*screams into the void* Hellooo!
A.N. - It feels like there's hardly anyone reading Merlin fanfiction anymore much less Mergana fanfic, but nevertheless here is a monster I created a year and a half ago, one that has refused to let me write anything else unless I finish it. I've tried not to make it seem too rushed - but I feel like it still might seem like that at points. This is not proofread so mistakes might've slipped in here and there.
But whilst there is Mergana this is mainly a Morgana-centric fic and will explore various characters and their relationships with Morgana and each other.
Disclaimer - Don't you think If a loud Morgana lover like myself owned the show it would have been quite different at certain points? Anyway, Merlin and its characters belong to the BBC and the respective writers/producers whose names I do not care to remember.
Chapter I
Gaius could hardly feel his limbs. His entire body felt paralyzed for having sat in the uncomfortable chair for Goddess knows how long. The small room was rank, dark and cramped. Gaius was tired – so, so tired from having repeated the same damn thing in so many different ways.
"Your accusations…" He broke off into a coughing fit "are baseless. Sooner or later… your true nature will be revealed. That you are nothing but a…" Gaius somehow managed to make his next words sound venomous even as was breathless "A petty fraud."
Unfortunately, Aredian was anything but tired. He knelt to match Gaius' eye level. "Ah, but I am more than that. You know it, Gaius. Just as I know that you are not the true sorcerer in this castle"
"If you are referring to Merlin, then I have already told you…" Gaius began, but Aredian cut him off mid-sentence
"Not him. At least, not just him." Aredian stood up, a conspiratorial smile on his face, "I wonder… what great shock will the people of Camelot find themselves in should their beloved lady turn out to be a witch?"
Gaius fixed Aredian with a look of suspicion "What are you talking about?"
"It's unbecoming of a man of science like you to play dumb, Gaius." Aredian said. "You know very well who I am talking about."
Gaius just stared.
"The royal ward, the Lady Morgana." He drew out her title as if it were a joke at that point.
Gaius scoffed, "Then you must be more delusional than I ever gave you credit for. Not only are you spouting nonsense, but the king will flay you alive if you so much as mention her name and sorcery in the same sentence."
"I don't think you give your king enough credit, Gaius." drawled Aredian "More importantly, to his war against magic. From what little I know of Uther Pendragon, his fear and pride has always overridden any love he's had for anyone. And it will not be any different this time. I haven't been idle this past week. I have found everything about the happenings of this castle that needed finding. You will be surprised at the number of loose-tongued people I have encountered – servants and knights alike."
"So? What could you have possibly have found that Uther doesn't know himself? He is the Lord of this castle, he knows all about its happenings. I fail to see what use you could possibly have for castle gossip." Gaius stated pointedly with a raised eyebrow.
"Ah... sometimes there are things in front of us that we fail to see - connections that we fail to make, all because we can't be bothered to, or perhaps...because we don't wish do. Because we fear what they may mean. In such cases, an external source can be very helpful in showing clarity."
"And you intend to be that source for him."
Aredian smiled "Why of course."
Gaius sighed. "...Why are you doing this, Aredian?"
"You know why, Gaius. For what you did to me all those years ago. And now you dare to challenge me?" Aredian sneered. "I warned you once before to not underestimate me. But you seemed to have forgotten what I am capable of. Now just you wait and watch."
And with that, Aredian left, leaving Gaius further slumped in his chair, dreading what the future held for them all.
"Are you sure?" Uther sounded apprehensive. " But the amulet was found right there in his chambers! And he admitted to possessing the artifact."
"All that is true, Sire. But After interrogating him thoroughly I firmly believe that he is speaking the truth. He is not the one who has performed sorcery in the town recently." Aredian seemed confident in his inference.
Uther seemed to accept this readily, he wasn't too keen on persecuting Gaius from the beginning and it was a relief to know that he hadn't betrayed him.
"Then... who could it be?"
"That's what I am here to find out. But first, I need your permission for something."
In the Camelot dungeons and far away from the throne room, the court physician gave took a long breath after he was released from his ordeal. The first face Gaius saw upon being released was obviously that of his young ward who pulled him into a fierce hug. Merlin was overjoyed. Gaius had been cleared of all charges and was free to go. He was so relieved that he didn't even stop to wonder about the strangeness of it all. After getting back to Gaius' chambers however, Merlin couldn't deny his curiosity.
