DISCLAIMER: I do not own them, much to my eternal sadness. I am but borrowing them for just a little while.
A/N: So, season 4 finally started in the UK last week and here I am aiming to write a tag for each episode. Like most of my plans, it'll probably fall apart by week 3. But hey, at least I'm giving it a shot, right?! I'm also a little out of practice, so forgive me please if I'm not quite up to par! You all know by now how I feel about reviews, so pretty please leave one if you feel so inclined.
This story, then, follows on from that final scene in episode 4.01 'A Rose is a Rose?'
A birthday present for the beautiful CapricaM1983, who has been waiting (not entirely patiently!) for it, and without whom I would very probably not be writing at all. Happy Birthday, Maggie. I love you!
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Sharon sat in her car in the darkness, staring forlornly at the front door of the house she was parked in front of, her fingers drumming nervously against the steering wheel of her car. She glanced at the clock on the dashboard for what must have been the tenth time in just a couple of minutes: 11.36pm.
This was insane. It was far too late to just turn up to his home unannounced - especially after what had transpired between them in her office a few hours ago. Reaching for the ignition key, Sharon decided that she would just go home and talk to him about this later. There was no sense in making a bad situation worse and maybe some space would do them both good - or at least help them to put things into perspective. As her hands connected with the cool metal, however, Sharon found that she couldn't make herself turn the key to actually start the car. As much as her hands were shaking with nerves at the idea of seeing him and as desperately as she wanted to run away and spend the rest of her days hiding in her condo, something else was making her stay. Something bigger. The need to see him - to explain herself to him - overrode every other instinct currently coursing through her. With a sigh, she pulled the key roughly from the ignition and leaned back in her seat in an attempt to compose herself before she made the journey from her car to his door. As she closed her eyes for a moment, her thoughts drifted back over the events of this evening…
The discussion had started off well enough. Sharon had patiently explained to Andy that while she appreciated his willingness to look out for her, what she really needed was for him to assist her in supporting the rest of the team - particularly Julio. She needed to be able to trust that in the event of her absence, Julio - in fact all of her subordinates - would feel comfortable turning to her Lieutenant instead. To his credit, Andy had listened carefully to everything she said and agreed that he could have handled today's situation differently, resolving to work things out with Julio at the earliest opportunity.
She had smiled warmly at him then. She knew that he was only trying to be a friend to her - to relieve her of some of the stress of the job, knowing that she had enough on her plate already. The last few months since Stroh's escape had taken a heavy toll on her - and on her friendship with Andy. They had stopped going out together entirely. Sharon was a wreck every time she left Rusty alone in the condo and Andy had quickly realised that their regular non-dates were not currently an option. He had come over a few times, clutching dinner and a bottle of wine for her, but even on these occasions Sharon had not been able to really relax. She felt tense all the time, on-edge and sleep-deprived and she knew that the more time she spent with Andy outside of work, the more likely she was to do serious damage to their friendship by saying or doing something that she would regret. So she eventually put a stop to his visits to her home, too. She had tried to do it gently, but something between them had shifted that day and she wasn't sure how to even begin to put things back to how they used to be.
Even so, Andy continued to be a loyal friend to her at work - even if he didn't always go about it in the best possible way. But then, that was one of the things she loved about him she thought, as their discussion about Julio had come to an end.
They took a moment to just look at each other then, both enjoying this simple chance to be alone in one another's company for the first time in months. They chatted for a few minutes about the case, the team and a few other matters, resolutely sticking to safe topics, never broaching anything too intimate.
Then it happened.
When she had initially asked him to stay and talk, Sharon had honestly intended to address the subject of their friendship, as well as their relationship as colleagues. However, when he mentioned the issue first, she completely froze.
Andy had finally attempted to steer the conversation away from the banal and towards the personal. Instead of welcoming the discussion, as she had genuinely intended, Sharon had disappointed them both when she immediately backed off. She refused to answer his tentative question as to what she needed him for on a friendship level - or even to acknowledge that she needed him outside of work at all.
