Note: Hey everyone, this is Latias425 here with another SpongeBob-based one-shot. The reason why I've decided to do this is because of the saddening news that the creator of SpongeBob, Stephen Hillenburg, has recently passed away, so in honor of him and the amazing show he has created, I've written this little one-shot. Hope you enjoy.
No Weenies Allowed
It was a sunny day down at the beach, and two certain young heroes were here today.
"K.O., are you really gonna go swimming in your bodega uniform?" Enid asked.
"Ah, yes. How foolish of me. Allow me to remedy said situation right now. I will just use this changing tent here to change into my bathing suit." K.O. went into the changing tent. "And I won't do anything else." he added. "Oh, I'll be changing, alright, but not into a bathing suit. Wait until Enid sees that I brought my fighting gear! She won't beat me this time, because I've got the elements on my side. The elements of surprise."
"K.O., are you ready?"
"Yes Enid, I most certainly am ready! Ready to get it on." K.O. jumped out of the tent to try to deliver a surprise attack, only to get kicked in the mouth.
"Huh, looks like we both brought our fighting gear."
K.O. laughed, which was muffled. "Great minds think alike, I suppose."
"Hi-yah!" Enid kicked him into the air, sending him flying onto a tall and buff man waiting in a line.
"Who threw that piece of paper at me?" he asked, and K.O. tried to act natural.
"Hey, what's everybody waiting in line for?" Enid asked.
"Hey there, fair lass, it's the line to get into the Salty Spitoon, the roughest, toughest hero club ever to be built." the tough guy explained as he pointed to an old building. "Only the toughest of the tough can get in. You need to have muscles." He flexed his arm. "You need to have muscles on your muscles." He flexed even more and created more muscles. "You need to have muscles on your eyeballs!" He then flexed his eyes, creating muscles.
"Ew." K.O. muttered in disgust as a guy came flying out of the building and landed behind them.
"Looks like a pretty good time, K.O.!"
"Yeah, let's go in."
The three got up to the front of the line where a tough man with a green bandanna with stood in front of the building to let the people in. "Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are ya?"
"How tough am I? How tough am I?!" asked the other tough guy. "I had a bowl of nails for breakfast this morning!"
"Yeah, so?"
"Without any milk."
"Uhh, right this way, sorry to keep you waiting." The guard let the tough guy in, and then Enid and K.O. walked up to him. "Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are ya?"
"How tough am I?" Enid kicked the guard which burned the tattoo off his chest and she placed it back on him spelling 'Wow'. "Got any more tattoos?"
"Uhh, that won't be necessary! Go ahead."
"Thanks. See you inside, K.O." Enid said as she walked inside.
"How tough are ya?" the guard asked K.O.
"How tough am I? You got a new bottle of ketchup?"
"Sure." The guard handed him a bottle of ketchup.
"It's on!" K.O. tried to open the bottle, but couldn't. "If I could just run this under some hot water..."
"Get outta here. This place is too tough for you, little man."
"Too tough for me? That's downright ridiculous! I'll have you know I slammed my finger on the door last week, and I only cried for twenty minutes while Mommy put a Band-aid on it."
"Listen, kid. I think you'd be more comfortable over at that place." The man pointed to a building across the street.
"Weenie Hut Jr's? Are you saying I belong in Weenie Hut Jr's?"
"Oh, no, sorry, I was actually pointing at the place next to it."
"Super Weenie Hut Jr's?"
"Yeah. Unless you think you're tough enough to fight me."
K.O. sat inside Weenie Hut Jr's, sulking as two nerds talked to each other.
"How's your collection coming along?"
"Well, I don't mean to brag, but it's pretty sweet. I'm in the process of acquiring issue 347 which will give me my fourth complete set."
"No..."
K.O. snorted. "What weenies. Oh, brother."
"Would you care for another diet cola with a lemon twist, weenie?" the robot waiter asked.
"What? But I'm not a weenie!" K.O. protested, and the robot scanned him.
