Link and Zelda's Stupid Adventures

This is a really stupid story of what might have happened if Link and Zelda had been captured by Gannondorf when they were just kids.

Princess Zelda and Link sat in a jail cell on the hard rock-stone floor. The

girl glanced over at the boy dressed in green, "Well, …this really stinks." Link

pinned his nose, "Literally. What is that smell anyways?" Zelda took a whiff, "I

don't smell anything." "Smell again."

She inhaled deeply and almost died. (cough cough cough hack) "Uugghh! Link,

that's disgusting! I mean honestly!" He waved his hands in defense, "It wasn't me!"

She rolled her eyes, "Sheesh! You could've at least given me a warning." "But I…"

he began but was interrupted when Gannondorf stormed through an old wooden

door, making a dramatic entrance. He stocked up to the jail cell's iron bars, and, on

cue, began laughing insanely, "MHUA HA HAHAHAHAHAHA! Mwa HA! Mwa

HA! Mwa HA! MWA HAHAHAHAHA HA HA Hee Hee Hoo Hoo Ha Hee

who HAW HEEEEE!!! (Awkward Silence) Link and Zelda just stare at him…

"So?..."

Link prodded, "Now what?" In response to Link's question, Gannondorf ran into a

supply closet, shut the door, and jumped out negative 2 seconds later wearing tap

shoes. He then began dancing around the room to "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy."

Then, to their absolute horror, he began singing, "A REAL LIVE NEWPHEW OF

MY UNCLE SAM, BORN ON THE 4TH OF JULYYYYYYY! OHHHHH

IIIIII'M A YANKEE DOODLE DAAAADY!…" Link and Zelda covered their

ears and started screaming, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The HORROR! MAKE

IT STOP!" Then, to their relief, he stopped singing and addressed them again,

"YES! Finally I have captured my two arch nemesesises…is…ahem… Princess

Zelda and Link!... Muaha…Ha!" Zelda blinked. Link said, "You do know were

only just kids, right?" Gannon snapped, "What's your point?" "Well," Link

continued, "That would mean you're two arch nemeses are only children. And

you're like what? 40?"

"ERGH! I'll be sure to throw you in the lava pit first, boy. But before that," he

looked at Princess Zelda, "I will take your triforce of wisdom." He opened the iron

door and their walked out. Zelda nodded slowly, "Oh, so that's what this is all

about. Well, as much as I hate to disappoint you, I don't have it." Gannondorf

stared, "What do you mean, you 'don't have it'? That's impossible. You must have

it."

She just shrugged, "But I don't." Gannondorf looked like he was about to cry,

"But… But… How can that be?" he sobbed.

"I traded."

"YOU TRADED?! How? Why? And for what?"

"Well", she started, "I didn't really want wisdom and Link didn't really want

courage, so, we traded."

He waved his hand to clarify, "Wait. Let me get this straight here." He pointed to

Link, "You have the triforce piece of wisdom?" Link nodded and Ganon pointed to

Zelda, "And you have the courage piece?" She nodded. "NO! NO! NO! This is all

messed up!"

Zelda shrugged again, "Says who? And speaking of trading, courage is great and

all, but what I really want is power! POWER! POWER! POWER!

Mwahahahaha!"

(Link and Gannondorf take a few steps back from her)

"Whadaya say Ganon? Trade? C'mon you know you want to. Come one come

one come one come one!" "Um…" "Alright, I'll throw in a free horse. Now let's

trade!" "NO! No one is doing any more trading because I am going to take both of

you're pieces of the triforce?" Link scoffed, "Oh, so you can take all three for

yourself but me and Zelda aren't supposed to trade?" he crossed his arms, "That

seems like a pretty rotten deal to me. What do you say Zel?" She nodded, "Yeah!

You can't just take our pieces. Everybody knows you can't get something for

nothing." "Oh yeah? Well, I'm the villain, so I'm doing it anyways." And with that

he did some magic thing with cool special effects and took their pieces of the

triforce. "HEY!" Zelda and Link shouted out. Ganon cackled, "Heh heh heh heh

heh. Suckers!" Then he turned into a giant ugly monster and jumped out the

window. "Um…Okay…"

Link said, "C'mon, let's go look!" They ran to the window and looked down

below.

