NOTE 9/22/2002: This chapter has been edited! Yay! (Changes may not appear huge, but Cutter is still happy with them.)
--------
Hi all!
I think I have finally managed to approach through writing something that's been in my mind for the two years since I first saw Utena. I hope you enjoy it, and that you find something in it of value.
Basically, the heart of this story is a question--what happens to Utena immediately after the last time we see her in the series?
This is a story of four chapters (all of which are now finished. Whee!).
Notes: This fic contains SPOILERS for everything in Utena that could possibly be worth spoiling. It will make no sense if you haven't seen the entire TV series. You should be able to get by just fine without the movie, although there is one image at the end of the third chapter that will (assuming I did any sort of justice to the image) have more meaning if you have seen the movie. Also, half or more of the lines in //slashes//--which indicate stuff running through Utena's mind--are lines of dialogue from the series, so that's why they sound familiar. ^_~
Warnings: If you've watched Shoujo Kakumei Utena and liked it, I honestly can't imagine anything you'd actually need "warning" for. There's nothing I can do that's more disturbing than what Saito Chiho and Be-Papas have already done. [sweatdrop]
Disclaimers: I am not Saito Chiho. Or the Be-Papas. And that's probably for the best.
Credits: There are many. Thus, they are to be found at the bottom of the page.
And now, for our feature presentation:
The After [Rose and Release]
Chapter 1: One Million Thorns
//Himemiya. . .//
The first thing I am aware of is anguish.
The second is cold.
//Himemiya. . . .//
Himemiya. . . .
Oh, God.
Oh, God. I never knew. How you. . . .
//Himemiya!//
Swords. The swords of the world. I never knew. I swear I never knew.
//An. . .thy. . . .//
Never knew how it felt to be pierced, invaded. It's a funny kind of hurt--something so cold, flat, foreign. And the very first time I felt that way was you.
//Pierced, invaded. . .violated//
And the gesture was almost intimate, even as I felt ripped apart and my insides clenched and you caressed me as you stepped away.
//Like you were violated//
I couldn't believe it.
//Like you were violated//
So much pain. . . . I never knew. I should've known. I. . .didn't recognize your pain. I didn't realize you were suffering.
//Like you were violated//
And now. . .here.
Here.
I am the only one here.
Himemiya. . .I don't know how you lived through it. When I saw you with--with him--I thought you had betrayed me. I'm sorry, Himemiya--so sorry--in the end I wasn't your Prince at all. I was only. . .a girl, I guess.
So disgusting.
The swords clench around me.
//And her suffering was all that remained.//
//Her suffering was all that remained.//
I don't know how you lived, because this has just started and already I can't even scream anymore--the Million Swords, he called them. "The Million Swords that shine with the hatred of the people."
//Drawing the Swords from the Prince to herself.//
All of them are invading me now, and the only thing I can be grateful for is that you are not here. At least it is not you, with these swords, this time. With this pain.
It hurts. . .the pain is crazing across all of my nerves, over every inch of my body, into every corner of my mind. So much of it, a hurt that my mind can't even describe to itself. Even the tips of my fingers twitching and spasming with it, but this is an agony that holds me in place--fixed, immobilized by what must be a million meters of cold steel running through me, pinning me so inescapably that I can't even convulse.
And freezing, freezing cold.
I can't remember what it was like before this pain.
//That is the destiny of the Rose Bride.//
I want to vomit.
Instead, I gasp, and whimper, and focus on breathing. It takes so much concentration, just breathing. . .yet you were in front of me, talking, laughing, breathing with me all that time. You never choked. You were there when I was just a child--that time--in the church--
My eyes widen. The swords do not like this. They stab deeper.
//That is the destiny of--//
No.
NO.
The swords, they're whispering to me now--no, that's not right, they always have been--
//--witch witch witch--//
Just now, I had something, I know it was important, if only I could remember. . . .
//--witchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitch--//
The church. You were there. These swords, the swords of the world's hatred for you. They bound you even then. They were with you then. They were with you before I met you. You carried this pain the whole time.
//--the Rose Bride. . . .//
How did you survive?
Why didn't you hate me for it?
I'm the one who was unfair, dirty. . . .
Himemiya!
I'm the one who was only a girl. . . .
I'm the one who betrayed you. . . .
//Anthy wished for it all herself.//
No. . .wait.
//Anthy wished for it all herself.//
Wait. . . .
//Anthy wished for it all herself.//
Wait.
//Anthy wished for it all herself.//
WAIT!
She said something. What was it?
I can't remember.
The swords are whispering, but I don't listen. No dreaming now--what did she say?
"I'm sorry, Utena-sama. My suffering is my rightful punishment as the Rose Bride."
//Himemiya. . . .//
But that's. . . .
//Hime. . .miya. . . .//
But that's--
That's wrong.
//Girls are all like the Rose Bride in the end.//
That's wrong.
HIMEMIYA!
And that's a wrap for Chapter 1.
Let me know how you liked it? Harsh criticisms are enthusiastically welcomed. Oh, and read the credits while you're here:
CREDITS. I took whatever episode translations I couldn't remember for myself from The Utena Encyclopedia (http://www.duellists.tj/). The fact that I also relied on memory accounts for any discrepancies with that text. The flower pictures I use as dividers are done by Joan Stark (hence the initials), whose ASCII artwork can be found at http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/ . And, miraculously, that's all for this chapter. Oh, yes. In later chapters there will be more.
Thanks for reading!
~~Cutter
--------
Hi all!
I think I have finally managed to approach through writing something that's been in my mind for the two years since I first saw Utena. I hope you enjoy it, and that you find something in it of value.
