A/N: This is the first fanfic I've posted in about three years, so I'm kind of nervous, actually.
This fanfic was inspired heavily by 'Enough For Now' by The Fray, but it's not a songfic (do people even do songfics anymore?). It's set right after the events of Encore and it's very Utau-centric with a fair amount of Kutau and probably mentions of other ships (which are TBD).
I have a rough idea of where I want to take this but my fics have a habit of getting away from me, so bear with me.
Crossposted on AO3! (link in profile)
Utau could count on one hand the number of times she had been genuinely happy.
She hugged Sanjo and with a smile and a quick arm squeeze, Utau left her manager to continue posing for wedding photos with Nikaidou. All eyes were on the bride when Kukai took Utau's hand and led her away to the little woods off of the main garden. They paused in the middle of the path and Utau linked her fingers behind Kukai's neck, leaning up to kiss him. Sunlight streamed through the trees, bathing their hair and shoulders in a golden glow and making Utau feel lighter than she had ever felt before. Her heart swelled.
Utau could count on one hand the number of times she had been genuinely happy and this moment was undoubtedly one of them.
"You seem to be enjoying yourself," Kukai said, as they broke apart and began walking again, his hand tracing circles in the small of her back.
Utau spread her arms wide and turned to face him, a smile on her face. "I am. I'm happy. I'm really, really happy." Kukai grinned and bent down to kiss her cheek.
They found a bench off the trail and wordlessly sat down, Utau kicking up her feet to lay her legs over Kukai's. They laced their fingers together and laughed at how much larger Kukai's hands were than Utau's. Utau sighed. "Life is so good right now."
"Is it?"
She looked up at him, her face looking as if she had never known sadness or hardship. "Sanjo's with the love of her life, Easter is essentially defeated, my career is kicking off on my terms, Ikuto is happy and…" She trailed off, threading her fingers through the hairs on the nape of Kukai's neck.
"And..?" Kukai prompted, leaning in.
"I have the most amazing boyfriend," she said, giving him a quick peck on the nose.
He laughed. "That's surprisingly honest of you."
"Don't get used to it. I'm in a good mood."
A long time ago, before Aruto ran away and Easter took over their lives, Utau's family had gone on a picnic to a park a little out of town. The sun had shone just as it did now with a slight breeze that made an otherwise hot day just perfect and the cicadas had chirped to remind them that it was summer.
Aruto had taken out his violin and began playing. Souko sang along and Utau and Ikuto had watched transfixed as their parents matched each other in perfect sync, watching the other with love in their eyes. Then Aruto had suddenly stopped playing, taking Souko's arms. He pulled her up and began spinning her around in a pseudo-waltz and Souko had laughed, light and trilling. Utau clapped happily and Ikuto had taken her by her arms as well and the family danced around in the sunlight, completely happy and carefree in that moment.
Utau wondered if she dreamt it more often than not.
As she looked up at Kukai, his face dappled with sunshine, her chest swelled with the same glowing happiness she had felt all those years ago. As he brought her hand to his mouth and planted a light kiss on her palm, she let herself believe, for the first time since Aruto left, that everything was going to be alright. That she would come out of this happy. Scarred but not broken. Happy. Content.
In the early years of Aruto's abandonment, Utau had not been able to imagine a future where she could be happy while her family was broken but at sixteen, almost seventeen, a life without Aruto wasn't only possible, it was what she wanted. A father who wasn't there in her darkest times didn't belong in her happiest.
Utau's phone buzzed. She took it out and read the text.
Souko: If you've got a moment after the reception, we should talk. I've got some good news.
Utau tapped out a quick reply before resting her head on Kukai's shoulder, smiling and pocketing her phone. They sat in silence until Iru, Eru and Daichi found them, flying over and talking over each other excitedly. The two teens listened to their Charas as they recounted the latest drama.
Life was good.
"Wait, what happened to the best friend then?"
"That's Fujisaki," Kukai explained, his voice raised to be heard over the din of the reception. All the speeches had been made, most of the food gone and the guests were milling around, socializing and dancing on the dance floor. "So Amu's feeling betrayed because Fujisaki never told her that he was actually Nadeshiko—well I mean he did tell her. At the wedding. Just now."
Utau shook her head. "You know what, I think I'm too old to care about their drama." Kukai laughed.
"Oh, please, stop making it sound like you're forty."
"It's not my fault you're all babies."
"Kukai and Utau-tan look very comfortable with each other, don't they, Rima-tan?" Utau and Kukai jumped, too absorbed in their conversation to notice Yaya and Rima sidling up to them. "It's kind of suspicious, don't you think?" Yaya asked, stroking her nonexistent beard.
Rima nodded. "Veeeery suspicious," she said, narrowing her eyes at Kukai and Utau.
From behind Utau, Iru and Daichi tried to muffle Eru as the angel Chara giggled uncontrollably. Utau tried to ignore them, making a mental note to scold Eru later. Kukai laughed them off, even as Yaya's Chara whipped out a magnifying glass, vowing to 'get to the bottom of this-dechu'. Utau shook her head, patted Yaya's head, promising the younger girl that they would meet up soon and made her way to where Tadase and Ikuto were chatting in a corner.
"Hey," she said.
They turned to her, both smiling. "Hey," Tadase said. "We haven't talked since forever."
Utau shrugged. "My schedule is packed, between work and school. I don't have much free time, these days."
Tadase's face turned uncharacteristically sly. "But enough time to get to know Souma-san apparently." Ikuto coughed into his hand and Utau glared at him. Ikuto raised his hands in mock surrender.
