Title: Misunderstandings
By: Shinigami Goddess (Lionna)
E-mail: shinigami_goddess@gundamwing.net or shinigami_goddess@yahoo.com
Song: "Dear Lie" by TLC
Started: May 14, 2000
Finished: May 14, 2000
Type: Songfic / sequel / angst
Notes: some lyrics are cut out and/or altered for better purpose of the story (and some of the
phrases are just horrible….;;U.U)
Oh yeah, this is the sequel to my songfic to "I Miss You So Much"
Dear lie
You said you could fix anything
Instead I'm done
You made things even worse for me
Breakfast was silent save for the slight tapping of utensils on plates and bowls. Tension was so
thick that it seemed a knife could cut through the air. Finally Quatre coughed and asked, "Any
new missions?"
A glare was cast the blonde's way from Heero's direction but no one had the faintest clue why.
Quatre was unnerved at the cold, unforgiving stare and unconsciously moved closer to Trowa.
The tall boy was frowning at the Japanese pilot who was causing his koibito so much distress.
"I have a mission. I'll be leaving within the hour." Everyone turned to Wufei, relieved to have a
distraction. The Chinese pilot was placing his dishes in the sink before turning and raising an
elegant, black eyebrow. "You had better be getting along. I don't need to be coming back and
finding a mess to pick up. Fight with our enemy, not fellow pilots."
"Aw, Wu-man, you don't gotta worry! We're just fine. Ne?" Duo looked at the others with a
forced, cheerful grin.
A chair scraped against the floor and everyone stared at Heero as he stood up stiffly and walked
from the room. Duo blinked, still keeping his mask in place. Quatre exchanged a quizzical look
with Trowa before turning back to the others. "Does anyone know what that's about?"
~~~
Duo paced around the living room, nibbling on the end of his braid. His forehead was creased in
thought and he didn't even notice his surroundings. 'What's going on with Heero? How can he
brush off the fact that he kissed me last night…? Did he really not mean it? But then why the hell
did he kiss me?! Ugh! I hate this!!'
"Quit it already," Heero growled from his place by the ever-present laptop. Duo stopped pacing
and stared at him.
"Huh?" Duo didn't even realize Heero was in the room. And after a quick glance he found that
Trowa and Quatre were also in there. "Heh…" he put a hand behind his head and laughed
nervously. "Gee… er… gomen…"
Quatre frowned and asked with concern, "Daijoubu desu ka? You seem so uptight today."
"Fine, fine," Duo waved Quatre's worrying off and made a face. "Just thinking of the missions
and stuff…" He trailed off and flopped down into an empty chair. "Oi! Heero, why don't you get
off that damned thing for once?"
The Japanese pilot turned a brief glare at Duo. His muscles were rigid which surprised the others
since usually he kept all signs of feeling out of sight. "And why don't you shut up."
Duo winced and placed a hand to his chest – pretending to be hurt. "Oh! Thou art hurt me!"
Quatre laughed at the boy's antics, not realizing that the statement and tone of voice Heero had
used had actually punctured Duo's barrier. "And now the blonde one laughs at me!"
There was a suddenly sound of cracking wood and three pilots looked over, startled, at Heero.
The usually stoic boy had his eyes closed tightly and was gripping at the edge of the table where
the wood was beginning to split. "Oi… Heero… don't break the table…. Heero? Daijoubu desu
ka?" Duo was standing now, a worried look on his face. He moved towards the Japanese boy
when suddenly Heero stood and slammed a fist across Duo's jaw.
A thud echoed when the American hit the floor quite a few feet away. Stars danced before his
eyes before Duo managed to sit up and stared at Heero with filling dread. A pain much worse
than the punch was within his chest and he didn't want to think about it. Quatre and Trowa were
frozen in placed, too shocked to do anything.
"Heero…" Duo's voice was soft but firm. "I don't know what's going on, but you had no right…
none at all… to do that… what the hell do you think you're doing?!" His frustration finally left him
and he had to block the building tears. "Don't you dare try to block what you did last night! I
know you were in my room, I know you kissed me so what the hell is your damned problem
today?!" The American closed his mouth after that, feeling the pain in his jaw rise. He groaned
softly and rubbed lightly over the sore area – he'd claim a nice bruise for that one.
Heero was standing a few feet from Duo at that point and was going to continue to see how
badly the boy was hurt and apologize but then… then when he found out Duo had been awake
he stopped. The American had never signaled he had felt the kiss, never acknowledged he'd like
it. Eyes narrowed, Heero managed to force false words out. "You must be in some dream world.
What would anyone be doing kissing you?"
The disgust in his voice was too plain and outright and Duo turned his face away to hide tears.
"Fine…" he hissed. "I don't give a damn… maybe you don't think I'm worth it, but why not look
at yourself, bastard?!" With that last phrase, Duo jerked to his feet and ran as well as he could
from the room.
Guess I'm not smart
I let you unnerve me
I let you control me
Duo locked his bedroom door tightly and, as an extra precaution, put a chair beneath the handle.
He then threw himself onto the bed and let the angry, pained tears come as he gripped at the
sheets. His nails bit into the soft flesh of his palms and soon drew blood but the self-proclaimed
Shinigami didn't care.
'Damnit! Heero you bastard! What were you doing then? How could you… do that and then this?
K'so!' The pain around his jaw was increasing and Duo had to thank his lucky stars that no bones
were broken, nearly… but not quite.
Tears continued to roll off his face and Duo was faintly aware of someone knocking on the door
and shouting to him to open up. In reply, Duo screamed, "Get the hell away! Leave me alone!"
Obviously the knocker decided better than to upset him farther – if that was at all possible – and
left the door alone.
