My miserable sigh was interrupted by a snicker to my right, but when I looked up at Raphael with wonder in my eyes, he shook his head with that crooked smirk.

"You should just tell me what's up already."

I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times before I silently groaned and shifted, looking down at the ground again. The black motorcycle scraped uncomfortably against the back of my shell, but I didn't really care. All that mattered was my hammering heartbeat and the fact that Raphael was just an inch away; that our legs sometimes brushed against each other when one of us stretched or took a deep breath of the cold air. That we had been leaning against his bike for surely over an hour and that it felt so damn safe to just be there next to him, watching the glimmering lights of New York and the stars. And I didn't want it to ever end.

"Nothing's up."

"Yeah, right."

I dared a glance up at him and felt my heart clench when his warm, piercing eyes were looking back at me. I looked down at my hands and started to tie my fingers together just to do something.

"I just…"

I cleared my throat when my words came out as whispers and Raph waited patiently. When had he started doing that?

"I just want to stay here."

I felt like groaning again, because that didn't even get close to describing what I wanted. And Raphael, being as clueless as usual, just looked confused.

"Well yeah, we're not going anywhere anytime soon. Mike an' Leo won't get here for another two hours."

I shook my head and bit my lip while desperately trying to figure out how I could translate the surprisingly pleasant knot in my stomach and my jumping heart into actual words.

"I meant that I want this to last."

He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to say something but stopped himself for a few seconds before he tried again.

"I'm completely worthless when it comes to cryptic, Donnie. You have to spell it out for me."

I could feel my cheeks getting hotter and wrote myself a mental note about kicking myself in the face for even bringing this whole thing up.

"I mean that I want to hold your hand and watch the stars and feel complete for once."

I bit the inside of my cheeks and practically stared at my now shaking hands. It felt like hours before Raph finally did something, but I wasn't prepared for him to grab my right hand and braid our fingers together.

"Then just say so already."

I looked from his face to our hands and back again, but he wouldn't meet my gaze this time. He was busy following a silent police car for a while before deciding that New York was rather peaceful tonight, and I tried my very best to keep myself from freaking out. I was sitting on his bike, holding his hand.

"What, it's that simple?"

He finally looked at me, once again with 'clueless' written on his forehead.

"Uh, yeah, I guess?"

I nodded slowly, turning back to watching the streetlights.

"You can hold my hand whenever you want to, Donnie."

Another hour later I was resting my head on his shoulder, holding his hand and breathing in his scent. Maybe it didn't have to be so complicated. Maybe it was simple.

I ripped my mental note to tiny pieces and buried it.