Basically, the heart of this story is a question--what happens to Utena immediately after the last time we see her in the series?
This is a story of four chapters (all of which are now finished. Whee!).
Notes: This fic contains SPOILERS for everything in Utena that could possibly be worth spoiling. It will make no sense if you haven't seen the entire TV series. You should be able to get by just fine without the movie, although there is one image at the end of the third chapter that will (assuming I did any sort of justice to the image) have more meaning if you have seen the movie. Also, half or more of the lines in //slashes//--which indicate stuff running through Utena's mind--are lines of dialogue from the series, so that's why they sound familiar. ^_~
Warnings: If you've watched Shoujo Kakumei Utena and liked it, I honestly can't imagine anything you'd actually need "warning" for. There's nothing I can do that's more disturbing than what Saito Chiho and Be-Papas have already done. [sweatdrop]
Disclaimers: I am not Saito Chiho. Or the Be-Papas. And that's probably for the best.
Credits: There are many. Thus, they are to be found at the bottom of the page.
And now, for our feature presentation:
The After [Rose and Release]
Chapter 1: One Million Thorns
//Himemiya. . .//
The first thing I am aware of is anguish.
The second is cold.
//Himemiya. . . .//
Himemiya. . . .
Oh, God.
Oh, God. I never knew. How you. . . .
//Himemiya!//
Swords. The swords of the world. I never knew. I swear I never knew.
//An. . .thy. . . .//
Never knew how it felt to be pierced, invaded. It's a funny kind of hurt--something so cold, flat, foreign. And the very first time I felt that way was you.
//Pierced, invaded. . .violated//
And the gesture was almost intimate, even as I felt ripped apart and my insides clenched and you caressed me as you stepped away.
//Like you were violated//
I couldn't believe it.
//Like you were violated//
So much pain. . . . I never knew. I should've known. I. . .didn't recognize your pain. I didn't realize you were suffering.
//Like you were violated//
And now. . .here.
Here.
I am the only one here.
Himemiya. . .I don't know how you lived through it. When I saw you with--with him--I thought you had betrayed me. I'm sorry, Himemiya--so sorry--in the end I wasn't your Prince at all. I was only. . .a girl, I guess.
So disgusting.
The swords clench around me.
//And her suffering was all that remained.//
__
_ / /|
|\\ \/_/
\_\| / __
\/_/__\ .-=='/~\
____,__/__,_____,______)/ /{~}}}
-,------,----,-----,---,\'-' {{~}}
jgs '-==.\}/
//Her suffering was all that remained.//
I don't know how you lived, because this has just started and already I can't even scream anymore--the Million Swords, he called them. "The Million Swords that shine with the hatred of the people."
//Drawing the Swords from the Prince to herself.//
All of them are invading me now, and the only thing I can be grateful for is that you are not here. At least it is not you, with these swords, this time. With this pain.
It hurts. . .the pain is crazing across all of my nerves, over every inch of my body, into every corner of my mind. So much of it, a hurt that my mind can't even describe to itself. Even the tips of my fingers twitching and spasming with it, but this is an agony that holds me in place--fixed, immobilized by what must be a million meters of cold steel running through me, pinning me so inescapably that I can't even convulse.
And freezing, freezing cold.
I can't remember what it was like before this pain.
//That is the destiny of the Rose Bride.//
I want to vomit.
Instead, I gasp, and whimper, and focus on breathing. It takes so much concentration, just breathing. . .yet you were in front of me, talking, laughing, breathing with me all that time. You never choked. You were there when I was just a child--that time--in the church--
My eyes widen. The swords do not like this. They stab deeper.
//That is the destiny of--//
No.
NO.
The swords, they're whispering to me now--no, that's not right, they always have been--
//--witch witch witch--//
Just now, I had something, I know it was important, if only I could remember. . . .
//--witchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitch--//
The church. You were there. These swords, the swords of the world's hatred for you. They bound you even then. They were with you then. They were with you before I met you. You carried this pain the whole time.
//--the Rose Bride. . . .//
How did you survive?
Why didn't you hate me for it?
I'm the one who was unfair, dirty. . . .
Himemiya!
I'm the one who was only a girl. . . .
I'm the one who betrayed you. . . .
//Anthy wished for it all herself.//
No. . .wait.
//Anthy wished for it all herself.//
Wait. . . .
//Anthy wished for it all herself.//
Wait.
//Anthy wished for it all herself.//
WAIT!
She said something. What was it?
I can't remember.
The swords are whispering, but I don't listen. No dreaming now--what did she say?
"I'm sorry, Utena-sama. My suffering is my rightful punishment as the Rose Bride."
//Himemiya. . . .//
But that's. . . .
//Hime. . .miya. . . .//
But that's--
That's wrong.
//Girls are all like the Rose Bride in the end.//
That's wrong.
HIMEMIYA!
__
_ / |
| \ \/_/
\_\| / __
\/_/__\ .--='/~\
____,__/__,_____,______)/ /{~}}}
-,-----,--\--,-----,---,\'-' {{~}}
jgs __/\_ '--=.\}/
/_/ |\\
\/
And that's a wrap for Chapter 1.
Let me know how you liked it? Harsh criticisms are enthusiastically welcomed. Oh, and read the credits while you're here:
CREDITS. I took whatever episode translations I couldn't remember for myself from The Utena Encyclopedia (http://www.duellists.tj/). The fact that I also relied on memory accounts for any discrepancies with that text. The flower pictures I use as dividers are done by Joan Stark (hence the initials), whose ASCII artwork can be found at http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/ . And, miraculously, that's all for this chapter. Oh, yes. In later chapters there will be more.
Thanks for reading!
~~Cutter