'Baka! Who's more of the idiot? Me or him? Probably me for even believing for a second that he
might care. Damned idiot… how could I let my emotions for him control me? New reason I
shouldn't love someone…' Duo shook his head and gripped his fists tighter, feeling the sting of
the small cuts on his palms.
Afraid the truth would hurt me
Heero stared moodily out of his bedroom window, clear of all thought. He was tense and stiff,
not moving for the past few minutes. His eyes were flickering with emotion but he refused to let
it show anymore than that. He'd never though he would hit Duo… and so hard, who knew how
the baka was doing? The damned fool had locked himself in his room and had shouted at Quatre
when he'd knocked. 'Quatre, the one who was holding him last night.' Heero sneered at his faint
reflection in the clear windowpane.
'I'm not letting you know how I feel, Duo. You'll just hurt me, won't you? You'll just laugh and
ignore my feelings repeating what you said before. Won't you? Won't you?!'
When it's you that hurts me more
"He doesn't love me… he never has… never would… he hates me." Duo gripped his pillow in a
death grip, letting the tiny rivulets of blood stain the white casing. His palms stung from the cuts
his fingernails had caused but he ignored it, so insignificant it was compared to his aching jaw or
even worse, his aching heart. 'Oh Heero you bastard, why did you have to give me hope?
Damn… damn me… damn him… damn this blasted war!'
Get outta my mouth
Get outta my head
Get outta my mind
Quatre was pacing worriedly outside Duo's room while Trowa sat cross-legged against the all
opposite him. The tall pilot sighed and rubbed his temples before looking up at his partner.
"Quatre, slow the pacing down, you're making me more uptight and dizzy." The blonde didn't
stop, still nibbling on his lip with worry. "Quatre…" Trowa warned softly. "We're not helping any,
just waiting here for Duo to let us in or him come out."
This made the blonde stop in mid-step and he turned around with a hopeful expression on his
face. "Trowa… do you think we could talk to Heero…? Try to clear a few things up…? Find out
what's going on?"
Trowa visibly winced. Heero was strong… and seemingly quite angry. But he couldn't turn down
the look on Quatre's face and he sighed. "Fine, just be careful. He's quite capable of anything…
as we've already seen," he refereed to the earlier scene where Duo had ended up with a bruised
jaw. Quatre nodded and was soon dragging Trowa a few feet to the next door where Heero was
staying.
They opened the door to find the windows open and a dark figure sitting and staring blankly out
the glass. "Heero," Quatre started, his voice firm. The Japanese boy's eyes narrowed but he
refused to turn. "Heero, you need to explain your actions."
"And you should explain yours," Heero returned, still not turning.
Startled, the blonde asked, "Nani? What are you talking about?"
"You know fully well."
Quatre glanced back at Trowa who gave a slight shrug. Looking again at Heero, Quatre tried to
pick out what Heero was referring to. "No, I don't know what you're talking about. And anyway,
you need to explain why you hit Duo. You had no right."
"You had no right to hold him last night."
"Nani?" Quatre breathed, realizing with a start that Heero must have walked past the room… but
hadn't the door been…? 'K'so! The door was open! That's what this is about?' Suddenly a small
smile lit up his lips. "You're jealous, aren't you?"
Heero finally turned and the blonde suddenly turned quite frightened and he backed up to
Trowa's warmth.
"No. I'm not." Cobalt blue eyes bore into Quatre and the blonde moved farther into the warm
arms embracing him. Heero's gaze flickered briefly to Trowa but were soon enough focused on
Quatre again.
Stop puttin' words in my head
Get outta my mouth
You're nothing but trouble
Heero didn't want to say any more, knowing that it was all lies. Only to himself, mentally, could
he admit what he truly felt. Everything he was saying was coming up automatic for some reason,
of their own accord. He had no control over it and the situation was irritating him beyond belief.
Seeing Trowa and Quatre together made him want to hit the blonde for some unknown reason;
made him want to demand why the hell Quatre was now back to acting like Trowa was his
koibito when the night before it had clearly seemed Duo was.
Frustrated, Heero grit his teeth and let his glare continue to burn through Quatre. Trowa finally
broke the silence. "Stop it. Now." It was the first time Heero had ever heard Trowa sound so…
protective. His voice was firm and calm, yet barely contained anger lingered behind that cool
façade.
Get outta my life
Get out of me
Out of me (out of me)
Out of me
Out of me lie
Lie lie lie lie
"You don't understand what happened," Quatre whispered, hurt entering his voice – hurt, for
Duo's sake. "You didn't see how he was feeling. I was there as a friend, we're nothing more. I
have Trowa and would never betray him."
Heero still didn't tear his unnerving gaze away. "What should I care what he's feeling? The idiot
doesn't matter."
Hands balled into fists, Quatre let a single tear slip from his eye. "How can you say that?" he
cried hoarsely, remembering how distressed Duo had been. "How can you be so unfeeling and
not care about him? Haven't you realized by now that it's him who's kept us all together and who
gives life to us all?"
A snort escaped Heero and he turned coldly back to the window. "He's a fool and always messes
up. He doesn't keep us together. The missions are the only thing bonding the five of us."
'He knows it's not true,' Trowa observed silently. Heero's posture betrayed the feelings
underneath the hard exterior. 'Yet how can he so easily deny all that he feels? By now something
should show that he cares… maybe he really doesn't. Then that means I looked up to someone
without a heart. No… he can feel, but he's choosing to ignore it. Naze?'
"I don't give a damn about him," Heero continued in a low voice. "It wouldn't matter if he died in
the next battle or not. We're nothing but pawns in the war. It doesn't matter if he's lost."
Quatre had had it and suddenly tore out of Trowa's grasp, prepared to slap the cold, stoic boy.
"How can you say that?" He screamed, not understanding. Trowa was the one who saved him
from making any grave, rash decisions.
