moonlight serenade

by shel

a moonlit walk leads to a deeper understanding…

CHARMED

"Moonlight Serenade"

by shel

© october 2002

disclaimer:	the charmed ones, cole, and leo, and the rest of the cast of characters we've come to know and love, belong to spelling television, inc. and possible other copyright holders. i intended no true infringement on their copyrights; i only wanted to borrow these marvelous characters for a short time in my own scenarios and hopefully return them no worse for wear; the only things i've gained from this story are the satisfaction and pleasure of having written it and in knowing that others may have enjoyed it too
rating:	pg-13
summary:	a moonlit walk leads to a deeper understanding
timeline:	the night of the final events of season 5's 'siren song'
archive:	please don't without express permission
notes:	there is reference to specific persons or events from "hell hath no fury," "charmed again" and "feats of clay"please let me know if you enjoyed my tale and why and, if not, why notand, please, don't bother wasting your time or mine by sending any flames

Phoebe walked along the beach and tried to ignore the chill that had begun to settle within her. The sweats she had changed into after work no longer gave her the same protection as when she had begun her walk and she twisted her wristwatch under the moonlight and squinted to make out the time. She couldn't read it clearly but it was some time between eleven and eleven thirty which meant she'd been at the beach for nearly two hours. Suddenly, she felt tired and worn out and she sat in the sand. She set her shoes next to her, hugged her knees, and stared out at the dark water.

The events of the past two days played over and over in her mind and she always came back to Cole. His presence was with her whether she wanted it or not. No matter how far she thought she'd progressed since his death and resurrection, she still couldn't let him go. He was trying so hard to convince her that he'd changed for the better. That he could use his powers for good and help innocents. 'For God's sake, he ran into a blazing fire to save a woman. A total stranger,' she thought. 'On the other hand,' she then considered, 'he knew I'd find out about it and was bound to be impressed.' 'On the other hand,' she argued with herself, 'he didn't go for any publicity and he did tell me he wasn't even sure that his powers would protect him when he went in.'

Phoebe groaned in frustration. Her inability to decide one way or the other in how to feel about Cole was her biggest problem. Every time she was just about ready to cave in and consider working things out with him, she was reminded of his powers and from where he came. They truly came from different worlds and she no longer knew of a way to make it work. No matter how much they still loved one another.

Phoebe glanced up at the stars and took in their beauty for a few moments before she decided to head back to her car. She had a long walk ahead of her and she sighed as she looked around the deserted beach. 'Well, almost deserted,' she realized. In the distance, she saw a dark figure standing on some rocks looking out towards the sea. Phoebe grabbed her shoes and stood up. From the corner of her eye, as she brushed sand from her pants, she noticed that the figure had moved too. She was pretty sure it was a man but, at that distance, couldn't distinguish any of his features even with the moonlight. 'None of my business, anyway,' she decided as she turned around in the direction from where she came.

Phoebe hadn't taken more than a few steps when she suddenly cried out in pain and stumbled to the sand. When she landed, she nearly twisted her right wrist as it got caught in her shoes and she cried out again. Ignoring the sting in her wrist, she grabbed her right foot and saw a large piece of glass sticking out from her heel. 'Owwww,' she moaned.

"What happened?" the familiar voice asked in concern just as Phoebe reached for the piece of glass. "Are you all right?"

The pair gaped at each other in complete astonishment and spoke at the same time:

"Phoebe? What are you doing here?"

"Cole? Have you been watching me the whole time?"

Shock quickly turned to annoyance and they glared at one another for a moment before the frown on each softened to a slight smile. But Phoebe groaned again and the moment was lost.

"Here," Cole suggested as he sat down opposite her and reached for her foot, "let me see."

"No, really, Cole, I --" Phoebe tried to protest but Cole had already gently grasped it.

"This may hurt," Cole told her as he fingered the piece of glass.

"Like it doesn't already?" Phoebe snapped. Cole yanked the glass out and Phoebe gritted her teeth and didn't allow herself to cry out in pain.

Cole frowned, "I don't like the way it's bleeding. You'd better call Leo."

"No," she gasped as she took several quick breaths.

"Phoebe," Cole uttered in frustration, "this is deep and could become infected."

Phoebe reached into her pocket, pulled out a wad of tissues and held it to the bottom of her foot. "I'll be fine. I can't run to Leo every time I get hurt when a demon isn't involved."

He pushed away her hand and took over applying the pressure to her wound. "Then let me take you to the doctor."

Phoebe shook her head as she leaned back. "I'll be fine. I've got a first aid kit in my car. I'll take care of it when I get back there."

"Fine. Where's your car?" Cole asked as he pressed harder. Phoebe yelped and glared at him and he shrugged an unconvincing apology in return. "The parking lot must be three miles away and there's no way you can walk on this foot."

"I'll manage," she insisted.

