It hurt.
Merlin, but it hurt.
She had seen so many things but this…this. It was unfathomable.
Everywhere she turned another ache tore through her heart.
Stones shattered. Stairs collapsed. Portraits torn. Spell damage everywhere. Bodies laid out in the Great Hall.
And the children.
Shouldn't it have been horrible enough to see the bodies of her friends laid out?
Shouldn't it have been enough to see their lost, haunted eyes in these horrifying moments of pause?
She had seen Oliver carrying little Colin Creevey into the Great Hall and fled for fear of startling the others with her outburst.
The children.
Little Teddy Lupin who would grow up an orphan.
Colin. So young and eager. His brother Dennis thought the world of him.
Lavender. A silly girl if she was honest in her opinion, but loyal in the end and as brave as any Gryffindor could claim to be.
Fred. She could hardly think of one without thinking of the other, and her heart went out to George, who was suddenly missing half of himself.
The ache continued to grow, mounting into an all-consuming rage until it burst forth when Voldemort so callously presented them with Harry's body.
"No!" the shout tore itself from her throat and she hardly heard anything else after that.
The battle continued and Harry was alive. It was a wonderful thing.
Until her hearing returned and she heard him.
Severus had been loyal to the Order.
It shouldn't have been possible, but that pain cut deeper than any other of the night.
Her colleague. Her friend. And she was too blind to see the truth.
It hurt.
When it was finally done, when Voldemort finally lay dead, and joyful shouts echoed across the courtyard, her heart remained frozen.
She walked blindly through the grounds, reliving the last time she had seen Severus alive.
"Coward!"
She had seen him recoil, had seen him hesitate when she had stepped in front of Harry to duel him. Her righteous anger blinded her to his obvious distress.
He only defended himself from her attacks.
With a clear head she could fully appreciate the fact that despite being outnumbered, Severus probably could have beaten her and still have time to retreat.
But he only deflected her spells.
Worse, she remembered suddenly, he had redirected a spell to take out the Carrows. Leaving them free to prepare the defenses immediately and evacuate the younger children.
"I killed Severus Snape three hours ago…"
A sob caught in her throat and she moved down the hill towards the small boathouse. She walked onto the dock, moving closer to her goal when she froze mid-step.
She fell to her knees, the tears she had held so closely falling unheeded.
"Oh, Severus."
She could see a dark form leaning against the closest wall, but it was the blood that stopped her.
It was horrifically gory and her stomach rebelled, unwilling to reconcile what she was seeing with what she knew to be Severus.
It was several moments before she was composed enough to enter and when she did, that little self-control she had was gone when she finally laid eyes on him.
She cried low in her throat, a deep and ugly sound, but her thoughts were focused only on the body in front of her.
His eyes were half opened, which she noticed after she had torn her gaze away from the blood that covered him.
It was a gruesome sight, all the more shocking because of how proper he had always been; shirt and robes impeccable, not a thread out of place.
Now his white shirt was forever stained red, and through the dried blood she could see horrible wounds on his neck.
Her tears were gone now, used up in wake of all the tragedy of the day, and it made her feel spent, but the deep ache would reside, and her body shook as she moved to close his eyes.
Another cry escaped her when she touched him. That awful, final confirmation that Severus was dead and the weight of that loss struck her fully.
"I'm so sorry, Severus," she cried, clutching his blood-soaked robes.
She did not know how long she stood there, but a noise behind her made her turn.
"Kingsley?"
He nodded, although his eyes were fixed on Severus' body. His normally passive face showed his grief and she turned away, desperate to avoid ripping open that wound even further.
"We should get him up to the school," he said quietly.
She shook her head, "He would hate that. No one would understand."
Kingsley gave her a brief smirk, "Harry has taken care of that. No one will give him any trouble. Severus deserves the same honor as the others."
She hesitated, but finally gave her consent. She watched Kingsley bear Severus out of the boathouse but she could not move.
Another desperate wail threatened to escape and she ruthlessly shut it down before it became a helpless laugh as she imaged Severus' reaction to her display. Emotional Gryffindors he would have scoffed, but she would see the faint smile at the edge of his lips.
She nodded, cleaned her bloody hands with a spell, and unnecessarily smoothed down her robes and ensured that her hair was not too undone. She would not let Severus' sacrifice be in vain. She would help rebuild this world.
Another small smile graced her face as she walked out into the sun and hid away her gloom, heading up to the castle to lend a hand where she could.
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I highly recommend reading "Gus Am Bris an La: Until the Day Breaks," by fhestia if you want to see a Snape death reaction done right. I must have read it at least a dozen times and it is so much better than mine. After I re-watched the movie last week, though, I had to write my own.