"Leave him," Trowa somehow was able to hold his own anger at bay. "He's only 'another pawn'
and can live his own life. He won't be listening to us."
Dear lie
You're dumb
You think you've got the best of me
You think you won
Misread my vulnerability
Duo stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and grimaced which only resulted in more
pain. His whole right side of his face was swelling and along his jaw was a nasty purplish bruise.
'Damn him. What is he lying about: caring for me? Or is he lying about hating me? Which is it?
And if he's lying about hating me, he sure has a hell of a way to show he likes me.'
Rummaging through the cabinet, Duo was able to find a bottle of painkillers and quickly downed
two. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, adding to his already tattered look. Sighing, Duo
turned to the shower and turned on the water before striping down and then undoing his long
braid.
The water started warm and Duo let it clean away the dried blood on his palms and rinse the
sticky sensation of tears away. Finally he just leaned against the cool, tile wall and sunk down to
the floor and closed his eyes. Heero's words echoed back to him, all the times he had been
insulted.
'Why do I love him? Why…?'
'Because,' a voice replied from somewhere in the recesses of his mind, 'on those occasions that
he's not working or fighting he seems to be a frightened little kid. When he's asleep you realize
just how normal he is… when he wakes silently from nightmares you realize he's had a tough
past too… you realize that in some ways he's a lot like you.'
"Hai," Duo whispered, unaware of the freezing water pounding on his already numb skin. 'We're
both alone and fighting in this damned war. He wears a mask as I do; I have a past as he does.
And… there's those rare times that he'll actually talk to me…' A small smile came to his lips
though his jaw still ached.
I've got your walls
Now get the hell away from me
I've learned your art
Won't let you unnerve me
Won't let you control me
Duo suddenly became aware how cold he was and began to shudder. His teeth were chattering,
causing his jaw only to become more sore. 'What's going on?' he wondered, slowly raising stiff
eyelids to look around. Everything was blurry and unfocused and he began to come aware that it
felt like knifes were slicing into him each time the water fell on him.
'How long have I been on here? When did the water get so cold…? Why can't I move?' Duo tried
to move but found he couldn't, too sore and numb to make his body respond. 'Why now? I think
I know… what to do… I won't let love blind me but that doesn't mean I have to stop. I love my
friends. I love Heero. I want to be with him, I have to talk to him.'
Struggling again, Duo forced himself to stand but his knees soon gave and the last thing he could
recall was feeling a sharp pain on his temple when he crashed against the tiled wall.
~~~
At the sound of a loud 'thud' from the room next door, Heero stood up involuntarily and rushed
quickly to Duo's door to find both Trowa and Quatre standing outside it with worried looks on
their faces. "What's going on?" Heero demanded.
The blonde glanced sideways at him, "If you don't care for him, get out of here. Don't hurt him
anymore than he is."
"Nani…?" Heero asked.
"You're so blind, aren't you?" Quatre continued bitterily, still upset from the earlier encounter
with the Japanese pilot. "Don't you understand…? Duo cares for you, to put it lightly." His blue
eyes flickered with a brief pain. "Yet you wouldn't understand, not until you saw him choking on
his own tears and bitterly accepting his feelings. But you wouldn't understand because you don't
care!"
Silence followed and Trowa watched Heero from beneath his bangs. "I do," Heero started. "I. Do.
Care." With that he twisted the doorknob brutally. "Duo, open up!" He frowned when only silence
answered. "Duo!"
Still no answer.
The truth will only free me
And your lies won't hurt no
No more
Duo was floating pleasantly in dreams beyond reach. He was in his own world and past where he
loved the feeling of someone carefully pulling his hair back into a braid. Where all around him
people loved him and cared for him. Faintly he noted that the debate of wheter Heero cared for
him or not did not matter anymore.
'I'm not alone.'
Get outta my mouth
Get outta my head
Get outta my mind
Stop puttin' words in my head
After many more knocks all three pilots were getting restless and worried. Finally Heero charged
at the door and cracked the wood around the lock, letting them push against the door and
moving the chair blocking the way back. Heero frowned when he noted a few crimson stains on
the pillow. It was then that he noted the sound of a shower and allowed himself to breath a soft
sigh of relief. 'He's just showering.'
Walking to the bathroom door, Heero knocked sharply, "Duo, hurry up!"
Again, here was no reply. Something gnawed at Heero's insides as he tried again for a response.
There was still nothing so he twisted the knob and walked into the room. Immediately he knew
something was wrong when he saw a limp arm hanging off the side of the tub. Long, chestnut
stands of hair were plastered against the tiles from the water. "Duo…?" he tried again.
This time he didn't hesitate to run forward and pull the shower curtain aside. His breath caught
suddenly when he felt the water. 'Shimata!!' He screamed mentally. The water had to be below
freezing and by the look of Duo's body it was. Heero violently turned the water off and
proceeded to lift Duo's stiff, unconscious form from the tub floor. It was then that he noticed the
sticky, red liquid that was going down the drain with the water. He paled. It was blood.
His own words echoed back at him: "It wouldn't matter if he died in the next battle or not. We're
nothing but pawns in the war. It doesn't matter if he's lost."
Get outta my mouth
You're nothing but trouble
Get outta my life
Get out of me
Out of me (out of me)
Out of me
Out of me lie
Lie lie lie
"That was a lie…" Heero hissed between gritted teeth. Quickly he gripped Duo to him and
wrapped a towel about the naked and bleeding boy.
"Kami-sama! What happened?!" Quatre cried with wide eyes when Heero emerged from the
bathroom with a dripping wet, and bloody, Duo.
Heero didn't bother to respond, immediately placing the shuddering form on the bed and pulling
the sheets and blankets tightly around him. "He needs to get warm. Get more blankets… heating
pads… something… I need to bandage his head."
