This story goes out to Lau-kun, for being such a great online friend. You've inspired me to write this little doodad, and I hope you pass your exams with flying colours!
Disclaimer:- Don't make me laugh. Seriously. All this nasty phlegm stuff will be sprayed all over you.
But I do own the plot, so do not steal. I bark. I bite. Beware (cue creepy music in chord of E minor).
.:Why I love Sakura:.
When you look at a flower, what do you see?
Do you see petals, a stigma, pollen, anthers – physical aspects?
Or do you see the chance of new life, creation in full bloom, or a dying beauty?
What do you see?
I don't know quite when my feelings for my best friend evolved to something above platonic.
It must have been sometime after she gave me her eraser. I remember that day so well.
I was alone. And she made feel welcome.
--
"Minna-san, I would like to introduce our new student, Daidouji Tomoyo-san."
There was a chorus of greetings from the children. While the pleasantries died down, Tomoyo took the opportunity to survey the classroom. The desks were positioned in a neat, five by five formation. Upon the blackboard was written the date, and some numbers. Obviously the class had just started.
Brightly coloured posters adorned the walls; displaying the very basics of Tomoyo's already advanced education.
She could tell that the third grade would not be a problem for her, academically. What might present a problem was the socialising.
If her mother believed her to not be happy in her new school, then she would be home tutored once more.
Tomoyo was many things – young, inexperienced, and thrown into the world of tacky posters and fake smiles.
What she was not, however, was naive.
Smiling slightly back at the class, she tilted up her head, and looked at the teacher. "What should I do now, Kibona-sensei?"
"Go and sit next to Kinomoto-san. Kinomoto-san, please raise your hand."
Tomoyo observed the small girl, with honey coloured hair. Taking it in her stride, she walked over to the empty desk and sat down.
"Settled down?"
Tomoyo nodded. "Arigatou, Kibona-sensei."
The sensei smiled. "Alright then, minna-san. Let's continue with mathematics."
An audible sigh was heard over the sensei's blabbering. Tomoyo stole a glance at the girl next to her. She was cute, Tomoyo decided. With those large, green eyes, and that short, brown hair. "Is anything the matter?" Tomoyo couldn't help the words falling out her mouth.
The Kinomoto girl looked at Tomoyo. "Ohayo," she greeted cheerfully enough. Then her face fell, almost theatrically. "It's just that I really don't like maths. I'm Kinomoto Sakura, by the way. Want to be friends?" Her face split open into a fully-fledged grin.
Tomoyo resisted the temptation to blink in surprise at the girl next to her. She had the innocence of a lamb, and had offered something non-materialistic to Tomoyo.
Making a split second decision, Tomoyo grinned back. "Hai," she agreed.
--
Whenever I see my best friend, my heart flutters, and I'm reminded of how kind she was to a complete stranger. That kind of generosity you find in only a few people.
Someone very dear to me once said 'Hold on to the person you love, so you never feel the pain when they leave you'.
I don't agree.
Because if I held onto the person I loved, she wouldn't be allowed to love another. I would never let go.
She'd never be able to find happiness.
Not even with me.
--
"Daidouji." Tomoyo felt the heat beginning to rise to her cheeks. Forcing it down, she looked into the sensei's eyes. "Hai, Kibona-sensei?"
She narrowed her eyes at the new girl. "What are you doing?"
Her mother always told Tomoyo that a lady never lied.
"I'm drawing in the back of my book."
Kibona-sensei didn't look pleased. "Were you allowed to do this at your old school?"
"I never went to a school. I had a tutor."
The sensei processed this, and then nodded. "Since you don't know the rules of a school, I suggest you get rid of the drawing." Kibona-sensei turned back to the blackboard, and continued with the mind-numbingly boring lesson.
Tomoyo remained composed as she rummaged through her pencil case, but on the inside, she was annoyed. Why didn't her mother explain how this establishment worked?
Rifling further through her pencil case, Tomoyo now felt frustrated. Where was the rubber that she had packed just last night?
Not looking forward to the consequences of her next move, Tomoyo hesitantly raised her hand, about to request an eraser.
