What if Clark went to Kansas after Lois rejected him in "Barbarians at the Planet" and before Superman went to her apartment? An AU for the Season 1 Finale.
Thoughts are in italics.
Clark flew back from Kansas more slowly than usual. He wasn't sure what awaited him in Metropolis. His heart had already shattered once today, and he was not looking forward to the conversation Superman needed to have with Lois.
This was one of the worst days of his life. It started with Lois giving him a tour of LNN, trying to convince him to join her in the enemy's camp. She put a happy spin on everything, and he just couldn't see it. He'd never seen a workplace so sterile and soulless. But was a perfect fit for the soulless man who owned it.
Unfortunately the conversation with Lois went downhill after that.
After convincing her to talk to him privately, he foolishly poured his heart out to her. And in typical Lois Lane fashion, she rebuffed his heartfelt declaration of love.
Then she didn't really answer his question about whether or not she loved Luthor. But she was seriously considering Luthor's proposal. Giving Luthor much more time and consideration than she gave Clark, in the process scattering what was left of the pieces of Clark's heart.
She apparently thought Clark was only jealous of Luthor. And Clark's declaration probably only added to that image. She had no concept of the fear he harbored of how Luthor would manipulate and change Lois. And the danger she faced by staying close to that monster.
To top it all off, she stomped on the remains of his shattered heart, reducing him to her personal minion when she requested—no instructed—him to contact Superman for her.
To pledge her undying love he suspected.
Oh Lois, how could you be so cruel?
Have I been kidding myself to think you considered me, Clark, your partner and friend?
Was Clark just an underling you could use to get what you wanted without considering his feelings?
Without seeing that he was a man who could love you?Or did you think he was not worthy of loving you?
Great! Now I'm having whole conversations with myself in the third person. Mom will have a fit… if I ever tell her that is.
He hoped that Lois was not that shallow. That she was confused and maybe upset. Well, he may just find out the truth tonight.
And maybe that's why he'd been reluctant to face her. He just didn't want to shatter his image of Lois… the Lois he had caught glimpses of under her hard exterior.
The Lois he fell in love with.
Not the one he saw today.
That one had crushed his hopes and dreams, and left him hurt, angry and confused.
So he turned to the two people who'd always accepted and loved him.
Unconditionally.
His parents gave him that unconditional love since they found him in his spaceship.
From that moment on, they accepted and loved him. They protected him... whether from government agents looking for a spaceship… to speculation about his unusual adoption, which the town gossips decided, was because of his "illegitimate" birth. And further showed their love by covering for him and nursing him during his first exposure to kryptonite… and helping him regain his memory after Nightfall.
They had always supported him even if his decision wouldn't have been their first choice, like when he traveled the world or became Superman.
They were the best parents he could have asked for.
He always knew he was their son.
No matter what.
Forever.
It was to that place of comfort and home that he went today to nurse his wounds. And once again found unconditional love and support.
While he believed in fighting his own battles, he was glad he had decided to fly to Kansas for their advice. They were sympathetic about his conflicted feelings of love, anger and hurt.
Confirming that his responses were normal and understandable soothed him… much more than the glass of buttermilk and oatmeal raisin cookies warm from the oven he'd found comfort in since childhood.
His parents always knew what to say, and what not to say. Their common sense and wisdom helped him to realize that Superman could not be cruel or hurtful to Lois. And he needed to remember she saw him as two different people; that she rejected Clark, not Superman. Mom told him she thought Lois saw herself in love with Superman, and unlike her father she was being monogamous in her love. Mom thought Lois couldn't see her love for Clark because she was blinded by the superhero and she saw Clark originally as a competitor, then later a friend.
Patience. I can do this.
Following his parents' advice, he methodically put his own pain aside. Just like when he methodically folded his laundry, stacking the folded clothing aside in piles before putting it away.
And tonight his new mantra became "Don't Be Cruel." If he had to repeat it every 5 seconds to keep his cool he would.
So he put aside his feelings, instead focusing on what to do next.
Only after he finished with Lois would he take out the hurt and anguish, allowing himself the luxury of venting... probably with primal screams.
Surely he could do that on a glacier in the Arctic. Or even better… one in the more isolated and colder Antarctica.
Now he needed to focus, to remember to gently let her know that Superman could not have a relationship with Lois, or to at least delay that decision without pushing her into Luthor's waiting arms… and bed.
