Sorry I haven't uploaded anything lately. I was having issues with copy and paste, but I've figured it out now. This is based off of song by Nickelback called "Far Away"
Enjoy:)
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
Afghan had been almost like a nightmare for him. It wasn't real. His mind simply refused to believe it. However, he was thrust harshly into reality when he woke up still in that cave. His dreams were plagued with dirty, bearded men and the whirring noise of the machine in his throbbing chest. But that hadn't been what woke him up.
He'd heard her cry in his dream.
Sure, he'd dreamt of her before, but he hadn't been held against his will somewhere in an Afghan desert. It was different this time. He heard her cry his name out, but he couldn't remember a time when he'd heard her say his name like that; so full of anguish and concern.
"Tony!"
He missed her. That playful banter that always greeted him. Her sweet smile, the fiery color of her hair, the way her blue eyes glittered when she was feeling emotional. He definitely missed her; maybe to the point where he questioned where the extent of his fondness stopped.
He tried to lay back down, as Yinsen had suggested, but he found it hard, considering all he heard was a desperate cry.
"Tony!"
It was like a dream when he returned home. A beautiful dream. One he hadn't experienced in a long time. He stood, readying himself for whatever would meet his eyes. Rhodey stood strongly at his shoulder, flashing him a comforting glance every so often.
Tony shifted his arm in the sling, annoyed at how useless he felt at the moment. But he was home. Where he could sleep in a decent bed, take a good long shower, eat a good American hamburger. He was home. He felt a sudden jolt, remembering his strength in the cave. He hoped to God that she was still there. Holding out for him, waiting patiently, as she was always amazingly patient with him. He felt fear course through his veins, wondering if she had left, because if she had, he'd be lost.
She was there. She was home. As the bright sun met his eyes, he squinted enough to see the fiery locks waiting for him. It took everything he had not to run to her and hide his face and never have to face the world again. His self-control was pushed to the limit as he approached her.
He noticed her red eyes and felt strangely relieved. The tear tracks down her face gave some sign that she had felt something when he disappeared. He gave a small smile. "Your eyes are red. Few tears for your long lost boss?" He started off with a casual, normal remark for being himself, but deep inside he hoped she would reply with more than what she normally would. Admit what she had felt while he was gone.
She grinned helplessly and he waited for her answer. But, she answered what was to be expected of the PA of Anthony Stark, her tone happy, yet with a tinge of relief. "Tears of joy. I hate job hunting."
He felt the slightest of disappointment. He knew he shouldn't have held his hopes so high, but he had hoped. It was, after all, his fault that he didn't express his own high regard for her first. Perhaps she'd return the feelings, give in happily to the pull that seemed to tie them together. But, it was not to be heard of. She was a billionaire's assistant, a notorious playboy billionaire at that, and she needed to maintain some form of organization, keeping it professional only. He knew her too well.
But it wasn't to be the only time he failed to tell her.
He had known he was dying. That was easy to see, with his blood toxicity and the funky maze on his chest and neck. He had felt so angry with himself at first, angry at the arc glowing in his sore chest. He tried everything; shots, pills, equations. He even resorted to the internet, but unfortunately not a lot of I-have-an-arc-reactor-in-my-chest-and-its-killing-me explanations exist on .
Once all failed, he felt despair. He had so much left he wanted to do. He didn't want to die. He drank chlorophyll to slow down the process, but it wasn't going to stop the inevitableLastly, he came to accept what was happening to him. He realized he would need someone to take over SI when he was gone and he put a lot of thought into. Whenever he tried to imagine someone at the head of the company, all he could picture was the organized, professional
Pepper Potts. He knew she would be the right choice, she always had been, maybe in more ways than one.
After he made her CEO, everything went downhill from there. The incident in Monaco, his disastrous birthday party. Pepper didn't return after that and Tony was trapped in his house by Super-Nanny and One-eye. He saw his father admit that he did indeed love his son, on an old tape for the "City of the Future" speech. Tony decided then he needed to see Pepper. He needed to tell her. Everything.
Apparently, she did not want to see him. "You have thirty seconds."
After he moved his seat away from the crazy Ferris wheel thing on her desk, he tried to explain his internal conflict to her.
"Do you realize how short life is?"
That's when he realized how hard this was going to be. "And if I never got to express. . ."
He hesitated once more, before trying to save himself from this awful confession that just wouldn't seem to come out of his mouth. "And by the way, this is somewhat relevantory to me. And I don't care- I mean I do care- well it would be nice. . . I'm not expecting you to. . ."
He tried once more, feeling red hot under his skin. Why was this so difficult?
"Look, here's what I'm trying to say. I'm just gonna say it-"
Once again he was cut of by her threatening to hurl something at his head if he said "I" again. He felt so tired and somewhat hurt by the coldness she was directing towards him. He tried again only to be shut down by the entrance of "Natalie Rushman."
Then his heart lifted at her next words. "I need you. . ."
He tried to build onto her sentence, his mouth fumbling to speak. "I need you too, that's what I'm trying to say-"
". . . to leave."
And his heart and his high hopes sank so low he was too stunned to speak.
His heart hurt and was heavy with the things he needed to say, to make right. She'd been far away for far too long. She needed to know his feelings; that crazy intense feeling he got when she was around that nobody else could do to him, the agonizing fear he felt when she was in danger, the hope that fluttered like a trapped bird in his chest whenever she made a bold action or comment.
But this would not be the last missed opportunity, even though they did get together at the end of the Whiplash situation.
No, he didn't get to tell her everything he wanted to.