In the corner of her eye, Tomoyo caught sight of a hand flashed in and out of her vision. Lowering her hand, she picked up the delivery.
"Daidouji-san," whispered the girl. "I don't think you should bother Kibona-sensei. She can be…" Tomoyo's neighbour trailed off, as if searching for the right word. "…Quite mean, when she wants to be."
Tomoyo stared at the eraser in her hand. It was a pink bunny one, obscenely cute, unmistakably new. Why was this girl giving her eraser to a complete stranger?
"I don't understand. Why are you giving me this, Kinomoto-san? I really appreciate it, but-"
The girl cut her off with a kind look. "Because," she said plainly. "It's what friends are for."
Tomoyo had made her first, and best friend.
--
'Your happiness is my happiness'.
Not a lie, but not the truth.
Whenever I see my friend alone with Li-kun, I feel the tiniest bubble of jealously.
I hate myself for it.
They're always together when I'm not around, always laughing and smiling. She still tries to make me fit in, but I refuse, graciously so. And then, from wherever I am, I always watch them leave. Whether it is from the music room window, or my bedroom window, or even from the street.
They're always leaving.
And I'm always on my own.
"Kinomoto-san." Tomoyo hurried to catch up to her new friend. The bell had rung, signalling the end of the school day. In the locker room, Tomoyo walked towards the Kinomoto girl.
Standing in front of her, Tomoyo said "I'm very grateful for all the help you've given me today." And it was true. Throughout the school day, the girl had taken it upon herself to look after Tomoyo, making sure she knew when everything was, and how to navigate around the school.
She smiled. "It's nothing. I like having you as my friend." Pausing to pick up her roller blades, she indicated for Tomoyo to follow her. After grabbing her shoes, they walked out of the school together.
--
People say that I have everything. The looks, the money, the intelligence – all they could ever possibly desire.
They don't know how much I don't want it.
Looks are nothing to me. I could shave my head, and people would question me, asking me if I was crazy, why I would waste such a beautiful aspect of myself.
Money means nothing. Being rich doesn't buy you happiness. Money attracts lechers, false friends, and users.
Intelligence – it's just a fancy way of saying that I'm better than you, I know more than you, I'll get further in life that you.
I don't want it.
They can have it.
Because all I need, all I want is to love unconditionally, with no one to tell me what love is.
It would make me the happiest person in the world if my number one would love me back. But she doesn't, not in the way that I want, so I have to settle on the next best thing.
Letting her be with the one that she loves. It makes her happy
Your happiness is my happiness.
I know that I could break apart her relationship. I know that she could be mine.
But I won't.
Because I love her.
--
"Daidouji-san." Tomoyo's new friend skated along besides her.
"Hai?"
"May I call you Tomoyo-chan?"
Tomoyo actually stopped walking for a split second. The girl skated ahead.
Tomoyo didn't know exactly what to do. She could have said to the girl that she hardly knew her, that maybe when they were more acquainted they could address each other on familiar terms.
She could have.
"Mochiron," called Tomoyo, picking up her pace. "But may I call you Sakura-chan?"
The green-eyed girl spun on her skates so she could skate backwards, looking at Tomoyo. "Yeah! Wait 'til I tell onii-chan that I made a new friend!"
Perhaps it was the girl's naïveté and friendliness that prompted Tomoyo to continue their conversation. Or her open-mindedness. Either way, Tomoyo continued to walk.
--
I remember when she would capture cards, and I would be there for her. It was always the three of use - her, Kero-chan, and me.
Then he came.
Their first encounter was not romantic, possibly hostile.
And I saw the possibilities.
I had a feeling that they would become friends.
I did not like the feeling that told me they would become more than friends.
But I stood aside; let them fall in love, watching him take her away, and even assisting.
I was so happy for her. And I still am.
I don't resent their love. I don't resent the fact that he has her.
Because he loves her, and would give his life to save her, to make her happy.
As would I.
--
"Sakura-chan?" The pair of them were sitting on swings, in Penguin Park.
"Hai, Tomoyo-chan?"
