_________________Unexpected Revelations
A/N: Darn, these get longer as they go. This one's not done yet...but will be soon! (hopefully) Please review, and enjoy ^^.
"There's no time," Harry whispered to Ron in their room. The two were packing small bags in the midst of the night.
"I'm ready," Ron whispered back with a valiant grin, pointing to his pack.
"Okay then, let's go," Harry replied very quietly.
The two tiptoed about the books and belongings of Seamus Finnigan. Finally, they arrived at the door. Harry turned the knob slowly, and Ron followed. Their steps barely echoing through the halls, they turned corner after corner.
"Are we there yet?" Ron whispered urgently.
"Of course we aren't, what's the rush?" Harry hissed as he darted to another hallway.
"Well, I just have a little problem," Ron continued nonchalantly.
"Well, forget it," Harry whispered. "I'm busy." He then ran to the left, jumped in midair, ran backwards, and joined Ron again.
"WHAT are you doing?" Ron asked suspiciously.
"World's smallest cameras. So we can see people in the halls," Harry mumbled.
"Isn't that from SpyKids?" Ron asked, confused.
"Isn't that idiotic?" another voice said, exasperated.
"Voldemort?" Harry wondered aloud.
"Malfoy?" Ron guessed.
"No," the voice muttered. "Hermione."
"OH!" Harry said with enlightenment in his tone. "So…"
"So?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
"So, will you go out with me?" Ron asked.
"Or with me," Harry added quickly.
"What? No," she said with a little laugh. "That would be quite stupid of me."
"Why?" Ron asked, completely bewildered.
"Because you're short," she said as if this explained everything.
"But I'm taller than you?"
"And?"
"Well, if I'm taller than you, how am I short?"
"Well, okay then, you're fat," Hermione said conversationally.
"I AM?!"
"Sure, why not?"
"That's mean!" Ron bellowed.
"No, it's realistic!" Hermione retorted.
"Now, that's enough!" Harry said sternly, stepping in between them. "Hermione, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now. We have business to attend to."
"We do?"
"Yes, moron, did you forget already?"
"Oh yes, we do." Ron said thoughtfully after a minute.
"Well, I'm coming with you!" Hermione said stubbornly.
"But you don't know where we're going," Harry seethed.
"That's not the point. The point is I'm going."
"FINE."
"Fine."
"No?"
"Just say 'fine', Ron," Harry murmured.
"Okay, FINE!" Ron said and stomped for emphasis.
"Shh, you'll wake everyone up!"
"Oh."
"Look, there's the Knight Bus!" Harry pointed.
"How terribly convenient!" Hermione said, delighted.
"We're so lucky!" Ron added as they boarded.
"Hello there, welcome aboard!" the conductor said happily.
"Hey, wait, aren't you Harry Potter?" a man asked.
"No, I'm Neville Longbottom," Harry replied.
"Oh, of course then," the man answered.
"That was close," Hermione whispered.
"Nah, it wasn't. I'm a good actor," Harry retorted. "Watch this!"
"HEY EVERYONE I'M HARRY POTTER!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Yeah right, Neville," the passengers all said at once while rolling their eyes.
"See?" Harry said with a self-satisfied smirk as he sat back in his chair.
"Wow, you're smart, Harry," Ron said reverently.
The two then began to play a wizarding card game.
"I always wondered where the company Wizards of the Coast got their name," Hermione remarked. "Now it all makes sense."
She then bent down and peered at Ron's face intently.
"What?" he asked, unsettled.
"Your teeth," she muttered while making a 'tsk' sound.
"What about them?"
"Well, they're looking green."
"They ARE?!"
"No, of course not."
"Well, what does this mean?"
"It's a revelation!" Harry shouted, flailing his arms about. "This means something! I read all about it at the muggles' home."
He then got out a very thick book from his trunk and began leafing through it quickly. "Ah, here we are, revelations! Green teeth: usually a disease caused by the wearer of the teeth being untruthful."
Harry and Hermione both squinted at Ron.
"So maybe I cheated a little bit?"
The two continued staring.
"Okay, okay, I won't charm the cards any more."
"This could mean something important," Harry read on. "Remember this valuable lesson."
"What lesson?" Ron wondered aloud.
"Oh never mind," Hermione said angrily.
Finally, the trio got off the bus after stowing away their cards and bidding good-day to the conductor.
"So where exactly are we going?" Hermione asked as they walked down a seemingly deserted brick road.
"Some summer camp," Harry responded mildly.
"But it isn't summer."
"Well, now it is," Ron said angrily.
Harry then stopped and looked as if he had just discovered that chocolate was made of gold. But then again- that just may very well have been the case.
"Oh. My. Gosh," he said, looking rather excited.
"What, Harry?" the two others asked.
"WE'RE WALKING DOWN A YELLOW BRICK ROAD!" Harry exclaimed.