The last time Sharon had admitted to a man that she needed him in her life, he had taken her heart and broken it into pieces right in front of her. As she sat across from Andy in her office this evening, the memories of that time suddenly invaded her head so vividly that it was like watching a movie. That dark spectre from her past all at once loomed so large that she could barely remember to breathe, let alone express her feelings to another man - one who, if she was honest with herself, had just as much power to break her heart as Jack had done. Maybe even more.
Her voice had faltered and the walls that she used so successfully to keep the pain out rose higher than ever around her heart.
She had looked at the wonderful man sitting in front of her, wearing his heart on his sleeve and an expression of hope in his beautiful brown eyes - and she had completely shut down.
He had left her office with a crooked smile that did nothing to hide the devastation she had just wrought on him. With a small wave, he had closed her office door and practically fled from the Murder Room.
This, she realised almost instantly, had been a huge mistake. As she felt the sting of tears in her eyes and the painful clutch of regret tearing at her heart, she knew she had to fix things - and quickly.
So here she was late at night, sitting in her car in Andy's driveway, trying desperately to muster the courage to walk the few feet to his front door…hoping with all her heart that her friend on the other side would let her in.
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Andy sat in the comfortable recliner in his living room, not listening to the television that was playing quietly in the corner. He couldn't stop thinking about the conversation he had with Sharon earlier that evening - couldn't stop his mind from replaying every word, every gesture, trying to analyse how it had all gone so terribly wrong.
He shouldn't have pushed her, he realised that now. He had hoped that she would be ready to open up to him about what had been going on with her these last few months - that was the impression he got when she told him she wanted to talk, but it seemed he had misjudged the situation drastically. Now she was pulling away again, perhaps even more so than she had been before - and it felt like his heart was being ripped right out of his chest the further away from him she moved.
He had seen it the moment that she shut down.
There had been a flash of something that looked almost like fear in her expressive emerald eyes before they hardened noticeably, becoming a much paler green as she steeled herself internally against anything resembling an emotional conversation. He knew then that he wasn't getting anywhere with her tonight - and, thanks to his prodding of the situation, he probably wouldn't for a long time to come. If ever at all.
Hoping against hope that he hadn't destroyed a friendship that he held so dear, Andy sighed, pushed himself out of his chair and headed towards his bedroom. Sleep was out of the question, he knew, but it would be a change of scene, if nothing else.
He had just finished changing for bed when there was a quiet knock at the front door. Andy turned, hardly daring to believe that he had really heard what he thought he had heard. He knew that knock…
Almost running back down the hallway in his pyjama pants and t-shirt, his feet bare, Andy skidded to a stop in front of the door before taking a deep breath and pulling it open.
"Hi," he murmured softly, noticing the apprehension in her gaze as she studied him from the porch steps.
He tried to get a read on her, to gauge why it was that she had shown up here in the middle of the night, but she was keeping her emotions close. Andy wasn't sure that was a good sign.
"Hi." She offered him a small smile, took a tentative step forwards. "May I come in for a moment?"
He stepped back, motioning her to enter, before closing the door behind her and following her into the house.
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"I thought you'd be at home with Rusty," he said as she led the way along the hall.
"He's staying with Buzz. He wanted to discuss an idea for an article with him - apparently Buzz helped him come up with it, so…" Sharon shrugged as they entered the kitchen, moving to stand against the breakfast bar.
Andy nodded and smiled slightly at her words.
"Can I get you some tea?" he asked as he moved further into the kitchen.
Sharon shook her head, no, but Andy moved to flip the kettle on anyway - more for something to occupy him than because he actually wanted a drink. He leaned against the counter, on the opposite side from where she stood, and waited for her to speak. It occurred to him that this was the first time in their friendship that he was grateful to have a barrier between them.
Sharon watched him carefully, trying to assess his mood, but he seemed just as closed off to her as she knew she had been to him for months now. She couldn't blame him. He was probably just trying to protect himself from more hurt.
As she started to speak, she decided to cut right to the chase.
"I'm here about earlier, Andy - the conversation we had…" He nodded and she took that as her signal to continue. "There are some other things I should have said to you. Things that are just as important as what I need you for at work…more important, even."
"Okay..."
He sounded wary and honestly, she couldn't blame him. Regret flooded through her again that she hadn't addressed him on a personal level before now. She spoke again quickly in an attempt to put him out of his misery.