That very thought sent cold shivers down his spine. He stopped suddenly over the Appalachian Mountains and found his hands trembling. He flew higher above the clouds. Here, in the space between Earth and the stars he could find solace and quiet. No calls for help reached him here, just the silence his soul craved.
Lying back as if on a bed, he floated and relaxed, using relaxation techniques he'd learned in his travels as Clark. He stayed in his special place until his hands stopped trembling, and he felt calmer and in control. After all, Superman could never lose control.
Especially not in front of Lois "Mad Dog" Lane.
While Lois could lose her temper over something as trivial as a cup of cold coffee or a stale donut, she had no idea just how much control of his temper and emotions he exercised on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis.
Especially with Lois Lane.
These thoughts were getting him nowhere. Chuckling, he laughed to himself at how appropriate that thought was from the person Lois had called the "Hack from Nowheresville."
So he repeated his mantra, over and over again.
Don't Be Cruel.
Don't Be Cruel.
Don't Be Cruel.
It became ingrained in his very soul. He could match its syllables to the beating of his heart. So it became a part of him. When he finally felt in control again, he headed for the city he loved… and Lois.
Too quickly, the flight ended and he found himself hovering over her apartment. While he normally wouldn't scan her apartment without her permission or her being in danger, this was not by any means a normal day.
Whatever a normal day was for him.
He was reminded again of his parents' advice. Martha's gentle voice earlier today masked her frustration and anger. He was floored when she suggested that Lois might try to seduce Superman. Until that moment he hadn't even considered that possibility.
Using his super hearing first, he didn't hear any sounds from the apartment except her breathing and heartbeat. Lois's breathing was calm and regular, and although her heartbeat was slightly elevated, it was not distressed. It sounded more like anticipation or mild anxiety. And just hearing it once again soothed his soul.
Wondering what he'd find when he looked, he prepared himself for the worst. He avoided scanning the more private areas of her apartment.
Uncomfortable at violating his own code of ethics by using his senses to see and hear her, nevertheless he recognized its necessity to get a better idea of what she planned—and to at least have an inkling of how to respond.
Only Lois Lane could make Superman violate his ethics… for love.
Yes, he still loved her. Right now he wasn't sure he liked her actions very much, but Clark was very sure he still loved her. He couldn't turn his love off as easily as he could the kitchen faucet or a fire hydrant.
He sighed and wondered why he was responding so quickly to her summons. Surely someone somewhere had a job for Superman.
He listened, stretching out his hearing to the surrounding city.
Nope. No such luck. Tonight was quiet.
Well I could always take the coward's way out and hightail it back to the Kent Farm for additional comfort and advice.
What was I thinking?
Why could I calmly face down Jason Trask after becoming powerless from kryptonite, an amnesia-causing asteroid and terrorists holding the Daily Planet hostage but the very idea of confronting Lois turned me into a mass of quivering red and blue Jell-O?
She held that power. Until he could trust she wouldn't run to Luthor, she couldn't know that she held that power, or how much she meant to him.
And there was the other BIG issue… he didn't know if his shattered heart could survive another onslaught tonight.
So he set aside his concerns about ethics and cautiously scanned her apartment, starting with the living room.
And found her.
Lois was curled up on her sofa dressed only in a thin low-cut nightgown with spaghetti straps, reading a book.
Clark shook his head and smiled to himself at his mother's accurate insight. So, consciously or unconsciously, Lois was going to try to seduce Superman. His first reaction would have been anger, and he suspected he would have made a cutting remark he'd later deeply regret.
Instead he blushed, sure that his cheeks matched the scarlet of his cape.
Turning off his super vision, he took a deep breath. Next he recited the Gettysburg Address... in Japanese... again in Portuguese… and then counted backwards by sevens from 1000 in Dutch. When he was sure his face was a normal color, he cloaked himself further in the cool, aloof superhero persona whose shattered heart was not hanging together by a thread.
He reminded himself that Lois believed Superman and Clark were two different people. If she remained close to Luthor and he discovered she knew how close Clark and Superman were, Clark knew that her life and those of his parents and friends would be in danger. He knew Luthor would not hesitate to use any means to find out his secrets and destroy the superhero.
Clark had one chance to do this right.
He could do this.
More than Superman, he was Clark Kent.
He had always been Clark.
And saving Lois was a job only Clark Kent as Superman could do.