"Wow!" Ron joined in the excitement.
"Yay," Hermione said dryly. "Isn't that wonderful?"
"Let's go to Oz!" Harry yelled happily.
"What a great idea!" Ron agreed.
"Oh, brother," Hermione muttered, slapping her hand against her head.
"Don't worry, Hermione," Ron reassured her. "I'm sure the Wizard of Oz could make you pretty again."
"WHAT?!"
"Well, you are rather ugly."
"WHAT?!"
"You're short."
"Since when?!"
"Okay then, you're fat."
"Kids, break it up. We have a road to follow," Harry said in his most diplomatic voice.
"Right," Ron said, rubbing his hands together. "Let's get going."
They hobbled along the yellow brick road, until they came to a fork. No, really, a real fork. A giant fork, at that. It was bright and shiny. Atop the fork sat an old man looking rather bored, holding up a sign.
"Fork in the Road," Harry read slowly. "Please choose a path. Right or Wrong."
"But wrong isn't a direction!" Hermione stomped about a bit.
"But it is a path, young lady," the man said in an annoyed voice. "Now, just choose a path and go along. I have sleeping to do." He then promptly fell back asleep, snoring rather loudly.
"So, where do we go? Right or Wrong?" Ron wondered aloud.
"Right, of course," Harry said. "Come on, let's go."
"Are you sure?" the old man suddenly asked.
"Obviously we want to go right," Ron said stubbornly.
"Or left?" the man inquired.
"There is no left," Hermione retorted.
"Suit yourself," the man said, and with that, a suit appeared in mid-air, hovering in front of Harry.
He angrily shoved it to the ground and immediately, his teeth turned a greenish hue.
"I ONLY SPEAK THE TRUTH!" he bellowed.
"As you say," the man replied dreamily.
"Let's just go. I'm bored," Hermione said, grabbing the two boys' arms and dragging them toward the Right.
"May the force be with you," the man whispered before slumping back into his deep sleep.
The trio continued down the brick road for a half hour or so. Hermione and Ron continued their bickering, and Harry attempted to find the right paths to take.
Quite suddenly, the old man from the fork apparated in front of the children.
"You again!" Hermione cried in an accusing tone.
"Yes, me," the main said slowly.
"You sound younger," Ron pointed out.
"Do I, now?" the man asked with a smile.
"This is so Lord of the Rings," Harry muttered.
"It is?" Ron asked, confused.
"Sure. There's a confusing old guy."
"Oh, right."
"Good!" the man said, delighted. "You have passed the first test!"
"I didn't even know it was a test," Hermione mumbled. "If I had, Iwould have studied for it."
The man removed his cloak, revealing what could be taken as the twin brother of Ewan McGreggor.
"Ewan?" Hermione asked, bedazzled.
"No," he replied slowly. "Obi-wan Kenobi."
"Wrong movie," Harry whispered under his breath.
Obi-Wan simply smiled. "Yes, Harry, it would seem so. But I must help guide you. Oh, wait," he said, bending down. His eyes closed in pain and he quickly felt around his pocket for a trinket.
"Could you oil my elbow? It's always getting out of shape…" he murmured. At that, the elbow quickly began to slide.
"Sure," Ron replied and poured in the oil.
"Ah, thanks," Obi-Wan replied, relieved. "Now, I suppose you are hungry?"
"Yes!" Harry exclaimed.
"Starving," Hermione said, downcast.
"Very well then," Obi-Wan complied, held out his hands, and a seal materialized in front of them.
"Wow!" Ron exclaimed.
"So…where's the food?" Harry asked, confused.
"Why, right in front of you," Obi-Wan replied and let the seal drop to the floor. It then began to slither away.
"Catch that seal!" Hermione commanded and the three began to run after it.
"Survival of the fittest," Harry whispered to himself and darted forward.
"Let's circle around it!" Hermione shouted.
"Since when do seals slither?" Ron wondered out loud.
"Forget that, just CATCH THAT SEAL!" Harry yelled out.
A good quarter hour later they were no closer to catching the seal than they had been before.
"I hope you have learned your lesson," Obi-Wan said gravely.
"What?" Harry asked angrily. He wasn't in a good mood; he had fallen into a mud pit, trying to catch the seal.
"That you should always question what is put before you. And that you must work together as a team, with logic. Never act without thinking first."
Harry began to answer. "Yes, but I-"
His words were then cut off; a rush of wind blew by.
"I disagree," a strong voice replied.
"Oh, darn," Obi-Wan muttered, stomping his foot in the dust.
"What now?" Hermione asked, annoyed.
"Oh, you'll see," Obi-Wan said grimly. "It's Lou."
"Lou?"
"Didn't you ever see the movie Cats and Dogs? It came out in muggle theaters a few years ago," Kenobi explained as if everyone should know this.