"As soon as the bleeding's stopped, I'll bring you to the car," Cole stated.

They remained quiet for a few moments and each tried to ignore the familiar and pleasant feelings each felt from the touch of the other. Cole checked the wad of tissues and shook his head as he applied more pressure again.

"So, uh," Phoebe hesitated, "what're you doing at the beach at this time of night?"

Cole concentrated on her foot and answered, "Thinking."

"About what?" Phoebe automatically asked. "Sorry, none of my business," she quickly added.

Cole looked at her a moment before he answered, "I was thinking about what happened yesterday. About what I had done to you. About how it might not matter that I want to use my powers for good. About how you were right."

"Maybe not," Phoebe commented as she saw her love's crestfallen face.

He then looked at her and asked, "What do you mean?"

"I needed to clear my head. You know the beach is one of my favorite spots and it was such a beautiful night and I neededNever mind," she interrupted herself, "let's just say I was doing a lot of thinking and I realize I might've been wrong this afternoon. About why you fell under the siren's spell, I mean."

"Really?" he asked warily as he gently massaged her ankle with the fingers that supported her wounded foot.

Phoebe nodded as she tried not to feel so content under his care. "I told you that you tried to strangle me because of the tremendous increase in your powers as well as your inherent demonic nature. And maybe that was part of it. But maybe a bigger part of it was because of how you feel about me."

"Loving you doesn't mean strangling you," he quickly responded.

"No," she agreed, "but I wasn't talking about your feelings of love." Phoebe paused before she quietly added, "I meant your feelings of anger and resentment."

"What are you talking about?" Cole angrily asked as he pressed her heel a bit too hard. As soon as Phoebe groaned, he had already begun apologizing.

"Do you remember," she asked after she took a deep breath, "last year when Piper turned into the fury?" At Cole's silent nod, she continued, "Well, it was her feelings of anger towards Prue that turned her. Because she never allowed herself to express those feelings because she couldn't accept the idea that she could be angry at Prue when it was Prue who was killed."

"How does this apply to me?" he asked.

"Don't you think that, deep down," she slowly suggested, "there's been this part of you that's been so angry with me for not accepting you back into my life the way you wanted?"

"That's ridiculous!" he insisted in annoyance.

"Is it?" she wondered. "I mean, I've been angry with myself so how can you not be?"

"Why would you be angry?" he inquired as he checked the cut on her heel.

Phoebe wiped her hand against her pant leg and caressed Cole's cheek and turned his face slightly so he would look at her. She held his gaze and admitted, "I miss you so much. You're in my dreams every night. I think about you during the day even though I'm doing my best not to." Cole glanced down and she added, "Don't you think I want to be with you? That there are times I wish I'd taken you up on your offer of disappearing off the planet?"

"Then why" Cole didn't finish his question.

"Because," she admitted as she removed her hand from his face, "I don't know where we can go from here. The rules are constantly changing with us, or because of us, and I don't know where that leaves us. And I don't know that I'm strong enough to find out."

"You're the strongest woman I know, witch or not," Cole told her as he supported her foot in his lap. As he kept the pressure on her wound with one hand, he reached for her hand with his free one.

Phoebe shook her head as she stared at their hands. "How can you be so sure when I'm not?" Before Cole could interrupt, she continued, "Cole, ever since I became a witch, I've learned just how strong my evil tendencies can be. I thought that I could keep them in check. And when we met and were trying to make it work, I thought I could help you keep yours in check. But I failed." Cole shook his head but Phoebe insisted, "I failed us both because I couldn't help you remain good and I couldn't help me remain good. Evil was able to influence us both and I'm scared to death it will happen again."

Cole tried to come up with something to say to her. "II.."

Phoebe gave him a sympathetic smile. "I know you would never purposefully try to hurt me but fate's always had other plans for us. You can't promise me that something like the siren's spell won't happen to you, or to us, again. That either of us won't be possessed by evil. You can't predict the future and neither can I for that matter."

Cole looked at her with confusion. "That's exactly what you can do."

Phoebe shrugged and tried to explain, "All of my visions of my future, or my sisters', came about by accident but for a reason. A lesson we needed to learn. Except for one time, I've never been able to see my own future simply by wondering about it."

Cole thought a moment. "I'm not sure that the Oracle or the Seer had that ability or they surely would have prevented their fates. Certainly the Seer who was one of the most powerful of her kind." Phoebe tensed at the mention of the Seer but shrugged again and he asked, "What was that one time?"

"When Clay came back," Phoebe replied. She noticed Cole suddenly stiffen at the name of her former boyfriend and quickly clarified, "I told you that he came to visit not long after I moved back home."

"What did you see?" he wondered as he tried not to think of Phoebe being with anyone else. "That he went back to New York alone?" Phoebe hesitated to answer and he repeated his question about what she saw.