Not yet.
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
The third time would be one of the most painful. For the both of them.
He had dealt with plenty of bad guys in his super hero life. He'd taken out terrorists in Afghan, fought off the traitorous Obadiah Stane, defeated the vengeful Whiplash and his Hammeroids. But none of that came close to what he dealt with now. Aliens poured out of the portal in the sky, dispersing widely over the City, causing destruction where ever they went.
He stood with his new comrades below, bracing themselves for the oncoming wave. Hawkeye stood ready, pulling the string on his bow tight. The Black Widow held her guns ready, a determine look in her eyes. The Hulk, roared at the skies, challenging their foes. Thor wielded his hammer aloft and Captain America's shield wooshed as he turned to face the horde.
Tony was definitely seeing it, but he was working on believing it, not understanding how any of this was possible. As they fought, he felt as if it were all just a dream again, like Afghanistan. Maybe he'd wake up in bed next to Pepper and she'd calm his fears with caressing touches and kisses.
But he knew it wasn't so. This was real. It was happening. And he faced death once more.
"Stark, you know that's a one way trip?"
Tony felt a lump grow in his throat but he refused to let it show. He swallowed hard. " Save the rest for the turn, J."
"Sir, shall I try Ms. Potts?"
Tony's heart seemed to slow down, as he thought of his girlfriend, who was probably already in D.C. If he was doing this for any one, it was her. He had to be sure she was safe, that was above all things. But he wanted to take the last chance he had to tell her what he wanted, no, needed to tell her.
"Might as well."
He felt his air being pushed out of him, as he let go off the nuke. His eyelids threatened to close and he forced them to stay open. The missile hit the oncoming hordes of Chitauri and the last thing he saw was the 'Failed Call' picture of Pepper's face.
He didn't get to tell her was his last thought. He never told her. He never told her. He. Never. Told. Her.
But as luck would have him, he would survive, thanks to a giant green rage monster. But he missed his chance and couldn't get a word in with her giving him angry, concerned lectures about worrying her and her hurried happy kisses.
Not that he was complaining.
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
The fourth time would almost break him.
They were in bed, after-ahem-participating in some carefree behavior, and he was now feeling not so carefree. Nightmares haunted him, they had ever since New York. All he could ever see was the massive army and he was falling, watching an explosion far above him and he couldn't see her again. He couldn't get to her.
He had woken up to the sound of Pepper's scream and he was instantly awake to the sight of his suit holding her down on the bed. He made a gun motion with his hands "Power down!" and the suit let go of her arms and shut off. He swept his hands down and it fell to pieces. He sat on the bed panting, as Pepper stood up.
"Its not supposed to do that. I'll-I'll recalibrate the-the sensors."
She started to leave and he slid forward, holding g out his hand to stop her. "No, no, no, don't leave. Just-just let me- catch my breath. Please, Pep . . ."
Pepper shot him a glare as she crossed the room. "I'm sleeping downstairs. Tinker with that."
He sighed, leaning back into the bed. His heart had broken at her prompt harsh departure. He wished she'd stayed. There was no hope of getting any sleep without her there. If only she knew what he dreamt of, what he was afraid of, maybe she'd stay. Maybe she say what he wished she would say because he couldn't seem to force the words from his mouth.
He needed her. And he couldn't tell her that enough. But he knew he was messed up mentally and that suit shouldn't have done that. It had only acted on his panicked emotions while he was sleeping. If it wasn't for his panic attacks, she'd still be lying there next to him.
When this was all over, he was going to tell her. And there was no stopping him this time.
He needed to tell her that he loved her. She'd been far away for far too long and it was happening. He couldn't live without her. Especially now that he felt his lungs were being squeezed and his heart was pumping at an unhealthy rate. He feared he'd stop breathing all together if he were to not see her again.
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
The Extremis and Mandarin problem was over. He'd found a cure for Pepper and she didn't have Extremis running in her veins anymore. Tony's arc reactor was gone and they lay in bed late one night at the tower in New York. Their Malibu Mansion was being rebuilt and their life was falling back into place.
Pepper's head tested on his chest, where beneath his clothes a wrapping was twisted around his chest where his arc used to be. He curled his arm around her shoulders At first, she'd complained about missing the soft whirring it had made at night and that she didn't have her personal night light anymore. But she got used to it-they both did.
He lay there thinking, wondering how he could've lived before without her. And now, the time was ripe. He opened his mouth to speak and -
"I love you, Tony."
He stayed silent, too shocked to make a noise. She continued, looking up at him from under his chin. " I have for a long time. I just haven't been able to say it as much as I wanted to. It just seems like we've been far away for too long."
So keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and never let me go
He could only stare at her in awe. She had stolen every word that he had been about to say. He felt a great, amazing sense of relief and peace wash over him and he closed his eyes, sighing greatly. She shifted and sat up slightly so she was angled above him. "Tony?"
He realized he hadn't answered. Now was his chance. And he was taking it.
He pulled her down to him and kissed her. It was soft, delicate and full of emotions bottled up for so long. Then he pulled her as close as he could and brought his face close to hers.
"I love you too, Pep. So much."
She smiled and returned the embrace. "I hope you don't mind our position," Tony murmured. "Because I'm never gonna let you go." The redhead let out a small laugh and buried her face into his shirt. He tickled her cheek with his goatee and kept his face in her hair. He just focused on her breathing and could feel her heartbeat matching his own.
And Tony finally had accomplished what he'd wanted to say since that day he came home from Afghanistan. He'd said it and meant every single word.
And he would never let her forget it