Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all associated characters, ideas, and places belong to J. K. Rowling. I make no profit from this.
Prologue
Dudley was sure of one thing - and that was food. Everything else was kinda jumbled, but he was also fairly certain that Petunia and Vernon Dursley were not what one would call "good folk". They did not even classify as decent folk. He may not be a genus, but he was "possessed of a natural aptitude to higher moral judgement", this said of him in response to his settling a dispute which threatened to tear year one apart (this, of course, concerning whether Lindy Crenshaw was allowed to sit on the boy's side of the table at lunch - it was still a rather touchy topic). And so, putting this aptitude to use, he found that those individuals filling in the role of "parents" were inadequate to the task. It had been explained to him, via a rather lengthy speech delivered to the entirety of Patrick-Evans Primary School for Higher Education (or PEPSHE for short) in response to some…questionable doings believed to be the work of some ambitious fifth years by a flushed professor that claimed unruly children were the results of unruly parents. He hadn't the faintest as to how he'd turned out so well. Dudley's first inkling of moral inferiority on the part of his parents was the use of the "nickname" Freak for their nephew, one Harry Potter.
Until the age of five, Dudley had called Harry Freak, thinking it an odd name, one which may have been attributed to the fault of parents who were stupid enough to drink and drive. Upon finding out, the very first day of year one that his cousin's name was in fact Harry James Potter, he began to have doubts as to the truth of all of the other claims his parents had made regarding his cousin. Like the fact that Harry liked living in the cupboard under the stairs with all the spiders and the dust-bunnies a boy could ask for. Or perhaps that he enjoyed being tossed around like garbage and nearly starved to death. This last sat particularly uncomfortably with Dudley who was well-versed in the importance of food. Thus began the surreptitious increase in food-intake by Harry and, rather unfortunately (and to the relief of his pediatrician), the decline in Dudley's waist size. Alas, it was necessary. On this went for the entirety of year one, Dudley's parents nearly killing Harry with neglect, punishment for high grades, delinquency, and when other excuses were used up, general freakishness. Dudley spent most of his time fielding the Dursley's abuse with distractions and proposed interests in gardening, cooking and cleaning. But it could not go on forever. The situation was doomed to worsen and only needed a singular spark to upset the whole business*. It was, in the end, Harry's genius which tipped the balance. Dudley had said before, he wasn't smart. It was with little imagination that one could believe Harry smarter. That he was, by leaps and bounds ahead of the entire class. So, thinking it the reasonable thing to do, the year one teacher, a lady by the name of Ms. Hubble, had recommended he skip a year.
"Mr. Dursley, I really do advise you place Harry in year three. He's simply a very special boy and I have no doubts that he'll do extremely well." A more incendiary sentence has never since been spoken.
That night, Dudley feared for Harry's life. It was the screams of agony that finally spurred him to action. Dudley may have been a child, but he was no gutless coward. And so, with the assistance from many a cheap Bond movie, he began to plot.
AN: So…that's interesting I guess. I know it's a little weird, having a third person objective narrator with thesaurus words tell a story about two little boys. Call it irony, but it's mostly just my writing style. It is a little amusing picturing Dudley sound out words like surreptitious and pedantic. I'm going to warn you right now, even though my writing style seems a little goofy and childish, I tend to mix incredibly disturbing themes in with fluff. It could be adorable. Little Harry and Dudley sittin' at the table eating cheese sandwiches and then BAM! Mentions of suicidal tendencies in bored house-wives. I know there's a lot of serious stuff on this site, but the juxtaposition can be off-putting. Also, what is Dudley planning? Be specific and I'll give you an internet cookie (which is basically worthless, but most rewards nowadays are). Tell me what you think, what you would have done differently, etc. My updates will be short because my attention span in short. Sorry about that.