After seeing three blank faces, he just turned around, saying, "Never mind. You'll see soon enough."
"Master Kenobi," that same voice from earlier said with a slight echo. "You are a fool."
"I'm sure," Obi-Wan said, his mouth formed into a tight, rigid line.
"Who are you?" Harry wondered aloud.
"What are you?" Ron contemplated.
"Where are you?" Hermione asked.
"This is my gift," the voice said, and a figure could be seen, moving towards the group.
"I think he's a lunatic," Harry whispered to Ron.
"This is my curse," the man continued as he walked even closer, hands down at his sides. His stride never wavered. He seemed almost too determined, if that was at all possible.
"Oookay," Hermione said, rolling her eyes.
"With great power comes great responsibility," the man kept on with his boring speech.
"Just get it over with, Tobey. We don't have all day," Obi-Wan said impatiently.
"Tobey?"
"Yes, I am he," Tobey Magguire said confidently. "I am here now. All is well."
"Again: lunatic," Harry whispered not too gently.
"I heard that," Tobey said in an exasperated voice.
"Suuuure," Harry drawled.
"I have super hearing. I can hear everything."
"Oh really?" Harry asked with a wild smirk.
"Uh huh," Tobey replied, arms crossed.
"Ithinkthisguyiswaybeyondcrazy. Heshouldbelockedup," Hermione whispered very quickly.
"No, you're wrong!" Tobey screamed angrily. "I so do NOT eat jellyfish!"
Everyone stared at him, heads tilted and faces blank.
"What, what'd I say?" he asked self-consciously.
"Come on guys, let's keep going, we have a while yet," Ron declared and continued down the path. The others ran to catch up and they continued.
"So, I'm guessing this is a sort of American wizard-of-oz ordeal," Hermione mused as they all walked.
"No, really?" Harry asked sarcastically and rolled his eyes.
"Um…yes. So, as I was saying, this is a wizard of oz scenario. Which means that we ought to soon meet the next…" she trailed off as a blurry figure appeared in the distance.
"Character," she finished weakly.
"Hope it's not another lunatic," Harry muttered while Obi shook his head.
"No, it isn't," he said.
"Ayo, mates," said a cheerful voice.
"Hello?" Ron said tentatively.
"Ay, Obi-Wan, say? I jus' cau' another carp, say, Oh-bay. Iyt's a twnetay-aight pounder! Shrilling!"
Everyone was mightily confused by this.
"What….was that?" Hermione asked shakily.
"Ay-lo, 'Mione!" the boy said enthusiastically.
"What? Draco?! What are you doing here, why is your hair not slicked back and…and why are you GRINNING at me?"
"Oy, 'Mione, I 'int know you were scayrd. It's Tom, now, Felton, Tom."
"Draco, stop it…"
"She won't understand, Tom," Tobey said while clucking his tongue. He gestured, and, shrugging, the group kept on.
"We're going to have to take a quick rest now," Obi said apologetically.
"Why?" Ron asked cautiously.
"Do you want to tell them, or should I?" Obi said, turning to Tobey.
"You tell them. You actually LIKE them. I don't like children." Tobey muttered and turned around.
"Very well then. Well….ah…you all haven't been to Oz before, have you?"
"No."
"Well in Oz, every four point twenty seven and two forty-fifth minutes, is a special time, during which the population must face a challenge." He checked his watch. "Mine earlier was to get a date. Sadly, I didn't succeed. I wonder why," he asked himself.
"Oy, ayt's because 'ou're note a carp fisherman," Tom said as he balanced on one foot.
"Yes, well, anyway, we have a few minutes before the next challenge. You can sit on a log while we wait, if you'd like."
"Stupid Oz people," Ron muttered.
"I want to go home."
"Hoooooome is where the heaaaaaaaart isssssssssss!" sang out a voice.
"Uh oh," said Harry.
"Potter, what are YOU doing here?" Draco Malfoy scoffed.
"Malfoy? What are YOU doing here?"
"Mind your manners, Potter, I asked you first."
"Right. Well, I'm currently waiting with Obi-Wan Kenobi, Tobey Magguire, Tom Felton, Ron and Hermione for the official every four-hour-or-so Oz challenge. What about you?"
"Same. But with…different people."
"Oh, who?"
Draco was about to tell him when suddenly there was a loud bang, a bunch of fake snow that is commonly used in soap operas, a stage, and lots of lights.
"WHERE THE SOAP?" someone bellowed.
"A soap opera can't be complete without soap, and the lead opera singer here DEMANDS she have her soap, asap! We pay her by the minute, everyone, so GET GOING!"
"Where are we?" Hermione wondered aloud.
"AAAAAAnd welcome to another episode of the hexa-daily challenge show!" boomed the same voice.
