Warning: Violent content towards the end of this chapter.

A/N: This chapter picks up at Alison's party after Delphine drives away. The first scene is a bit slow, but it's setting the stage so to speak.

Updated A/N: For those who are following the story, I am going back through my old chapters and cleaning up some spelling/grammar errors and altering some of the wording of a few scenes. There are no major changes to these chapters unless otherwise stated in the updated Authors Notes. For this chapter, there was a significant continuity issue that either no one caught or no one wanted to point out. I fixed it from the original. It changed a bit of the interaction between the characters in the last scene, but the overall content has not changed.

Chapter 1

Cosima watched Delphine drive away. "What the hell….?" she whispered to herself. That kiss definitely said, there's still something there. But obvious from her departing remark, Delphine still felt the need to keep the distance between them. Ok. The hard decisions. Right. Like breaking up with me so that she could keep her promise to love all of my sisters equally. But Delphine's inconsistency over the last few weeks still left her adrift with questions.

Like is it really all about protecting us, or is it about liking the power your new position gives you and needing to walk a tightrope between keeping us mollified and keeping your new job?

Like is this push-me-away, pull-me-back to you thing just you struggling with us being separated when you don't really want to be? Or do you do the pulling when you realize I'm slipping out from under your influence?

And is there any chance of a future for us? Between their separation and her illness gaining ground, Cosima was very afraid of that answer.

She wanted to take it back, tell Delphine to love her more than her sisters, because in truth, she felt Delphine was loving her less and less. But her sisters needed Delphine's protection, too, and she was doing that.

With a slow turn she returned to the party. Just listening to the conversations going on around her was soothing. There wasn't any talk of Dyad or Topside or …anyone associated with them.

"So what did Delphine have to say?" Scott asked. "Are we still fired?"

Sigh. Someone was peeking. "I think now that we have samples of the original DNA before they monkeyed with it, we have to stay fired, don't you? Otherwise, Dyad gets access to it and Neolution through them. And, yes, Delphine agrees. She said keep Kendall and her DNA far away. And, point of fact," she said waving her hand in a circular motion at him, "we resigned."

"You resigned," he muttered under his breath. She heard him anyway and gave him a look.

"Well how are you going to run your analysis without the lab at Dyad?" Allison asked curiously.

"I don't know. Universities or hospitals are our best bets," Cosima replied a bit despondently.

"Forensic labs have a lot of what we need too," Scott added. "Art, any chance of you getting us access?"

"There isn't a whole lot I can do to help you with that, other than give you a contact in the lab to send your CV. But Cosima can't be seen there. Too many people knew Beth and saw us bring in Sarah. Plus, D'Angeles seems to have let go of her investigation for now. But all she would need to put her back into bloodhound mode is another clone sighting right under her nose. I can make some calls to see if anyone who owes me favors is owed favors by someone higher up the food chain who can pull some strings to get you hired. Don't hold your breath though."

"It's something at least," Cosima added. "I don't think we can be choosy at this point. Time to update our CVs and litter the city with them. It will be interesting to see the results of this interview process, huh?" Cosima's eyes held something seldom seen in them before. Skepticism. "The bad guys know we have what they want, and they have long arms and a lots of influence. Any lab that takes us will be suspect."

"I have another question," Sarah added. "If Delphine is saying keep Kendall's DNA hidden away, does that mean she's working against Topside, or that Topside told her to keep it away until they clean house of Neolution, or vice versa?"

"Does it matter? If she said 'bring her in' would we do it?"

"Not my point. Delphine is a still a big question mark for me."

"I trust her," Scott offered, somewhat defensively. "Anytime your ass has been on the line she's been there. That's all that matters, isn't it?"

"No, no, no!" Felix jumped in. "Has everyone forgotten she runs Dyad now? How can you trust her? And what about Kira getting taken? That was on her!" He also genuinely believed Delphine was just using Cosima, the straight girl out for political gain manipulating his poor little love struck lesbian sister.