"Hai," Trowa responded and led Quatre from the room to help retrieve the materials.
With swift hands, Heero was working on cleaning the gash across Duo's right temple. 'Why did I
have to hide it? Why did I say it doesn't matter if he goes? Duo don't you dare die!' The
Japanese pilot barely realized that his eyesight was beginning to blur and that droplets of tears
were falling down his face.
"Will he be alright?" Quatre asked anxiously, tucking his armloads of blankets over Duo who was
still shuddering violently. Heero couldn't respond as he began to use the bandages and healing
materials Trowa brought in.
Trowa remarked softly, "He won't keep warm by himself. He's too cold…" Heero looked down at
Duo's still very stiff and shuddering body. The usually cheerful lips were tight and bluish-tinted. If
they didn't do something soon…
Lie lie
I've got
Your walls
Now get the hell away from me
Heero was quickly peeling off his tank top and shorts until he wore only his boxers. Without
giving it a second thought he was beside the longhaired boy. 'Damn all the things I said before!
I'm the only baka… damnit! Duo, get back here… I need to… tell you…'
For a few seconds all Quatre and Trowa could do was blink in surprise. Heero was embracing
Duo tightly by the time the two of them returned to their senses and at that point they only
exchanged looks.
"Heero… can you… can you handle this yourself?" Quatre asked, moving a step closer to the
Japanese boy who was staring at the bruised and bandaged face of their fellow pilot. The blonde
noted at that point that Heero was actually crying – silent tears, but crying nonetheless.
A short nod suited for an answer and Trowa motioned the blonde out of the room. He was
confident now that Heero had come to his senses and agreed with his feelings. He understood
the problem and suddenly realized if he had been the same way. 'Something to ask Quatre,' he
thought before leaving the room.
I learned your art
Won't let you unnerve me
Wont' let you control me
The truth will only free me
And your lies won't hurt no
No more
"Duo…" Heero whispered softly, urging the boy's body warmth to return. "Duo…" His lips rested
close to the American's ear as he admitted, "I … love you… don't leave me."
For a breathless moment he wished that the boy would stir, open his gorgeous blue-violet eyes
and turn to him and smile. But… it didn't happen. Heero made a fist and curled up tighter beside
Duo. "I won't lie anymore… just please… onegai… come back here. Ai shiteiru, Duo. Suki da."
~~~
It seemed all of eternity until the longhaired angel finally awoke. Unfocused eyes stared at the
ceiling for a time until the movement and warmth of another body stirred him to awaken fully.
"Duo…?" a voice breathed beside him.
Duo felt like jumping from his skin but he felt so sore that he dare not move. But still… the voice
was familiar and oh-so much kinder than usual. Painfully he turned his head, just to bump noses
with Heero Yuy. "Oi…" he groaned, closing his eyes on the pain. His eyes quickly snapped open,
however, when he felt his skin brushing against Heero's. "Nani…? What's going on?" He tried to
sit up but didn't succeed with Heero's tight grasp around his waist.
"Don't." The one word stopped Duo's painful struggling and the boy slumped back down to stare
curiously, and slightly fearfully, at Heero.
"You want to shout at me again…?" Duo asked, feeling small and useless.
Hurt passed through Heero's cobalt blue eyes when he saw the pain in Duo's own. "How can I
make it up to you…? I'm… such an idiot. I'm…. gomen nasai. Gomen." Heero buried his head
against Duo's shoulder. "I kept lying to myself saying that I hated you and that you weren't
worth it… but I finally realized the truth and then I found you and Quatre in here last night. I
thought… well…"
Duo would have laughed if he didn't ache so much. Instead he lay his head against Heero. "You
got jealous?"
The Japanese boy muttered something sounding like an affirmative and Duo managed a grin. "I
got too carried away this morning. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm so sorry… I don't
know how to make it up to you."
"I know how," Duo replied. Heero moved away a little and gazed into the other's eyes. "Show me
that you do care for me… that you don't hate me…" Heero slowly began to smile. Duo let out a
small gasp of surprise and happiness. "There's one way…" he whispered, amazed at how
absolutely stunning Heero looked with a smile instead of the usual indifferent look. "Heero Yuy
has given me the privilege to see a smile."
"Oh shut up," Heero muttered as he nuzzled against Duo's neck. The other boy happily obliged
and ran his fingers through the mop of dark, brown hair.
"What happened to me…?" Duo asked finally, still coming to no conclusion why he was laying
under piles of stifling blankets and next to the object of his affections.
Heero looked slightly puzzled at the question but answered anyway. "We all heard something in
your room and I had to break in here since you were locked up so tight. I found you in the
bathroom under freezing water with a gash along your temple. You must have fell… but… the
water must have been long cold before that. You weren't trying to…" he trailed off, not wishing
to finish the suggestion.
Quickly catching on, Duo shook his head vigorously, "No, no! I wasn't! I just was thinking too
hard, I think… I was trying to stand up… but… slipped… that's all I can remember before waking
up with you here… not properly clothed."
Heero snorted and lifted an eyebrow. "Me not properly clothed? I'd double-check yourself,
Maxwell." Duo gave a confused look before he suddenly realized what the Japanese boy meant.
He gave a little 'eep' and was soon blushing fiercely. Heero let out a soft chuckle and continued,
"You were shuddering and bleeding. I bandaged your forehead before climbing in to try and keep
you warm. You had me worried for a while there…" He was leaning down closer to Duo until their
breathes began to mix together.
"Mmm…" Duo's eyes half-closed. "Arigatou He-" his sentence was cut off when Heero closed the
final distance between their mouths and claimed Duo's lips.
The American only smiled, contented to be in the position he was in. Even without words, he
knew what Heero was telling him… he knew that he didn't have to worry about being alone
anymore.
'I love you, Heero.'
