took a break from Big Brother for a week. felt that I needed to write on something else. so, this is for all of you who liked Chemical Crawl. and the rest of you too, offc. uhm, yeah. don't own bleach nor the characters. Pink - Sober, was the song who gave the idea...even if this is nothing like the idea.

--

Sober

--

Ever tried nitrous oxide? It's wonderful. First your voice gets really dark, and you get this feeling that your skin ain't really stuck to you. You just wanna spin around and jump and everything. Then this sound rings in you ear, it sounds like green and purple. You said is sounded like black and purple. I like purple. But I like red more. It's hot.

It somewhat feels like you're a radio. Or a TV. And your vision will go darker. And you'll laugh at everything and nothing. And after a while it'll be hard to stand up. It's hard to get a grip around things you know? To get the lid of and the next tube in.

My hands feel neat. What if I were an ant? Would I see the world as I do now? Cause their perspective on the world must be so much different than ours. They run around, watching out for feet and poison, and other bugs. It's like we would have to watch out for elephants everywhere we go. And when the rain falls.... one drop would be enough to fill a bathtub. Neat.

I stare at the white ceiling, but is isn't really white...it's more like, light gray...with a little bit of blue in it. I guess it really is white, it's just that the walls, floor and furniture are making it look like it isn't. And the day light streaming in from the half covered window.

It's morning again. I forgot to fall asleep again. Ah, might as well just sleep now. The floor's pretty warm. He got heating in the floor, said that it wasn't cool to have elements. They take up wall space. It's not hot to place a shelf over a element.

I tilt my head to the side, floor and silver tubes coming into vision. Mixing nitrous oxide with alcohol wasn't such a good idea. My head feels so heavy. A white elephant goes over the room, it's as big as your speakers. It changes color, into beach, as it comes closer. It also shrinks, to the size of a hand. I can't help but snort at that.

As it comes really close to my face I try to grab it, but the ants that are having a party in my hands are making it hard and I end up slamming it into the floor instead. I hear a chuckle coming from above and I turn to look up at the ceiling again, just it isn't there anymore. You're there instead.

I can't help but smile, I love this dream. It always comes to me when I fall asleep drunk. That's the only reason for me to drink, except gaining experience and be able to talk about if of course.

I stretch my hand out to touch you but you're to far away, I can't reach. I can't help but smile wider tho when you lean down a bit, grabbing my over arms, I get a hold of your shoulder. I can't really feel your hands, the ants, the numbness, the cloth are blocking it. Or maybe it's just cause it isn't real.

You try to help me up but I drag you down instead, your knees meeting the wood floor. I let my fingers work at your hair, trying to bring it loose, but failing miserably. You let that wonderful chuckle leave your mouth again as you raise one of your arms, your hand gently going over mine as you trace my movements and help me.

I must have looked like a kid on christmas when the rubber band snapped and you red locks fell free. Crimson silk tangling between my fingers as I run them over and over again through your hair.

"Beautiful..." I hear my own voice echo thru the radio sound that rings constantly and my hand rest at your neck, somewhat a weight but not really forcing you to bend down, lean in, come face to face with me.

"Your lips are blue..." Your dark voice vibrates through me.

"Yeah?" I lift my head just slightly and kiss you, and when I rest it on the floor again, you fallow me down, kissing me. When I feel you tongue against my numb lips I part and let you in. Come on in, care for a cup of tea? I can't help but smile into the act and when you part from me it becomes wider.

"They're cold too..." You state as a matther of fact. And now it's me who can't hold back a chuckle and I pull you down again. Nitrous oxide and alcohol huh? Wonderful.

My hand seeks themselves into, under, your robe, making it come loose. And your breath stops for just a moment. I look up at you, finding your dark crimson eyes staring at me and I can't help but stop breathing too for a second. Lust.

Your fingers tracing lightly by my neck leaving a tingle before going firmer, harder, and your whole hand goes in under my robe. Your hand's so warm. I hear a low sound leaving my troath, I try to close my mouth before it leaves that to but your hand goes over a nipple and instead of lower, it goes higher, clearer. Something sparks in your eyes. Fire.

I nudge my knee, making it glide against the inside of your thigh and you lean in to the touch, actually grinding against my knee. I love your moan. I love my own moan when your knee press down lightly at my stoned hard erection to return the favor. My head falls back and I lose track as your hands run all over me. I can't stop shiver. I can't arch my back anymore.

The white ceiling that's trying to be gray. Holy shit. I collect myself enough to look at you again, to pull at your clothes until you take'em off for me. So.... fuckable.

I lift my ass of the ground and kick my hakama off. Where is my shoes? They're not on my feet... I have no memory of taking them off. Did you take them off? No, why would ya? Oh, fuck it, it's not like I need them right now.

