~*~*~* A/N: Don't ask. Seriously. It's 4 am and I'm insanely tired. *~*~*~
I was watching Lord of the Rings for maybe the tenth time, when I realized.. Elf ears are quite yummy looking. So, I did what any self-respecting horomone-induced teenage girl would do. Go to Middle-Earth and find some of my own!
First, I stopped in Rivendell. When I asked the guards if I could lick their ears, they just kind of looked at me funny. Finally, I found Elrond.
"Sir Elrond?!" I exclaimed, running into his throne room. "May I lick your ears?!"
He blinked, looking astounded, then crossed his arms.
"No."
"But why?!" I screamed, jumping up and down like a child. "They're so cute and pointy and I just wanna lick 'em!"
"Oh, foolish mortal," he grumbled. "All right."
I screamed some intelligable response and leapt at him, licking the edges of his ears gently.
Moments later, I stood up.
"Thanks!"
Strangely enough, that did not help, so I journeyed to the courtyard, where Legolas sat. At the risk of sounding like a fangirl, I skipped up to him.
"Can I lick your ears?! Pretty please? Maybe nibble them a little?"
Blink.
"... why?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Just because I want to."
"... oh. All right."
"Yay!" I shouted, and nearly tackled him to the ground, licking and nibbling his ears.
"Thank you, Elfie!" I shouted, running up the path.
I saw an elf sitting on the bench, crying. Interested, I ran up to him.
"What's wrong?"
"No one loves me," he cried, and I was like, "Oh, poor elf."
"What's your name?" I asked, sitting near him.
"Glorfindel," he sniffled.
"Oh.. I'm sorry about Arwen taking your part. But see, the thing is, no one likes her!"
"Really?" He brightened up a bit.
"Yea." I nodded. He smiled a bit.
"Can I lick your ears?"
He straightened, and nodded eagerly. "Okay!"
Yayyy! I leaned over, licking his ears softly.
"Thanks!" I said, getting up.
"Wait!" he exclaimed, grabbing my arm. "Take me with you."
"What?"
"Take me with you!"
"Whatever."
Out of Rivendell, with Glorfindel tagging along behind. Time to go to...
Lothlorien!
"Haldir!" I exclaimed, "Put the bow down and let me lick your ears!"
"Whatever for?"
"Because they're awful cute."
He blinked, but, with Haldir, I would not take "no" for an answer. Thus, I pinned him to a tree and licked his ears.
I pranced off down the path, toward the throne room of Celeborn and Galadriel. Throwing open the door, I ran in.
"Galadriel!"
"What?"
"Remove yourself from this room, I want to lick your husband's ears!"
Blink, blink.
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
Celeborn blinked, looking back and forth between Galadriel and I.
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
More blinking.
"Oh, bloody 'ell," I grumbled, and, grabbing Galadriel, threw her out the door. Lock. Then, turning back to Celeborn, I grinned.
"So.. about your ears..."
~*~*~* A/N: I said, don't ask. *~*~*~
I was watching Lord of the Rings for maybe the tenth time, when I realized.. Elf ears are quite yummy looking. So, I did what any self-respecting horomone-induced teenage girl would do. Go to Middle-Earth and find some of my own!
First, I stopped in Rivendell. When I asked the guards if I could lick their ears, they just kind of looked at me funny. Finally, I found Elrond.
"Sir Elrond?!" I exclaimed, running into his throne room. "May I lick your ears?!"
He blinked, looking astounded, then crossed his arms.
"No."
"But why?!" I screamed, jumping up and down like a child. "They're so cute and pointy and I just wanna lick 'em!"
"Oh, foolish mortal," he grumbled. "All right."
I screamed some intelligable response and leapt at him, licking the edges of his ears gently.
Moments later, I stood up.
"Thanks!"
Strangely enough, that did not help, so I journeyed to the courtyard, where Legolas sat. At the risk of sounding like a fangirl, I skipped up to him.
"Can I lick your ears?! Pretty please? Maybe nibble them a little?"
Blink.
"... why?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Just because I want to."
"... oh. All right."
"Yay!" I shouted, and nearly tackled him to the ground, licking and nibbling his ears.
"Thank you, Elfie!" I shouted, running up the path.
I saw an elf sitting on the bench, crying. Interested, I ran up to him.
"What's wrong?"
"No one loves me," he cried, and I was like, "Oh, poor elf."
"What's your name?" I asked, sitting near him.
"Glorfindel," he sniffled.
"Oh.. I'm sorry about Arwen taking your part. But see, the thing is, no one likes her!"
"Really?" He brightened up a bit.
"Yea." I nodded. He smiled a bit.
"Can I lick your ears?"
He straightened, and nodded eagerly. "Okay!"
Yayyy! I leaned over, licking his ears softly.
"Thanks!" I said, getting up.
"Wait!" he exclaimed, grabbing my arm. "Take me with you."
"What?"
"Take me with you!"
"Whatever."
Out of Rivendell, with Glorfindel tagging along behind. Time to go to...
Lothlorien!
"Haldir!" I exclaimed, "Put the bow down and let me lick your ears!"
"Whatever for?"
"Because they're awful cute."
He blinked, but, with Haldir, I would not take "no" for an answer. Thus, I pinned him to a tree and licked his ears.
I pranced off down the path, toward the throne room of Celeborn and Galadriel. Throwing open the door, I ran in.
"Galadriel!"
"What?"
"Remove yourself from this room, I want to lick your husband's ears!"
Blink, blink.
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
Celeborn blinked, looking back and forth between Galadriel and I.
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
More blinking.
"Oh, bloody 'ell," I grumbled, and, grabbing Galadriel, threw her out the door. Lock. Then, turning back to Celeborn, I grinned.
"So.. about your ears..."
~*~*~* A/N: I said, don't ask. *~*~*~