"But how? Why did he let you go?"
"I don't know, Merlin." Gaius answered gravely. "And I dread to think why." He didn't mention Aredian's unsettling preoccupation with Morgana , nor the fact that The Witchfinder seemed to know of both her and Merlin's magic. He did, however, warn Merlin to be very careful and stay clear of Aredian.
1 day later
"I need this, Gaius. I need to this matter to be closed with a clear conscience. I have known my ward since she was but a small child, and if she had a shred of the evil of sorcery in her, I would have known. Aredian just needs to ask her some questions to help his investigation." Uther sipped his wine as he tried to explain his decision to allow Morgana to be interrogated by Aredian to Gaius and Arthur.
"My lord, Aredian's measures are … severe, as you're already aware. Are you sure subjecting the lady to them is appropriate?" Gaius knew he should not push his luck after being released but he had to try to dissuade the King before Aredian condemned Morgana.
"Morgana's upbringing has been … delicate, yes. But I'm sure she can handle this. Besides, all he's going to do is talk to her, he wouldn't dare do anything more. Don't worry, Gaius. Morgana is strong. She won't disappoint me, she won't disappoint Camelot. I know she won't."
"Father, what…?! This is madness! You can't honestly believe that Morgana…"
"And I don't. The witchfinder knows what he is doing. And we believe in Morgana, so we shouldn't worry about it. It's just a bit of questioning."
"But why does it need to be done in the first place?!"
Uther was about to tell him to drop the matter when another presence made itself known in the throne room.
"You called for me, My Lord?" Morgana's voice was quieter than usual but Uther did not pick up on it.
"Ah yes, Morgana. Perfect timing. I need you to do something for me."
"Father-" Arthur started but Uther cut him short
"Enough, Arthur!" shouted Uther. " Not another word from you! This is for the security of my kingdom and my people – including you and Morgana herself! I'm sure she wouldn't mind answering a few questions to help Aredian, would you, Morgana?"
Morgana gave a nervous glance towards Arthur before swallowing and took a deep breath. "Of course not, Milord."
Morgana walked towards Aredian chambers with as much dread as she would have had if it were a torture chamber. Upon entering she realized it may as well have been one with the various laceration instruments just randomly lying about.
"Ah, the Lady Morgana. Yes. Have a seat Milady." Morgana did as she was told and nearly stopped breathing when she saw Aredian hanging a particularly terrifying-looking apparatus on the wall.
" I was told you wanted to… to speak with me." She said with the steadiest voice she could muster while being as scared as she was.
"Yes." Aredian answered. "My work is a tricky business. It requires me to have thorough knowledge of a situation before I arrive on any conclusions. Which means that I must acquire that knowledge through all possible sources, don't you agree?"
"Yes."
"Good. And would you consider yourself a reliable source, Milady?"
Morgana scrunched up her eyebrows. "I'm sorry? I don't quite understand."
"Meaning, do I have your word that you will answer all my questions truthfully?"
"Yes. Of course." She nodded once for effect.
"Very well." Aredian said with a tight smile. "Then we shall begin."
"Is it true that you receive treatment from Gaius the court physician for nightmares?"
"Yes."
"How regularly do such nightmares occur?"
"Well, they're…" Morgana hesisitated "I haven't had them very recently."
"That is not what I asked." Aredian pointed out.
"They usually happen infrequently. But in the past year they've become more regular. More… potent." Morgana mentally kicked herself for divulging more information than necessary.
"And by regular, you mean, how much more regular?"
" Every other night, more or less."
"I see. And what do you have to say about the rumors of your nightmares coming true?"
"Pardon?"
"Your nightmares, my lady. Is it true that what you dream of comes to pass?"
"I don't know what you're talking about-"
"Answer me truthfully, Lady Morgana."
"Well, yes. Occasionally ."
"Did one of these occasions include Prince Arthur almost dying of a Questing beast attack?"
"Yes." Morgana muttered weakly.
"I'm sorry I didn't quite hear you."
"Yes" Morgana repeated more clearly.
