Disclaimer: Any resemblances to persons alive, dead, or fictional are completely coincidental.
Gondorscaptain: Okay, hi, everybody. I guess I'll get this off the ground by just explaining what this site is all about. I'm Faramir and this is a forum for abused and misunderstood younger siblings. This is a place where you can just be yourself without any parents or older siblings to criticize you. Share your dreams, angst, favorite ringtones—anything.
So to begin with, let me just tell you a little about myself. I'm a captain of Gondor and I have this older brother who is just totally amazing, while I'm only your average sort of guy. My dad doesn't think I'm good enough and is always yelling at me about things that aren't my fault—like the real king coming back and taking his throne, or like hobbits and wizards showing up without an invitation. It's like I can't do anything right. He's always saying something embarrassing about me in front of total strangers. Seriously, some of my experiences at home should really be categorized as child abuse.
Anyway, I should probably sign off now before my dad finds out what I'm up to. I'm looking forward to meeting the rest of you and hearing what you have to say!
Gondorscaptain: P.S. When you join, please write a post and introduce yourself so we can all get to know each other.
Gondorscaptain: Wow, two new members already! Yay!
Ridetogondor: Hey, this looks like a cool site. Hello, everyone, my name is Eomer. I won't tell you where I'm from because that's not safe to do on the internet. I like horses, tats, and leather clothing. Okay, so great site, right? But it should really say for abused and misunderstood OLDER siblings. I mean, I have this little sister who is completely spoiled rotten. My parents are dead and she's my uncle's favorite, just because she's a girl. That's not fair. I'm always doing things for my uncle like saving our country from orcs and I never get a word of thanks for it. In fact, one time he even banished me! Okay, so all I did was yell at the creep who's always hanging around my sister because she's too dumb to yell at him herself. And she's really spoiled. She's always taking my sword and she never gets in trouble for it. I mean, she doesn't even listen to my uncle and he acts like it's no big deal. So I know it's hard being a younger sibling and all that, but hey, gondorscaptain, at least you don't have a sister.
Boroman: Hi, I'm Boromir. Or Boroman (see my user name). Yeah, ridetogondor, you're totally right. It's way harder being an older sibling. Let me just say up front that I'm gondorscaptain's older brother and he's right about not being able to do anything right. But that's not my fault! I'm just doing the best I can. The truth is that our dad always liked Faramir best, so when Faramir screws up my dad gets mad at him because he really wants him to succeed. That's why he's always acting like he likes me better—just to make Faramir try harder. That's just rough, man. I mean, I love them both and I wish they'd just leave me out of it.
Ridetogondor: Dude, I know what you mean. It's like us oldest siblings have to take care of everyone else. I mean, like when my sister shows up on the battlefield when I TOLD her to stay home, I'm the one who has to fix the problem (cause my uncle got killed), not to mention all the emotional trauma of thinking she died. Like you say—totally rough.
Boroman: Yeah, I've always had to take care of everyone at home. My dad's not real stable and Faramir has no idea what responsibility is. They're always depending on me for everything, which is kind of cool, but annoying, too. And now I'm with a group of guys I'm not even related to and I still have to be the responsible one because they're all really immature. You'd think there was SOMEONE out there who could take care of things besides me.
Orcslasher: Dude my bro would totally LOVE this site man! Yeah we have a bratty sister too! LITTLE sister! And a foster bro whos like a million years younger than us but always tags along. Dude this site totally ROCKS!
Rivendude: TOTALLY man.
Orcslasher: Oh yeah my names Elladan and my bros Elrohir. We like killing orcs. Way cool. #fistpumping
Rivendude: Yeah, I like this site. I'll be back.
Legowiijunkie: Okay, I'm like reading you guys posts and all I can say is, you have NO CLUE. So my name is Legolas. Hi everybody. So anyway my dad is seriously messed up. So in the first place, my mom died a while back and NO ONE knows what really happened to her. So if that's not creepy enough my dad has this weird thing where he gets mad and completely flips out. I mean its not funny. He does stuff like chopping heads off orcs right in front of his kids and everybody. I'm not kidding. It's really bad. I kind of left home just to get away from it.
