Title: Confession.
Summary: Sulu confesses to Chekov. Slash - [Sulu/Chekov].
Disclaimer: I do not own and never will.
Warning: Slash. Don't like don't read. Also you might consider it cheesy in places.
A/N: Sorry this took so long to get uploaded, I've had so many open days to attend that I've lost count of them and I'm oblivious to what day of the week I'm on. Everything this week just got itself turned on its head; but anyway, here it is - finally finished and sorted. I hope you read and enjoy.
***
Sulu sat and watched Chekov eat from across the table. He was beginning to think that the emotions that he was experiencing were going to result in him exploding. There were times when he wanted to scream at any passing crew member that he loved Chekov; he felt he could have screamed it at one end of the universe and someone would hear it on the other side. These were the times that he wanted to dance and sing and laugh till he couldn't no more. He would be filled with so much energy without warning that he would find it impossible to sit still and would fidget for hours, a permanent grin plastered on his face.
There were other times though when he wanted to crawl into a deep dark hole away from contact with all life forms and cry his heart out; mourning that Chekov was not his. There were also times when he wanted to scrub at his eyes till he blinded himself in disbelief that a human could be as perfect and beautiful as Chekov, especially when he smiled.
'The smile of a thousand suns' Sulu thought. Understatement of the century.
Deciding that he should tell Chekov how he felt, mainly for his own sanity, Sulu sat down one night and composed a letter to the Russian; pouring his heart out and leaving nothing he felt unsaid. Whilst writing it he started to tremble with nerves knowing full well he had never deliberately made himself as vulnerable as he was making himself now.
Right at the end he wrote a set of basic instructions to Chekov, telling him that if he returned the feelings then he was to meet him outside his quarters the following night after his shift had ended. If he didn't, then he was to do nothing and Sulu emphasised that nothing would change between them, but deep down he knew that if that was the case it could never be the same as it was before between them, but he needed to know if Chekov returned his feelings.
Sulu delivered the letter the next morning by leaving it at the foot of Chekov's door. He stood behind the corner to make sure that Chekovwas the one to pick it up and no one else. Chekov did much to Sulu's relief but he went into his quarters before opening it. In a way he supposed it was for the best and settled to wait till that night to find out Chekov's answer.
That night Sulu stood waiting as he said he would for Chekov when kirk appeared, stumbling down the corridor. Sulu watched the young captain approaching thinking that he would go straight past but was surprised when Kirk collided with him and found himself fighting to keep Kirk stood up on his own two feet.
"Captain, you're drunk." Sulu said wanting nothing more than for the young captain to get a grip and to go away.
Without any warning at all, Kirk pressed his lips to Sulu's just as Chekov came around the corner, Sulu's letter in hand. Sulu's eyes were wide with shock with Kirk's kiss, but nothing shocked him more than Chekov's immensely saddened expression; a look of betrayal that imprinted itself permanently onto Sulu's mind. Chekov's eyes filled and glittered with tears as he turned and ran from what he had just witnessed, Sulu's letter dropping from his hand.
"Chekov!" Sulu shouted after the fleeing ensign. "Kirk, get off me!" Sulu shouted frustrated and found his anger increasing when he could not get an adequate distance between the two of them for him to land a decent punch. After all - kirk had not only picked a good night to be drunk, he also picked a great person to try to hit on in the process. All in all, he felt like he could kill Kirk.
Finally after several attempts, Sulu succeeded in getting Kirk to release him and sprinted to Chekov's room after retrieving the letter he had written from the corridor floor. He couldn't think of any alternatives to where the young Russian would go. Out of breath, Sulu slammed into Chekov's door, his fists battering against it in a hysterical fashion.
"Pavel!" Sulu gasped leaning up hard against the door.
"Go avay." Chekov sobbed, pressed up against the other side of the door. When he had reached his room he had slid down the door, his legs no longer able to carry him.
"Pavel...please". Sulu begged.
"GO AVAY!" Sulu recoiled from the door. He decided that it would be best to let Chekov calm down before approaching him about what had happened. Nothing was going to get sorted when one of them was hysterical and the other was not far off being the same.
Sulu despised himself for making the young Russian ensign cry, especially when Chekov would not even acknowledge him anymore. He knew he had done more than mess up; he had obliterated any chance he may have had with Chekov. During each night when he found he couldn't sleep, hatred at himself and what he had done keeping him awake, he would go for a long walk to try to clear his head even though he believed he did not deserve the luxury (and necessity) of sleep. He would let his feet chose the way and as always, he would arrive at Chekov's door when he was returning to his room. Once, Sulu lent his ear to the door and heard Chekov weeping bitterly. His heart flooded with sorrow and wanted nothing more than to enter the room and to pull Chekov into a warm embrace and make all his problems disappear. Stood with his ear pressed to the door and tears escaping and rolling silently down his cheeks, Sulu knew he was the cause for the tears of grief that Chekov wept.
Deciding that his presence would only make things worse, Sulu walked back to his room, his head lowered with shame.
On the bridge things we're not much better. The occasional brushing of hands that used to happened was avoided at all costs and Sulu could see that every time Chekov had to look at him, Chekov welled up and dropped his eyes to the floor as soon as he could.
Sulu was relieved of his duty first on the bridge. It had been a uncomfortable shift knowing that the crew members surrounding him where constantly looking and scrutinizing him, their eyes burrowing into him. They were not oblivious that something was wrong and they most certainly did not need telling. Sulu looked at Chekov sat across from him and Sulu could see from Chekov's blood shot eyes that he had been crying again.