"And what about the recent attack by an ancient sorcerer? The one which consisted of stone-carved creatures coming to life and attacking the city. Is it true that you dreamt something to that effect beforehand?"
" I…well, yes. I suppose." Morgana mentally cursed herself for her pathetic answer. What was wrong with her?
"You suppose?"
"I didn't dream the entire event. I just saw a giant raven coming my way. Which happened to be one of the creatures that attacked."
Aredian just nodded and continued taking notes. Morgana gulped, wondering if those very notes were equivalent to her death warrant. No sooner than the the thought crossed her mind, Aredian put the feather back in the inkwell and blew on his papers before arranging them in a neat pile in front of him.
When he looked at her she gave him a disarming smile which he returned tightly. " I believe that will be all, My Lady. No need to worry. You have been most helpful, and now thanks to you I have all the information I require. You may go now."
"Thank you." Morgana quickly scrambled out of her chair, glad be getting away from the eerie man's presence.
"Oh and My Lady Morgana?"
"Yes?"
Aredian's smile was saccharine, "I shall see you in court."
Uther wondered what could be so important that required public audience. When he had spoken to Aredian about his interrogation with Morgana the latter had told him point blank there was nothing to tell at that moment.
"Aredian, what was it you wanted to discuss?"
"Ah, you see, My Lord. It is less a matter of discussion, and more a matter of action. I believe it is something you must see, rather than just hear.
"I'm afraid I don't quite understand what you're talking about."
"Oh you will, sire. In a moment." Aredian said with a finality in his voice.
And without warning, Aredian threw a knife he had been hiding in his sleeve in Morgana's direction. The world seemed to slow as she heard Uther shouting her name and Arthur dashing toward her. Her body seemed to move of its own accord as she thrust her arms in front of her and her eyes flashed gold. The knife abruptly stopped about an inch short of her hands, hovering in mid-air for about a second before dropping to the ground. Morgana lowered her shaking hands as her terrified eyes followed the movement of the knife before fixating on the ground – the realization of what she'd done steadily escalating and making it harder to breathe by the second.
Uther gaped soundlessly at her for a long moment –mirroring the atmosphere in the throne room, which had gone eerily quiet after the Lady's shocking display.
Then, after what seemed like ages to Morgana, but was only a few seconds, Uther's booming voice shook her from her state of shock.
"Gaurds, restrain her!"
A couple of knights grabbed a hold of her and she tried to shake them off, although her distraction and fear made the attempt rather weak and they were easily able to subdue her and Aredian took this opportunity to push her to the ground. Someone protested at that but Morgana's eyes were fixed at the man in front of her.
"NO! Please! I'm not… I didn't…I didn't mean to!" She pleaded her case to the king, but even through her desperation and fear-addled haze she understood that no explanation was going to save her now.
"Are not what?! A witch? Didn't mean to perform magic?! Sire, she shies from her crime as the evidence lies right in front of your eyes!" Aredian shouted from behind her, pointing at the fallen dagger.
"It can't… I cannot be true. It cannot be true! Do you hear me?! Not-" "Not Morgana." Uther muttered, shaking his head.
Aredian took this opportunity to expose her completely. "Do you deny it, that you have magic?!"
Morgana appeared to be unable to form words, or even raise her gaze from where it was stuck to the ground.
"Morgana?' entreated the King.
"Answer your king!" Aredian's harsh order seemed to do the job.
"No." Morgana whispered
"Louder!" Aredian roared.
"No! No, I… have magic. But-"
"You have magic. You are a sorceress. Do you deny it?"
Morgana swallowed. "No."
"Tell him! Tell the King of your actions as a sorceress!"
"I…." She took a moment to look around the courtroom. Almost every expression around her was one of surprise and trepidation. She searched every face in the room hope for finding some semblance of support, of understanding but after finding nothing, came to the conclusion that she was indeed trapped. "I started the fire in my chambers. I have… I have nightmares that come true. I see the future and I stopped the knife."
"There you have it, My Lord."