2
1
By: Shinigami Goddess (Lionna)
E-mail: shinigami_goddess@gundamwing.net or shinigami_goddess@yahoo.com
Song: "Dear Lie" by TLC
Started: May 14, 2000
Finished: May 14, 2000
Type: Songfic / sequel / angst
Notes: some lyrics are cut out and/or altered for better purpose of the story (and some of the
phrases are just horrible….;;U.U)
Oh yeah, this is the sequel to my songfic to "I Miss You So Much"
Dear lie
You said you could fix anything
Instead I'm done
You made things even worse for me
Breakfast was silent save for the slight tapping of utensils on plates and bowls. Tension was so
thick that it seemed a knife could cut through the air. Finally Quatre coughed and asked, "Any
new missions?"
A glare was cast the blonde's way from Heero's direction but no one had the faintest clue why.
Quatre was unnerved at the cold, unforgiving stare and unconsciously moved closer to Trowa.
The tall boy was frowning at the Japanese pilot who was causing his koibito so much distress.
"I have a mission. I'll be leaving within the hour." Everyone turned to Wufei, relieved to have a
distraction. The Chinese pilot was placing his dishes in the sink before turning and raising an
elegant, black eyebrow. "You had better be getting along. I don't need to be coming back and
finding a mess to pick up. Fight with our enemy, not fellow pilots."
"Aw, Wu-man, you don't gotta worry! We're just fine. Ne?" Duo looked at the others with a
forced, cheerful grin.
A chair scraped against the floor and everyone stared at Heero as he stood up stiffly and walked
from the room. Duo blinked, still keeping his mask in place. Quatre exchanged a quizzical look
with Trowa before turning back to the others. "Does anyone know what that's about?"
~~~
Duo paced around the living room, nibbling on the end of his braid. His forehead was creased in
thought and he didn't even notice his surroundings. 'What's going on with Heero? How can he
brush off the fact that he kissed me last night…? Did he really not mean it? But then why the hell
did he kiss me?! Ugh! I hate this!!'
"Quit it already," Heero growled from his place by the ever-present laptop. Duo stopped pacing
and stared at him.
"Huh?" Duo didn't even realize Heero was in the room. And after a quick glance he found that
Trowa and Quatre were also in there. "Heh…" he put a hand behind his head and laughed
nervously. "Gee… er… gomen…"
Quatre frowned and asked with concern, "Daijoubu desu ka? You seem so uptight today."
"Fine, fine," Duo waved Quatre's worrying off and made a face. "Just thinking of the missions
and stuff…" He trailed off and flopped down into an empty chair. "Oi! Heero, why don't you get
off that damned thing for once?"
The Japanese pilot turned a brief glare at Duo. His muscles were rigid which surprised the others
since usually he kept all signs of feeling out of sight. "And why don't you shut up."
Duo winced and placed a hand to his chest – pretending to be hurt. "Oh! Thou art hurt me!"
Quatre laughed at the boy's antics, not realizing that the statement and tone of voice Heero had
used had actually punctured Duo's barrier. "And now the blonde one laughs at me!"
There was a suddenly sound of cracking wood and three pilots looked over, startled, at Heero.
The usually stoic boy had his eyes closed tightly and was gripping at the edge of the table where
the wood was beginning to split. "Oi… Heero… don't break the table…. Heero? Daijoubu desu
ka?" Duo was standing now, a worried look on his face. He moved towards the Japanese boy
when suddenly Heero stood and slammed a fist across Duo's jaw.
A thud echoed when the American hit the floor quite a few feet away. Stars danced before his
eyes before Duo managed to sit up and stared at Heero with filling dread. A pain much worse
than the punch was within his chest and he didn't want to think about it. Quatre and Trowa were
frozen in placed, too shocked to do anything.
"Heero…" Duo's voice was soft but firm. "I don't know what's going on, but you had no right…
none at all… to do that… what the hell do you think you're doing?!" His frustration finally left him
and he had to block the building tears. "Don't you dare try to block what you did last night! I
know you were in my room, I know you kissed me so what the hell is your damned problem
today?!" The American closed his mouth after that, feeling the pain in his jaw rise. He groaned
softly and rubbed lightly over the sore area – he'd claim a nice bruise for that one.
Heero was standing a few feet from Duo at that point and was going to continue to see how
badly the boy was hurt and apologize but then… then when he found out Duo had been awake
he stopped. The American had never signaled he had felt the kiss, never acknowledged he'd like
it. Eyes narrowed, Heero managed to force false words out. "You must be in some dream world.
What would anyone be doing kissing you?"
The disgust in his voice was too plain and outright and Duo turned his face away to hide tears.
"Fine…" he hissed. "I don't give a damn… maybe you don't think I'm worth it, but why not look
at yourself, bastard?!" With that last phrase, Duo jerked to his feet and ran as well as he could
from the room.
Guess I'm not smart
I let you unnerve me
I let you control me
Duo locked his bedroom door tightly and, as an extra precaution, put a chair beneath the handle.
He then threw himself onto the bed and let the angry, pained tears come as he gripped at the
sheets. His nails bit into the soft flesh of his palms and soon drew blood but the self-proclaimed
Shinigami didn't care.
'Damnit! Heero you bastard! What were you doing then? How could you… do that and then this?
K'so!' The pain around his jaw was increasing and Duo had to thank his lucky stars that no bones
were broken, nearly… but not quite.
Tears continued to roll off his face and Duo was faintly aware of someone knocking on the door
and shouting to him to open up. In reply, Duo screamed, "Get the hell away! Leave me alone!"
Obviously the knocker decided better than to upset him farther – if that was at all possible – and
left the door alone.