Tomoyo shuffled the toe of her show against the concrete. "I brought my camcorder along. Do you want to have a go?"
Sakura's face lit up. "Sure!" She took the camcorder from Tomoyo's hand and raised the lens to her eye. "I can see you, Tomoyo-chan! Smile for the camera!"
Tomoyo smiled for the camcorder.
"It's your turn, Tomoyo-chan."
Carefully passing the camera over, Tomoyo shifted in her seat. Taking the machine, she filmed Sakura.
Tomoyo giggled. "Kawaii…" she breathed. A cheery blossom had fallen on top of Sakura's head. The novelty of filming someone, Sakura's slightly clueless expression, plus the blossom falling onto her nose, made the video Tomoyo's favourite.
And thus marked Tomoyo's passion for filing her best friend.
--
When I was younger, I would film her constantly. If I couldn't have her love, I would have memories of her.
I would watch them when the loneliness would become too much.
But you can't hold onto the past.
The videos are now locked away in a distant cupboard.
Along with the camcorder.
I have nothing to keep me away from the loneliness.
The only thing I kept from the past is the bunny eraser.
The first thing she gave to me, along with her friendship.
--
"Tomoyo-chan?"
They were walking along the street.
"Hai?"
"Can you tell me about your family?"
Tomoyo wondered if she should. Her family was a touchy subject. But she would. It was her best friend.
"Sure. I'm an only child, and I live with my mother. We live in the Daidouji Mansion, along with the servants. My mother is the President of a company."
"Hoeee…"
Tomoyo changed the subject. "So what about you?"
Sakura started to speak. "I have an otou-san, and my onii-chan. My okaa-san's in heaven. My onii-san's really annoying, but I love him. I want to grow tall so I can step on him!" Sakura emphasised her point by stomping on the ground. Tomoyo giggled.
"Your family sounds like fun."
Sakura cocked her head. "What about your otou-san?"
Tomoyo smiled wistfully. "He doesn't live with us."
Sakura didn't pry.
Tomoyo liked her even more for that.
--
My mother encouraged me to grow my hair out, so I would look like her deceased cousin.
She loved her.
My mother adored Sakura-chan, who reminded her so much of her cousin.
My mother loved my father.
I sometimes think to myself. How could my mother love two people at the same time?
Is it possible to be faithful to them both?
I admire my mother very much. She is the perfect example of a strong, independent woman. She has taught me so much.
She also never taught me how to let go.
Or how to love someone else.
My mother loves me, but she was never around much for me to love her back.
So I latched onto the nearest person who'd give me affection.
It wasn't long before I found myself in love with my best friend.
And not able to do a thing about it.
--
"Come on, Tomoyo-chan!"
Sakura had run all the way to Penguin Park. Tomoyo arrived later, panting, out of breath.
"You're… a good… runner, Sakura-chan."
Sakura beamed. "Soon, we can run together!"
Together… not a word that Tomoyo had heard from many people, relating to herself.
"Yeah… together."
It wasn't long after that that Tomoyo started to look at Sakura in a different light.
--
I have told Sakura that I love her. I don't consider myself a coward.
But she doesn't understand.
To her, my love is friendship.
My love as friendship is returned.
My love as romance is ignored.
I don't know if she knows how I love her. The way that I would die if anything was to happen to her.
She told me that the person that I love is the luckiest in the world.
She didn't know it was her who I loved.
The way my mother found a different man to love, I wonder if I will find someone to share the pain of unrequited love also.
Will he help me?
I hide behind a façade, a mask. There was one person that I know could see through the mask. He didn't have to say anything to prove it.
I just knew.
He was the kind that could read a person like a book.
Even without his powers.
But he is gone.
--
"You want me to help?"
Syaoran nodded, a blush falling across his cheeks.
Tomoyo so dearly wanted to help. To be a part of it.
In a way, it would be her picking out the ring for Sakura, her asking Sakura to be together forever with her.
But not in the right way.
"I'm sorry Li-kun, but it's something you have to do on your own. I can't help you with this."
