Rated K+ for pain, injury, and other canonical stuff. I don't own Teen Titans GO or any of its franchises.
This Guy
Somewhere in the fictional location of Jump City sat a tower in the shape of a T. No one really knew how this T-shaped tower defied the laws of physics and managed to stay upright, but no one really cared! The fact of the matter was, inside this tower lived five of the coolest, most epic, awesome teenagers this world has ever —
"Titans!" Robin bellowed, sliding into the living room and knocking over Raven's and Starfire's chess game in the process. "We have an emergency!"
"What is it, bro?" Cyborg asked, relaxing on the sofa and taking another bite of his hamburger.
"It's the worst thing to ever happen to the Titans!" Robin said, facing Cyborg and swatting the hamburger out of his hands. "The worst."
"Hey, I was eating that!" Cyborg complained.
"What's up?" Beast boy asked from across the room, busy playing with a ball of yarn while in cat form.
"Hurry up and tell us so we can go back to our lives," Raven muttered, using her powers to reset the chess game to how it was before Robin knocked it over.
"It's horrible!" Robin said, smashing his fist on the chessboard and once again ruining the game. "I've lost something!"
"What'd you lose?" Beast Boy asked.
"Is it your staff of bows?" Starfire asked.
"Your arm?" Raven muttered, her eyes briefly flashing red as she reset the chessboard for the second time.
"Is it your coolness?" Cyborg asked.
"Like he ever had it," Beast Boy said, changing into an octopus so he could slap Cyborg's hand.
"Oh, Beasty slammed you, Robin!" Cyborg laughed.
Robin took out his stick and wacked the octopus Beast Boy a few times for good measure. "I told you guys again and again. I am the coolest of the Titans. Starfire's the prettiest, Raven's the creepiest, Cyborg's the strongest, and Beast Boy . . . the weirdest."
"Sweet!" Beast Boy said. "I get a label!"
Raven laughed. "Uh, you are not the coolest, Robin."
"On a scale of one to ten," Cyborg said, "you're like, negative pi."
"Negative pi?" Beast Boy asked.
"Yeah, because your uncoolness goes on forever!"
Beast Boy, now a monkey, was pumping his fist into the air as he slapped Cyborg on the back. "Dude, Cyborg owned you!"
"It's pretty accurate," Raven said, "Of the five of us, I'd say Robin is at the bottom of the list without dispute."
"I am the highest on the list!" Robin snarled. "Do I have to show my superiority with another Crane Kick?"
Beast Boy flinched and changed back into his human form. "Uh, what did you say you lost, anyway?" he asked, quick to change the subject.
"What? Oh, yeah, that," Robin said. "As I was saying, it is horrible."
"We know that," Cyborg said. "What'd you lose?"
"I lost," Robin began, inhaling deeply and pausing for dramatic effect, "my left boot!" he said, holding up his foot and wiggling his toes. "Has anyone seen it?"
"That's what you ruined our chess game twice for?" Raven said, her eyes turning red.
"Sorry, I didn't — "
"Hey, Mama, chill out. I'll play you a game of chess if you want," Beast Boy said, sauntering over to Raven. Raven instantly punched him with a wave of magic, effectively silencing him.
"So, has anyone seen my boot?" Robin asked.
"I have seen your foot boot, Robin," Starfire said. "My beloved Silkie wanted something to chew on, and so I gave him your one boot to — "
"You what?!" Robin yelled. "Silkie? My boot? What were you thinking? Nothing?"
"I was thinking a thing, Robin," Starfire said. "I was just thinking that — "
"Never mind. Where is Silkie?"
"Behind the couch," Cyborg said, settling back onto the sofa.
Instantly, Robin lifted up the couch with one hand and threw it over his shoulder, causing Cyborg to scream like a girl before he, couch and all, landed right on top of Raven's and Starfire's chess game a third time. "Silkie! Give me my boot!" Robin said.
Silkie, in the middle of chewing off the toe of Robin's boot, refused to give his prize up. The two had a tug-of-war match for a few moments before Robin finally let go. In a flash, Silkie swallowed the boot. Robin, blinking and looking again at his boot-less foot again, sat down and began to cry.
"And he thinks he's cool," Cyborg muttered.
"That does not look like one who is, 'the cool,' " Starfire said.
"How am I going to f-fight crime with only one boot?" Robin sobbed. "I'll look like an idiot!"
"You mean like how you look right now?" Beast Boy asked.