"I'm sorry, sir, but my sensors indicate that you are indeed a weenie." The computer on the robot's chest beeped and showed a picture of a hot dog weenie with the word "YES" below it.
"That's impossible!" K.O. shouted, and the two nerds looked at him as he ran off.
"You can't hide what's inside."
K.O. ran back to the Salty Spitoon and confronted the guard. "I demand entrance into your club on the grounds that I am not a weenie!"
Just then, another tough guy walked up. "Hey Reg, how's it going?" K.O. screamed in surprise and jumped onto Reg's arms.
"You were sayin'?" Reg asked the boy, and then said to the tough guy, "Go ahead, buddy."
"Thanks, Reg."
"So, your name's Reg?" K.O. asked, and Reg threw him aside.
"Would you get outta here?"
"Mark my words, Reg. I will get into the Salty Spitoon! I will!"
K.O. was back sitting in the bar at Weenie Hut Jr.'s.
"Couldn't get in, huh?" asked the first nerd. "What you need is a tough hairdo. No one gets into the Double S without a tough hairdo."
"I disagree." the other one argued. "I saw a guy going in there and he was bald."
"I saw that guy. He wasn't bald. He had a shaved head. Shaved, that's a hairdo. Case closed." The two then noticed that K.O. was gone."Hey, where'd he go?"
"I believe he said something about going to the wig store." the robot answered.
The first nerd laughed. "Ha-ha! Check and mate."
Back at the Salty Spitoon, a kid who looked just like K.O. but with cool black hair and a leather jacket walked up. "What's shakin', my man?"
"Not much. Say, haven't I seen you before?" Reg asked.
"Doubt it. I'm a drifter, just blew into town. Heard your club was pretty tough, thought I'd check it out."
"Nice try, kid. I know it's you."
"What're you talking about?" the drifter asked as Reg pulled on his hair but he couldn't get it off.
Just then, the real K.O. came wearing a clown wig. "Hey everybody, what's goin' on?"
The drifter glared at Reg as he tried to fix his hair, but couldn't. "Ah, you can go in. Sorry about that." The drifter angrily walked in, and then the guard asked K.O., "Well, what do you want?"
"I'd like to gain entrance to your social club, please. I believe my hairdo is in order." Reg took the wig off of K.O.'s head, and he laughed nervously. "So, uh, where do you stand on the whole bald vs. shaved debate?" The guard pointed for him to leave, and he did.
Some time later, a big, tough guy with green skin and a tattoo of a snake on his right arm walked up. "Heya, Reg."
"Alright, now it's a party! Oh, yeah, check out the new ink."
"Thanks. Hey, look what I can make it do." He moved his arm, which made the snake tattoo wiggle.
Reg chuckled. "Yeah. Hey, what about that one?"
The guy looked at his other arm and saw K.O. on it. "Huh, you know, I don't remember getting this one."
"Can you make it dance?"
"Well, here, let me try." He moved his arm, and the "tattoo" danced.
"Hmmm, wait a minute." Reg ripped K.O. off the tough guy's arm and told him, "Go ahead in."
"Yeah, sure, Reg. Thanks." he muttered as he walked inside rubbing his left arm.
"Nice try, little man." Reg threw K.O. to the back of the line behind two other tough guys.
"Hey, I was in front of you!"
"No, you weren't!"
"You callin' me a liar?"
"I ain't callin' you for dinner!" The two then began fighting, and K.O. tried to run away only to get caught in the brawl. The fight went on until Reg stepped in.
"Hold it, you two! That's enough, you're both plenty tough, go ahead in."
"Alright!"
"Thanks, Reg." The two then ran inside just as K.O. came out from under the ground.
"Hey, what about me? I was in that scrap."
Reg chortled. "I saw you runnin'. When you get in a real fight, then we'll talk."
"Well then, I guess it's time to take it up a notch." K.O. got back onto his feet and cracked his fingers, only for them literally snap in half. He then started crying and ran off.
K.O. was back inside Weenie Hut Jr.'s with his fingers in a bowl of ice cream.
