He's always stealing all the best lines.
"Aha!" Hook says with dark triumph, pointing a finger impressively at the ground. "I bet if we hold that boot up to this print, it shall be a perfect match."
"I think so, too!" David says. But everyone is already leaning in, breathless, to watch Hook examine the footprint.
When it matches, David opens his mouth to speak, but Hook is already at it again, his heavily-lined eyes full of renewed vigor as he tells the group,
"This villain shall not elude us tonight!"
David wonders, vaguely, if he should start unbuttoning his shirt as far as Hook does.
It seems to get worse over time. The eyeliner gets heavier. Hook starts wearing tighter jeans. And the lines get ever more theatrical.
"Gods! What new heights of villainy have we here?"
"With these new prints, the rapscallion shall be behind bars before nightfall!"
"I swear on all that I hold dear that I shall not rest until the lab has sequenced this DNA!"
He doesn't mean to do it. David knows this. And when David mentions to Hook how he seems to get an awful lot of the credit, and Hook is genuinely surprised and apologetic. And then he starts pointing dramatically at iDavid/i for a few days, and crediting David with discoveries in equally sensational language.
(It doesn't work. He's trying to help, but everyone still just cheers for Hook's proclamations about David. He spots some interns repeating Hook's more memorable phrases with a look of wonder in their eyes.)
One day, Hook announces a particularly dramatic discovery ("His tattoo was in invisible ink! A clever ploy, but not clever enough to defeat us!"), and afterwards, a lower-ranked cop asks David to fetch him a coffee. It is the last straw. David makes a plan.
(Briefly, he considers wearing eyeliner. But only briefly. He'll go with the plan.)
The next day, David and Hook are waiting to get lab results on the DNA matching some fingerprints that were very strangely placed at the crime scene. Everyone's talking about it. This could be a big moment.
The lab will call at about 9:00. So at 8:50, David tells Hook,
"Wow! I just got a call from a new witness, and they're here, right now. They want to meet downstairs."
"Intriguing! Do you wish to meet with them?" Hook offers.
"That's alright. My back pain is acting up - I'll stay here and get the lab results."
"If you're sure, mate."
When the lab calls 15 minutes later, Hook is still gone. David answers the phone. The lab guy says,
"You're not gonna believe this." David's heartbeat quickens. And when the lab guy tells him what the results are, it is every bit as sensational as he'd hoped.
David hangs up the phone, radiating triumph. He clicks open his email and prints out the full copy of the results, so he can hold them up like a flag when he makes his announcement. He is just about to stand and make his announcement, when Hook bursts into the room.
"David! David!"
Obviously, he has figured out that the witness isn't there. But why is he shouting? Why does he have that gleam in his eye? Why does his eyeliner look so especially dark, his posture especially dashing?
"I have had an epiphany!" he says, still catching his breath. People look up from their desks as Hook speaks. He continues, "I figured it out! It is not one dastardly criminal, but two! The fingerprints come from -" there's a dramatic pause, but not long enough for David to break in - "identical twins!"
And all David can do is point to the printout and say,
"Yeah, the lab confirmed."
He definitely should have gotten the eyeliner.