"Today we're going to have an interesting, interesting time on our show. Teams A and B will compete for the chance to take the better road! Who gets the short route and who gets the detour? Find out, after these messages!" "Cut to 'mercials, crew! Go go go!"
"Okay, everyone," the man stepped forward. He was wearing one of those ridiculous badges that said, "Hello. I am the director."
"Team A, go over to that corner. Team B, over there. Come on, go!"
"Obsessed with rushing, isn't it?" muttered Obi as the group walked over to the corner.
"Okay," Tobey said. "I've had to go through this one before. It's a game show. We'll be up against another team for jeopardy and impromptu acting. It's short and easy and, after all…. I'm a professional."
There were several loud coughs at that.
They discussed "the game plan" and Tom's extremely confusing strategies. Finally, the commercials were over.
"What do they sell in Oz, anyway?" Harry asked as they strolled back to the set.
"Oh, the usual. Fish, eggs, men, servants, peasants, pheasants, soap, tickets, bottles. Brooms. Walruses. Seals. Toasted children to-go. They've come a long way in that department. They even have them in easy-to-bake mixes now!" Tobey said happily.
Harry, Hermione and Ron winced.
"Servants?" Ron asked.
"Oh, yaes. I r'ember a ainteresting stohry abou' one. You' 'erd iss one, 'Arry," Tom said.
"Oh, no. Not THAT one again," Harry muttered.
"But you two just met?"
"And your point is?"
"We had a pajama party and got to know each other!"
"But you just met about two hours ago!"
"Oy, 'oget ait, 'Mione," Tom said. "Ait's toime to show! Ays I wa' saying, tha seyrvants 'ere mus' be 'appy with tha job-ing. So we 'ere mus' make them 'appy. Oi once 'ad to take one out to 'inner. She 'sisted."
He stopped to scratch her chin.
"Ainway, she gaugh an 'mergency an we 'ad to 'ush 'er to tha 'ospit-atal. A rea' wreck, say. Shrilling trouble, 'ay."
Again, everyone was confused.
"Why do we bother trying to listen to him?" Ron muttered.
Finally, they arrived back at the main recording room.
Harry stopped dead in his tracks. So did Tom.
"WHY IS MALFOY ORANGE?!?!" Harry screamed.
"I 'O NO!!!" Tom screamed back.
Draco looked on HIMSELF, for once, with disdain.
"Genetically enhanced olives. You know those crazy scientists. They made them orange."
"Oh," said Harry.
A few moments later…
"WHY IS MALFOY RED?!?!" Harry screamed.
"I 'O NO!!" Tom screamed back.
This time Draco smirked.
"Genetically enhanced carrots. Just leave me be."
A few seconds after that…
"WHY IS MALFOY BLUE!?!?" Harry screamed.
Draco jumped onto Harry and started beating him with a nearby grandmother's cane.
"STOP IEH, STOP IEH!" Tom screeched.
At long last, they were able to begin taping.
"So, so, so" the impatient director began, rubbing his hands together. "It's jeopardy. You're familiar with it. If you aren't, then go kill yourself."
Tobey shook his head sadly and started walking away. Hermione started to reach out to pull him back.
Ron mumbled, "Let him go! He's annoying!" But Hermione the Perfect Prefect brought back Tobey. No one knows what she did to cheer him up. No one WANTS to know, to this day.
"So, in jeopardy, listen, listen. We'll have categories. You can each choose one, and get going, get going. You'll be against the other team. Then you will choreograph, sing and make a music video in three point six minutes. Have fun. GO!"
The commercials ended, and the taping started. And so did the… umm… 'fun'.
"And now the category of stupid, possibly false facts! Whoooo from team one will take it?"
"I WILL!" shouted Ron. "What is box number seven, for two hundred?"
"Right on then, Ron! Here is your question: What llama did Alexander the Great name 'My son'?"
Obi started whistling the jeopardy tune while Ron paced and muttered.
"WHAT IS LUKE SKYWALKER?" he bellowed.
"That's right!" The director called out. "Two hundred to team A!"
After that round came the double jeopardy for….fishing.
"Moi faye-voh-ryte! Let 'e at ait!"
"For seventeen thousand, then. How heavy was your largest fish ?"
"THI-ARTY SAYVEN 'OUNDS!"
"Aaaaand, that's it for the jeopardy section! We'll be right back after these messages!"
"COME ON, GUYS!" Tobey screamed as they all collapsed into a room. A white chalkboard, with blue chalk, was on the wall, bearing the message: 'You have 5 minutes to make a music video about defeating evil in general. It will happen in Saudi Arabia. Start now."
They then began to plan their show….
TO BE CONTINUED!
What will the music video be like? Who's on Draco's team, and will their video be as good as our hero's? Who will win the contest? Will the Wizard Of Oz make Hermione pretty again? Tune in next time for…UNEXPECTED REVELATIONS, PART TWO!