"That wasn't intentional. She thought you had a mole working with you and came to warn you." Cosima answered. "She tried to protect us, only this time it was a setup."

"Yeah, you believe it wasn't intentional," Felix retorted.

"Hey, I have been the least trusting of Delphine of all of us the last few weeks. But when she came to tell me about her part in Kira's abduction, she was genuinely devastated. That was real."

Allison looked thoughtful. "I tend to agree with Scott. I mean, she has to be in some hot water, what with losing the book to the Castor party without ever knowing you had it, letting Rachel escape, and then letting Cosima walk out of Dyad where they were able to keep a constant eye on you. And most of that happened because you were working behind her back. Despite all that, she still called Sarah to tell her not to give Kendall's samples to Ferdinand. I would have thought getting Topside those samples might have offset some of her losses in their eyes, even if Neolution got them too. Instead, her waving you off probably counts against her as another failure. When you spoke to her earlier, did she blame you for any of it?" Allison asked archly.

Cosima looked down at her half eaten plate of food. "No. Instead she was… I don't know. Still vague. Still holding things back. Then again, I certainly haven't been shy about keeping things from her."

Until Allison had pointed it out, she hadn't considered how any of the things that she had done might affect Delphine, only how Delphine's actions had, and might in the future, affect her and her sisters. What did that say about her? Delphine always seemed to rise above each of Cosima's misdeeds, and come back to her…and kiss her senseless…and then walk away again. Fuck! Well, at least if Dyad fired Delphine, she would know one way or the other. If they cut her loose there wouldn't be anything to stop her from switching sides.

"I don't know about trust. But I do like having someone in the upper echelons of Dyad who seems to want to keep you all alive and healthy. And doesn't seem to want to lock you in a cell to achieve it. Those are alliances you may want to keep," Mrs. S offered up with a slightly chiding tone as she looked at Sarah.

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Well, yeah, hindsight being perfect, maybe the plan to break Rachel out of Dyad wasn't the best idea. But don't forget, Delphine was just as tricky with letting us. She played us." Sarah's pride still stung.

"And that's a far cry from the love struck monitor she passed herself off as at the start of all this, yeah?" Felix offered his opinion.

"Sometimes a person learns to swim when tossed in the deep end. If you had been working together, instead of against each other," Siobhan replied reasonably, "you might still have the book, and the translation, and Delphine might have kept it from Topside anyway. Only that last is really in question. And weren't we planning on giving them Ma's blood and tissue samples our own selves?"

"That's our choice, not hers," Sarah retorted hotly.

Listening to the exchange, Cosima was surprised at Sarah's vehement distrust of Delphine. Scott was right about Delphine's support of them. She had helped Sarah out of tough spots time and again. Not outing Sarah at the Dyad party where she had been pretending to be Cosima was the first. Then alerting Cosima to Rachel's planned, and definitely involuntary oophorectomy for Sarah. And then drafting Sarah to prevent the elimination of all three self-aware clones by Ferdinand and Rachel. And yet, Sarah was still almost angry at her. That's it exactly. Sarah's distrust was rooted in her anger at Delphine about Kira's kidnapping. And mine is rooted in my anger at her withdrawal from our relationship, she thought to herself. She shook her head. Only one thing was coming clear… we need to try to look at our situation more objectively.

"Why is it our choice?" she asked philosophically. "It's our biology, yes, but the synthetic sequences are someone else's science. Do we own that just because it was used to make us possible? There are huge questions out there we haven't bothered to answer among ourselves. And without that frame of reference, it's impossible to judge the accuracy of our own actions much less Delphine's."

"You don't trust her either."