'Baka! Who's more of the idiot? Me or him? Probably me for even believing for a second that he
might care. Damned idiot… how could I let my emotions for him control me? New reason I
shouldn't love someone…' Duo shook his head and gripped his fists tighter, feeling the sting of
the small cuts on his palms.
Afraid the truth would hurt me
Heero stared moodily out of his bedroom window, clear of all thought. He was tense and stiff,
not moving for the past few minutes. His eyes were flickering with emotion but he refused to let
it show anymore than that. He'd never though he would hit Duo… and so hard, who knew how
the baka was doing? The damned fool had locked himself in his room and had shouted at Quatre
when he'd knocked. 'Quatre, the one who was holding him last night.' Heero sneered at his faint
reflection in the clear windowpane.
'I'm not letting you know how I feel, Duo. You'll just hurt me, won't you? You'll just laugh and
ignore my feelings repeating what you said before. Won't you? Won't you?!'
When it's you that hurts me more
"He doesn't love me… he never has… never would… he hates me." Duo gripped his pillow in a
death grip, letting the tiny rivulets of blood stain the white casing. His palms stung from the cuts
his fingernails had caused but he ignored it, so insignificant it was compared to his aching jaw or
even worse, his aching heart. 'Oh Heero you bastard, why did you have to give me hope?
Damn… damn me… damn him… damn this blasted war!'
Get outta my mouth
Get outta my head
Get outta my mind
Quatre was pacing worriedly outside Duo's room while Trowa sat cross-legged against the all
opposite him. The tall pilot sighed and rubbed his temples before looking up at his partner.
"Quatre, slow the pacing down, you're making me more uptight and dizzy." The blonde didn't
stop, still nibbling on his lip with worry. "Quatre…" Trowa warned softly. "We're not helping any,
just waiting here for Duo to let us in or him come out."
This made the blonde stop in mid-step and he turned around with a hopeful expression on his
face. "Trowa… do you think we could talk to Heero…? Try to clear a few things up…? Find out
what's going on?"
Trowa visibly winced. Heero was strong… and seemingly quite angry. But he couldn't turn down
the look on Quatre's face and he sighed. "Fine, just be careful. He's quite capable of anything…
as we've already seen," he refereed to the earlier scene where Duo had ended up with a bruised
jaw. Quatre nodded and was soon dragging Trowa a few feet to the next door where Heero was
staying.
They opened the door to find the windows open and a dark figure sitting and staring blankly out
the glass. "Heero," Quatre started, his voice firm. The Japanese boy's eyes narrowed but he
refused to turn. "Heero, you need to explain your actions."
"And you should explain yours," Heero returned, still not turning.
Startled, the blonde asked, "Nani? What are you talking about?"
"You know fully well."
Quatre glanced back at Trowa who gave a slight shrug. Looking again at Heero, Quatre tried to
pick out what Heero was referring to. "No, I don't know what you're talking about. And anyway,
you need to explain why you hit Duo. You had no right."
"You had no right to hold him last night."
"Nani?" Quatre breathed, realizing with a start that Heero must have walked past the room… but
hadn't the door been…? 'K'so! The door was open! That's what this is about?' Suddenly a small
smile lit up his lips. "You're jealous, aren't you?"
Heero finally turned and the blonde suddenly turned quite frightened and he backed up to
Trowa's warmth.
"No. I'm not." Cobalt blue eyes bore into Quatre and the blonde moved farther into the warm
arms embracing him. Heero's gaze flickered briefly to Trowa but were soon enough focused on
Quatre again.
Stop puttin' words in my head
Get outta my mouth
You're nothing but trouble
Heero didn't want to say any more, knowing that it was all lies. Only to himself, mentally, could
he admit what he truly felt. Everything he was saying was coming up automatic for some reason,
of their own accord. He had no control over it and the situation was irritating him beyond belief.
Seeing Trowa and Quatre together made him want to hit the blonde for some unknown reason;
made him want to demand why the hell Quatre was now back to acting like Trowa was his
koibito when the night before it had clearly seemed Duo was.
Frustrated, Heero grit his teeth and let his glare continue to burn through Quatre. Trowa finally
broke the silence. "Stop it. Now." It was the first time Heero had ever heard Trowa sound so…
protective. His voice was firm and calm, yet barely contained anger lingered behind that cool
façade.
Get outta my life
Get out of me
Out of me (out of me)
Out of me
Out of me lie
Lie lie lie lie
"You don't understand what happened," Quatre whispered, hurt entering his voice – hurt, for
Duo's sake. "You didn't see how he was feeling. I was there as a friend, we're nothing more. I
have Trowa and would never betray him."
Heero still didn't tear his unnerving gaze away. "What should I care what he's feeling? The idiot
doesn't matter."
Hands balled into fists, Quatre let a single tear slip from his eye. "How can you say that?" he
cried hoarsely, remembering how distressed Duo had been. "How can you be so unfeeling and
not care about him? Haven't you realized by now that it's him who's kept us all together and who
gives life to us all?"
A snort escaped Heero and he turned coldly back to the window. "He's a fool and always messes
up. He doesn't keep us together. The missions are the only thing bonding the five of us."
'He knows it's not true,' Trowa observed silently. Heero's posture betrayed the feelings
underneath the hard exterior. 'Yet how can he so easily deny all that he feels? By now something
should show that he cares… maybe he really doesn't. Then that means I looked up to someone
without a heart. No… he can feel, but he's choosing to ignore it. Naze?'
"I don't give a damn about him," Heero continued in a low voice. "It wouldn't matter if he died in
the next battle or not. We're nothing but pawns in the war. It doesn't matter if he's lost."
Quatre had had it and suddenly tore out of Trowa's grasp, prepared to slap the cold, stoic boy.
"How can you say that?" He screamed, not understanding. Trowa was the one who saved him
from making any grave, rash decisions.
