Reaching Out From Nowhere
Darkness…
That is all that I see. In this place—wherever I may be—emptiness is the only presence that I feel.
Where am I?
No, that is not the correct question.
Who am I?
There are these distant voices but they are too far away and faded for their words to be clear. It's like an image covered in mist. Then images run into my mind.
There is a woman…no, it is not a woman. It is…I can't even think of a word. Her form is of a woman but something in the back of my fogged mind tells me that it is not really a woman. It is something, something else. She—IT has silver hair and her eyes glistened pink. It is in some kind of a large glass tube filled with a green liquid and there are wires and thin tubes connected to her…body? It is a body but it has missing its parts. It has no hands and its skin on some parts of its torso is missing. On its head is a kind of helmet with a name: JENOVA.
Then a sudden pain resides my head. Mother?
I then see an image of a man though I can tell that there is something inhumane about him as well. He has silver hair, too, but his eyes are green. Just like mine? He is wearing a leather outfit with a long sword in his hand then a name echoes in my head as the pain gets worse: SEPHIROTH. Brother?
I hold my head in my hands as my memories pour in. These long forgotten images and information about them…they are all coming back. That's when I understand. I am looking for mother. Jenova. My brother lives within me. Sephiroth. I am to reunite all brothers and sisters. Those with the cells of my mother and are connected with Geostigma. But someone stopped me.
The black sheep among our happy flock: our big brother. CLOUD. We children of Jenova would've been together if only he and his friends didn't interfere. He killed me. As he holds me in my final moment in that world, I thought because of him I would be with mother. Because of that voice! But it's too late when I've realized where I have come. I have come to the Darkness. The Void.
I died. He killed me. My name is forgotten. I am Kadaj. I fought so hard to reunite our family but he interfered! They all interfered! I had strong connection to mother! Because of Sephiroth. But still…even when I was alive…why did she choose him? Why did she choose Sephiroth? I can't understand it! I didn't care about it. I want to know why she chose him! I didn't care who she chose as long as I can be with her. He died! He failed! But she chose him to live on in that body of mine! But me? She let me die! It's his fault! He should be blamed for this!
I am sure that he still lives in that world…in a new body…with a new host. Did mother choose Loz to be the host this time? Or did she choose Yazoo? They may have forgotten me… NO! They won't forget me! They are my brothers! Only by cell… NO! We are brothers! 'Brothers' are for humans I am just a copy…
I drop to my knees; clutching my head, trying to kill my subconscious thoughts. These thoughts are my enemy. They are the cause of my current suffering. I must eliminate it! I must eliminate you.
"Kadaj?"
I stop. My eyes flash wide. That voice… That voice is hers… I now remember…
I was a human. WAS. I lived in a town but I don't remember the name. That is where I met her. Her eyes were always bright. She was warm and kind. She was my friend. But I remain distant to her only because I am afraid. I am afraid to tell her how I felt. I am a coward. This time, I won't oppose it. It is true. I am a coward. But she is always there, reaching out to me and pulling me out through the thick walls I've made between us. I loved her. I still love her. But I never got the chance to tell her. I will give anything to be with her again.
"Hey, Kadaj," she said one day as we watched the sunset above a roof.
"Hn?"
"Will you stay here forever?" she asked as she stared at me.
I stared back at her and our eyes met. I silently blushed when I noticed how close we were to each other but I answered her. "I'm sorry. I have to leave one day."
She blinked and I swore I saw a tear from the corner of her eye but it was blinked away. "Will you come back?"
That silenced me. Somehow I felt that something would happen and that something would disable me to return…to return to her.
"I…" I trailed off but seeing tears on the corners of her eyes threatening to fall again, I summoned up all my courage and said, "I promise I will."
She smiled at that time—the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. And then…she kissed me. That time…I was sure that she loved me as well. But I never told her. I just couldn't find my voice to do so.
I cry. Why did these memories just come back now? Why now? Why did I lose them in the first place?
I love her. I love her more than anything and anyone else. But why did I leave her? Why can't I remember why I left? All that I remember is being experimented and kept. All I can remember is that I became a copy of that man. Sephiroth.
But maybe leaving her is my sin. The sin that caused me to end up here…In the Void. But I vow that if there is any way to return to her, I will give anything, I will do anything, to return to her, to tell her I love her, to spend my entire life with her. But does she still want that? She may have gone tired of waiting…Thinking about it alone kills me more.
I long for her voice. I long for her touch. I long for those warm and kind eyes. I long for her lips. I long… for her alone.
I LOVE YOU…I want to shout. But I have no voice to do so. It is not that I can't but rather…I have no voice anymore.
Please…I will sacrifice anything…
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"Kadaj?"
"I promised, right? I have returned."
"I love you, Kadaj."
"I love you more…"
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((A/N: Hehehe…I wrote this for a forum! Zerokirafan! Here it is! Nyaw~ I do hope the theme is correct to what you are expecting…..hehehe…People, again, I know this isn't my best work but please feel free to REVIEW! Nya~ Arigato!))