Disclaimer: Nope! I don't own any Resident Evil characters! Or Resident Evil. Or Blind Date.

Luna: Yes, I should be working on Hybrid, but I got a sudden idea that I just had to do. This is a total parody off all Resident Evil characters and the show Blind Date. I hope you like it! And if you do, REVIEW!

Chapter 1: Rebecca and Chris?

Alexia appears on a stage that has a huge poster that says 'Blind, Deaf and Dumb' date. She's wearing a flowing red dress and her hair is in curls.

" Ahahahaha! I AM THE GREAT Alexia Ashford, inventor of the T-veronica virus!" She said, " And you shall all bow down to me!"

" Not again!" screamed a feminine voice, " Alfred, what did I tell about borrowing my clothes and impersonating me?"

The acclaimed 'Alexia' giggled nervously and runs off; the real Alexia fuming. She tugs off Alfred's wig and slaps him across the face.

" S-sister! Oh Glorious sister I worship you and I am sorry!" cried Alfred.

" You better be, now go; stupid brother…" said Alexia, and shook her head.

The camera zooms in on Alexia and she shouts, " YOU CANNOT HANDLE MY BEAUTY! GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!"

The camera man shrinks back in fear.

" Ahem," said Alexia, suddenly pleasant, " This is 'Blind, Deaf and Dumb' date that I'm forced to do because Umbrella's stocks crashed and I no longer get paid. DAMN YOU WALLSTREET! Uh, well, at least I get to torture these fools! This sad excuse for a human being is Rebecca Chambers."

Rebecca's interview

The camera now shows Rebecca, staring into the camera.

" I am officer Rebecca Chambers, field medic rookie of S.T.A.R.S," she says, blandly.

" Imbecile! S.T.A.R.S is gone!" screamed an off screen voice that sounded much like Alexia. Or Alfred. I can't tell the difference.

Rebecca was staring blankly at the screen, still not blinking.

" Grr…" said Alexia and or Alfred, " List your interests! Stuff you like!"

" I enjoy chemical mixing," she said.

" And…?" asked Alexia, impatiently.

Rebecca just kept staring.

" So she is…a drug dealer, sister dearest?" asked Alfred, " She enjoys mixing chemicals…"

" Idiot!" screeched Alexia, " She is obviously making tar heroine or ecstasy!"

" Oh, a brilliant idea, I would've never thought of that!" gushed Alfred, although he said basically the same thing seconds ago.

And Rebecca is still there, not blinking.

The camera moves to Alexia and she says, " CUT!"
Back to Alexia

The screen fades and it shows Alexia chomping on onion rings. She realizes the camera is on her and she tosses the rings to the side.

" Ah, well here's her match," said Alexia, " Chris Redfiled. That IMBECILE ruined my plans at Rock fort and now I'm getting sweet revenge on him by pairing him with Officer Monotone! I mean, showing him true love…Here's his interview-"

Chris's interview

Chris looks into the camera and smiles an 1000 watt smile.

" Hi! I'm Chris Redfiled," said Chris, " I like to order people around, not that I'm a control freak or anything; I'm just a natural leader. Likes: Magnums, dogs and a woman who's smart and hot. Dislikes: Tyrants, huge companies that create undead, cross dressing twins and Wesker. Especially Wesker. So I'm just your average guy who saved the world-"

" You never saved the world, imbecile!" cried Alexia, " Raccoon City got infected and Rock fort was just 1 lab!"

" I still kicked your ass though," noted Chris, " And what is this the 5th time you said 'imbecile?'"

" CUT!" screamed Alexia.

We're back to Alexia now, who's furious at the footage.

"…Here's the taped footage of Rebecca and Chris's date. EN-JOY." she snarled.

The date…

Chris arrives at a fancy Italian restaurant, Rebecca is already there.

" Hey Rebecca," said Chris, " I didn't know it would be you!"

" I suggest we cooperate," said Rebecca, flatly, " There's some pretty weird stuff going on here."

" Uh, okay. Let's get seated," said Chris, figuring 'cooperate' was a fancy term for ' let's go out on a date.'

" Right this way, sir, madam," said a waiter.

" NO!" screamed Rebecca, everyone stunned at her sudden outburst of emotion, " We spilt up."

" But…we weren't even really together," he answered, confused.

" We spilt up and find a table," said Rebecca, and handed him a walk-talkie.

Before Chris could protest, she runs off.

" Weirdo…" he mumbled.

" Chris, help!" buzzed his walkie-talkie.

" Rebecca?" asked Chris.

He ran to the other side of the restaurant, pushing every man, woman and child out of the way; thinking she was in real danger. Of course, our little boy scout is wrong. But seriously, what was the man thinking? What true danger could you be in when your at a restaurant? Unless it's J's Bar…but that's a different story.

Chris found her at an empty table.

" I need your opinion on which chair to sit in." she stated.

" That…was an emergency?" he asked.

" I suggest I sit on the right," said Rebecca, as if he never spoke.

Chris went to his seat and noticed how it was a bit higher than the others.

" Uh, this chair seems a bit too high for me," pointed out Chris.

" Are you saying I have to sit in it because I am a little girl?" asks Rebecca, " Because I AM NOT a little girl!"

" I didn't say that…sorry. Sheesh." muttered Chris.

They took their seats and Rebecca stared off into space. An awkward silence followed, until Chris said, " So what are your interests?"

" Chemical Mixing," stated Rebecca.

Must be making liquid Coke to shoot up, thought Chris, I gotta stop judging. Maybe she's look for a cure for cancer. Yep, definite drug lord.

" I like dogs," said Chris, dumbly, " The non-zombie ones of course."

From where they sat, a man was playing a piano.

" I enjoyed cooperating with you, but now Chris Redfiled is officially dead," she said.

" Wait, what?" asked Chris.

Rebecca got up from her seat and ran to the piano. This girl's nuttier than a fruitcake, thought Chris, Why do I attract the crazies?

She pushed the guy off the piano bench and began mumbling, " I have to open the door for Billy to get the battery.."

She began to play 'Moonlight Sonata' on the piano and Chris walked over to Rebecca slowly; careful to not make any sudden movements.

" So, your reliving the Spencer estate incident?" asked Chris.

" No…Billy," said Rebecca, quietly.

" Billy? Who's he?" asked Chris.

" Its-he's…I LOVE THE MAN!" screamed Rebecca.

" Then, go find him…?" asked Chris, confused.

" Thank you Chris," said Rebecca, becoming monotone again, and ran off.

" Hey! Wait!" cried Chris.

" I'm sorry but I don't love you," she replied.

" No! I was gonna say who ordered this lobster!" said Chris.

" I must go," said Rebecca, and hi-tailed it outta there.

Chris shook his head, Weirdo-o-o

Back to Alexia…

" Well be back after this short break," said Alexia, " And remember don't touch that dial. OR I'LL BREAK YOUR NECK AND FEED YOU TO THE ANTS!"

Luna: Loonng Chapter there! And in a later chapter I'll have Leon in it, ADD and all! Next Chapter: Billy and Ashley?