"Honey, are you okay?" A feminine voice asked behind me.
Her small hand touched my shoulder, making me look up at her. Her soft features made me smile. It was hard not to smile when I was around her. Her hair stopped at the top of her shoulders, blond and knot free. Her pale white skin seemed to glow with the sunlight hitting it from the nearby window. Her white hands moved from my shoulder to my right cheek, softly caressing it. I nodded softly at her question, almost forgetting the question she had asked a couple of seconds ago. A small smile appeared on her powdered white lips as she leaned down, whispering softly in my ear.
"Well that's good..." She began
"But you have to wake up." She said, her voice seemed to be changing at the end of the sentence. She repeated herself, but this time it wasn't her musical voice anymore, it was someone else's.
"Pip, wake up..." She said again, making me look up at her. She looked as if she was fading away, like an old painting.
"Wake up," Were the last words the voice said before my eyes shot open.
"Fell asleep again, Pip?" The voice behind me accused.
I rubbed my eyes, nodding a bit. Bridget was behind me, folding the clothes that were already washed. She looked at me with a concerned look. Maybe it was the way I was looking at her. My eyes were narrowed, looking at her as if I was about to scold a child. My look softened as I sat back on the chair again, thinking about the dream.
It was the third time I had the dream that month. It always ended the same, with her telling me to wake up... As if to wake up to reality? That she will never come back to me.
Ten years had passed since I last saw her, Estella. And although it's been ten years, she was still fresh in my memory as if the last time I saw her was yesterday morning. I've been with Bridget for 5 years no, but nothing will ever compare to Estella
I love my wife, Bridget. She's all I've ever asked for: Kind, beautiful and loving. Nothing compares to her either. She makes me smile which a simple hug or touch. She's helped me forget about Estella a lot in the past 5 years. It was just recently that I began thinking about her again. Since I decided to go back home and visit where Miss Havisham's house used to be. The open space brought back so many memories, both bad and good. About Miss Havisham, about me, about Estella.
Standing up off the chair, I walked over to where Bridget stood, kissing her bright red cheek. She smiled at me, looking up quickly then back down at the laundry. Both of my hands rested on her waist, lightly keeping her in place.
"Pip..." She began, letting out a soft sigh as if she regretted even saying my name.
"Have you been okay lately?" She asked in a concerned tone. She wouldn't show her expression, mindlessly still folding the laundry. My hands felt shaky as I took them away from her waist. I felt my heart beat faster, feeling as if it was about to jump out of my chest. There was nothing I should be afraid of, but for some reason I could barely stand still. I lightly tapped my foot, so lightly Bridget didn't even notice.
"What do you mean, sweetie?" I asked my voice shaky. I cleared my throat, blinking slowly as I thought back to my recent actions. There was nothing wrong with thinking of old loves, right? People always say you'll never forget your first love so there should be nothing wrong with it. Then why was I acting like there was something wrong with it? My actions led to believe I was doing something wrong, like if I was deceiving my wife, when I truly wasn't.
"I... Don't know, Pip. You've been acting differently lately. Is there anything you need to tell me?" She asked, finally turning around to face me. Her facial features didn't show anger, more like fear. Fear that she would loose me? Fear that something's going on? Or truly afraid for my well being.
I chewed lightly on the inside of my bottom lip. My hands seemed to shake more as I slid them into the pockets in my pants, hoping she hadn't noticed that. Shaking my head, I raised my eyebrow.
"Nothing honey. I'm perfectly fine..." I said, taking my right hand out of my pocket and lightly placing it on her left cheek. I leaned my forehead against hers, lightly pressing my lips against hers, pulling back almost immediately. I kept myself in place, a small smile appearing on my lips.
"I promise you that. But something you should know is that I'll always love you..." I admitted, the smile not leaving its place, feeling her mood soften a bit.
"I love you too, Pip. But you know..." She said, getting a bit serious once again.
"If there's ever anything you need to talk about... I'm here to listen." She kissed me again, pulling away and returning to the unfinished laundry.
"Okay." I whispered loud enough that she would hear, walking away from her. Making my way to the bedroom, I found myself thinking about the reoccurring dream again. It's something that seemed to haunt me everywhere I went. I laid back on the bed, closing my eyes slightly. I wished to dream, to drift off in a deep sleep that no one could wake me up till I finished it, to dream of the angel-like beauty that loved to haunt my dreams. Falling into my pillow, my eyes completely closed as an image of Miss Havisham's house came to view.
"Estella?" I asked, walking towards the familiar house. The house was still, no movement at all.
"Estella?" I yelled out, walking into the old mansion. It was the same as I had left it the last time I saw it. Nothing had changed, nothing would change. A shadow caught my attention, making me look its way. Faded music played in the background as I made my way to the back porch, the sight of blond hair catching my attention. Mindlessly, I found myself walking towards the angel standing on one corner of the porch, something else immediately catching my attention. My head turned towards the brunette across them. She was petite, rosy red cheeks and her hair flowed to the middle of her back. She gracefully made her way towards us, taking my hand in hers. My eyes immediately met the blond angel, Estella's, sadness in her eyes. I tried to speak, tried to explain why I had fallen for Bridget, although it seemed sort of obvious. Some features seemed to resemble Estella's perfectly. Their knot free hair, the pale white skin that turned bright red when blushing, the way the sun hit their skins at made them look almost unrealistic.
