Croak!: A Slightly Slashy OneShot about RLSB

A/N: Hi this is Meredith, I hope you enjoy, I had a lot of fun writing this. NOTE: this is a slightly slashy, not quite G rated fic, so do not flame me. Flames will be used to burn Snape's tidey whiteys (or should we say gray-eys? EW). Anyways, enjoy the fic!

"Five, four, three, two, one!" And on cue, the werewolf strode through the portrait. The Fat Lady smiled at the courteous lad.

"That's cute. You're so predictable." Still, he ignored the other boy.

"Hello?!? Earth to Remus!" Remus picked up a book and…

"Sits on his favorite plushy armchair by the fire to meditate on the meaning of life and his own melancholy fortune until two perfect teardrops well up in his eyes but never actually drop." Sirius finished this monologue with a bow. "You're so predictable, Reem."

Still nothing. Angered, Sirius tried names.

"Chicken! Girly-boy! Nancy! Puffer! Puppy-dog!" On the last one, Remus cocked an ear and swallowed a laugh. Having exhausted all of his available talent to no success, Sirius abandoned all reason for a last-ditch attempt to gain Remus's attention: he tackled the werewolf to the ground. He literally leapt over the back of the plushy armchair and landed him on his back.

"Sirius you great git! Whatever did you do that for? You could've cracked a rib! Or mine!" The words went way over Sirius's head.

"You look cute when you're angry." Immediately the expression vanished, masked by a yawn that was to long to be real.

"Nice try." Sirius lumbered off him, but Remus remained lying down.

"I'm bored, Sirius."

"WHAT!?" Perfect reaction.

"My life has no meaning. We never do anything fun anymore."

"Oh don't we?" Sirius smirked. "What day is it?"

"Tuesday."

"I believe I can pencil in some fun."

"Not THAT kind of fun, mate. I mean like, marauding stuff."

"Hmm… do you have a victim in mind?"

Remus paused to pretend to think, and after exactly three seconds, both boys exclaimed, "Slytherin Common Room!"

"Duct tape."

"Check."

"Chocolate Frog."

"Check."

"Silly String."

"Check."

"And wands."

"Check…? DUH."

"I was just checking."

"C'mon, Sirius, let's go!"

"Wait, should I get James's cloak?"

"Nah! Let's live a little!"

"I just don't wanna live in detention, even if it is double with my favorite werewolf."

"I love you too. Now let's GO!"

Sirius closed his eyes as Remus Disillusioned him, and in turn he performed the spell accurately on Remus, feeling a thrill as he watched him shiver. Then the two sneaked expertly out of the common room and ran down the hallway to the dungeons.

They were exhausted by the time they reached the entrance. Sirius strode confidently to the door, and...

"Pure blood." Nothing.

"Blood pride."

"Ambition."

"Salazar." Zip, zilch, nada. Remus pulled Sirius aside, where he tried to kick open the stone. He only succeeded in causing himself pain.

"You've gotta think like a Slytherin, Padfoot."

"Yea? So what do Slytherins think about?"

"Power." And the door melted away to the darkness of an empty Common Room.

"Ready?" Remus whispered, and Sirius squeezed his hand.

"Then let's go to work!"

Seven hours later, sun began to stream through the thick, green curtains of the Slytherin dormitory.

And its occupants began to scream. Very loudly, for a long time.

And then they began to curse. Very loudly. Very profusely.

So of course the usual suspects were hauled in for questioning during breakfast.

Naturally Sirius was among them. Remus was not happy about this.

"Hey, it's cool. See ya for Potions, Reem." And James and Sirius left the table with McGonagall.

"The charges for this violation are as follows…"

"Um, excuse me, Professor."

"Yes, Potter?"

"I don't believe we know what the violation is, do we boys?"

A series of "no," filled her office.

"Well, as the rumors say, the Slytherin Tower was desecrated last night."

James pushed the envelope.

"How so?"

"Well, not that it's your business, Mr. Potter! But some vandal had the audacity to shave all the Slytherins' heads, burn off their eyebrows, and paint their faces with some sort of Muggle string product. Then he or she tore down the serpent banners and burned holes in the furniture. Also," she paused for effect, "we have reason to suspect that chocolate was involved, because several Slytherins experienced sugar-induced nightmares involving… err, monsters of an amphibious nature."

James' jaw dropped. "You mean the big bad Slytherins were scared of frogs?"

Professor McGonagall sighed. "Yes, Potter. Frogs."

And she didn't even bother with interrogation after that. It was all she could do to magically control the laughter to that one classroom.