"Leave him," Trowa somehow was able to hold his own anger at bay. "He's only 'another pawn'
and can live his own life. He won't be listening to us."
Dear lie
You're dumb
You think you've got the best of me
You think you won
Misread my vulnerability
Duo stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and grimaced which only resulted in more
pain. His whole right side of his face was swelling and along his jaw was a nasty purplish bruise.
'Damn him. What is he lying about: caring for me? Or is he lying about hating me? Which is it?
And if he's lying about hating me, he sure has a hell of a way to show he likes me.'
Rummaging through the cabinet, Duo was able to find a bottle of painkillers and quickly downed
two. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, adding to his already tattered look. Sighing, Duo
turned to the shower and turned on the water before striping down and then undoing his long
braid.
The water started warm and Duo let it clean away the dried blood on his palms and rinse the
sticky sensation of tears away. Finally he just leaned against the cool, tile wall and sunk down to
the floor and closed his eyes. Heero's words echoed back to him, all the times he had been
insulted.
'Why do I love him? Why…?'
'Because,' a voice replied from somewhere in the recesses of his mind, 'on those occasions that
he's not working or fighting he seems to be a frightened little kid. When he's asleep you realize
just how normal he is… when he wakes silently from nightmares you realize he's had a tough
past too… you realize that in some ways he's a lot like you.'
"Hai," Duo whispered, unaware of the freezing water pounding on his already numb skin. 'We're
both alone and fighting in this damned war. He wears a mask as I do; I have a past as he does.
And… there's those rare times that he'll actually talk to me…' A small smile came to his lips
though his jaw still ached.
I've got your walls
Now get the hell away from me
I've learned your art
Won't let you unnerve me
Won't let you control me
Duo suddenly became aware how cold he was and began to shudder. His teeth were chattering,
causing his jaw only to become more sore. 'What's going on?' he wondered, slowly raising stiff
eyelids to look around. Everything was blurry and unfocused and he began to come aware that it
felt like knifes were slicing into him each time the water fell on him.
'How long have I been on here? When did the water get so cold…? Why can't I move?' Duo tried
to move but found he couldn't, too sore and numb to make his body respond. 'Why now? I think
I know… what to do… I won't let love blind me but that doesn't mean I have to stop. I love my
friends. I love Heero. I want to be with him, I have to talk to him.'
Struggling again, Duo forced himself to stand but his knees soon gave and the last thing he could
recall was feeling a sharp pain on his temple when he crashed against the tiled wall.
~~~
At the sound of a loud 'thud' from the room next door, Heero stood up involuntarily and rushed
quickly to Duo's door to find both Trowa and Quatre standing outside it with worried looks on
their faces. "What's going on?" Heero demanded.
The blonde glanced sideways at him, "If you don't care for him, get out of here. Don't hurt him
anymore than he is."
"Nani…?" Heero asked.
"You're so blind, aren't you?" Quatre continued bitterily, still upset from the earlier encounter
with the Japanese pilot. "Don't you understand…? Duo cares for you, to put it lightly." His blue
eyes flickered with a brief pain. "Yet you wouldn't understand, not until you saw him choking on
his own tears and bitterly accepting his feelings. But you wouldn't understand because you don't
care!"
Silence followed and Trowa watched Heero from beneath his bangs. "I do," Heero started. "I. Do.
Care." With that he twisted the doorknob brutally. "Duo, open up!" He frowned when only silence
answered. "Duo!"
Still no answer.
The truth will only free me
And your lies won't hurt no
No more
Duo was floating pleasantly in dreams beyond reach. He was in his own world and past where he
loved the feeling of someone carefully pulling his hair back into a braid. Where all around him
people loved him and cared for him. Faintly he noted that the debate of wheter Heero cared for
him or not did not matter anymore.
'I'm not alone.'
Get outta my mouth
Get outta my head
Get outta my mind
Stop puttin' words in my head
After many more knocks all three pilots were getting restless and worried. Finally Heero charged
at the door and cracked the wood around the lock, letting them push against the door and
moving the chair blocking the way back. Heero frowned when he noted a few crimson stains on
the pillow. It was then that he noted the sound of a shower and allowed himself to breath a soft
sigh of relief. 'He's just showering.'
Walking to the bathroom door, Heero knocked sharply, "Duo, hurry up!"
Again, here was no reply. Something gnawed at Heero's insides as he tried again for a response.
There was still nothing so he twisted the knob and walked into the room. Immediately he knew
something was wrong when he saw a limp arm hanging off the side of the tub. Long, chestnut
stands of hair were plastered against the tiles from the water. "Duo…?" he tried again.
This time he didn't hesitate to run forward and pull the shower curtain aside. His breath caught
suddenly when he felt the water. 'Shimata!!' He screamed mentally. The water had to be below
freezing and by the look of Duo's body it was. Heero violently turned the water off and
proceeded to lift Duo's stiff, unconscious form from the tub floor. It was then that he noticed the
sticky, red liquid that was going down the drain with the water. He paled. It was blood.
His own words echoed back at him: "It wouldn't matter if he died in the next battle or not. We're
nothing but pawns in the war. It doesn't matter if he's lost."
Get outta my mouth
You're nothing but trouble
Get outta my life
Get out of me
Out of me (out of me)
Out of me
Out of me lie
Lie lie lie
"That was a lie…" Heero hissed between gritted teeth. Quickly he gripped Duo to him and
wrapped a towel about the naked and bleeding boy.
"Kami-sama! What happened?!" Quatre cried with wide eyes when Heero emerged from the
bathroom with a dripping wet, and bloody, Duo.
Heero didn't bother to respond, immediately placing the shuddering form on the bed and pulling
the sheets and blankets tightly around him. "He needs to get warm. Get more blankets… heating
pads… something… I need to bandage his head."
