A/N: So, I'm back. I'm back and ready to write about the Quidditch World Cup! Yay! It's 12:30 in the morning… and I don't get enough sleep as is… but I'm obsessing over Twitter because if Scott tweets me back (if), I will scream and wake everyone up.
Anyway, I hope this is somewhat, mind-numbingly enjoyable. I don't own American Idiot, Harry Potter, anything else that you recognize that isn't mine, Scott, or Rupert Grint.
JOHNNY: Will, are you sitting down?
WILL: No, I'm standing up for the first time in a year.
JOHNNY: But you're lying down.
WILL: Sarcasm, bitch.
JOHNNY: Oh, right! I'm just too excited about the valuables I hold behind my back!
JIMMY: Let me see them. *goes to grab valuables*
JOHNNY: *violently turns away* NO! You don't get to see them in advance!
JIMMY: But I've already seen them… haven't I?
JOHNNY: If you're so confident about that, tell me what they are.
*JIMMY whispers something to JOHNNY.*
JOHNNY: Damn, you're good! How did you know that?
JIMMY: Ask yourself.
*JOHNNY ponders the philosophy of this yet again.*
JOHNNY: I see what you did there!
TUNNY: Can we just see what these valuables are?
JIMMY: Everyone can see them but you.
TUNNY: Why pick on me?
JIMMY: You only have one leg.
WILL: That's racist!
TUNNY: You can't be racist against an amputee.
WILL: I know, but it's more powerful to say "That's racist!" than it is to say "That's rude!"
JOHNNY: I'll show you ladies the valuables when the real men of this clan arrive. *calls out* WHATSERNAME! HEATHER! EXTRAORDINARY GIRL! I HAVE A SURPRISE!
*They enter.*
WHATSERNAME: What is it?
EG: It's probably a homeless chimp named Banana Bob that's looking for a home.
JOHNNY: Banana Bob was last week, and his owner came to claim him three hours after I found him.
EG: Three hours too late, considering he spat up on me ten seconds after you got him here.
JIMMY: He did it because he knew you were a bitch who complicates things!
JOHNNY: Well, there's no way she's going to want to complicate what I hold behind my back right now.
HEATHER: Are you going to tell us what it is, or are you going to string us along and then drop good-as-dead like that time you saw a monster?
JOHNNY: I'm going to tell you! Ladies, gentlemen, Jimmy, I give you…. TICKETS TO THE QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP!
EG: The Quidditch World Cup?
JIMMY: That's what he said, isn't it?
WILL: PSSHHH. You know why she repeated it. She's going to try to foil our plans?
EG: Just… how are we going to get there?
JIMMY: It's in England, dammit, not an alternate universe. We can take a fucking plane.
EG: Yeah, but when's the Cup?
JOHNNY: It's in five hours.
EG: See, there's no way we can catch a plane and get passports and make it to England in five hours.
TUNNY: Will, don't cry.
WILL: But I want to be one of the only Muggles at a Quidditch match!
WHATSERNAME: Are we really Muggles at this point?
EG: I don't think the author knows.
AUTHOR OF THIS SCRIPT: I don't!
TUNNY: At least she's honest.
AUTHOR: In my opinion, Tunny, you'd be either a Gryffindor or a Hufflepuff.
WILL: HAHAHA, you're a Hufflepuff!
TUNNY: Or a Gryffindor!
WILL: But probably a Hufflepuff.
HEATHER: What's that thing over there that's glowing blue?
JOHNNY: It's probably a Portkey.
EG: Will, don't faint.
*WILL steadies himself on the table.*
JIMMY: It's probably not even a Portkey. It's just really radioactive in this apartment.
TUNNY: No, it's definitely a Portkey.
JIMMY: And what makes you so sure?
TUNNY: Look at it.
*They look at an orange Lego that's glowing blue.*
EG: I didn't even know they made orange Legos.
JOHNNY: That's how we know it's a Portkey!
JIMMY: But why is it a Lego? Those things look like pieces of shit.
TUNNY: They do not! Legos are awesome!
HEATHER: Differences aside, how are we all supposed to fit on a tiny Lego brick?
JOHNNY: Everybody, pinkies down!
WILL: Now, before this piece of the-
EG: - piece of the Harry Potter universe-
WILL: -slips away!
*They grab on and are transported to the Quidditch World Cup.*
WILL: Harry! Where are you, Harry?
HEATHER: Wrong album, asshole.
WILL: I don't care!
TUNNY: Right album.
WILL: HARRY! HARRY! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME?
TUNNY: We interrupt this poor StarKid cover to actually get on with our lives.
WILL: I'm sorry, Tun. I take it too far sometimes.
JIMMY: So, who's playing this year?
JOHNNY: Ireland and Bulgaria.
