She wasn't sure WHEN exactly she had befriended the fire apparition, only that when she had needed someone the most he had been the only one there.
She was well aware that the terms 'love' and 'friendship' were more alien to him than they were to her.
She had known the love of her single father and her younger brothers. She had known the feeling of having someone who understood the way she saw things.
But like him, she had experienced abandonment and betrayal. She had been left behind by the very person who should have loved her more than life itself.
Like him she had built up walls, and she did not trust easily.
She convinced herself that it was the only way to survive, no one in this world would ever defend her so she had learned to defend herself.
She had done a poor job of it, gotten into situations that no young girl should ever become subject to.
Still, she held her head high, for the sake of those she cared to protect. She could show them no weakness, lest they doubt her ability.
She never received thanks, nor did she ask for it.
Eventually it had become too much for her to handle.
She had people who claimed to love her. Who had promised to protect her and to be there for her when she needed them.
Yet, as she felt the cool metal of the pistol in her hands, she could not think of one single person who had seen through her happy façade.
She could not think of a single person who would not be better off without her.
She stared it down, rationalizing with herself, surely someone somewhere would miss her.
No, no one needed her. She was useless. A protector without someone to protect; a wanderer with no purpose.
The gun was cold as she held it firmly against her temple, finger tightening un- perceptively on the trigger.
"You are a fool."
She froze, her heart skipping a beat.
"So what if I am? That's just one other reason why I shouldn't be here."
He had scoffed at her, "And what makes you think dying is any better? Do you think the after-life, if there is one, will be any easier?"
She had turned to face him then, beginning to doubt herself if only slightly, "Anywhere is better than here."
He moved off the window sill, seeming to tower over her despite their equal stature, "And what of your family? Do you intend to abandon them?"
"They don't need me," she paused, her stubbornness wavering for only an instant, "no one does."
He stopped, fire snapping at her through his deep red irises, and snorted, "If that is what you believe then you are a bigger fool than I thought."
She was angry now, "Name one person, just one who needs me."
He didn't respond, still staring her down as if she were some impudent child.
Her fury snapped "NAME ONE!"
He said nothing, his jaw tensing ever so slightly as she screamed in his face.
The tears were streaming down her face now as she looked again at the pistol in her hands, "That's because there isn't one. Everyone is better off without me, I only cause trouble for them. I am useless."
His fury snapped then, "If you truly believe that then you deserve to die."
His words startled her, for they were spoken with such malice that she could not believe that he meant them.
He moved towards the window, "You are nothing more than a weak and spineless, coward. Kill yourself if that is what you want, I couldn't care less."
The gun hung limply in her hand, forgotten in his sudden tirade; and as he prepared to leap out the window she realized, he was LEAVING.
Her words reached him, hurt and angry all at once, "I am not a coward! I have gone as far as I can, taken all that I can take and given all that I can give! Who are you to call me a coward?! Who are you to chastise me?! What is it, pray tell, that makes you so high and mighty?! You are the one who is afraid! You don't want to care about anyone but yourself! You can't stand the thought of letting someone in! You're the coward Hiei!"
He was on her in an instant, his fury tangible in the air around him as he slammed her viciously into the wall, "I am not the one who is running away," he seethed, "I am not the one who is so dependent on other people that I can not live without their approval. They tell you, you are stupid and you kiss their feet and beg for forgiveness! Tell me how that makes you anything more than a cowardly fool."
He shoved her away, gruffly, reigning in his temper as he awaited her answer.
Her eyes were wide, her tears streaming more quickly than before, but his words were playing again and again in her head as she sunk to her knees.
Finally she spoke, in a quiet whisper, "What would you have me do?" Go on with no purpose? She thought, allow them to beat me down until there is nothing left of me?
"Fight!" He growled, "Stand up and fight you idiot!"
His words were like an arrow of light darting through the darkness. Why had that never occurred to her?
Her swampy hazel eyes found his in the shadow filled hallway, and she nodded.
His eyes fell to the gun in her hand, and then moved back to hers as if insisting she never point it at herself again.
"Swear," he growled lowly.
She stepped back, her hold tightening on the gun. She couldn't make that promise, what if she needed to kill herself in the future?
"I can't."
His eyes narrowed as he backed her into a corner, "Swear to me that you will never take the easy way out."
There was something there, something buried beneath the fury and the arrogance, something she couldn't place as she stared into his eyes. Her mouth moved before she could stop it, "I swear."
Her hand flew to her mouth, and the tension around them seemed to evaporate.
The gun in her hand now seemed much more frightening than it had before. She pushed it away, as if it were some poisonous snake. What had she been thinking?! It would have been a painful way to go.
Suddenly she was laughing. Glad, for the moment that she was alive.
Tomorrow would be much harder, she realized.
Her eyes found his back. Maybe, just maybe, she could find a way to muddle through…