I'm sitting in the empty dorm room, the others are off tormenting some Slytherins and I'm sitting here, on my bed, reading and listening to Green Day. Or rather - I'm listening to music and trying to focus on the book in my hands, keyword being "trying", while I'm in reality am berating myself over whom I'm crushing on. How could I've ever been so stupid? How can I continue to be so stupid? Why did I have to fall for Sirius? My best friend who a) is as straight as the muggle biros Lilly uses for her notes, and b) would never ever, in a thousand years, fall for boring, bookish me regarding of him being straight or not.
I've been crushing on my best friend for so long now I doubt it's even a crush anymore, I more than likely in love with him. I stopped being in denial about it in fifth year, on New Year's Eve when he was jumped by some girl and I caught myself seething with jealousy. I told the rest of the Marauders about my being gay a month later and they reacted really supportive, barely batted an eyelash and they all looked at me like Do you really think that will change anything? You must be stupid!. And then they attacked me with a myriad of questions such as how I realized I was gay ( I had a summer fling with a lovely bloke named Kristian), if I've kissed a guy ( yes, Kristian duh!), if I've ever had sex with him (just a plain yes, I refused to give them any details) and of course who I fancy now( the same guy that I've fancied for half a year, I clammed up when they wanted to know who he was - no freaking way that I was going to tell them that I fancy my best friend, especially not with him being present).
Would it be so bad if I used a potion to make him fall in love with me? Or at least make him fancy me?
Yes, yes it would. It's immoral and wrong. And no matter how powerful the potion would be he still wouldn't love me for real. It would just be false emotions created by the potion.
But that's given me an idea. Maybe there would be a way for him to spill the beans without endangering our friendship and my heart. I could suggest a game of truth & dare marauder style. After all, I do have that bottle of firewhisky left from the last party and as far as I know I'm the only one that knows where it is so it should still be intact.
With that failsafe plan in mind it's so much easier for me to relax so I put my book down on the bedside table, turn of the music and walk over to the wardrobe to fetch my guitar from where it's standing. Instead of returning to my bed, I walk over to the windowsill and sit down as I start composing a song.
You shine so bright
a star by name
as far away
but still so close to me
the moon
You are there next to me
you always are
will always be
Wherever we are
always together
A/N: Just a little something I wrote around 3 at night. I'll probably continue with this story, even though the updates may be uneven, because I have trouble sleeping and will probably continue to. Hops you liked it, I know I don't. But hey, it's my first ever fan fiction and I know I can't write either poetry nor songs for the life of me, so just pretend it's good yeah?