You seem to be frozen, just staring down at me. I can't help but laugh, mostly cause I feel like I'll realise that I'm completely naked and actually spreading my legs for you in just a moment, and I want to laugh it of. The easiest way to connect with someone is through laughter. And my hand goes down your chest, and this time it's you that shiver, before resting at your hip. You hiss sharply as my fingertips are gracing lightly at the sensitive skin and fallowing the pattern of a black ink line that goes down along your pelvis. I feel like such a pervert and I can't help but bite down at my lower lip to keep my smile from splitting my face completely.

Your mouth falls open as your hakama falls down to your knees. My index finger teasing you by going down your pelvis, around your arousal and down further along the inside of your thigh.

I shift and make my thigh fallow your frame as I bring my leg up to wrap around you, making you go down and our erections grind together. Holy fuck. It's like bathing outside, in the sea, in the middle of April, snow 've just melted – I pull my stomach in so that I'll touch as little as possible. And for a moment, it's just our hips that are joined, holding my leg up inches above your back. Holy fuck. My whole being is just beating, a steady rhythm. I slam my head back on the floor.

"Enter me." I mumble as my own hand goes down to prepare myself some. Even if I'm high enough to have this kind of hallucination I know that my imagination can't fuck me literally, and I want to get fucked – now. While looking up on you.

As my third finger slips in you grab my wrist and nail it down to the floor over my head. "That's enough" You growl, and I care to look you over once again. Gorgeous. Flushed, warm skin. Beat black lines. Dripping. I can feel the smile creeping up again and I bit down on my lower lip once again to keep my face from splitting.

Your hand at my hip you enter me. my whole body is pulsing like mad through the numbness that is still keen on staying. Shivers runs up my spine.

You start to move, a steady rhythm. There goes my vision, everything comes into this radio black that until now only existed in the corners of my eyes. There goes my breath, and with it my hearing too, constantly ringing as the only thing that I still can feel is the steady rhythm and the constant beating of my heart.

I slam my open hands down on the floor around me, not really feeling the beat, but knowing that it's there.

And this is when. Like every time. I can feel the burning in my eyes. I hate myself for this. I hate myself for loving you. I hate myself for having these fantasies behind your back. I hate myself for keeping them from you, even if I know that you wouldn't want anything to do with them. I'm lying to you. Everyday. Secrets. It feels like I'm betraying you.

The tears won't fall, and I'm grateful for that. Cause even if you're just a hallucination, I never want you to see me cry.

"You'll never know that I love you..." My voice is hoarse. Not knowing if it should focus on keeping sobs back or fighting to be heard through my heavy breath. Not that I need you to hear, I'm saying it mainly to myself. I want a glass of water.

"You just said it." You snicker and that smirk spread over your face.

"But you ain't real." I laugh lowly, more to myself that to you, as I spin one of your red locks around my finger before looking up into your eyes.

It's amazing really, how much you can registrate in just a second. Your empty eyes, your blank face. It still held that smirk from just a moment ago but the feeling were gone, exactly the same, yet not. Like a wax figure. Plastic.

Then your eyes flicker, you look up for an instant before gazing down on me again. The smile on your lips disappear and you kiss me again, grinding into me with more force. I arch my back, the smile on my lips becoming wide again and I let my hands drop over my head.

"I'm real Ichi." You growl into my neck before you bite down. I must look like a maniac, the high, drunken smile on my face. I lift my hand to draw it through your hair.

"Sure ya are." I laugh half ironic and your fingers claw into my sides.

Hours later, or at least I think it's hours later, I open my eyes. Wooden floor and silver tubes filling my vision. I've pulled my legs up in my sleep it seems and I hug them tightly as I look towards the sky that can be seen through the half covered window. It's already afternoon, you should be back in a few hours. Cause two days have passed by now right? You were supposed to be gone for two days....

Pictures from the hallucination fills my mind, and my eyes start to burn again. No tears fall.

I lay there for about twenty minuets more, just staring at the sky outside before I pull myself up, my whole body cracking in stiffness. Dried cum on my chest. My skin feels like cardboard.

I crawl towards the bathroom. Tilting myself over into the tub and turning the shower on, letting steaming water rain down on me. Wash the evidence away. Wash my sins away.

I look down on myself, seeing the red marks on my chest, the lines on my sides.

"Fuck."

I turn the heat up and I lay there until the marks on my body match the colour of my skin. Until my fingertips looks like raisins. Until the air is so filled with steam I can barely breath.

Until my vision goes black and I faint.

----

the end.

urgh, I disslike the ending, and I think that I'm pretty good at writing endings normaly...yeah. What did ya think? How manny errors can ya find? xD