"Um, not exactly," Phoebe muttered. She saw Cole's glare and she squirmed slightly as she told him, "I suppose I'd been wondering whether or not I could, or should, trust him when I suddenly got the vision."

"Of?" Cole impatiently asked.

Phoebe sighed as she gave in. "I saw us making love so I knew I could give him a chance."

Cole frowned but considered a new angle. "So then why don't you" Cole left his question unfinished and knew she understood his implication.

"I have," she confirmed with frustration. "Or at least I've tried to. You should only know the number of times I've tried to see what the future had in store for me. For us. Especially when we were together in the Underworld and my powers were stronger. But, good or not, I haven't found any meditation, spell, or potion that's worked. Personal gain, I guess." Phoebe shrugged sadly, "Maybe that's the way it should be."

"Maybe," Cole considered softly. He pulled the tissues away from her heel and told her, "The bleeding's stopped. C'mon, put your arms around my neck and I'll take you to your car." As Phoebe complied, he grabbed her shoes with one hand and then lifted her up in his arms. He took a step and they faded in a blur.

***** ***** ***** ******

As Cole left the bathroom with the bottle of aspirin and glass of water, he nearly collided with a pajama-clad Paige.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she loudly demanded.

"Shhh," he admonished, "do you want to wake Piper and Leo?"

Paige glared at him with suspicion, "How'd you know they were asleep?"

Cole laughed, "After the day they had yesterday? I bet they spent the entire night last night wondering if they'd ever get back their own powers."

Paige still looked at him with suspicion but shook her head. "They did. Early this morning. But never mind them. What are you doing here?"

"Don't worry," he assured her, "I'll be gone before you have time to mix up a potion."

"What makes you think I don't already have one prepared?" she challenged. "Just an orb away"

Expressionless, Cole watched her for a moment before he went back to Phoebe's room with Paige close on his heels.

"Phoebe!" Paige exclaimed when she saw the bandage on Phoebe's foot as Phoebe sat stretched out on the bed. "What did he do to you?"

Cole glared at Paige but Phoebe cut off his retort. "He didn't do anything," she told her sister. "I cut my foot on a piece of glass at the beach and he happened to be there to help me out."

Paige still stared at Cole with distrust. "You just happened to be there? Never mind," she decided as she pushed past him and told Phoebe, "just let me take a look so I can heal it. No pun intended."

Phoebe shook her head and pushed Paige back with her other foot. "Don't."

"She didn't want Leo healing her either," Cole informed Paige.

"Why not?" Paige asked in surprise.

Phoebe sighed, "Look, people get hurt all the time and don't have their own personal Whitelighters to heal them. I can handle a little cut."

"It doesn't look like a little cut to me," Paige declared as she carefully removed the bandage. Phoebe yelped and she quickly apologized. "Well, you should see a doctor. It looks like you could use a couple of stitches."

Phoebe shook her head. "It'll be fine if everyone stops touching it," she sharply told them.

"She's always cranky when she doesn't feel well," Cole told Paige.

"Cole" Phoebe warned.

"Well, I'm gonna get some antibiotic cream and a new bandage," Paige announced. She looked at Cole and asked, "Boy scout duty's over, right?" She didn't wait for an answer and left the bedroom.

"I guess that's my cue to leave," Cole said as he faced Phoebe.

"I guess so," she quietly commented.

"See you, Phoebe," he simply said.

"Cole," she quickly called out as he began to blur. Cole became solid and she sincerely said, "Thanks for helping me tonight."

"You're welcome," Cole responded with a slight smile. They stared at each other a moment and he asked, "Did I thank you for the article you wrote?"

"It made it to the evening edition?" Phoebe inquired. "I wasn't sure Elise could manage it in time."

"You didn't have to be as complimentary as you were," he quietly commented, "all things considered."

Phoebe looked at him tenderly, "It was the truth. It's how I felt. How I feel."

Cole suddenly gave her a smile. "Then maybe there is hope for us."

"Cole, I told you" Phoebe warned him again.

"Maybe I should've just stayed in the Wasteland," he suddenly commented.

"What?" she gasped.

"Without hope, we have nothing," Cole told her. "Maybe you're right about all of it. Maybe we don't know where we go from here. Maybe it's impossible for us to have any kind of future together."

"I know you're trying," Phoebe quietly conceded. "That means something."

"Maybe if we can continue to have nights like tonight" he began to suggest.

"Where you always come to my rescue?" Phoebe suddenly snapped.

"Where we talk," he corrected her as he patiently shook his head. "Where it's just us, where we can talk openly about how we really feel without worrying about any interruptions or how others might react to us." Phoebe's features softened and Cole reached for her hand and lightly kissed it. "All I ask is that you don't give up hope." Cole blurred and left Phoebe alone in her room.

She brought her hand to her lips and murmured, "Hope..."

the end