It is finished. The goodbyes have been said. There is nothing else.
You stare at the results of your handiwork, the modified ring platform, and wish there was something else you could do to pass the time. Even with its enhanced engines the scout ship will still take several hours to reach Earth. If there is an Earth anymore. Anubis might have destroyed it already.
Glancing at your watch you wish you could make sense of the strange symbols, work out exactly how much time you have left. You know you are dying. Your brain can't cope with the overload of information. Being too smart is killing you… who'd have thunk it.
It's not a death you would have chosen.
There was a time when you held a gun to your own head.
There was a time when you almost froze to death.
There was a time…
You wish you could sleep, but you're scared that you'll never wake up. Your companions don't have such misgivings. Daniel is propped up against a wall, book clutched in his hands, glasses askew. He's snoring. Teal'c is with Bra'tac, the two of them conferring in low voices. You assume they are using the language of the Jaffa but right now it didn't make a whole lot of difference. And Carter…
Curled up with her back to you, but not asleep. God knows but you've watched her enough times to know when she's faking. Right now, you wish you'd let her say what she wanted. There were good reasons for cutting her off but you can't think what they were.
You move closer.
She sighs and her body shifts.
You lie down. Not close. You could never do that. She rolls over, unconsciously moving her body nearer to yours. Her eyes open and you forget…
You forget that she has a boyfriend. You forget how much she hurt you. All you see is Carter. Her lips move, but you don't understand the words. It's probably something profound, something devastatingly intelligent… Makes no difference. You don't understand what she says most of the time. Feelings, gestures are all that's left to you now.
Her hand moves towards you, reaching out but you can't think why. Comfort? But she looks like she needs it more than you do. Carter's eyes are bright with unshed tears. Is she crying for you? All this Ancient crap is overrated, you decide. In your head, you can see into the heart of atoms, watch the equations that control the Universe but Carter… she still confuses the hell out of you.
Your world narrows. You and Carter. You wish it could be like this forever. But when this is over, when you're dead, she'll go back home to Pete. Yes, she'll mourn for you, but not forever. Life goes on, even when your loved ones are gone.
Somehow, you can't stop yourself reaching for her. Your hand taking hers. Meaningless, but it's all you have. Her lips move again, but you shake your head. She has to know that you can no longer understand. This is how it is, how it had always been. You can't tell her how you actually feel.
Hand held safe in hers, you close your eyes. Just for a little while.
Just until it's time to face Anubis.
Until it's time to die.