My favourite song Only Hope has been sung by two different people, Switchfoot's Jon Foreman and Mandy Moore. So I thought I would do a song fic for Both Ray and Neela. First up is Ray. Beta'd by Maz as per usual.
Switchfoot (Ray)
There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again
That would be right. That would be the song I've written on that bloody CD I gave you! Why did I even bother? So long I have waited for you to come back to me and you just go and throw it in my face? If you wanted to be with Gates over me, you could have said something! Why did I even waste my time chasing you? I even fell in love with you and you throw that in my face!
When Michael died I was there for you. You know I was. But you say you pushed me away because of the reason I had always hoped it was; that you felt the same way. You said you couldn't be with me before because there was history. Well you know what? Being with Gates couldn't be much more of a blow! That's the reason I went and got bloody plastered! You know that? Seeing you with him, him then telling me I'm not good enough for you, or near enough. Then I went and got run over, and it's all your fault!
I'm awake and in the infinite cold
And I am. Right now I am awake lay down in Baton bloody Rouge, of all places, thinking about you! And it's bloody freezing! You know what; I'm done with this shit! You made your choice, and it wasn't me. I can live with that, well, I can now I won't see you every day. I just have to remember why I am in this mess and it all comes right again. I just remember that it was all your little games that put me in this stupid situation, because this is all your fault!
But You sing to me over and over and
over again
You tell me every time that my time is coming, that I don't have long to wait. But every time you say it, your nose gets longer! It's all a bloody lie! Every time the lie rolls off your tongue it gets easier and easier for you to say, one day I believed you, but that isn't then anymore. I've had it. Every time I thought I was getting somewhere, thought I knew what I was doing, thought I had turned a corner, I fell back again. All because of you and all your bloody false hope!
Had you been straight with me from day one then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be in this mess. Hell, I definitely wouldn't be in this mess and you know it. Because you know what, it's all your fault!
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope
One day I did that. I prayed, to some God I don't even believe in that you would finally see what a jerk Gates really is. But you never ever did. You were too bloody fooled by that asshole that you forgot who your real friends are. Did you even listen to Abby? I hope you didn't! She would never advise you to stay with that jerk! She knows you too well! She knew what your heart was hiding, what it was fighting long before you realized it yourself!
You made me a good doctor; you made me who I am today. And for that I will always love you. Though that doesn't mean I will ever forgive you. The blame is all on you and you know what? It is all your fault.
Sing to me of the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
Did you dance with him when I left? Did you hold his hand, and laugh the night away? Stupid, pathetic Ray believed your every word. You mean the world to me; you have for the longest time, since well before Zoë. I fell in love with you and you didn't even care. You just let Gates walk all over you and you, in turn, walked all over me. The worst thing is: I let you! I was your welcome mat! But none of that matters anymore because you called me, you went to rub it in that I had lost, and I got hit. So it really truly is all your fault!
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have
for me over again
When it felt like my dreams were finally coming true you trampled them all over again. You told me before the wedding that you wanted to be with me, that none of the 'history' mattered anymore. But you still came to the wedding with Gates; you still spent the most of your time with him. You stood on that balcony and you laughed with him, you led me on time and time again and I followed, the love sick puppy I was! How pathetic. But none of that matters anymore to me because the one person responsible for the pain I am going through, is you! It is all your fault.
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope
You were my one hope in life. You had put me in check, all the time I followed what you told me. I did everything for you and it all got thrown in my face. All I wanted to do was make you happy and all you ever did was push me further and further away. The further away you pushed me, the further I had to come back and the more my love for you grew. The more I love you and the more this hurts! Because even though this is your fault- I still find my self loving you. But why the hell do I? It is all your fault!
I give you my empathy
I'm giving you all of me
I gave you everything I had in me! My entire heart, everything I could give, and you have it. My entire life I would waste on you. My whole heart I would waste loving you and you would never return it! You know what? I am sick of it! You can have it, do what you want. Or you could have; only now I know you don't want it. But like Abby said: My heart, it is in your heart, please be careful with it! But so far you haven't been, maybe you should just give it back before its 99 superglue. Somebody who made me a double amputee, she doesn't deserve my heart! It is your fault.
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back
And I have tried, with all my heart, I have tried. I have told you, or tried to tell you, so many times; I gave you the time and space you wanted. The space you gave me, you can bloody well have it back. I'm over 800 miles away; you think that's enough space? Is it enough space to give somebody who changed my life for the worst, forever? This is nobody's fault but yours!
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope
You really are, and if you don't visit me, if you don't try, then what am I to do? You are the best friend I have ever had. The only person I have ever loved. And I really do, I really do love you. Never will that stop. I never wanted to leave you, believe you me. Because no matter how much I might blame you, it really isn't your fault. I fell for the wrong girl at the wrong time, and made a bad situation worse by using alcohol to try and drown my sorrows. It really wasn't worth it in the end. Because I know you love me. But the price I had to pay to hear you tell me such a thing; it was more that what I was willing to pay. Although in the end, if I can be with you, after all this, if I can be with you; I would give you the world. If I could be with you, none of this would matter. And if it helps, I don't blame you, the only person I can blame is myself; it is my fault and my fault alone.
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