye contact. I had vowed to myself that I wouldn't come into any human contact except for Alice. She always distracted me and kept me thinking of other things then what had happened when needed to. She was my only sister that supported me throughout everything, I loved her.

"Alice, open up its Edward!!" I screamed through the door hoping she'd hear me. The door creaked open and a pair of brown eyes stared at me. "Your not Alice…" "yes I know I'm not Alice, I'm Bella, if your looking for Alice she's the next door down…" she said annoyed. "Oh I'm so sorry" I walked past her and knocked on Alice's door ducking in embarrassed that I was so out of it that I had forgot my own sisters apartment room.

"Hey Edward, what's up?? You doing okay?" tension was heard in her voice.

"I'm doing better, I just came here. I need a distraction"

"Well why don't we go hang out with Jazz, Rose, and Em? She suggested, her eyes pleading with mine.

"I don't feel like hanging out today… sorry Alice but you can go. I think I'm going to go to the park for awhile…"

Alice gave me a look filled with pity but I was too upset to argue with her today. I stepped out of her apartment and headed down the road where the park was. The big oak tree, the tree that I sat by whenever I needed support. I sat there, listening to my Ipod and stared ahead in a daze.

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are