"I'm sorry I've been such a bitch lately."
Andy's face softened immediately and he began to shake his head.
"Sharon..."
She held up a hand to stop him.
"No, Andy, I have. I've been awful to be around and I've been pushing you away and I shouldn't have." The words tumbled out in a rush, her need to mend their relationship now her only concern. "I haven't been fair to you - or to our friendship." She swallowed hard, fighting the urge to cry. "Andy, I'm so sorry."
He reached across the counter that separated them and took her hand between his own, the pad of his thumb stroking the inside of her wrist softly. Any awkwardness that had existed moments ago had dissipated with her words and all he wanted to do now was to be there for her. To offer her the comfort she was so obviously crying out for.
"What do you need from me, Sharon?" he asked gently, his dark eyes studying her face.
She took a deep breath as her fingers toyed with the chain he wore around his wrist.
"I need you to be patient with me." Andy grinned at that and she smiled ruefully, wordlessly acknowledging the fact that - when it came to her, at least - this notorious hothead seemed to have infinite amounts of patience. "I know I don't need to hide from you, Andy, but sometimes it's hard to remind myself of that. I've been on my own for so long, I guess I'm just in the habit of always trying to do everything by myself. I've never been very good at accepting help," she admitted quietly. Sharon had been staring intently at the granite countertop as she spoke, but now she forced herself to meet his gaze. "I need you to understand that I am trying to be more open with you. I want to let you in." She shook her head, trying to find the words to say what she really meant. Finally she looked up at him again, eyes shining with unshed tears. "I just really need you to be my friend right now, Andy - even when I make that difficult."
As she finished speaking, Andy slowly let go of her hand and moved around the counter towards her. A myriad of emotions were swirling through his dark eyes as he laid his hands gently on her shoulders before dropping a kiss to the top of her head.
"No matter what happens, I will always be your friend. I promise." She let out a tiny sob as his arms came around her and he tugged her gently against him, holding her close. "Being friends with you is no hardship, Sharon, believe me," he murmured into her hair. "And I'm not going anywhere - no matter how difficult you try to make things."
Relief flooded through her at his reassurance and she sighed into his neck as the tears flowed down her cheeks, laying her hand flat against his chest and feeling the steady thump of his heartbeat beneath her palm. Her breath was hot on his skin as she lifted her head, pressing a tiny kiss to his jaw.
Andy moved a hand into her hair, stroking through it slowly in a comforting motion, taking pleasure in the way the silky strands felt as they flowed through his fingers. Sharon moved closer into him, unable to resist the warm comfort his solid form provided. Taking a deep breath she wrapped her arms around his middle, releasing a soft sigh before giving in to temptation completely, allowing her eyes to fall closed as she rested her head on his shoulder.
"I'm so tired, Andy."
Her voice was a whisper as she made the admission, her small frame trembling with the emotions she had been keeping at bay for months. His hand at her back rubbed soothing patterns from her shoulders to her waist and she could feel his warmth seeping into her, even through the light sweater she wore. The feeling was blissful.
When he spoke again his voice was low, his words rumbling through her as she leaned against him.
"Stay here tonight. Let me hold you. Let me be your friend."
Sharon's eyes flew open as she registered his offer. Her heart began to race and her breathing quickened. Her exhausted brain began freewheeling at the possible implications of what he was saying. Oh, God, was it that obvious that she longed for him to hold her? Was she really that bad at hiding the fact that her body ached for his touch?
She wasn't ready to confront the so-far-ignored issue of their changing relationship. Not now. Not like this...
"Sharon." His voice pulled her from her runaway thoughts and she looked up fearfully into smiling brown eyes. "Stop thinking and just let me be here for you."
"Andy..."
He cut her off before she could panic:
"I meant what I said, Sharon. I want to be your friend. Right now, that means making sure you get some sleep - and sometimes having a little company actually helps with that."
She studied his gaze intently, searching for an ulterior motive, but finding none. His eyes were gentle, filled with nothing but concern for a cherished friend. All at once, she was filled with an emotion unlike anything she had ever experienced before. It was a joyful peace, so profound that she found herself blinking back fresh tears as she ran her hand along his arm in wordless gratitude.