"Morgana…!" Uther gasped disbelievingly. No. It couldn't be. It just… couldn't be! But deep inside the recesses of his frazzled mind, Uther knew it was true. And completely possible. He had wanted to believe that Vivienne's magic had died with her, or at least that bastard first daughter of hers, but this was very much real. And very much possible. He couldn't believe that Morgana had betrayed him like this. Practicing magic right under his nose all this time! And he never had the slightest clue. No wonder she was so partial towards magic users! No wonder she stood against their executions! At first he believed that it was just her compassionate heart that led her to defy him, but now he knew better.
When she raised her head to look up at him pleadingly, he didn't see her eyes for their misty green, instead they changed to a raging blue of Nimueh's, then to Vivienne's icy grey, and finally - gold. Solid, blinding gold.
And then he screamed.
As she was being dragged to the dungeons, Morgana thought of every possible way in which she could escape her impending death. She thought of pushing these gaurds away, stealing their swords and slashing her way out. She thought of marching to Uther's chambers and killing him herself. She thought of lighting a fire with her magic and escaping in the chaos.
As she was pushed into one of the cells and heard, rather than saw the lock click into place she slowly slid down the dungeon floor and dreamed of Arthur and Gwen coming in and getting her out. Gwen, sweet, loyal Guinevere handing her provisions and hugging her while extracting a promise out of her to take care of herself. Arthur patting her horse and helping her onto it. Teasing her if she knew her way out. Asking her to be safe and promising to bring her back when it would be safe for her again. And lastly, she dreamed of Merlin. Of Merlin, coming to reassure her that everything would be fine. Merlin, with his captivating smile and crinkled eyes offering to come with her and staying with the Druids, or perhaps in Ealdor with his lovely mother.
But Morgana was impulsive, not stupid. Little by little, her mind deconstructed every scenario her imagination has so hopefully built up. She may be a good fighter, but there was no way she'd be able to deflect every guard that came in her way. There's no way she'd be able to kill Uther, or in the off chance she did – get away with it. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to kill him because she hated him or because somewhere she desperately believed that killing him would save herself.
She was a witch. She was meant to be condemned in the Kingdom of Camelot. If not Uther, someone else would do it for him.
Arthur and Gwen feared magic, and most likely hated her after this revelation – especially if their bewildered expressions in the throne room were anything to go by.
And Merlin… god, she didn't even know what to make of Merlin at this point. She had thought that he was the one person who accepted her and her magic. Who would not hate her simply for being who she is. She thought she had a true friend, a confidant in him. Merlin had always had a comforting quality about him that made Morgana trust him from the beginning. Despite his clumsy and ungainly manner, he was steady and grounded – like a rock. Unwavering in the middle of the raging sea that was her life. More than once her traitorous mind had entertained the possibility of spending forever with him. Of having his support, his understanding, his constant companionship to cherish forever. Perhaps even…love? During the ordeal with the druids she had felt a connection with him so powerful she had never felt the likes of it with anyone else. But recently he seemed to have… drifted away from her. She didn't know whether it was her magic or something else. Had he changed his mind about her? Was he disgusted by her magic? Did he think her evil now? Well, whatever it may be, it didn't matter anymore.
The restlessness of her heart had become a familiar sensation ever since Morgana had learned of her magic. The time between the witch finder's arrival in Camelot to her confession had only served to heighten it like the beat of a drum roll.
But now, as Morgana sat on the dungeon floor with her head rested against the wall, she felt her heart slow down. She felt at peace. All that worrying, all those sleepless, terrifying nights will finally come to an end. A part of her felt sick at her simple acceptance of her situation. Had this been her a year before, she would've fought and clawed for her independence. For her right to live. Hell, she would've even ran away, out into the unknown with nothing save for faith in herself and a hope for a better future. But she knew this time there was to where to run and no way. Morgana Le Fay was going to die for the crime of sorcery.
And she accepted it.
Merlin watched in horror as the King gave orders to the knights to drag Morgana to the dungeon. He knew that the short respite he'd gotten the night before when Gaius had been released wouldn't last forever, but he had certainly not imagined this turn of events. The eventfulness of the past months had caused him to forget about Morgana and her predicament. The fact that the Witchfinder's arrival could prove to be dangerous for Morgana as well hadn't even crossed his mind. Instantly he felt guilt prickle at him and went to seek advice of the only one who could help in a hopeless situation such as this, even though he felt that the creature would not be so willing.