A/N: Darn, these get longer as they go. This one's not done yet...but will be soon! (hopefully) Please review, and enjoy ^^.
"There's no time," Harry whispered to Ron in their room. The two were packing small bags in the midst of the night.
"I'm ready," Ron whispered back with a valiant grin, pointing to his pack.
"Okay then, let's go," Harry replied very quietly.
The two tiptoed about the books and belongings of Seamus Finnigan. Finally, they arrived at the door. Harry turned the knob slowly, and Ron followed. Their steps barely echoing through the halls, they turned corner after corner.
"Are we there yet?" Ron whispered urgently.
"Of course we aren't, what's the rush?" Harry hissed as he darted to another hallway.
"Well, I just have a little problem," Ron continued nonchalantly.
"Well, forget it," Harry whispered. "I'm busy." He then ran to the left, jumped in midair, ran backwards, and joined Ron again.
"WHAT are you doing?" Ron asked suspiciously.
"World's smallest cameras. So we can see people in the halls," Harry mumbled.
"Isn't that from SpyKids?" Ron asked, confused.
"Isn't that idiotic?" another voice said, exasperated.
"Voldemort?" Harry wondered aloud.
"Malfoy?" Ron guessed.
"No," the voice muttered. "Hermione."
"OH!" Harry said with enlightenment in his tone. "So…"
"So?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
"So, will you go out with me?" Ron asked.
"Or with me," Harry added quickly.
"What? No," she said with a little laugh. "That would be quite stupid of me."
"Why?" Ron asked, completely bewildered.
"Because you're short," she said as if this explained everything.
"But I'm taller than you?"
"And?"
"Well, if I'm taller than you, how am I short?"
"Well, okay then, you're fat," Hermione said conversationally.
"I AM?!"
"Sure, why not?"
"That's mean!" Ron bellowed.
"No, it's realistic!" Hermione retorted.
"Now, that's enough!" Harry said sternly, stepping in between them. "Hermione, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now. We have business to attend to."
"We do?"
"Yes, moron, did you forget already?"
"Oh yes, we do." Ron said thoughtfully after a minute.
"Well, I'm coming with you!" Hermione said stubbornly.
"But you don't know where we're going," Harry seethed.
"That's not the point. The point is I'm going."
"FINE."
"Fine."
"No?"
"Just say 'fine', Ron," Harry murmured.
"Okay, FINE!" Ron said and stomped for emphasis.
"Shh, you'll wake everyone up!"
"Oh."
"Look, there's the Knight Bus!" Harry pointed.
"How terribly convenient!" Hermione said, delighted.
"We're so lucky!" Ron added as they boarded.
"Hello there, welcome aboard!" the conductor said happily.
"Hey, wait, aren't you Harry Potter?" a man asked.
"No, I'm Neville Longbottom," Harry replied.
"Oh, of course then," the man answered.
"That was close," Hermione whispered.
"Nah, it wasn't. I'm a good actor," Harry retorted. "Watch this!"
"HEY EVERYONE I'M HARRY POTTER!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Yeah right, Neville," the passengers all said at once while rolling their eyes.
"See?" Harry said with a self-satisfied smirk as he sat back in his chair.
"Wow, you're smart, Harry," Ron said reverently.
The two then began to play a wizarding card game.
"I always wondered where the company Wizards of the Coast got their name," Hermione remarked. "Now it all makes sense."
She then bent down and peered at Ron's face intently.
"What?" he asked, unsettled.
"Your teeth," she muttered while making a 'tsk' sound.
"What about them?"
"Well, they're looking green."
"They ARE?!"
"No, of course not."
"Well, what does this mean?"
"It's a revelation!" Harry shouted, flailing his arms about. "This means something! I read all about it at the muggles' home."
He then got out a very thick book from his trunk and began leafing through it quickly. "Ah, here we are, revelations! Green teeth: usually a disease caused by the wearer of the teeth being untruthful."
Harry and Hermione both squinted at Ron.
"So maybe I cheated a little bit?"
The two continued staring.
"Okay, okay, I won't charm the cards any more."
"This could mean something important," Harry read on. "Remember this valuable lesson."
"What lesson?" Ron wondered aloud.
"Oh never mind," Hermione said angrily.
Finally, the trio got off the bus after stowing away their cards and bidding good-day to the conductor.
"So where exactly are we going?" Hermione asked as they walked down a seemingly deserted brick road.
"Some summer camp," Harry responded mildly.
"But it isn't summer."
"Well, now it is," Ron said angrily.
Harry then stopped and looked as if he had just discovered that chocolate was made of gold. But then again- that just may very well have been the case.
"Oh. My. Gosh," he said, looking rather excited.
"What, Harry?" the two others asked.
"WE'RE WALKING DOWN A YELLOW BRICK ROAD!" Harry exclaimed.
