Remorse
The welcome, almost needed, sight of her apartment building met her gaze as she rounded the sharp corner. She pulled into her designated parking space, and quickly yanked the keys out of the ignition. She grabbed her few belongings and flung open the car door. While briskly walking up the flight of stairs that led to her second-floor apartment, she tried hard not to think about the day's events. As the front door slowly creaked open, she realized that, at that moment, she had no power to suppress her thoughts. Reluctantly giving in, she began brewing a pot of strong coffee. When it was finished, Dana Lewis sat in an old recliner and placed her mug of coffee on a nearby end table.
"Why," she kept asking herself, "Why did this have to happen?"
She shakily took a sip from the steaming mug, wishing these thoughts and questions could simply bury themselves beneath the complex layers of peaceful memories and logical thinking that made up the majority of her mind. Yet they lingered, haunting her, consuming her, perhaps only temporarily. She knew that once she had sorted them out the pain would lessen slightly.
"Why did I have to kill her," she whispered to the empty room, "Why do I always have to kill? First, it was the kid, the kid from the gun shop. But his murder was justifiable; he was armed and shooting anyone he possibly could. Still though, he was only sixteen. He could have had a future, a career, a family. And today…"
She trailed off, desperately trying to swallow the steadily rising lump in her throat.
"Today, I killed a friend. Hailey had a gun, but I could have reasoned with her. If I had only tried a little harder, tried like Benson tried. Benson was right; I didn't have to kill her. Hailey was smart. She would have come to her senses eventually. But I couldn't wait for that. I lost my faith today: my faith in Hailey, Detective Benson, myself, and, most importantly, God."
She sat still for a moment, pondering what to do next. A rarely felt tear rolled down her cheek. Impatiently, she brushed it away, yet she knew more would come. They did, slowly at first, then faster, hotter, harder to contain. She mourned the loss of her friend, her good judgment, and even the loss of Kyle, but most of all, she mourned the temporary loss of her faith. She knew that, on the job, she could easily hide behind her tough exterior, almost brushing off what she had done. However, in her own home things were different; she couldn't hide from herself, and she couldn't hide from Him.
She wearily stood up from the recliner and knelt down on the slightly worn carpet. She hesitated for a second, slightly scared of what might happen to her, but she knew what she must do.
Closing her eyes and inclining her head, she began to speak. "Father God forgive me, for I have sinned."
A/N: Please don't flame me. I like constructive criticism, but I really don't want my first fic to be flamed.