The warming, golden glow of the sun heaved across the emerald acres surrounding the equine settlement known in the books as Ponyville. Every building cast convenient sharp shades upon the corners of the streets, as ponies of all the rainbow's colors mingled on this beutiful day. Down at the vegitable market, one could almost hear the good vibrations spewing form the friendliness of the patronizing dwarf horses bargaining with the merchants.
The sweet mood was all of a sudden interrupted by a loud gargle emerging between the sinister-looking pine of the Everfree Forest. Before any of the ponies had a chance to react rationally, a gruesome ogre ascended from the fog, drooling hot acid upon the aestetically inspiring plant matters, reducing them to steamy husks of putric yellow.
"I am Shrek, motherfucker!" proclaimed the vomit green abomination. The ponies dropped their currencies and possessions, in a fit of panic, as they ran in nearly perfect circles about the market area. Shrek lifted Big Macintosh from the ground and tossed his body into an asparagus stand, setting it on fire. Big Mac screamed in absolute dread as his equine frame let itself consume by the flames. Mere minutes went by before he was naught but a coal-ridden carcass. Before Shrek could pause to revel in the odor of fried horse, he grabbed hold of Cheerilee, and ripped her spinal cord out her throat. He used the spinal cord to skip rope, as his year-long exile in the forest had rendered him chubby and totally out of shape. Then he used it to whip Lyra Heartstrings, as she screamed like a banshee, until her supple anatomy was reduced to a crimson pulp and popular insect attraction.