"Wow!" Ron joined in the excitement.
"Yay," Hermione said dryly. "Isn't that wonderful?"
"Let's go to Oz!" Harry yelled happily.
"What a great idea!" Ron agreed.
"Oh, brother," Hermione muttered, slapping her hand against her head.
"Don't worry, Hermione," Ron reassured her. "I'm sure the Wizard of Oz could make you pretty again."
"WHAT?!"
"Well, you are rather ugly."
"WHAT?!"
"You're short."
"Since when?!"
"Okay then, you're fat."
"Kids, break it up. We have a road to follow," Harry said in his most diplomatic voice.
"Right," Ron said, rubbing his hands together. "Let's get going."
They hobbled along the yellow brick road, until they came to a fork. No, really, a real fork. A giant fork, at that. It was bright and shiny. Atop the fork sat an old man looking rather bored, holding up a sign.
"Fork in the Road," Harry read slowly. "Please choose a path. Right or Wrong."
"But wrong isn't a direction!" Hermione stomped about a bit.
"But it is a path, young lady," the man said in an annoyed voice. "Now, just choose a path and go along. I have sleeping to do." He then promptly fell back asleep, snoring rather loudly.
"So, where do we go? Right or Wrong?" Ron wondered aloud.
"Right, of course," Harry said. "Come on, let's go."
"Are you sure?" the old man suddenly asked.
"Obviously we want to go right," Ron said stubbornly.
"Or left?" the man inquired.
"There is no left," Hermione retorted.
"Suit yourself," the man said, and with that, a suit appeared in mid-air, hovering in front of Harry.
He angrily shoved it to the ground and immediately, his teeth turned a greenish hue.
"I ONLY SPEAK THE TRUTH!" he bellowed.
"As you say," the man replied dreamily.
"Let's just go. I'm bored," Hermione said, grabbing the two boys' arms and dragging them toward the Right.
"May the force be with you," the man whispered before slumping back into his deep sleep.
The trio continued down the brick road for a half hour or so. Hermione and Ron continued their bickering, and Harry attempted to find the right paths to take.
Quite suddenly, the old man from the fork apparated in front of the children.
"You again!" Hermione cried in an accusing tone.
"Yes, me," the main said slowly.
"You sound younger," Ron pointed out.
"Do I, now?" the man asked with a smile.
"This is so Lord of the Rings," Harry muttered.
"It is?" Ron asked, confused.
"Sure. There's a confusing old guy."
"Oh, right."
"Good!" the man said, delighted. "You have passed the first test!"
"I didn't even know it was a test," Hermione mumbled. "If I had, Iwould have studied for it."
The man removed his cloak, revealing what could be taken as the twin brother of Ewan McGreggor.
"Ewan?" Hermione asked, bedazzled.
"No," he replied slowly. "Obi-wan Kenobi."
"Wrong movie," Harry whispered under his breath.
Obi-Wan simply smiled. "Yes, Harry, it would seem so. But I must help guide you. Oh, wait," he said, bending down. His eyes closed in pain and he quickly felt around his pocket for a trinket.
"Could you oil my elbow? It's always getting out of shape…" he murmured. At that, the elbow quickly began to slide.
"Sure," Ron replied and poured in the oil.
"Ah, thanks," Obi-Wan replied, relieved. "Now, I suppose you are hungry?"
"Yes!" Harry exclaimed.
"Starving," Hermione said, downcast.
"Very well then," Obi-Wan complied, held out his hands, and a seal materialized in front of them.
"Wow!" Ron exclaimed.
"So…where's the food?" Harry asked, confused.
"Why, right in front of you," Obi-Wan replied and let the seal drop to the floor. It then began to slither away.
"Catch that seal!" Hermione commanded and the three began to run after it.
"Survival of the fittest," Harry whispered to himself and darted forward.
"Let's circle around it!" Hermione shouted.
"Since when do seals slither?" Ron wondered out loud.
"Forget that, just CATCH THAT SEAL!" Harry yelled out.
A good quarter hour later they were no closer to catching the seal than they had been before.
"I hope you have learned your lesson," Obi-Wan said gravely.
"What?" Harry asked angrily. He wasn't in a good mood; he had fallen into a mud pit, trying to catch the seal.
"That you should always question what is put before you. And that you must work together as a team, with logic. Never act without thinking first."
Harry began to answer. "Yes, but I-"
His words were then cut off; a rush of wind blew by.
"I disagree," a strong voice replied.
"Oh, darn," Obi-Wan muttered, stomping his foot in the dust.
"What now?" Hermione asked, annoyed.
"Oh, you'll see," Obi-Wan said grimly. "It's Lou."
"Lou?"
"Didn't you ever see the movie Cats and Dogs? It came out in muggle theaters a few years ago," Kenobi explained as if everyone should know this.