JIMMY: Didn't they play the year Harry Potter was here?
AUTHOR: Give me a break! I wasn't about to create new teams!
EG: I just hope the Death Eaters don't show up this time.
WILL: Woman! Have you read the final Harry Potter installment?
EG: Yes.
WILL: Then you'll know that Harrymyboy kills Voldemort, and he has no more Death Eaters because all the real evil is gone.
EG: Harry also killed the basilisk, but we came across that.
TUNNY: Death Eaters… Jimmy, would you like to be one of those?
JIMMY: I'd say the same about you, but I'm pretty sure their dreams are black, silver, and green.
JOHNNY: Jimmy! Who do you think will- *his phone rings*
JOHNNY: Hello? Right now? AWESOME! Bye!
TUNNY: Who was that?
JOHNNY: Gotta go!
WILL: But where are you going?
JOHNNY: …Secret. Bye!
*He skips away much too merrily.*
EG: Unbelievable! He gets these tickets, and then he deserts us!
WHATSERNAME: Please don't tell me that surprises you.
TUNNY: He's probably drinking butterbeer-
JIMMY: -which he still hasn't figured out is virgin-
TUNNY: -with the Golden Trio and isn't telling us about it.
WILL: But he knows I would kill him!
HEATHER: *crosses fingers* Maybe that's why he's doing it.
TUNNY: Yeah, no. But who do you all think is going to win?
WILL: Obviously, the Irish will win. The Weasley twins love them!
HEATHER: Oh, yeah, he paid more attention to the Weasley twins, too.
WILL: They are inspirational. They're like Oprah, only they're not rich at all.
TUNNY: He locked himself in his room for a week when Fred died.
WILL: It was only a centimeter of the pain in comparison to what the entire Weasley family went through.
TUNNY: And I just pretended it was normal.
EG: Well, I think Ireland will win, too.
TUNNY: Are you kidding? Bulgaria will win. Viktor Krum is such a badass!
JIMMY: You think everyone with two legs is a badass.
TUNNY: Jimmy, lay off it. Viktor Krum is a genius. He's more than just an athlete. He's an artist.
JIMMY: Viktor, I love you!
WILL: Viktor, I do!
BOTH: When we're apart, my heart beats only for you!
TUNNY: I do not have a man crush on Krum.
EG: But it would make sense, given your straight crush on Hermione.
TUNNY: You just had to frame that letter.
EG: You just had to mount the Sword of Gryffindor on your wall.
WHATSERNAME: Heather, who do you think is going to win?
HEATHER: Will is rooting for the Irish, so I choose Bulgaria.
WILL: How old are you, twelve?
HEATHER: How masculine are you, three percent?
WHATSERNAME: I think I'm officially obligated to root for Bulgaria.
JIMMY: Why?
WHATSERNAME: You are, too. Look up.
*He does, and all the tough Bulgarians fly overhead… plus JOHNNY.*
TUNNY: What happened to Krum?
JOHNNY: *from his lame Nimbus 2000* He encountered something that caused him to be unavailable for this match.
TUNNY: What did you to do him?
JOHNNY: I didn't do a thing.
JIMMY: He didn't. I did.
WILL: What did you do to that Bulgarian angel? Not like I'm all of a sudden rooting for Bulgaria or anything…
JIMMY: …Secret.
EG: Ten sickles says Johnny starts singing at some point.
WILL: Why does he look so happy?
JIMMY: As a welcoming treat, I paid all of box five to chant, "JE-SUS! JE-SUS!"
BOX FIVE: JE-SUS! JE-SUS!
SOMEONE RANDOM: Blasphemy!
JIMMY: Shut up!
TUNNY: He's actually trying to catch the bludger.
JOHNNY: Whoa, sorry, Mr. Bludger! I indulged in some butterbeer before the game, so my judgment is clouded.
WILL: Butterbeer doesn't have-
JIMMY: SSSSHHHH! This is too much fun!
WHATSERNAME: The Snitch is right behind you, Johnny!
LUCIUS MALFOY: Don't cheat!
JOHNNY: Uh, Whatsername, I think the bitch is down there with you.
EG: Bitter Gryffindor! Ravenclaw FTW!
JOHNNY: EG, I was talking about Heather, not you.
EG: Oh. Sorry, you brave Gryffindor!
JOHNNY: OOOOH, I like that red ball! *chases Quaffle*
BULGARIAN CHASER: You're the Seeker.
JOHNNY: Why, yes I am!
BULGARIAN CHASER: Then let me do my job.
JOHNNY: Well, you don't have to be so rude about it.
TUNNY: The Snitch is buzzing in his ear, and he's not catching it.
WILL: And he calls himself a Harry Potter nerd.
HEATHER: Hey, Will!
