The Magical Woods and Island Absurd
By: Celeia
A/N: Hey everyone, I had writer's block for my fic Disasters
and Love Potions. Sad, isn't it? ;) I heard from other authors that a weird
humorous fic helps them to clear their writer's block. Personally I think it
sucks, but maybe people with strange senses of humor will like it. Oh yeah, if
you like Britney Spears…DON'T read this. Flames will be used to set Britney's
CD's on fire, so don't even bother.
Disclaimer: Anything and everything that has to do with Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Queen's lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody belong to Queen (they rock!), Britney Spears and her ridiculously idiotic self belongs to I have no clue, and the Island Absurd and Draco's boxers belong to me. Do not steal them! Especially Draco's boxers…;)
It was a brilliant summer's day out, and Ron, Hermione, and Harry were going for a little walk around the magical woods behind the Burrow.
Ron: "Ahhhh…simply marvelous day to go for a little walkie now isn't it?
Harry: Yeah whatever, and I'm the hero that defeated the Dark Lord.
Hermione: Why Harry! You are the hero that defeated the Dark Lord!
Harry: Shut up Hermione.
Ron: What is that beautiful tune? It sounds like the song Mummy Snape used to sing to me when I was younger.
Harry and Hermione: SNAPE?!
Ron: Oh! A…er…hehe. That wasn't supposed to be revealed until later on. *Shifts eyes and loosens collar nervously*
Harry: What is that racket? It sounds like a raccoon singing through their nose!
Hermione: I think it's that blonde chica over there. *Points at Britney wading through the Jello*
Britney: Oops I did it again! I think I'm a slut, let's do it again! Oh baby baby!
Ron: Oooh…she's purdy! *Falls into a stupor*
Hermione: Ron! *Slaps him awake* Ack! You are cheating on Draco!
Harry: Malfoy? Draco Malfoy?! But…but…
Ron: Yes Harry, Draco Malfoy. But what?
Harry: But he told me that he loved me and only me! He told me that I had "cute hair!"
Ron: He did?! But he told me that I had "cute hair!"
Hermione: That's life…he told me that I had "cute hair" too.
Me: He told me that I had "nice eyes!" So there! *sticks out tongue* Oops, I'm not supposed to talk, or else that would be "Harry Potter Author Fics! *Leaves*
Hermione: Well now that was weird, who was that chica?
Harry: Dunno, what's with you and the word chica?
Ron: Am I a "chica"?
Hermione: I dunno, are you?
Ron: Sure, why not? *Hermione and Harry laugh hysterically*
Ron: Weird people.
Harry: Wait a minute, our Draco told that girl that suddenly appeared, whoever she was, that she had nice eyes! Plus he told all of us that we had cute hair!
Hermione: He's two-timing us!
Ron: Correction Hermione, he's four-timing us.
Hermione: How dare you correct me! Crucio! *Ron goes all rigid and begins to move painfully, Hermione cackles.* That's what you get for correcting the great and all knowing Mione!
Harry: Hermione! *Casts spell that releases Ron, Hermione pouts*
Ron: Well whatever you want to call it—
Hermione: Two-timing.
Ron: Fine, two-timing. He's playing all of us!
Harry: That fiendish player DRACO MALFOY!!
Hermione: What are you doing wearing "American Eagle" for? You're British!
Ron: And why are they girl's clothes?
Harry: And why are you cheating on all of us?!
Draco: Hold on hold on dearies, one question at a time.
Ron: But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me!
Harry and Hermione and Draco: He's just a poor boy from a poor family! Spare him his life from this monstrocity! (A/N: Sorry listening to Queen)
Harry: What the heck? Why did I just say that?
Draco: I am not quite certain my love. *Puts arm around Harry*
Harry: *Pushes Draco's arm away*
Draco: Fine. I'll answer questions now. First of why am I wearing American Eagle? Because America is Da Bomba babay! Ohhhhh say can you seeeeeeeee/By the dawn's early lighttttt/ etc. lalalalalalalalala *Takes a bow, crickets chirp*
Ron: Uhh…that wasn't as good as that silicone gurlie over there *points towards direction of Jello pond* but it still was great!!
Draco: Yeah, I know. I've always been great. *Holds out hand to admire pink fingernails* Anyways, these are not girl's clothes! I got them in the "Petites" section! Because I am a small kind of guy!
Ron and Harry and Hermione: *hysterical laughter*
Harry: *Suddenly grows serious* Why are you cheating on all of us?
Draco: Cheating? I was just having a little fun; I mean I do it with everyone.
Ron: You mean there are more people?
Draco: Oh yeah…there's the traditional, and then some rather eccentric people I have been messing around with. *Begins ticking names off hand* Let's see...there's…Ginny, Pansy, Goyle…he was a great kisser! Um…Crabbe got jealous so I slept with him, um…my father, so I could suck up and get my way, uh…Dumbledore, same as my father, McGonagall, same as Dumbledore…um…Snape, because he's so darn hot! *Harry turns green and pukes* Um…let's see yes, Cho Chang, your brother Ron, that one named Percy, um…Minister Fudge, so I could guarantee a job at the ministry, um…Cedric before his accident, um…my quidditch broom, good one that one was…oh yes and Hagrid. You know for a giant he's very affectionate.
*Harry returns just to hear the last bit about Hagrid and goes off to puke again*
Hermione: Wow! How did you manage to get all those people? Can you teach me?
Draco: Sure m'lady, but first we have a special guest appearance. *Dumbledore appears in thin air*
Draco: Hi there Sweetums. *Dumbledore smiles* *Harry pukes again*
Dumbledore: Hello my name is Albus Dumbledore and I will be your tour guide today. Please touch this pair of Draco's boxers and we are off to the Island Absurd.
Hermione: Island Absurd?
Harry: Draco's boxers?
Ron: Albus Dumbledore?
Draco: Let's hop to it!
Harry: (Who seems to be the only halfway-sane one) Oh great…stranded on an island with cheating Malfoy and his lover…
THE END
(er…unless you want me to continue it)
A/N: Uh…that was weird. But hey if you liked it maybe I'll write more, please tell me if ya did! But for now that's the end. I hope this helped me get rid of my writer's block…