Songfic of "Give Your Heart A Break" by Demi Lovato
** Sequal to "home is in your arms", takes place much before "fairy lights" **
The day I first met you
You told me you'd never fall in love
But now that I get you
I know fear is what it really was
He'd not understood, for a long time, why she pushed him away. But he was starting to. Beginning to realize that she was afraid. Of him. He was starting to get Abby, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt him when she shut him down.
Now here we are
So close yet so far
Haven't I passed the test
When will you realize
Baby, I'm not like the rest
She'd kissed him and then had taken it back, just like when he'd told her he loved her, he'd taken it back. She hadn't hesitated when she kissed him, and he'd been so surprised that he didn't take control, let her lead the kiss. It had been spectacular, brilliant. She'd basically said it had been nothing, and while he knew it was a defense machanism in Abby, it still hurt, a deep ache. He wished all he'd done for her - though he hadn't done any of it for selfish reasons, he had done all those things for her because he loved her, but still - he wished it had been enough to get her to trust him. She'd told him little bits of her past, and he'd done the same. He knew that she was afraid he wouldn't stay, that he was like every other man she'd ever liked, that he would leave her. But he wasn't.
Don't wanna break your heart
Wanna give your heart a break
I know you're scared it's wrong
Like you might make a mistake
There's just one life to live
And there's no time to wait, to waste
So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break
Oh yeah, yeah
He would never, never hurt her if he could help it. The fact that she was still so unsure, still scared that if she became his girlfriend, if she officially 'got together' with him, he'd break her heart, was painful.
As if things didn't hurt just as much without ever being together. But maybe... maybe she was scared, not only of him doing something... but maybe Abby was afraid that she would mess up, that she would do something wrong and scare him away. He had to tell her, had to let her know. He trusted her; nothing she would say or do could make him give up on her. Except maybe if she said she didn't love him. Thinking about her doubts just made him worry about himself. Maybe...
No. The problem wasn't that he wasn't good enough. Abby was afraid he was too good... right? He hoped he was reading this right. He knew he wasn't usually good at that, but he knew Abby so well...And he did know, understood quite well, that she was afraid of giving her heart to anyone, lest it be broken.
But he would never, ever do that to Abby.
Not if he could help it, at least.
Connor didn't see that some of her fear was that if she loved him, and something happened to him, she'd be left heartbroken. He feared for her life, but he couldn't see that she would feel so strongly about him as well.
On Sunday you went home alone There were tears in your eyes
I called your cell phone, my love
But you did not reply
He looked after her as she stormed away from him. He'd seen, though. When he came over to her in the ARC, she'd spun around like he'd given her a static shock or something. He was confused when she snapped at him. Earlier that day he'd narrowly avoided gettin badly hurt. Again. Abby had been in danger, and he'd gotten in the dinosaur's way. Thankfully it had swerved, the large herbivore startled into avoiding the two of them. Abby had seemed in shock for a few moments, and he'd unthinkingly pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head. He was more worried abotu her than about himself She'd hugged him back, but she'd been very quiet on the way back.
And then she snapped at him, and in that second he saw her blue eyes, too bright, rimmed with red. She'd been crying.
Connor was confused, and worried for her. He tried calling her mobile, but Abby hadn't answered.
How could he know she was in her room, crying because she thought she wasn't worth it. He'd have given his life to save her's without a thought, but she felt she wasn't worth it. Connor couldn't understand it, not yet at least.