As I walk home alone, I wonder, is this love?
Is love the looks of silent regret when I knock at the door, or the bruises?
If this be love then the poets lie, love is not sweet, love is a betrayal
You betray or are betrayed and the aftermath is silent,cold
Not speaking as you walk home that night
Even when we were entwined, locked together, we were alone
He closes the door on me, looking with shame into the dark, and he is alone
I do what I have to for her sake, my child, I don't want this. Is this indeed love?
He is married, I know this, does she as well stare into the night?
I'm sorry Eliza, I do what I have to, it's hard to be be brave when my arms are all bruises
And scars inside, eyes red with crying and the tears leaving trails of cold
And then you Susan, my body's own betrayal
The world calls what I do betrayal
I call it escape, escape from him, whose eyes are watching from afar, I won't be alone
Tonight, I will escape the cold
I will escape the cold with you Alexander and try to find something resembling love
Touch me gently and leave no bruises
Let's make something better than our tormented selves this night
I promise secrecy with a kiss, knowing that he will be there one night
Waiting with open palm for money, you will accuse me of betrayal
I will pretend not to know, revealing his plans will only give me bruises
And then you will pay, or be revealed and again I will be alone
Alexander, I am sorry, with you I found something like love
I will do what it takes to survive, but I don't want to leave you in the cold
Unreciprocated love, I know, your kisses were warm, but your eyes were cold
What we did was the desperate passion of the night
My lips to yours, it had nothing to do with love
Yet sometimes I sigh thinking of you, yet another betrayal
Once I have known you, it stings all the more to be alone
Your kindness wounds me more than his bruises.
Should I reveal all he has done, show you the bruises?
He would want that, want me to have your sympathy, his mind is cold
But he too is alone
He too stares into the night
But he has my daughter, will he turn her against me? I can't take another betrayal
I don't want to lose my only chance at love
Love is more than shouted commands to bed, and bruises
I wish for your betrayal as well, to cast her, your Eliza, away into the cold
But I know you wish for her in the night, and I will always be alone.