Rivendude: Okay, so tell me, ridetogondor does your sister show off all the time? Because my sister is ALWAYS showing off. Especially when there's guys around. Creepy, man.
Legowiijunkie: Oh yeah and did I tell you my dad made me break up with my girlfriend. There was absolutely no reason except that she was a wood-elf. Seriously, that's discrimination. No dad should ever do stuff like that. It scarred me for life.
Boroman: Wow, that's weird. There's only like three people on this site. Everyone else is an elf.
Ridetogondor: Rivendude, OMG MY SISTER IS ALWAYS SHOWING OFF! IT'S INSANE! Is it something about girls, or what?
Elfmomma: OK, I'm not really sure if my sons should really be on this site, but whatever. OK, my name is Celebrian and I just have to say y'all haven't said anything about moms. Probably because none of you have one (except Rivendude and Orcslasher but I'm not really in their lives anymore). My mom was really unsupportive when I was growing up and my dad basically did nothing about it. She was not a good parent at all. I really had to raise myself. So I'm just saying—don't be too sure that dads are the worst.
Ridetogondor: Oh, did I tell you? My sister's always taking my sword. Okay, I did. But anyway she's always saying bad things about me too. Hey, Boroman, she's dating your brother now and would you believe it? She tells him all this stuff about how she's the neglected one and how no one understands her. She can look really pathetic. It's sick.
Rivendude: That sucks, man.
Guest: Wow, I just happened on this site while doing a search for how to get rid of obnoxious older brothers. Thanks, Faramir! I was just thinking the other day that someone should do something like this.
Orcslasher: Yeah i know right? Woohoo faramir! #powerdance
Rivendude: Guest, feel free to become a member. We'd love to hear your story.
Legowiijunkie: So here's another thing. I have such relational issues that I made friends with a DWARF. That's sad. I mean the guy's really nice, but I wish I could just connect with my DAD. Or any other elf.
Rivendude: quote So here's another thing. I have such relational issues that I made friends with a DWARF./quote So sad.
Reindeergames: OK, so I took the plunge and joined up. My name's Loki, everyone. Hi. Yeah, so whatever. My brother—wait, adopted brother—is worse than anything you've ever imagined in your wildest dreams. The worst thing about him is that he wears a red cape and he looks really bad in red. Did I say that was the worst thing about him? Actually it gets better: he's immortal, so every time I try to kill him it doesn't work. He has this dumb hammer…oh, anyway. You wouldn't want to hear about it. But just so you know, adoption is a really, really bad idea.
Rivendude: Welcome, Loki. Yeah, you'll really like this site. Everyone's really supportive.
Elfmomma: Yes, I can't believe how supportive everyone is here. Welcome, and can't wait to hear about you!
Orcslasher: Dude love ur avatar!
Boroman: Hey, welcome, reindeergames! Join the club!
Boroman: Wait, is your adopted brother older or younger than you?
Ridetogondor: Welcome!
Legowiijunkie: Hi, reindeergames. Congrats on joining up! Feel free to be yourself here. No one's judging you.
Reindeergames: Hey, thanks everybody. Orcslasher, that's a really cool movie, btw. Okay, peeps: I'm posting a pic of Thor's really, amazingly, epically lame cape.
Orcslasher: #puke
Thunderthor: You people are so petty.
Gondorscaptain: Okay, I just got back from several weeks with my laptop in the shop and my stupid phone without a signal (someone needs to install a cell tower on the Ephal Duath) and I can't believe what's happened here! First of all, BOROMIR, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! Secondly, Loki, you aren't even from Middle Earth so you're not allowed to be a member.
And everybody: YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY ABUSING MY SITE! I'M SERIOUSLY GOING TO REPORT YOU! Wait, I just remembered that this is my site and I'm going to BLOCK YOU ALL!
NOTICE: THIS SITE BLOCKED FOR INCRIMINATING CONTENT BY THRANDUIL ELVENKING, ELROND OF RIVENDELL, LADY GALADRIEL, DENETHOR EX-STEWARD OF GONDOR, ARAGORN KING OF GONDOR, AND THE LATE THEODEN KING OF ROHAN.