Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroko no Basket, and that left the mistakes which are mine.
Note: grammar errors, it's really confusing, and Au-ish, because Momoi doesn't know Haizaki. And please remember his image in Teikou.
Summary: She remembers loving him. (he remembers regretting.)
of regret and memories
It's ridiculous, Dai-chan has said to her for several times, but Satsuki has always believe in afterlife, in living more than once. Somewhere and sometimes, she remembers something at the back of her mind that aren't her memories at all. She recalls the gym and the roof and grey hair and steel eyes and it hurts. It doesn't fit into the place, because (this) Satsuki feels strange and empty and sad and she has never been to the rooftop before - Dai-chan has told that it's fine, but Satsuki has the strange feeling that she can't bear being there.
She dreams of kitten and basketball and she's always seen the same face in the mirror - pink hair and pink eyes, her. Satsuki wonders if it's possible to live in the same bodies in many, many lives. (this) Satsuki's eyes are empty and it's strange.
Sometimes, there's a boy - one she's never known - with grey eyes and grey hair and permanent scowl on his face, stands on the rooftop in winter without his coat and without flinching - as if to challenge everything. She remembers loving him - she thinks she does - and something tugs and grips her heart.
—-
She asks Akashi-kun one day if people can fall in love in different lives. He blinks at her with red eyes, before smiling in a knowing way (sometimes she really hates him for that.)
There's no reply.
Satsuki doesn't ask anymore.
—-
She wishes she could remember the boy's name. He has started haunting in her dreams. It's always the same, the rooftops, she's saying something to him but he either remains silent or walks away without even a sign of care. His name hides from her, blurry when she speaks it.
She tries to remember, but her head starts aching.
She wants to know it desperately.
—-
Satsuki starts to paint and wonders if he loved her.
(The images are blurry. Perhaps he did, perhaps he became incapable of loving.)
(But he did, right? He could and did.)
(Satsuki trusts the memories that aren't hers.)
—-
She sits in her room and paints the wall with different scenes and Dai-chan watches her wordlessly - the gym, the rooftop, the basketball and even Teikou. She remembers all of them, just differently - dark and intense and not her or her friends' treasured memories.
She leaves one wall white and blank because Satsuki remembers dying.
Death wasn't painful.
"You do realize that it's meaningless, don't you?" Dai-chan asks.
"You start saying something intelligent for once." She smiles. (Satsuki doesn't know that she can smile without meaning it, until now.)
—-
When Satsuki sleeps, she whispers a name - a name that she will, no doubt, forget in the day after and start to wonder again and again.
"Shougo-kun."
—-
Funeral.
He remembers loving her.
and regrets.
pink. smiles.
how annoying.
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