Sharon nodded slowly.
"Okay."
Andy's brow creased.
"'Okay' as in really okay? Or 'okay' as in you'll agree to anything just to shut me up?"
A throaty chuckle escaped her as she leaned up to gently kiss his cheek.
"Really okay," she whispered, her breath tickling his ear as his arms wrapped around her once more.
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They stood like that for several long minutes, Andy gently rocking Sharon in his arms as he felt her slowly begin to completely relax into him. Her breathing slowed and evened out, but it wasn't until she sagged slightly against him that he realised she was actually falling asleep.
"Hey," he murmured into her ear.
A hum was her only response as she snuggled further into his embrace.
"Come on," he tried again, nudging her sleepy form with his shoulder. "Let's get you to bed."
She lifted her head reluctantly and squinted up at him, her hair mussed from where her head had been laying against his chest. Andy thought she was just about the most adorable thing he had ever seen.
"Okay," she agreed eventually, stepping out of his embrace.
Sharon shivered as they moved along the hallway towards his bedroom, already missing the warmth of his body against hers and trying not to think about just what that might mean.
"There's a t-shirt in the second drawer that you can borrow." Andy smiled as he motioned towards his dresser. "I'm just going to the bathroom."
She nodded, waiting for him to leave before quickly stripping down to her underwear. As she placed her clothes neatly on the chair in the corner of the room, she noticed that the blue shirt he had been wearing that day was also slung over the back of the chair. Glancing between the shirt and the dresser she quickly made a decision, slipping the shirt on and buttoning it up before she could change her mind. She was already turning the covers back on the bed when Andy emerged from the bathroom.
He stopped when he saw her, eyes wide as he took in her appearance - his shirt coming almost to her knees, but looking better on her than it had ever looked on him - before that familiar crooked grin spread across his face.
Sharon just shrugged when he arched an eyebrow at her in question.
"I'm saving you the laundry," she offered in explanation, mischief sparkling in her gaze for the first time in many months.
Andy laughed, deciding that everything they had been through today was more than worth it for this moment alone.
He was still chuckling to himself while Sharon used the bathroom, shaking his head in amazement at the way the night had turned out. How quickly a situation could turn around - and how grateful he was that she had finally found the courage to seek him out and allow him to be there for her at last.
As she crawled into bed next to him, Sharon turned onto her side, settling down facing away from his side of the bed. They lay in comfortable silence for a few minutes, before Sharon let out a small hum and shuffled closer to him.
"Andy," she murmured sleepily, turning her head slightly towards him. "Will you hold me?"
"Of course."
He moved closer to her immediately, and she smiled as the heat of him surrounded her once more.
"Thank you," she whispered as Andy's arm came around her.
He drew her back into his embrace, her back flush against his chest, and pressed a kiss to her temple.
"What for?"
"For being here even when I didn't know I needed you. For putting up with my crap." She smiled when she felt him chuckle. "For being my friend."
"I will always put up with your crap," he promised her solemnly as she giggled softly.
It was only a few minutes more until Sharon had drifted off to sleep, the comforting weight of Andy's arm around her a physical reminder that in him, she had finally found someone she could truly rely on. She had found a true friend.
Andy smiled as he listened to Sharon's breathing change and felt her body completely relax as sleep finally claimed her. Truth be told, this was not how he imagined Sharon's first time in his bed would go. Watching her now, though - her breathing even, her features peaceful at last - he honestly could not imagine anything more perfect.
The fact that she would allow herself to be in such an essentially vulnerable position with him, knowing how he felt about her - because he was absolutely sure now that she did know - spoke volumes about the intense level of trust that she had in him.
She obviously wasn't prepared to confront the issue of their changing relationship yet, but she wasn't running away from it, either. She had stopped running away from him. Andy decided that he would take that as a good sign.
In the meantime, he had made her a promise that he intended to keep: He would ensure that he was always there for her when she needed him. No matter what, he would always be her friend.
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A/N 2: This story is part of my 'Conversations' series. The fics in this series are basically 'missing' scenes set before, during and/or after the stated episode. Each story is a standalone and can be read as such, but the series will follow its own timeline and will absolutely make sense when read in order. The series will also follow canon.