"Hai," Trowa responded and led Quatre from the room to help retrieve the materials.
With swift hands, Heero was working on cleaning the gash across Duo's right temple. 'Why did I
have to hide it? Why did I say it doesn't matter if he goes? Duo don't you dare die!' The
Japanese pilot barely realized that his eyesight was beginning to blur and that droplets of tears
were falling down his face.
"Will he be alright?" Quatre asked anxiously, tucking his armloads of blankets over Duo who was
still shuddering violently. Heero couldn't respond as he began to use the bandages and healing
materials Trowa brought in.
Trowa remarked softly, "He won't keep warm by himself. He's too cold…" Heero looked down at
Duo's still very stiff and shuddering body. The usually cheerful lips were tight and bluish-tinted. If
they didn't do something soon…
Lie lie
I've got
Your walls
Now get the hell away from me
Heero was quickly peeling off his tank top and shorts until he wore only his boxers. Without
giving it a second thought he was beside the longhaired boy. 'Damn all the things I said before!
I'm the only baka… damnit! Duo, get back here… I need to… tell you…'
For a few seconds all Quatre and Trowa could do was blink in surprise. Heero was embracing
Duo tightly by the time the two of them returned to their senses and at that point they only
exchanged looks.
"Heero… can you… can you handle this yourself?" Quatre asked, moving a step closer to the
Japanese boy who was staring at the bruised and bandaged face of their fellow pilot. The blonde
noted at that point that Heero was actually crying – silent tears, but crying nonetheless.
A short nod suited for an answer and Trowa motioned the blonde out of the room. He was
confident now that Heero had come to his senses and agreed with his feelings. He understood
the problem and suddenly realized if he had been the same way. 'Something to ask Quatre,' he
thought before leaving the room.
I learned your art
Won't let you unnerve me
Wont' let you control me
The truth will only free me
And your lies won't hurt no
No more
"Duo…" Heero whispered softly, urging the boy's body warmth to return. "Duo…" His lips rested
close to the American's ear as he admitted, "I … love you… don't leave me."
For a breathless moment he wished that the boy would stir, open his gorgeous blue-violet eyes
and turn to him and smile. But… it didn't happen. Heero made a fist and curled up tighter beside
Duo. "I won't lie anymore… just please… onegai… come back here. Ai shiteiru, Duo. Suki da."
~~~
It seemed all of eternity until the longhaired angel finally awoke. Unfocused eyes stared at the
ceiling for a time until the movement and warmth of another body stirred him to awaken fully.
"Duo…?" a voice breathed beside him.
Duo felt like jumping from his skin but he felt so sore that he dare not move. But still… the voice
was familiar and oh-so much kinder than usual. Painfully he turned his head, just to bump noses
with Heero Yuy. "Oi…" he groaned, closing his eyes on the pain. His eyes quickly snapped open,
however, when he felt his skin brushing against Heero's. "Nani…? What's going on?" He tried to
sit up but didn't succeed with Heero's tight grasp around his waist.
"Don't." The one word stopped Duo's painful struggling and the boy slumped back down to stare
curiously, and slightly fearfully, at Heero.
"You want to shout at me again…?" Duo asked, feeling small and useless.
Hurt passed through Heero's cobalt blue eyes when he saw the pain in Duo's own. "How can I
make it up to you…? I'm… such an idiot. I'm…. gomen nasai. Gomen." Heero buried his head
against Duo's shoulder. "I kept lying to myself saying that I hated you and that you weren't
worth it… but I finally realized the truth and then I found you and Quatre in here last night. I
thought… well…"
Duo would have laughed if he didn't ache so much. Instead he lay his head against Heero. "You
got jealous?"
The Japanese boy muttered something sounding like an affirmative and Duo managed a grin. "I
got too carried away this morning. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm so sorry… I don't
know how to make it up to you."
"I know how," Duo replied. Heero moved away a little and gazed into the other's eyes. "Show me
that you do care for me… that you don't hate me…" Heero slowly began to smile. Duo let out a
small gasp of surprise and happiness. "There's one way…" he whispered, amazed at how
absolutely stunning Heero looked with a smile instead of the usual indifferent look. "Heero Yuy
has given me the privilege to see a smile."
"Oh shut up," Heero muttered as he nuzzled against Duo's neck. The other boy happily obliged
and ran his fingers through the mop of dark, brown hair.
"What happened to me…?" Duo asked finally, still coming to no conclusion why he was laying
under piles of stifling blankets and next to the object of his affections.
Heero looked slightly puzzled at the question but answered anyway. "We all heard something in
your room and I had to break in here since you were locked up so tight. I found you in the
bathroom under freezing water with a gash along your temple. You must have fell… but… the
water must have been long cold before that. You weren't trying to…" he trailed off, not wishing
to finish the suggestion.
Quickly catching on, Duo shook his head vigorously, "No, no! I wasn't! I just was thinking too
hard, I think… I was trying to stand up… but… slipped… that's all I can remember before waking
up with you here… not properly clothed."
Heero snorted and lifted an eyebrow. "Me not properly clothed? I'd double-check yourself,
Maxwell." Duo gave a confused look before he suddenly realized what the Japanese boy meant.
He gave a little 'eep' and was soon blushing fiercely. Heero let out a soft chuckle and continued,
"You were shuddering and bleeding. I bandaged your forehead before climbing in to try and keep
you warm. You had me worried for a while there…" He was leaning down closer to Duo until their
breathes began to mix together.
"Mmm…" Duo's eyes half-closed. "Arigatou He-" his sentence was cut off when Heero closed the
final distance between their mouths and claimed Duo's lips.
The American only smiled, contented to be in the position he was in. Even without words, he
knew what Heero was telling him… he knew that he didn't have to worry about being alone
anymore.
'I love you, Heero.'
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