After seeing three blank faces, he just turned around, saying, "Never mind. You'll see soon enough."
"Master Kenobi," that same voice from earlier said with a slight echo. "You are a fool."
"I'm sure," Obi-Wan said, his mouth formed into a tight, rigid line.
"Who are you?" Harry wondered aloud.
"What are you?" Ron contemplated.
"Where are you?" Hermione asked.
"This is my gift," the voice said, and a figure could be seen, moving towards the group.
"I think he's a lunatic," Harry whispered to Ron.
"This is my curse," the man continued as he walked even closer, hands down at his sides. His stride never wavered. He seemed almost too determined, if that was at all possible.
"Oookay," Hermione said, rolling her eyes.
"With great power comes great responsibility," the man kept on with his boring speech.
"Just get it over with, Tobey. We don't have all day," Obi-Wan said impatiently.
"Tobey?"
"Yes, I am he," Tobey Magguire said confidently. "I am here now. All is well."
"Again: lunatic," Harry whispered not too gently.
"I heard that," Tobey said in an exasperated voice.
"Suuuure," Harry drawled.
"I have super hearing. I can hear everything."
"Oh really?" Harry asked with a wild smirk.
"Uh huh," Tobey replied, arms crossed.
"Ithinkthisguyiswaybeyondcrazy. Heshouldbelockedup," Hermione whispered very quickly.
"No, you're wrong!" Tobey screamed angrily. "I so do NOT eat jellyfish!"
Everyone stared at him, heads tilted and faces blank.
"What, what'd I say?" he asked self-consciously.
"Come on guys, let's keep going, we have a while yet," Ron declared and continued down the path. The others ran to catch up and they continued.
"So, I'm guessing this is a sort of American wizard-of-oz ordeal," Hermione mused as they all walked.
"No, really?" Harry asked sarcastically and rolled his eyes.
"Um…yes. So, as I was saying, this is a wizard of oz scenario. Which means that we ought to soon meet the next…" she trailed off as a blurry figure appeared in the distance.
"Character," she finished weakly.
"Hope it's not another lunatic," Harry muttered while Obi shook his head.
"No, it isn't," he said.
"Ayo, mates," said a cheerful voice.
"Hello?" Ron said tentatively.
"Ay, Obi-Wan, say? I jus' cau' another carp, say, Oh-bay. Iyt's a twnetay-aight pounder! Shrilling!"
Everyone was mightily confused by this.
"What….was that?" Hermione asked shakily.
"Ay-lo, 'Mione!" the boy said enthusiastically.
"What? Draco?! What are you doing here, why is your hair not slicked back and…and why are you GRINNING at me?"
"Oy, 'Mione, I 'int know you were scayrd. It's Tom, now, Felton, Tom."
"Draco, stop it…"
"She won't understand, Tom," Tobey said while clucking his tongue. He gestured, and, shrugging, the group kept on.
"We're going to have to take a quick rest now," Obi said apologetically.
"Why?" Ron asked cautiously.
"Do you want to tell them, or should I?" Obi said, turning to Tobey.
"You tell them. You actually LIKE them. I don't like children." Tobey muttered and turned around.
"Very well then. Well….ah…you all haven't been to Oz before, have you?"
"No."
"Well in Oz, every four point twenty seven and two forty-fifth minutes, is a special time, during which the population must face a challenge." He checked his watch. "Mine earlier was to get a date. Sadly, I didn't succeed. I wonder why," he asked himself.
"Oy, ayt's because 'ou're note a carp fisherman," Tom said as he balanced on one foot.
"Yes, well, anyway, we have a few minutes before the next challenge. You can sit on a log while we wait, if you'd like."
"Stupid Oz people," Ron muttered.
"I want to go home."
"Hoooooome is where the heaaaaaaaart isssssssssss!" sang out a voice.
"Uh oh," said Harry.
"Potter, what are YOU doing here?" Draco Malfoy scoffed.
"Malfoy? What are YOU doing here?"
"Mind your manners, Potter, I asked you first."
"Right. Well, I'm currently waiting with Obi-Wan Kenobi, Tobey Magguire, Tom Felton, Ron and Hermione for the official every four-hour-or-so Oz challenge. What about you?"
"Same. But with…different people."
"Oh, who?"
Draco was about to tell him when suddenly there was a loud bang, a bunch of fake snow that is commonly used in soap operas, a stage, and lots of lights.
"WHERE THE SOAP?" someone bellowed.
"A soap opera can't be complete without soap, and the lead opera singer here DEMANDS she have her soap, asap! We pay her by the minute, everyone, so GET GOING!"
"Where are we?" Hermione wondered aloud.
"AAAAAAnd welcome to another episode of the hexa-daily challenge show!" boomed the same voice.