"Care for another sundae, weenie?" the robot asked.
"I am not a weenie!"
"Relax, you're among friends." the first nerd said as he raised his drink.
"My friends don't hang out at Weenie Hut Jr's."
"You tell 'em, K.O.!"
K.O. turned to see that it was Rad sitting next to him. "Rad, what are you doing here?"
"I'm always here on Double Weenie Wednesdays."
"Actually, they moved Double Weenie Wednesday to Friday." the first nerd corrected.
"And besides, today's Monday." the second one added.
"Oh, so it's Mega Weenie Monday?" Rad asked.
"Uhh, that's now on Sunday." the first nerd said.
"Super Weenie Hut Jr's has a Mega Weenie Monday." the other added.
"Uhh, no, you're thinking of Monster Weenie Monday."
"I don't have time for this! I've got to go pick a fight with a muscular stranger! It's the only way of getting into the Salty Spitoon!" K.O. was about to walk out when Rad stopped him.
"No K.O., you can't. It's too dangerous."
"I've got no choice!"
"I have a suggestion. Why not fake a fight?" the robot suggested.
"Hey, that's not a bad idea! You can call me a couple of bad names, we rumble, next thing you know, you're in the Salty Spitoon." Rad said.
"Well, I guess I've got nothing to lose. Let's do it!" K.O. exclaimed, and the two of them ran out.
"Hey, how come you never help us out with our problems?" the first nerd asked.
"I am a robot, not a miracle worker." answered the robot.
"Afternoon, Reg." K.O. said as he walked up to Reg.
"Whoa, whoa, little man. You still can't go in."
"Well, that makes me pretty mad."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. I might have to beat someone up just to get rid of all this blind fury."
"Wow." Reg replied sarcastically.
"Yeah, I feel pretty sorry for the next guy who looks at me funny."
"Hmmm...what about that guy?" Reg asked as he pointed to a large and buff guy behind him.
K.O. gasped and stammered upon seeing the guy. "I, uh...don't be silly. He's not bothering anybody. I mean, not like...that guy!" he exclaimed as he pointed to Rad.
"Who, me?" he asked as K.O. walked up to him.
"Yeah, you. Standing there all smiling and whatnot. Somebody oughta teach you some manners!"
"Okay, but I must warn you. I happen to be a world championship kickboxer." Rad winked.
"I don't care if you're the demon seed of the Anticob! You're goin' down, Tubby!" K.O. exclaimed as he got into a fighting stance.
"Tubby?" Tears began to well up in Rad's eyes, but then he quickly became enraged as he growled in fury. "Nobody calls me Tubby!" He then threw a punch at K.O., but he quickly ducked.
"Wait Rad, you're supposed to let me win, remember?"
"Oh yeah." Rad was suddenly punched in the face, although K.O. wasn't doing anything. "No, please wait." He continued to get beat up by something invisible, getting punched and tossed around in the air and on the ground multiple times. He got up completely dazed, and then the invisible force picked him up by the pants and gave him a wedgie. "No, please, have mercy!" Rad was then sent flying and landed far away in an explosion.
"Uhh...Rad?" K.O. asked, having no idea what just happened.
"Wow!" Reg exclaimed in surprise. "You destroyed that guy without even touchin' him."
"I did?"
"I never thought I'd say this, but go ahead in."
"Really? I can go in? Oh my gosh, I never thought this moment would come! I, K.O., am tough enough to get into the Salty Spitoon! This is the happiest day of my life!" K.O. ran into the building, but then moments later he was in an ambulance with Enid beside him. "Enid?" he groaned. "What happened?"
"You ran inside and slipped on an ice cube." Enid answered as the ambulance arrived at the hospital.
"What happened?" the doctor asked.
"I slipped on an ice cube and got covered in boo-boos!" K.O. cried.
"Boo-boos, eh? Hmmm...I think you guys want that hospital." the doctor replied as he pointed to the other hospital across the street.
"Weenie Hut General?" K.O. exclaimed.