"What happened, young warlock? You look even paler. I know that Gaius is not dead, so what troubles you now?"
"It's-" Merlin took a lungful of air, "It's Morgana."
"The witch?" The dragon paused to chuckle cruelly. "What has she done now?"
Merlin narrowed his eyes at "witch".
"Nothing. She's done nothing but she's being punished anyway. The witch finder has… he's managed to expose her magic and now she's to be persecuted for it."
"Then you ought to thank the man! For sparing you the trouble of ridding the world of her wretched existence."
"She's my friend! She's a good woman! She's helped me and many others countless times! What kind of person would I be if I just let her die?!"
"I understand why you are distressed by this young warlock, but you must let this happen. The Lady Morgana may be good now, but her destiny is riddled with choices that cause nothing but destruction. She is capable only of causing destruction. And moreover, there is nothing you can to save her at this point." Fiery eyes of molten gold stared intently into his blue ones.
"Alright, then." Merlin said determinately. "If you won't help me, I'll help myself. I'll find a way to save her. And if all else fails, I will… confess."
"DON'T BE FOOLISH, MERLIN!" Kilgharrah bellowed "She is already doomed, one way or another. By trying to prevent her demise, not only will you be end up bringing about your own, but that of Arthur and Camelot as well. Heed my words, young warlock. This is for the best. If only you could see like I do, you would know. Do you remember what happened the last time you went against my wishes to aid the witch, Merlin? You caused the deaths of hundreds of people."
Merlin just shot the dragon a glare before storming out of the cave; but the latter's words had cut deep, opening up the well of guilt Merlin assumed he had long since buried.
Uther anxiously paced the length of the throne room.
"But she's… she's like my child! How can I…? Gaius! Is there no way to rid someone of their magical abilities? To purge this… this disease? Can't she give it up like you did?"
"Perhaps I can try to-" Aredian started, but Gaius cut him off with a glare. He couldn't dare to imagine what sort of torture the witchfinder would inflict upon the poor girl in an attempt to cure her.
"My lord, there are certain people, like myself who's association with magic is limited to what I used to practice. But there are… certain others…they are…gifted." Gaius tried to make Uther understand the nature of Morgana's magic.
"Magic is NOT a gift! It's a… putrid curse!"
"Sire, with all due respect, what I meant was that to some magic is…inherent. It's part of their nature, part of their bodies. There is…nothing that can be done to rid them of it. If one were to try anything it will just be a painful and futile process."
Uther looked anxiously about the room, his eyes darting between Gaius and Aredian. Finally, he ordered
"I want everyone to leave my chambers. Except you, Aredian."
"I don't know who to trust anymore. Wherever I turn, there is magic. In my own kingdom, my own castle, my own ward!"
"Sire, it hardly need be said that you can trust me when it comes to purging magic. I have no reason to lie to you. We share the same goal, the same hatred for sorcery. You know you can trust that, if nothing else."
Uther sat down on his throne, while Aredian came to stand behind him.
"What…what do I do?" Uther asked in a devastated whisper, desperate for some clarity.
"The only thing that can be done. If what Gaius said is true, then that leaves us with only one option."
"I… can't."
It was impossible. Morgana – the child who had grown up in his care. The vivacious, opinionated, compassionate girl who lit up his drab life– he could not possibly equate her to the evil sorceress he saw earlier.
Aredian bent in close to Uther's ear and began speaking in a low, steady tone.
"Uther. You are the king of this land. You are the reason Camelot had been blessedly void of magic for the 20 years. Yet, you have spent the last few years battling all sorts of magical forces. From magical creatures to sorcerers and trolls and now this – an eye witnessed magical event! Such happenings have done nothing to flatter your reputation amongst your people. Their Prince nearly died because of a magical beast. The city was wrecked because of an ancient sorcerer come to life. This is all the town is talking about. And now that they know of the Lady Morgana's magic, they are desperate for justice. You need to take measure, Uther. Immediately, before you lose what little hold you have over this kingdom." Aredian finished strongly.
Uther , though visibly affected by Aredian's words still looked conflicted. "Morgana… She's my…She's like my daughter! I love her!"
Aredian went in for the final blow.