"We grab lunch when we can," Utau said, turning back to Tadase. "I'm free this week for lunch though, if you want to catch up." Tadase's face lit up and they arranged the details before Tadase hurried off to his friends, presumably to attempt to intervene in the drama Kukai had been telling her about. Utau watched him go, wondering when her crybaby little brother had grown up.
Ikuto leaned against the wall and looked down at Utau. "Have you talked to Mother yet?"
Utau shook her head. Souko hadn't attended the reception. "When I get home maybe. Do you know what she wants?" Ikuto shook his head.
"Out of curiosity though," he said, changing the topic. "You and that boy?" He nodded at Kukai who was still being interrogated by Yaya and Rima.
Utau rolled her eyes. "Everyone and their mother wants to know, huh?" Ikuto merely raised his eyebrow, waiting. Utau laughed, elbowing him. "Only because it's you. We're dating. It's very new and we don't really want it to get out yet."
"And Sanjou is okay with it?"
"We haven't really talked about it, what with the wedding and all, but according to Kukai, she went out of her way to encourage him to text me more often so yeah. I guess."
Ikuto smiled at her for a beat before stretching his arms out. "Well, I'm happy for you." Utau sank into his hug gratefully and it felt better and far more comforting than their hugs had felt in recent years. It was nice to know that her big brother would still be around even as she grew and stopped fighting for his affection.
Utau ended up going home late, much too late to talk to Souko, who was already sleeping when Utau quietly unlocked the door to slip inside. Ikuto was home for once, having left the reception earlier. His shoes were discarded at the front and Utau nudged the shoes into some semblance of order before heading upstairs.
After a hot shower, she flopped on her bed, exhausted from the long day. Her phone lit up and she flipped it open.
Kukai: Good night! Rest well!
Utau smiled in her pillow. She quickly sent a reply, rolled over and fell asleep, her mind clear and her heart light.
She woke up the next morning to Souko's voice from downstairs. Utau frowned, her eyes still shut and mind still foggy with sleep. It was strange for Souko to be talking so early in the morning; the first person she usually spoke to in the day was Utau. Ikuto was rarely awake before her but perhaps he had for once. Utau sat up, stretching, ear straining to hear the conversation. A deep voice responded to Souko, much too deep to be Ikuto's voice and for a moment, Utau's heart leapt to her throat, thinking it belonged to the Director. But… no. This voice was softer and gentler and it calmed Utau down. Her chest tightened and Utau struggled to put a name to the feeling before she realized what it was: nostalgia.
She knew who the voice belonged to.
Utau threw away the covers and was about to race downstairs but caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her hair was disheveled, the oversized t-shirt she called 'pajamas' was sliding off her shoulder and her eye-bags from last night's lack of sleep were starting to show. She grabbed her hairbrush and threw open her make-up drawer. If she was going to meet this person, she was going to do it looking like a goddamn queen.
As she tied her hair into her trademark pigtails, she heard laughter from the lower floor. Anger boiled up in her and she pushed it down. Wait for it.
She tiptoed down the steps, wanting to conceal her presence until the last possible second. She could see Souko sitting at the dinner table, one hand around a cup of coffee, the other gripping a man's hand sitting across from her. Utau walked up to the dining room doorway.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
The two at the table jumped in their seats and turned to face Utau. "Good morning, Utau," Souko said, pulling her hand away from the man's and tugging at her hair nervously. "I was going to tell you last night but you didn't come home until late. Your father's back."
It was indeed Aruto sitting across from Souko, looking exactly like Utau remembered, without even a wrinkle to show for the years. Utau's fists clenched, her heart pounding. How dare he remain unchanged when Souko looked as if she aged two decades in one?
"I have no father." Utau's voice felt disconnected from her, as if someone else was speaking for her. "I have no father," she repeated.
Souko stood up and reached for her daughter. "Utau…"
Utau yanked her hand away. "No. This isn't happening. He's not coming back. He doesn't get to come back. He doesn't get to just waltz back into our lives after abandoning us for ten years. He doesn't get to come back only after we had just put ourselves back together, without him."
"You have to understand, it was an incredibly hard decision for him," Souko said, her eyes darting to Aruto, who remained seated, infuriatingly expressionless and silent. "He didn't want to leave us but Easter left him with no choice."
Utau threw her head back and laughed. "No choice?" Shuffling came from Ikuto's room and Utau felt bad for waking him up for a second before pushing it aside for the anger welling up in her. Blood roared in her ears. "What kind of father abandons his family at the mercy of an evil company because he wants to be free to do what he wants? What kind of father chooses to leave his children and wife in the hands of an abusive and manipulative man? What kind of shitty father chooses to ignore his responsibilities for his own selfish desires?"
Aruto finally spoke up. "Music is my life," he said, his face still stoic. "Working at Easter would have killed me."
"Music is my life as well!" Utau spat, bringing her hand to her chest. "I killed myself over and over again to make up for the mess you left behind! Our childhood and innocence were lost because you didn't stop to think about someone other than yourself."
"Father?"
Utau started and turned to see Ikuto behind her, his hair a mess and his eyes still looking sleep heavy but widened in shock.
"I was looking for you everywhere," he said.
Aruto smiled a little, finally breaking his stony exterior. "And I came back." Ikuto almost smiled back.
It made Utau sick.
"I never wanted him back." Utau spun on her heel. "I'm leaving" She grabbed her purse, waited for Iru and Eru, who had watched the whole exchange nervously, to fly in and stormed out.
Utau could count on one hand the number of times she had been genuinely happy and each time, it had ended the same way:
Life bringing her back with a cold, harsh dose of reality.
A/N: Reviews are always appreciated!