{Author's Note: This one is completely self-indulgent, and requires a little explanation. In one chapter of Harry and Luna Against the High Inquisitor, my betareader noted that I kept referring to Peter Pettigrew as Pierre Pettigrew, who was a cabinet minister here in Canada under Jean Chretien and Paul Martin. Whoops! I referred to this in an author's note in Chapter 3 of that story. I mentioned this to my sister, and then wrote this little bit of goofiness imagining what would happen if Jean Chretien made the reverse mistake I did. Apologies to everyone reading this. As always, I don't own Harry Potter, and Jean Chretien is being used fictionally here, and this is not meant to reflect on him non-fictional reality.
This probably makes a little more sense if you're a Canadian. It's completely anachronous with HP chronology, but that wouldn't fit the joke.}
January 25, 1996
In the media scrum at the base of the staircase in the Centre Block, a reporter thrust a microphone in the Prime Minister's face, asking, "Mr. Prime Minister, why have you appointed a known Death Eater as Minister of International Cooperation?"
Prime Minister Jean Chretien considered this a moment before responding.
"Well, you know, dis Peter Pettigrew, sure he is a little rat-man, but dat just means he is dere in the trenches, scurring about for Canada, you know? Sure, he may be friends with dis Lord Voldymort fellow, but I said to him, 'Well, look, I don't care who your friends are, just so long as dey support a strong an' united Canada, you know?' Some say dat Peter practices de so-called 'Dark Arts', but me, I have had to use de Inuit art on an intruder, and I have to grab de protestors by de neck because no one is protecting me, so if Peter can use de little stick and stop protestors wit' some light show, well, you know, it's better den de pepper spray, which is a dark art of its own when I put it on my plate.
"And I said to Peter, 'Look, you want to be friends wit dis Lord Voldyshorts, dat's your business, but just remember, we don' have no Lords in Canada. It's like wit Conrad Black. He wants to call himself Lord Voldamurk or da Dark Lord, or whatever, well, dat's fine if he do dat in Britain, but over here, he is just Tommy Riddle, from Liddle 'angleton, you know? We only have da Queen, and Prince Charles, and da udder princes and princesses, but no Lords, you know?
"So if Peter wants to be friends wit' dis Tommy guy, and play da Quidditch, which he says is da greatest sport on da broom, but I t'ink that Brier is more entertaining, you know, den I say let 'im do dat. What do I care? Better him den a separtiste or dat Preston Manning fellow. Sure his friend Voldershot has da Snake face, an' 'e doesn't seem to like people 'oo don' use dose little sticks, but at least I don' hear dis Voldy taking about da two-tier healt' care."