Title: Sober
Author: Steffie
Rating: PG 13
Category: Naruto
Pairing: Kurenai & Kakashi
Summary: Sometimes passion is like alcohol, too addictive, and some are better off staying sober.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. Song "Sober" belongs to Kelly Clarkson and her record company.
And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me
The tinkering bells woke her from her slumber. It was odd though, she was usually a morning person, up before the morning sun itself. But now she was still in her bed with no intention of getting up anytime soon. She assume it was somewhere between 7 and 8. 8 o'clock was usually when the world was in uproar due to the irritation caused by the one and only Naruto but now it was still peaceful, so the spawn of the devil surely must have been sleeping.
A little rattling noise caught her attention, and she realized that it was raining. Always being fond of rain, she got up. Wrapping her naked body in the sheet, she walked over to the window and glimpsed outside. A small smile crossed her features at the sight. It may not mean much to the mayority, but to anyone who paid heed to it, the fresh dew on the land at dawn was by far one of the more beautiful sights in this world.
A crash, a boom, and a shrill later, she realized that Hell's fire had been opened. Sure enough, some half dressed woman came running outside, a broom ready in hand, chasing a seemingly hysteric rat with yellow hair. Kurenai rolled her eyes at the sight of Naruto. "Those are excatly the types of children I should be allowed to kill," she thought to herself. But for a moment she appreciated the distraction. It made her realize that she had been avoiding something for a little too long.
She would turn to go and take a shower, get dressed, and ready herself for him.
Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over
Kakashi didn't bother to look up when the door opened. He assumed it was the nurse who came in to do her morning ritual. To his shock though, the bohemian mammoth that he had expected to yell at the her lungs didn't utter a word. Surely this was cause for notice. He looked up, and OH MY GOD, his eye twitched at the sight of her. Eye twitching was not good for him, his eye twitching meant that something else was twitching as well.
He didn't bother to utter her name. Partly because he couldn't find his voice, the other part thinking he was probably still sleeping. Kurenai kept still for a moment, hesitating on her next move. Part of her wanted to run out the door and never come back, but the other part of her couldn't move a muscle. It was amazing that she was still breathing at the moment.
"Kakashi," she whispered.
He closed his eyes at the utter of his name. If he was dreaming, he was going to savor the moment for as long as he could. Upon opening his eyes, she was still there, only this time much closer. Kurenai took a seat at the edge of the bed, never losing eye contact with him. They didn't talk, the silence between them being extremely uncomfortable and soothing all at the same time.
"What are you doing here?" he dared ask. She hesitated a moment on answering, because quite frankly she wasn't too sure herself.
"I needed to see you," she whispered to him, her fingers tampering with the edge of the blanket. He scoffed, albeit it came out a bit more harsh then he would have liked. "Why? So my image can give you nightmares?" His words were harsh and cold, but deep down they were self-loathing.
"You are not unpleasant to the eyes," she answered back. Kakashi hadnt expected such an answer, he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. "Not at all," she added. Carefully her hand reached out and pulled away the cloth that covered half of his face. He didn't stop her, didn't flinch. She was the only one that he let see him for what he was. Everybody assumed her was disfigured, burned maybe. But only Kurenai knew the truth. And only she could heal him.
She smiled at him, though her eyes seemed to speak of silent sadness.
"You seem intriguingly unstable. What's so heavy on your shoulders?" he asked. She had to blush. Kakashi always had an interresting choice of words. One could never know if he meant it as a compliment or an insult. But at the moment she didn't care. She just needed to be near him.
"I miss you," was all she could utter before the tears washed down her face.
And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time
"How can you possibly miss me?" he asked. She didn't answer right away, instead she kept her eyes on his own hand that was playing with the blanket as she had done moments earlier. The silences they shared were usually pleasant ones, but she couldn't help but feel the urge to die at the moment.
"Because you loved me, and I love you. I miss being with you," she admitted. He was taken back by her answer, probably because he thought he was the only one that had such thoughts. He would have come back with some quirky answer, but at the moment he couldn't think of anything funny to say. Truthfully, he didn't want to be funny.
"You know it cant work Kurenai," he said.
"Why not?!?" she yelled back. She didn't mean to yell, but her emotions were getting the best of her. She quickly wiped away at the tears and got up, heading to the window. It pained Kakashi to see her like this, but he didn't think he could offer her anything to soothe her pain. He wanted nothing more then to be with her, hold her, love her, live forever with her. But he couldn't, not after the past 3 months. She deserved more then that. She deserved more then him.
"We have nothing in common other then the fact that we both like my penis." He had hoped that it would crack a smile out of her, but it didn't. Pervert. "Its too hard to deal with all that is going on. The kids wouldn't make it any easier, and I would be too busy finding a way to kill Naruto before sunrise," he added for effect. But she didn't move. He wondered if she had heard any word he had just said. But the jokes were over, he might as well tell her the truth.
"Besides, you deserve better then this," he uttered.
Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It's never really over, no
She turned at the sound of those words. Not caring that he was seeing her tear filled face, she walked over to him, and sat back down on the bed.
"You're the one I want to go wake up with, and go to bed with, and do everything in between with," she gasped. Kakashi smiled. Sitting up, he cupped her face, and kissed her lips softly. She sighed at the contact, and she would have liked to deepen the embrace. But sadly, Kakashi pulled away, and kissed her forehead.
"I cant give you what you want," he painfully admitted to her, tears pricking in his own eyes.
"Because you don't love me anymore?" Kurenai dared ask. Kakashi shook his head and kissed her forehead. "Never. I lost my legs Kurenai, but not my heart. I will always love you. But you need a man that can walk and give you all the pleasures of this world. You need a man that can take of you. Not a man you need to take care of." It hurt him more to admit those words to her then he thought possible, but these were the words he had waited so long to tell her. And then he held her.
Three months ago was the last time he had held her, he last time he made love to her, and the last time she was his.
Three months ago, would forever stay a memory, but for the mere few minutees he had with her at the moment, Three months ago would last forever.
Wake up
She left him then. He would spend the rest of his days in the infermery. His ego wouldn't allow prostetic legs, and his pride wouldn't come back to life. She would spend the rest of her days teaching his students the way of the ninja, all the while trying to kill Naruto.
She would not love or lust again. Kakashi was her drug, her alcohol. Her addiction had killed her will to love, and now she was sober. Three months of being sober so far. And if she couldn't have him, she would be content being sober for the rest of her life.