Syaoran nodded, slightly surprised. "Arigatou Daidouji-san." He knew what she was giving up. And it hurt him slightly. Tomoyo had helped him in many ways, and he wanted to repay her.
Tomoyo saw the look in his eyes. "Don't worry, Li-kun. You'll all be fine in the end. I promise."
Syaoran nodded, reassured. "But what about you? Will you be fine?"
Tomoyo smiled sadly. "Does it matter?"
--
Today is November the twenty-first. The day of Li-kun's and Sakura-chan's wedding.
I designed the clothes.
There was once a time where Sakura-chan would be rather reluctant to wear what I made for her.
Now she lights up like a candle anytime I make something for her.
Things have changed.
--
Tomoyo walked out of her house, locking the door behind her. Quietly stepping into the drive, she made the trek out of her property, taking no notice of the clash the gates made as they shut.
Walking through several city blocks, Tomoyo made her way to Penguin Park.
Sitting down upon a swing, she surveyed Tomoeda. Gone were the times when she and her best friend would sit down and talk about the little things in life.
The times had changed.
She and Sakura would still talk, frequently. But there was always something amiss.
It was times like these that made Tomoyo feel as if she was not important.
She was also sure that Sakura knew how she felt.
Tomoyo just wished they could talk about it.
--
The chanting of the monks had ceased. Sakura-chan and Li-kun had officially been married.
I had survived.
Everybody had gone to the local club to celebrate, minus the happy couple.
They were on their honeymoon.
I decided to go to the club. Maybe it would take my mind off of things.
Sitting down on a barstool, I looked down at the tequila that a gentleman had ordered for me.
Swirling it idly, I stared at the clear liquid.
"Drinking is bad for one's health, Daidouji-san."
I dropped the glass. It smashed, and the alcohol dripped down onto my skirt.
Today was not a good day.
Rounding on the outsider, I said furiously "What I do is none of your business."
The outsider smiled.
The smile was familiar.
"Hiiragizawa-kun?"
Hiiragizawa-kun smiled. "Long time no see, Daidouji-san."
I hadn't seen him at the wedding.
"I just arrived," he said, as a way of explanation.
I nodded brusquely. "Very nice. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to be heading home."
"I just popped in to see if my cute little descendant, and Sakura-san were around. It seems that they have left."
"You are correct."
I strode out of the club, Hiiragizawa-kun following me.
"You know, it's much better to talk about your problems."
I ignored him.
"You'll never get closure."
Still he followed.
"Kaho and I split up."
That got my attention. I slowed my pace so that I walked beside him.
"It was a mutual agreement. We were just too different in the end."
I snorted. "That's not a good enough reason. You loved her."
"You're right. I did."
"Did?"
"Did." He offered no more explanation.
We walked on.
Soon the silence became unbearable. "What do you think about Sakura-chan and Li-kun?"
He shrugged. "They're happy together."
"Yes…" I mused upon this thought. The silence was now a comfortable one.
Soon, we reached my house.
"It's been a pleasure talking to you, Hiiragizawa-kun."
He laughed. "No it hasn't. I've been a pain, and made you think about things that you'd rather leave alone."
I smiled wryly. "You always know what to say."
Hiiragizawa-kun cocked an eybrow. "It's the truth, isn't it?"
I smiled again, this time a softer one. "Oyasuni nasai, Hiiragizawa-kun."
"Oyasumi nasai, Daidouji-san."
When I look at a flower, I see the chance of a new beginning. The chance to start again, the chance to make amends.
I took that chance.
A/N:- Wow… the first time I've ever done a piece like this. I should get sick more often. I spent the whole of the morning watching bad reality T.V., and laughing at them. Ha.
I didn't mean to fit in the E/T moment... it must be fate. I was just supposed to make this into a thoroughly depressing piece. However, goodness prevailed, yadda yadda ya.
A bit of shameless advertising… I put my birthday on the story. I couldn't think of any other dates, I swear.
One thing I want to mention. I don't like the hits counter thing. I don't like how I see how many people don't review.
Does anyone else feel that way? Tell me!
You rock, Lau-kun!
Yours until vampires turn vegetarian,
.:VampirePeaches:.