Clark knew Lois better than anyone. He could see the nuances in her body language and hear the subtle emotions in her voice—without superpowers.
If things went badly, he could walk or fly away, and Superman could vanish. Clark, however, needed to survive. Superman could disappear as quickly and mysteriously as he had appeared to save the space shuttle, but Clark would be shattered if Lois got herself more closely entangled with Luthor.
And Clark had family and friends who needed him… and he needed them.
Superman on the other hand was alone.
No family.
No friends.
Superman didn't go to a ball game with Jimmy.
Or listen with amusement to the Chief's endless supply of Elvis stories.
He couldn't spend an afternoon fishing with Dad. Or help him fix the tractor.
Superman didn't have a mother who baked him cookies. Or whose modern artwork he supported.
Nor did Superman watch a video and eat pizza with Lois. Or listen to her rant on a tangent while secretly loving every word. Or tease her about creating words to win at Scrabble.
Of course Lois didn't know that, and might never know or understand. Sharing those truths would require a level of trust in her he currently didn't have.
Not as long as she was close to Luthor.
And both parts of him would be devastated to lose Lois completely.
He reminded himself to focus on the next step. Not on what ifs and maybes in the future. And stop putting so much pressure on this one conversation. He planned on keeping the conversation going, and if necessary continue it another day.
Hopefully Lois would agree.
While the idea of pursing Lois as Superman felt like shards of kryptonite penetrating his wounded heart, if it was the only way to prevent her from marrying Luthor, he would save it as a last resort. If only Lois could understand how much safer she, his parents and friends would be if she had a relationship with Clark. Maybe he could stall. Not give her a definite yes or no. Convince Lois that he needed time, or that they both needed time to figure out how or if a relationship between Lois and Superman could work. Yes, he recalled Mom's reminder to not make decisions for Lois but to include her in decisions.
Thank you, Mom.
And he'd have to decide what he could tell her and what he could not… and when. And that could not be decided on the spur of the moment, without risking his family and friends.
Oh, Lois, if only you saw Clark as a romantic interest this would be so much less complicated! I could have told you everything.
Instead he felt trapped, wading through the minefield of white lies and half-truths that was his life. It was exhausting, even for someone with super stamina. And if Mad Dog Lane decided to examine his inconsistencies closely, he'd be in big trouble. She'd latch onto them as a hungry dog holds onto a bone, and he had no doubt that she'd tear more than his heart to shreds without kryptonite.
One step at a time he reminded himself. Don't get ahead of yourself.
Don't Be Cruel.
First, meet Lois.
If she makes a more obvious seduction attempt, well his parents reminded him to react as Superman the superhero not Clark the man.
Why did I create Superman again?
Oh yeah, so I could stay in Metropolis and grow closer to Lois. Well, it certainly wasn't working as I thought or hoped it might. But I could still help people without risking exposure to the world. So at least that part of it was successful.
He sighed.
He was over-thinking this.
Again.
No matter what happened, he would let her start talking. Listen with both his ears and heart while watching her body language. Don't make decisions alone for this independent career woman. Good advice from Mom and Dad. Now if only following it were as easy as listening to it.
And he reminded himself again, remain the superhero. Concerned, but never angry or hurt. Don't give her any reason to turn to Luthor for comfort.
Don't Be Cruel.
The estrangement of Lois and Clark had shattered his heart. Thinking about also cutting all ties with Lois and Superman was more painful than kryptonite.
If that happened all that would be left of Clark and Superman would be an empty suit.
And yet if she married Luthor, he was sure that would happen… if Luthor didn't kill her first.
Steeling himself for the potential battle ahead, he flew down to her apartment.
With a whoosh, he entered and stood just inside the open window. The breeze he generated blew her hair, and she turned towards him. Her face lit up in recognition.
Arms folded across his chest and feet comfortably spread apart, he struck his best superhero pose and silently waited.
TBC
Author's Notes:
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I don't own the characters; they belong to someone else. I just borrow them. No copyright infringement intended.
Some dialogue in this story is taken from the Lois and Clark episodes "Barbarians at the Planet" and "House of Luthor" written by Dan Levine & Deborah Joy LeVine. Some dialogue directly quoted and some adapted. Comparisons of Clark's friends with Superman's inspired by dialogue from the Lois and Clark episode "That Old Gang of Mine" written by Gene Miller & Karen Kavner.