"Today we're going to have an interesting, interesting time on our show. Teams A and B will compete for the chance to take the better road! Who gets the short route and who gets the detour? Find out, after these messages!" "Cut to 'mercials, crew! Go go go!"
"Okay, everyone," the man stepped forward. He was wearing one of those ridiculous badges that said, "Hello. I am the director."
"Team A, go over to that corner. Team B, over there. Come on, go!"
"Obsessed with rushing, isn't it?" muttered Obi as the group walked over to the corner.
"Okay," Tobey said. "I've had to go through this one before. It's a game show. We'll be up against another team for jeopardy and impromptu acting. It's short and easy and, after all…. I'm a professional."
There were several loud coughs at that.
They discussed "the game plan" and Tom's extremely confusing strategies. Finally, the commercials were over.
"What do they sell in Oz, anyway?" Harry asked as they strolled back to the set.
"Oh, the usual. Fish, eggs, men, servants, peasants, pheasants, soap, tickets, bottles. Brooms. Walruses. Seals. Toasted children to-go. They've come a long way in that department. They even have them in easy-to-bake mixes now!" Tobey said happily.
Harry, Hermione and Ron winced.
"Servants?" Ron asked.
"Oh, yaes. I r'ember a ainteresting stohry abou' one. You' 'erd iss one, 'Arry," Tom said.
"Oh, no. Not THAT one again," Harry muttered.
"But you two just met?"
"And your point is?"
"We had a pajama party and got to know each other!"
"But you just met about two hours ago!"
"Oy, 'oget ait, 'Mione," Tom said. "Ait's toime to show! Ays I wa' saying, tha seyrvants 'ere mus' be 'appy with tha job-ing. So we 'ere mus' make them 'appy. Oi once 'ad to take one out to 'inner. She 'sisted."
He stopped to scratch her chin.
"Ainway, she gaugh an 'mergency an we 'ad to 'ush 'er to tha 'ospit-atal. A rea' wreck, say. Shrilling trouble, 'ay."
Again, everyone was confused.
"Why do we bother trying to listen to him?" Ron muttered.
Finally, they arrived back at the main recording room.
Harry stopped dead in his tracks. So did Tom.
"WHY IS MALFOY ORANGE?!?!" Harry screamed.
"I 'O NO!!!" Tom screamed back.
Draco looked on HIMSELF, for once, with disdain.
"Genetically enhanced olives. You know those crazy scientists. They made them orange."
"Oh," said Harry.
A few moments later…
"WHY IS MALFOY RED?!?!" Harry screamed.
"I 'O NO!!" Tom screamed back.
This time Draco smirked.
"Genetically enhanced carrots. Just leave me be."
A few seconds after that…
"WHY IS MALFOY BLUE!?!?" Harry screamed.
Draco jumped onto Harry and started beating him with a nearby grandmother's cane.
"STOP IEH, STOP IEH!" Tom screeched.
At long last, they were able to begin taping.
"So, so, so" the impatient director began, rubbing his hands together. "It's jeopardy. You're familiar with it. If you aren't, then go kill yourself."
Tobey shook his head sadly and started walking away. Hermione started to reach out to pull him back.
Ron mumbled, "Let him go! He's annoying!" But Hermione the Perfect Prefect brought back Tobey. No one knows what she did to cheer him up. No one WANTS to know, to this day.
"So, in jeopardy, listen, listen. We'll have categories. You can each choose one, and get going, get going. You'll be against the other team. Then you will choreograph, sing and make a music video in three point six minutes. Have fun. GO!"
The commercials ended, and the taping started. And so did the… umm… 'fun'.
"And now the category of stupid, possibly false facts! Whoooo from team one will take it?"
"I WILL!" shouted Ron. "What is box number seven, for two hundred?"
"Right on then, Ron! Here is your question: What llama did Alexander the Great name 'My son'?"
Obi started whistling the jeopardy tune while Ron paced and muttered.
"WHAT IS LUKE SKYWALKER?" he bellowed.
"That's right!" The director called out. "Two hundred to team A!"
After that round came the double jeopardy for….fishing.
"Moi faye-voh-ryte! Let 'e at ait!"
"For seventeen thousand, then. How heavy was your largest fish ?"
"THI-ARTY SAYVEN 'OUNDS!"
"Aaaaand, that's it for the jeopardy section! We'll be right back after these messages!"
"COME ON, GUYS!" Tobey screamed as they all collapsed into a room. A white chalkboard, with blue chalk, was on the wall, bearing the message: 'You have 5 minutes to make a music video about defeating evil in general. It will happen in Saudi Arabia. Start now."
They then began to plan their show….
TO BE CONTINUED!
What will the music video be like? Who's on Draco's team, and will their video be as good as our hero's? Who will win the contest? Will the Wizard Of Oz make Hermione pretty again? Tune in next time for…UNEXPECTED REVELATIONS, PART TWO!