Dratini was a blue snake dragon thing. He lived in a lake, surrounded by generic stock trees.
Dratini's dad was Dragonite. Dragonite was an orange Barney the Dinosaur with wings, but he knew Hyper Beam so he was pretty fucking awesome. But anyway, Dratini was getting picked on by some wild Beedrill, so Dragonite was pissed. Dragonite Hyper Beam'd the fuck out of that Beedrill.
Later on, Dratini met an Oddish. This Oddish was a bit of a slag, and bent over for Dratini. It was at this moment Dratini realised he didn't have a cock. Oh shit. Oddish let some Sandslash bang it instead.
Later that day Dratini met a Beartic. Beartic was cool, and as furry as a conventional DeviantART fanart. It also had a clump of fur over its crotch. This was because Beartic didn't have a cock either. Beartic used Sheer Cold. Dratini died.
Dragonite changed forms and became a more awesome-looking version of Dragonite. He pulled a rocket launcher out of his arse and blew Beartic's brains out.
Dratini and Beartic were now zombies, because stories with zombies are typically more commercially successful than those without. That being said, however, this story was written using the literary skills of a Year 7 English student. But I digress.
Dratini and Beartic were walking through hell, when all of a sudden, Beartic melted. This is because they were in hell, and it was hot.
It was at this moment that Dratini met Prince Ash from Hell Yeah!. Ash sliced Dratini in half with a chainsaw because Dratini had been jerking off to his photos and Dratini died again.
Now it was a double zombie Dratini turned emo. It slashed itself open and died again. It was an endless loop. Dragonite suggested that Dratini should make a tumblr account because of this.
Dratini then learned to fly and live and died happily ever after and shit