Summary: One-shot. Jareth gets a little tired of wishes.
Disclaimer: Fan fiction. Don't own it; don't want to . . . Jareth's too arrogant for my tastes.
A/N: I should be working on my other fan fiction right now, seeing as some of it hasn't been updated in nigh on a year, but alas, browsing the Labyrinth fandom inspired me to write this. Blame all of those "Sarah wishes herself away" or worse, "I wish myself away" stories.
Goblins, it must be said, are nasty little eavesdroppers, listening to everything and everyone that they can, through the use of magic or simply sharp hearing, it is unclear. It matters little. What does matter is that the goblins are terrible eavesdroppers–and that Jareth, their king, uses this to his advantage. Written somewhere in the job description is that the Goblin King must "steal away" any child wished away to him–specifically, wished away with the correct words: "I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now!" Busy man that he was, Jareth never quite had the time to listen for these wishes, and instead hired his goblins to listen for them. Which is perhaps where the trouble started. The goblins, silly creatures that they are, made no difference between "I wish the goblins would come and take you away," and "I wish the goblins would come and take me away," and started sending Jareth out to fetch those unfortunates who wished themselves away, usually angsty teenaged girls with nothing better to do than call on the goblins. The first call was amusing. He simply sent the girl to one of his many oubliettes for thirteen hours, then sent her home, after insisting (quite firmly) that he was not in love with her or anyone like her. The second was not quite as fun–somehow, dipping the offender into the Bog of Eternal Stench before sending her back to school (where she had wished herself away from gym class, of all things) did not make up for the fact that she had, quite selfishly, wished herself away. The third was the worst of all. Insisting that he give her a peach, that he dance with her, that he fulfil her every dream of how the Labyrinth should be, he soon found her company tiresome, and sent her to play with the Fire Gang. After an hour of being chased through the woods, she lost her resolve and screamed for Jareth to come save her, to take her back home, something he did most readily. Her screams alone could be heard from the entrance of the Labyrinth.
After the first three incidents, the number of those wishing themselves away increased tenfold, until there was an actual waiting list of those wishing to run the Labyrinth–something that irritated Jareth to no end. "Stupid teens," he could be heard to mutter, as he paced the Labyrinth, searching for an answer to his problem. The solution came from an unlikely source. One of the perpetrators had brought with her a mobile phone, which she was using to try and call her friends, to tell them, "Oh my God, Jareth is so totally hot!" only to get their answering machines (or voice mail boxes, as he would later find out) each time. Upon seizing the mobile phone from the girl, and listening to the messages played thereon, Jareth had an idea . . .
"I wish the goblins would come and take me away right now!"
"You have reached the Labyrinth. Unfortunately, no one can take your call right now, as they're all out taunting those that deserved to visit. We strongly suggest you get a life and stop being so self-involved."
All across the mortal world could be heard the frustrated screams of those who had tried wishing themselves away.