A small finger placed itself over my lips, stopping me from even saying a word. Estella nodded softly, dropping her head a bit. As she slowly rose her head back up, a smile appeared on her face, but not a sad one, a happy one.
"It's okay… I understand. You love her. She seems amazing." She said, pointing over at Bridget who seemed to be turning redder with every compliment. Bridget looked down at our hands, a small smile appearing on her lips as well.
"And I love him." She said lowly, rocking herself slowly. A soft giggle escaped her lips, making me laugh lowly as I leaned in and kissed the top of her head softly.
"You should know..." Estella said, making me look over at her. She looked down at the space in between her and I. She gracefully leaned forward, whispering so low that only I would hear.
"I've never forgotten about you... Never will..." She kissed my cheek, walking back into the house and out of sight. Her voice replayed in my head as I looked over to my left, noticing Bridget was no where to be found either. I found myself roaming around the house, looking for my wife and Estella.
"Bridget? Estella?" I continuously yelled, following the sound of the music mindlessly. Walking into Miss Havisham's room, a lit cigarette was in an older woman's hand, the reflection in the mirror a bit foggy.
"They're both gone." A familiar voice said lowly. The person sounded sick, as if they've been sick all their lives. The chair slowly turned around, Miss Havisham looking directly at me.
"But I suggest you choose soon... Or she'll be gone forever." The husky voice said again, as she put out the cigarette and walked past me, downstairs and outside towards the back porch.
My eyes shot open as I sat up on the bed, looking around. I was home again, with my wife. The smell of clean laundry made me feel even more at home. I rubbed my tired eyes, thinking of the dream or nightmare I just had. I softly shook my head, not being able to get Miss Havisham's voice out of my head. Standing up, I put my shoes on and grabbed the jacket that hung on the bed frame. Rubbing my eyes once more, I made my way out to the kitchen, where Bridget stood.
"I'll be back in a few. Going to go see a couple of friends." I informed her lowly, fixing my jacket. Leaning in, I pecked her cheek, smiled and headed out the door with the car keys in hand. Jumping into the car, I drove in the dim light coming from outside. It was darkening slowly, making it a bit harder for me to drive.
I was about an hour away from home, making it easier for me to go back whenever I needed to, like now. I drove in the silence, thinking about both dreams. Thinking about my wife and what she would do if she found out where I was really going. She knew about Estella, how she was my first love, but hopefully she knew that Estella was out of my life, she has been for the past ten years, and she was my entire life now. The hour seemed to fly by, before I knew it, I was parking in front of the familiar open space. Something about it seemed different, the feeling wasn't the same. I felt someone was watching me as I got out of the car. The eyes followed me till I stood where the living room once was. The cold air hit my face, sending shivers down my spine. I had never seen the open space in the dark, and all it seemed to bring back was bad memories.
The sound of someone walking behind me caught my attention, making me turn around towards the noise. The trees moved a bit, making me a bit nervous. Am I dreaming? I thought to myself, thinking back to the dream I just had. Shaking my head, I turned away, walking towards the car, when a hand grabbed onto my arm. Shocked, I immediately pulled it away, turning back to the mysterious person who was behind me.
"Estella?" I whispered the blond haired beauty looked right through me. Her eyes were red, as if she was crying before that.
"Hello Pip…" She whispered loud enough for me to hear. She rocked herself softly, looking down in between us. It seemed as if she didn't want to look at me. As if she was hiding something from me. Like Bridget had been feeling the past few days.
"I've missed you, been yearning to see you. Talk to you." She began, finally looking up at me. A tear fell out of her eye, falling down her cheek and hitting the floor almost immediately.
Still in awe, I stood still, listening to her usual musical voice. She still hadn't changed. Blond knot free hair, just a bit longer than when I last left her. She looked the same, yet different. The clothes? Her hair? Something about how she looked threw me off. Or was it the fact that she was crying? I didn't know. All I knew was that I was happy yet sad to see her.
"I came looking for you, but they said you had moved away a couple of years back. I've been back for about three years, living in a small house by myself. Thinking a lot about you, about everything we've been through. And I've come to the conclusion that I made a huge mistake. Bentley Drummle wasn't the right man for me. I had an unhappy marriage, something I could have avoided if I made the right choice, you." She began to tear up again, quickly wiping them away as if she didn't want me to see.
"I miss you… I need you, Pip…" She whispered, taking my hand in hers. Mindlessly, I let go, gently backing away.
"I'm sorry Estella. I can't. I have a wife, Bridget. And I love her very much. I just can't do this to her… Goodbye." Were my final words to Estella. Turning my back to her, I walked towards the car, getting in and driving away. Who ever knew I had it in me? To just walk away from Estella with no hesitation, nothing. The drive home seemed longer than usual; I yearned to see my wife. I just wanted to hug her and caress her till I couldn't anymore.
Parking in front of the house, I jumped out of the car once I had taken out the key from the ignition. I sped walked inside, calling and looking for my wife.
"Bridget? Bridget?" I yelled, as she walked out the bathroom, wiping her hands with an old towel. A small smile appeared on my lips as I put both hands on her face, pulling her in for a deep kiss. I wrapped both my arms around her, pulling her in closer to me, hugging her tightly.
"I love you, and I always will…" I whispered, not wanting any other woman but her.