"And what about your son? Don't you love him?" Aredian asked.
"What sort of a question is that? Of course I do!" Uther exclaimed, surprised by Aredian's odd question.
"Then if you don't execute Morgana, you will most certainly lose him."
Uther balked at the Witchfinder's logic.
"What nonsense, Aredian?! How is that even possible?"
"It seems your attachment to her has not only clouded your judgment but your memory of recent events as well." Aredian stated pointedly with raised eyebrows.
"Isn't it peculiar that whenever Arthur is in mortal danger, Morgana is somehow involved? The time when he was attacked by a questing beast, she knew about it beforehand? She knew about the sorcerer who attacked Camelot not too long ago? She may have been your beloved ward before, but now? Right now she is an abomination, and there is nothing you can do to fix her. Think, Uther! If you don't execute her, then this won't be the first time you'd lose your family, your true family, to a witch."
As Aredian spoke Uther's face had t turned chalk white. The image of his wife's pale, lifeless face turned itself over and over in his head as he was so cruelly reminded of the last time he committed the grave mistake of trusting a witch.
And then and there, Uther made a decision. Out of overwhelming fear and equally overwhelming love for the one person he would raze the whole world to protect.
Arthur, his son. The one he treasured more than anyone in the world. Strong, noble, just – a beacon for the people of Camelot. Their future king. His son needed to live. He just had to.
If Uther had to cut out a piece of his heart and throw it into the flames to ensure that, then so be it.
Merlin sat, noisily tapping both his hands and feet- on one of Gaius' chairs as his anxiety ate at him. As soon as Gaius entered Merlin wasted no time in enquiring about Morgana's fate. "So? What happened? What did he say?"
"It…. Didn't seem like he's going to relent. Plus, with Aredian poisoning his mind even further I doubt that there was any chance Uther's going to spare Morgana. And… I regret to say that I was right. She is set to be executed in two days time."
"No. No!" Merlin exclaimed. "She can't… I can't…" Merlin trailed off.
After a slight pause, he continued shakily "But, she's like his daughter! He… he loves her like his child, right?"
"I'm afraid Merlin, that Uther's hatred of magic runs deeper than any love he has for anyone. It's become a part of him now, as much as his eyes or ears or limbs. It's instinctive for him to fear magic and to destroy it wherever he sees it." Gaius replied gravely.
"Even if it means killing his own ward?!" Merlin could not believe it.
Gaius heaved a tired sigh. "Merlin. I am heartbroken by this as well. But Aredian has weaved a solid trap this time. He has completely exposed Morgana. There is no going back for her now. And now is not the time to try Uther. If you try to get involved in this anyhow, Aredian will trap you and get you killed. What happens to your destiny then? What happens to the future of Albion?"
"And what about Morgana? Does her life not matter? And technically I am responsible for her situation. I was the one who conjured the fog! I caused the Witchfinder's arrival! If anyone should die it should be me!" Merlin couldn't stand the idea of her dying over his mistake.
"Don't you dare say that, Merlin!" Gaius snapped at his ward "Your life is important, far more important for the future of this land! I couldn't… I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you my boy. Don't you see? If you get involved you'll only end up incriminating yourself as well. There's no way to save her now." Gaius had to make Merlin see how important it was for him to not put himself in danger over what was possibly a lost cause now.
"But…" Gaius almost gave into to the devastated look on his charge's face.
"I'm sorry, my boy. But you must let this go."
His soft blue eyes shining with tears, defeated, Merlin repeated "I must let her go."
Author's blabber - There ya have it, folks!
Constructive criticism is appreciated, but please bear in mind that English is not my first language and that I'm not a regular writer before going off on me. Thanks in advance to everyone who reads and reviews and I shall see y'all in the next chapter!
I'm sorry if Morgana seems to be too scared and resigned – but… that's canon compliant to how she was in 2x07 (Almost all of s2, I'd say). I know, I know. I like my baby confident and kickass as well, but she's human and prone to feeling the full range of human emotion, which includes fear and hopelessness.
Next chapter we finally see Arthur and Gwen's reaction, Gaius takes a trip down memory lane and Little Morgana makes an appearance!
And maybe there's some Mergana interaction too but I didn't think that was worth mentioning. (?)