"Do not worry, crying friend Robin!" Starfire said, picking up Silkie and tickling his tummy. Silkie laughed for a few moments, then burped up Robin's boot. Robin, jumping up in delight, put the boot back on and put his hands on his hips, grinning.
"I'm cool again," Robin sighed in happiness.
"Uh . . . yeah," Raven said. "Now if you don't mind, can we continue our chess game?"
"Not until you all admit that I'm the coolest Titan!" Robin said, glaring at each one of them in turn.
"Well," Beast Boy began, scratching his neck.
"I don't know," Cyborg said.
Suddenly, a crime alert went off at the Tower, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief behind Robin's back as he accessed the Tower's database.
"Who is it, Robin?" Starfire asked.
"Yeah, whose butt do we get to kick this time?" Cyborg asked, slamming one fist into the other hand.
But Robin only stood at the database, frozen. "It's . . . our arch-nemesis," he breathed.
"Who is the criminal?" Starfire asked, nudging to get closer. "Dr. Light?"
"My dad?" Raven asked.
"Cinderblock?" Cyborg asked.
"Robin's boiled potatoes?" Beast Boy asked. Everyone glared at him. "What?" he asked. "Those things are pretty villainous!"
"Who is it?" Raven repeated.
"Everyone . . . " Robin looked over both shoulders to build the dramatic effect. "It's . . . " He did the same thing again as he got closer, and Cyborg rolled his eyes.
"Who's the villain, dude?" Cyborg asked.
"Slade."
A group gasp followed, and everyone froze in their positions of terror. An entire day passed with them in that position, then finally Robin shook himself free. "Titans, we've got to stop him."
"But I thought he was already 'the stopped,' " Starfire said.
"The dude never goes away," Cyborg muttered.
"That's okay," Beast Boy said. "He's just another villain, right?"
Everyone smiled awkwardly at one another as they tried to believe Beast Boy's words.
"We've got to take him down," Robin said, already pulling out his bowstaff. "Titans, go!"
The five rushed into the elevator, pushing against each other as they crammed into the too-small space.
"Cy, get your elbow off my arm!" Beast Boy complained.
"That's my elbow," Raven said.
"Oh, then you can keep it there, Mama," Beast Boy said smugly.
Raven used her powers to punch Beast Boy, but the force of the attack threw Beast Boy against Robin. Robin's staff accidentally poked him in the eye, and he yelped in pain.
"My eye!" Robin cried. "My coolness!"
"Your coolness?" Beast Boy groaned. "My back! Mama, why do you got to be so — "
"Come again?" Raven growled.
Beast Boy backed up sheepishly. "Nothing, RaeRae."
"Come on, Titans, keep it together," Robin said, covering his injured eye with one hand. "We can do this." As soon as the elevator doors opened, Robin rushed out with a battle cry, but due to the fact that his left side was momentarily blind, he ran straight into a support beam. He growled in anger. "Who put that support beam there? Curse you, writers!" he shouted, blood now streaming from his nose. In anger, he gave the support beam a kick, but this only injured his toe. "Ah! My coolness!" he lamented as he hopped around on one foot. "I can feel it dropping!"
The Titans watched in awe as an actual "cool meter" showed up on the left side of Robin, and they looked on, fascinated, as his "cool meter" literally did drop. Though it apparently started at one hundred, now it was at ninety.
"Dude, your cool meter went down ten points," Beast Boy said.
"I'll fix that!" Robin said, taking his staff and accidentally hitting Raven on the head. His cool meter went up two points.
"Why does hitting me count toward Robin's coolness?" Raven raged, rubbing her head.
"Don't know, but let's all hit Raven!" Beast Boy crowed. The four Titans approached Raven, but she unleashed her inner demon and quickly had them cowering in a corner.
"Never mind," Beast Boy said. "Let's just stick to taking Slade down."
"Come on, Titans!" Robin yelled, staggering out of the Tower toward their jet. Everyone else followed, and once they were inside, the jet was powered up. "Is everyone ready?" Robin asked. They all nodded. "Then let's go!" The airplane rose into the air, but the only place the jet "went" was into the side of the Tower. Laughing nervously and receiving glares from the rest of the team, Robin quickly reversed the jet and flew it toward Jump City. Once the jet landed in the street on top of several vehicles, the Titans jumped out.
"All right, Titans, be on the lookout," Robin muttered, still hopping around on one foot. "Slade could be anywhere, and we — "
"So we meet again, Titans."