"God damn it, am i a man or a mouse?" Sulu chuntered silently to himself as he stood and began to walk towards where Chekov sat. He felt the eyes following his every move and he tried to dismiss them the best he could; but he found that trying to stay oblivious and ignorant to it was hard. Chekov did not deserve the hurt, pain and emotional anguish he was currently floundering around in and Sulu decided enough was enough.
"I need to talk to you ... in private." Sulu whispered in Chekov's ear causing the young Russian to tense up. "My quarters, 15 minutes."
Chekov nearly didn't go. He felt hollow, empty and betrayed. He didn't think he could take any more, but something, some faint glint of hope he had been harbouring made him go. He stood outside Sulu's door silently for a minute asking himself what was the best that would come out of seeing Sulu. He couldn't convince himself that it would be a confession that Sulu meant. No; the best he could foresee happening was both of them going their own way and never talking again.
That was the best; and Chekov didn't want to face up to it. Sulu had been a great friend, his closest, and for it to end this way was destroying him.
Taking a deep breathe he knocked, trying to ignore the feeling of nausea that had set in since Sulu had last talked to him. The more he thought about it, the less surprised he would be to see his lunch again.
Sulu answered the door faster than Chekov would have liked him to. He motioned for him to enter and Chekov knew then that what was coming was now imminent.
Chekov entered and Sulu closed the door, locking any busy bodies out. The crew knew something had happened between them and it didn't seem impossible for one or two to be spying or keeping a close eye on both of them to see if they can find out something. Neither Sulu or Chekov had said a word of what happened between them and for two close friends to stop all contact apart from work stuck everyone as peculiar.
"Vhat did you vant to talk to me about?" Chekov asked as he watched Sulu from the corner of his eye, not wanting to look at him fully.
Sulu stood a few moments contemplating they right words before answering, "I want to clear the air between us."
"Clear the air?" Chekov said with a calm detachment. Sulu had hoped for some kind of expression so he could decide how to push the conversation forward, but now he was finding himself treading carefully in an unknown land.
"Yes, clear the air." Sulu chewed his lip. "I want you to know that what you saw was not what it seemed."
"You vere kissing the Keptain." Chekov said close to tears, his deadpan expression crumbling. "You tricked me. It vas wery cruel."
As one tear escaped from Chekov's eye, Sulu caught it with his finger and carefully wiped it away. "It's soul destroying to know that I've inflicted so much pain on someone so perfect and beautiful. I promise you Pavel, it was no trick."
"Then vhy vere you kissing the keptain?" Sulu could have sworn that he saw a glitter of faint hope in Chekov's eyes.
"He was drunk and he kissed me." Sulu answered honestly, emphasising the word 'he'. "He was that drunk he doesn't even remember doing it."
"You lie, you are a ..." Chekov hiccuped, "couple." Chekov made to walk away but Sulu grabbed both his arms and threw his against the wall. Chekov whimpered and turned his head away terrified that Sulu was going to strike him. Sulu, terrified at what he had done, released his grip on Chekov and took a step back giving the ensign some room.
"I am not lying." Sulu began to get desperate. Was there anyway to get Chekov to see that he really did love him and not Kirk?
In a desperate bid to show Chekov he loved him, Sulu caught Chekov's lips in a delicate kiss. Tears cascaded down Chekov's face and Sulu could feel their dampness and warmth on his skin. Sulu broke the kiss as Chekov began to sob uncontrollably and pulled him into a tight, loving embrace.
"I lowe you." Chekov wept, his accent becoming thicker. " It hurts!"
"I know it does." Sulu whispered in Chekov ear. "Just know that i love you and only you."
"Really? No tricks?" Sulu felt Chekov tense up and knew his answer would now be the decider of what both their futures would be shaped like.
Sulu tilted Chekov's chin up and stared into his eyes. "No tricks Pavel." Sulu whispered as he brushed his fingers down Chekov's cheeks. He took Chekov's hand and placed it on his chest, allowing Chekov to feel his heart beat. His heart was hammouring hard against his ribs and showed no signs of slowing. Chekov stared in disbelief before pressing his ear to Sulu's chest to hear it. Sulu held his breath.
"You are nerwous." Chekov said as he looked into Sulu's eyes once more. Sulu nodded silently. "Why?
"Because I'm about to loose the best thing that walked into my life." Sulu confessed, gripping Chekov's hands tightly in his own. "I'm a bloody fool for not seeing it sooner. Please Pavel, give me a second chance to prove it to you." Sulu reached out and caressed Chekov's neck. Chekov turned his head towards the affectionate gesture.
"I'm frightened." Chekov whispered.
"Of what? The crew finding out?" Sulu asked.
"Nyet ... da ..." Chekov flummoxed. "Vell, that and that you vill leave me for someone - err - more beautiful." Sulu was visibly shocked but managed to recover from the words.
"I would never do that Pavel."
"But I am not beautiful." Chekov shook his head, dismissing the idea that anyone could ever find him attractive.
"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. To me, no one else's beauty can outshine yours." Sulu gave Chekov a reassuring smile before producing the letter he had written for Chekov. He placed it in Chekov's hand and closed the younger mans fingers around it. "I mean everything i wrote."
Chekov decided to give Sulu the green light by actions and not words and caught Sulu of guard by claiming his mouth in a surprise and emotionally raw kiss.
To sulu, actions always did speak louder than words.
End.