WILL: Yes?
HEATHER: Pottermore is still in beta.
WILL: I can't believe I missed the Magic Quotes Quill Challenge!
TUNNY: But you were online all day.
WILL: I was one million… and one.
WHATSERNAME: I can't find my phone.
JIMMY: Don't look at me. I didn't take it and corrupt it with what Johnny does when he's asleep this time.
TUNNY: I'll find it. We Hufflepuffs are excellent finders. *randomly finds it*
*Everyone else gasps.*
TUNNY: Oh my fuck noodles. I just said that.
JIMMY: You admit and prove you're a Hufflepuff!
TUNNY: I neither admit nor prove anything.
WHATSERNAME: The Irish Seeker just saw where the Snitch is.
JIMMY: Poor Johnnycake.
WILL: Yay Ireland! *takes out pan flute and starts playing it*
HEATHER: Where did you learn to play the pan flute?
WILL: …Secret.
WHATSERNAME: Something tells me this won't be complete until all of us answer a question with that response.
JOHNNY: Oh, hello! You're Irish, I see! Why are you on top of me?
JIMMY and WHATSERNAME: Yeah! Why are you on top of him?
TUNNY: You know why he's on top of him.
JIMMY: That doesn't make it right.
WILL: Somebody catch that fucking Snitch! I can't take this anymore!
JOHNNY: Oh! There's the Snitch!
TUNNY: Oh, thank God.
JOHNNY: But I don't think I've given the crowd a good enough show…
EG: It's been more than satisfactory. Trust us.
JOHNNY: Let's see how my fellow Bulgarians are doing!
*Flies to them*
JOHNNY: The whole team is tied to the goal posts! I must save them!
WHATSERNAME: Catch the Snitch and then be a gentleman!
JIMMY: Please, he knows being a gentleman at the proper moment is overrated.
FUDGE: The Irish win!
JOHNNY: Hurrah for good sportsmanship!
*The Bulgarians slug him.*
JOHNNY: Is this some type of initiation?
JIMMY: Come on; let's get him out of there. Accio brooms!
*Their brooms, which they totally own, appear.*
TUNNY: Haha, Jimmy flies a Cleansweep!
JIMMY: Haha, Tunny only flies a Firebolt so he doesn't have to hobble.
WILL: Guys, I wouldn't complain. Heather just snapped my Nimbus 2001 in half.
HEATHER: You deserved it!
TUNNY: What will he use instead?
HEATHER: You can use this box on wheels.
WHATSERNAME: Let's go get Johnny, then.
*They do, along with WILL in his box on wheels.*
JOHNNY: Oh, hi guys! That went very well, didn't it?
JIMMY: Yeah, kid, you were bloody brilliant.
JOHNNY: Thank you for that assessment, Mr. Vincent.
*They take him back to their tent.*
JOHNNY: You know, for some reason, I thought it was like golf.
WILL: Golf?
JOHNNY: Yeah, you know, the one with the least amount of points wins.
WHATSERNAME: But you were the Seeker. The whole point of you was to catch the Snitch for 150 points.
WILL: And you call yourself a Harry Potter fan!
TUNNY: Here's what I don't understand. If the Snitch is worth 150 points, why does anyone even bother with the Quaffle?
EG: So, when you're alone, you watch 30 Rock and think about Hermione?
TUNNY: Yes.
HEATHER: Well, I'm personally pretty pissed about Johnny being the reason Bulgaria lost to Ireland with a score of 406 to negative 372.
JIMMY: Negative Quidditch points weren't even possible until you!
JOHNNY: I tried my best!
WILL: If by your best, you mean not even a little, then yes, you tried your best.
VOICE FROM OUTSIDE: Gallagher's in here!
JIMMY: Oh, shit. The Bulgarian fans are here to kill him.
EG: I knew there would be something like Death Eaters.
WILL: Shut up, EG.
JIMMY: Hufflepuff! Find us a Portkey!
TUNNY: How about this glass of glowing pink lemonade?
EG: Pink lemonade?
WHATSERNAME: Just go with it.
*They grab onto the Portkey and are transported back to their apartment.*
JIMMY: Will, are you crying?
WILL: N-n-no…
WHATSERNAME: Don't worry; I got you an exclusive souvenir.
HEATHER: And you probably don't deserve it.
TUNNY: Nope, he totally deserves it.
WHATSERNAME: When we passed him, I ripped out a lock of Lucius Malfoy's hair.
WILL: Yes! Everyone is going to be so jealous!
EG: Who is this everyone?
WILL: …Secret.
Fin
A/N: Why I turned Will into the biggest nerd, I don't know. It just happened that way. Once he fainted, I knew he was the biggest nerd.
So… Scott has not responded. BLAH.