Its dark and cold. The door of my car offers no comfort, but that's where I rest my weight. I have told her so many times to pull the blinds. More than once I have mentioned that someone will be able to see everything going on in her house if she didn't. My heart truly wishes it wasn't me who proved the theory. I drove here to see her on a whim. I should have asked first, but I desperately needed to be near her. The street is empty. Expensive cars all tucked away behind urban mansions. It was so familiar except the sleek car in my spot. Yes my spot. I ignored it until I chanced my first glance towards the house. That's when I saw the scene that broke my heart. There she was. So beautiful I couldn't help but smile. She was smiling her face radiant. It was a special smile she only ever flashed my way. She would say its medically impossible, but my heart skipped a beat. I could have sworn she had seen me and was beckoning me in. It fanned the flames of my desire. I came here for one reason. This would be the night, no more backing down. But that's when I saw what she was truly smiling about. Someone else was in there with her. To say I was taken aback would be an understatement. Jumping to conclusions does no one good she would say. So I try desperately not too. The figure is a woman. I have never seen her before. Tall, brunette, athletic, beautiful, so familiar. There is no reason to be worked up. Surely it just an old friend stopped by to share stories. I'll just ring the bell and say I didn't mean to interrupt, but I had to speak to her. My heart raced as my feet carried my to the door, my eyes still glued on the figures in the window. The closer they moved to one another, the more steps I took backwards. They were in each others arms by the time my back slammed into my car door. I could barely breathe. This was no friend. My body wanted to burst through the door, but it was to late. There it was what I had so dreaded since laying eyes on them. A passionate embrace, and tender kiss. There she was with her. Some woman, instead of me. Surely she was wrong when she told me physically a heart can not break. What a silly foolish notion until your heart is ripped out and thrown to the ground. I can barely stand. I can feel tears burning. A fire rages through my body. This hurts like no physical pain I have ever felt. My eyes must be playing a trick. Another glance just to find them moving toward the couch. I should go. I should run away. I always run away. She didn't intend to hurt me. I hurt myself. I shouldn't be walking towards her door. I have no control over my feet. I still can't breathe. But my fist falls upon the door.
Everything was perfect. Dinner was on the table and garnished just in time. Soft slow music flowed through the stereo. A fire flickered behind its grate. My heart fluttered. I couldn't understand why. But I knew why. When the door bell rang I opened it to reveal a brilliant smile. It radiated from her flawless beauty. She was perfect. Tall, brunette, athletic, and so familiar. My mind failed me and I could only reply with my own signature smile. I guided her inside away from the cold night air penetrating the warmth of my home. She brought wine. My favorite kind, but how could she have known? I know its impossible but I swear my heart skipped a beat when she complimented my outfit and how it was perfect as was I. She says all the right things I believe. Dinner was wonderful. A woman so brilliant makes for insightful conversation. I'm nervous. I'm shaking just barely. I hope she doesn't notice. I shouldn't be so flustered but she takes the words away and all I can do it smile at her. Dinner is long done when reality finds me. Now what? I had it all planned but now, well now everything is just happening. I have been told many times to draw the curtains. So many times lectured on the possibility of someone seeing into private moments. But the snow has just begun to fall over empty streets and I want to share this moment with her. I beckon her to the window with a smile. She can't see from where she stands but headlights appear in the flurries. I know the car, and I know the driver. Why didn't she call and ask to come. She is coming to the door. I'm sure I caught her eye, but at the moment a warm hand cups my cheek. I can't think. My mind has gone blank. My concern floats away as her soft lips press gently against mine. The sensation is heaven. I know I'm lost in the moment. When I come back I realize I haven't heard the door. She must have seen the car and taken her leave. I wanted so badly to tell her how I felt but fear crept in each time I tried. The woman in my embrace had to fear in approaching me. Now she holds me, and in this moment I let her have me. She goes to lay me upon the couch when I hear it. I loud rasping on my door. She didn't leave.
I have never been this nervous. I approached her several days ago like I had no fears. Truth be told I was terrified. She is so beautiful. Strawberry blonde hair, emerald eyes, the body of a goddess. She was a rare beauty. Yet here I am on her door step. If I could only stop the shaking I could ring the bell and let the night begin. Get it together. Wine, an expensive bottle. The perfect beginning. The bell gives under my finger, and the sound from within makes me panic. The bolts turn and there she is like an angel. My mind fails me all I can do is smile. Lucky me I got the most brilliant smile back. Her home is immaculate. The nervousness is slowly fading. I had no idea it would be her favorite wine. I took a risk and bought the bottle that was as lovely as her. She looks perfect tonight absolutely stunning. Her home is warm. The fireplace is roaring, and the music flowing around us couldn't fit the moment any better. Something smells amazing. It must be what she has made for dinner. The table is already set. I was right she is an amazing chef. Brilliant as well. I have never had such wonderful dinner conversation. There she is smiling at me again. I could get used to that. I can't help but notice her hand. Its shaking just barely. Could it be that she is just as nervous as myself? She's moving away now. I want to be near her once more. The curtains are pulled back. I didn't know it was suppose to snow tonight. Its falling so slowly over the empty street. And there she is beckoning me over to be near her. I set my wine glass down. I can see the cast of headlights across the wall. The street was empty just a moment ago. But now I hear a car door shut. Someone just getting home, but it sounds like its out front. I turn to her she is staring out the window at something. There is a woman out there. Tall, brunette, athletic, and so familiar. I can't help but think that their eyes meets across the distance. Something in her face throws me for a moment. But there is that smile once again. I can't help myself. I want her. Its only a moment before I rest my hand upon her cheek. Her lips taste like honey. She is falling into my arms. I chance one last glance outside. The woman leaning against her car seems so broken in this moment. But in the blink of an eye she is gone from sight and mind. I guide the woman in my arms toward the couch. Her kisses are genuine but something feels off. She is giving herself to me, but a part of her is missing. Her legs touch soft fabric when the slam of a fist against her oak door jolts us both.