Monster Ganon was strolling along confidently, leaving huge footprints indented

several feet into the soggy terrain. Zelda grabbed Link's shoulder, "Oh no! Link,

he's going to the castle!" He sighed, "I guess we should try and stop him… he might

destroy the castle… on the other hand… I got this cool new video game we could

play instead!"

(She gave him 'the look')

"Oh, okay. Let's go…"

"LINK!"

"What?"

"You're still standing there!"

"I'm going, I'm going…." He just stood there. (Sigh) She grabbed his hand and pulled him along, "Let's go, Link!"

Hyrule Marketplace

Link: There he is!

Zelda: Link. That would be a dog.

Link: Oh yeah, you're right. (points wildly) There he is!

Zelda: Link. That would be an old lady.

Link: Okay okay, I see him now. That's him!

Zelda: DANG IT LINK! That's a flag pole! What's wrong with you?

Link: (throws up arms in frustration) I give up. I don't see him anywhere!

Zelda: (shakes head and points to giant monster Ganon uprooting a tree right in front of them.) How about that guy?

Link: I don't know, that salesman over there has shifty eyes.

Gannondorf: Mua hahahahaha! I can't believe you two followed me here. I was going to just take over the castle and forget about you, but now we must fight!

Link: Not now man, we're trying to find Gannondorf.

Zelda: Oh for crying out loud! That guy IS Gannondorf!!!

Gannondorf: Nice try. But trying to act stupid will not get you out of this one, boy.

Zelda: Sadly, he's not acting…

Gannondorf: Oh… I'll tell ya what. I'm feeling generous, so why don't you two kids just leave and we'll forget this whole thing ever happened… well, except for the fact that I'll probably come after you when I'm bored… so we'll probably fight some huge epic battle and all some day… but you'll have time to sharpen your skills and such… I enjoy a challenge.

Zelda: (glances over at Link who is trying to fit his fist into his mouth.) Yeah… that's probably a good idea. (to Link) Come on Link, were leaving.

(They turn to go and are at the draw bridge when they hear Gannondorf shouting. They run back and see him being followed by a street dog.)

Dog: Yip Yip Yip!

Gannondorf: Vile canine! Stop following me!

(Gannondorf lifts up his foot and prepares to bring it down on the dog.)

Link: PUPPY!

(Link runs as fast as he can to save the dog and sweeps him up while knocking over Ganon.)

Gannondorf: Ahhhh! Thud!

(He gets up and sees Princess Zelda and Link petting the dog.)

Gannondorf: You should have left when you had the chance! Now you will be sorry!

Link: You don't scare us.

Gannondorf: Foolish children. I'm a huge terrifying monster! You have nothing that could defeat me!

Link: Oh, really?

(hands dog to Zelda.)

Link: Protect puppy. Oh, and give me a signal if Ganon shows up.

Zelda: (rolls eyes and picks up dog)

(Link pulls out, yep, you guessed it, the Donkey Kong Hammer!)

Donkey Kong Hammer: DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO!

(Link hits Gannondorf and knocks him clear into the horizon.)

Gannondorf: I'll get you! And your little dog, too!! Gannondorf is blasting off (no, not again) FOR THE FIRST TIME!

Ping

Zelda: (hugs Link) Way to go Link! You actually beat him!

Link: (face turns light shade of pink) Aw, it was nothing. Um...so... Zelda?

Zelda: (They look into each other's eyes) Yes, Link?

Link: NOW do you want to play video games with me?

Zelda: Hughh! Fine. But only if we play Mario Kart.

(They start to walk off into the distance)

Link: Well, Mario Kart is okay. But I was thinking we could play Smash Brothers.

Zelda: Smash Brothers? Mario kart is way more fun!

Link: What? Are you crazy? Smash Brothers Melee rules!

Zelda: Mario Kart!

Link: Smash Brothers!

Zelda: Mario Kart!

Link: Smash Brothers!

Fin