"You're right, I didn't. I think my hurt feelings over her dumping me may have influenced a lot of that," she looked down, self-consciously. "But trust is something a person chooses to do." She looked up again. "Done objectively, you choose to trust after weighing the pros and cons of a person's actions and what you know, or think you know, about them. Delphine's actions, even the ones I disagree with, can all be traced back to trying to protect us or to find a cure. The fact that some of those actions also benefit Dyad with the science are what help her stay in a position to continue to help us. And whether letting them get the science is wrong or not depends on the point of view."

"Is that what she's doing? Protecting us? Or is she just protecting the Leda project, as one of the lead scientists and now as the Director?" Sarah parried.

"To Mrs. S's point, she could do that by locking us away in a cell". She took a deep breath. "So I am choosing to trust her motives from here on out. It doesn't mean we have to share everything with her all the time," she offered hurriedly as both Sarah and Felix started to protest. "And each of you is free to draw your own conclusions. But," she paused and swallowed, "even though we're not together anymore, and may never be, wherever I am, Delphine will always be welcome."

"How can you say that?" Felix demanded. "She dumped you right after she got her promotion. Slept her way to it, no doubt, with you the cherry on top. And once she got you where they could keep you under their thumb, and the big boss chair became available, you're out like yesterday's garbage."

"Felix," Siobhan scolded. Even Sarah looked uncomfortable with that blatantly cold characterization of Delphine's motives. She had seen Delphine and Cosima together enough to know not all of their relationship was fake on the doctor's part. But some of it, maybe? Delphine had seemed cold towards Cosima since taking over for Rachel. And Sarah felt very protective of Cosima.

Cosima shook her head, hurt by his harsh summary of the very thing she had worried over. "Well, I may be wrong, but one thing I've taken away from my recent interactions with Delphine…," she started.

"Chlamydia?" Felix interrupted cattily.

Cosima glared at him, while a few of the other tried to hide smiles. "If I'm wrong, there will be consequences. All I can do is deal with them as they occur."

Felix just rolled his eyes, "Lesbians. Always wanting to be friends once it's over. You do remember she's not a real lesbian, right?"

"If she is not to be trusted we should kill her," Helena added her two cents, sounding reasonable about it.

"No!" Cosima pointed a finger at Helena. "No killing, no thinking about killing, no talk of killing."

"It was joke, I do not do this any more," Helena tried a tentative smile to diffuse her sister's irritation.

"Iduno, I think Helena may be on to something with that," Felix smirked.

"Speaking of the future," Alison stretched to change the subject. "What are our plans for that? I mean, Mrs. S and Sarah are going to take Kendall into hiding, and Cosima and Scott are going to try to get lab access somewhere and keep working on a cure. Is there something else we should be doing to keep ourselves safe?"

"Probably," Sarah replied. "But I'm still too focused on getting us out of the country to think that far ahead. As long as nothing goes wrong, once we have time to take a breath, maybe we can put our minds to that."

"I agree," Cosima said tiredly, wanting to make her excuses and head home. "But something to think about? In addition to basic survival, we have been focused on trying to keep the science out of Dyad's hands. But is it realistic to assume we can stop it? I mean, if they don't get Duncan's synthetic sequences or Kendall's DNA, they'll just keep working to figure it out themselves and eventually, yatzee. Or Neolution will get there with the bogarted book the Castors took, because you know they have that by now. No, trying to control the science is, like, trying to bail the Titanic with a tea cup. It's a losing game. So maybe, to Alison's point, our efforts would be better spent on protecting the results…us, our sisters, and our brothers, and any other human clones that might already exist out there."

"And how do you propose we do that?"

"Well, the laws on the books now are all designed to prevent us from even existing – making human cloning illegal. There are no laws that protect a theoretical human clone, no rulings that say we're even human, worthy of the existing protections for normal people. And that's because most of the world doesn't know we are no longer a theoretical. But Dyad and those others, they are lobbying to get laws on the books that would make us their property, or at least make it easier to argue when the time comes. We aren't doing anything to fight them on that front. I'm not proposing we do it today, or even in the next few months. But I think eventually, we will have to blow the whistle, come out to the world and let the chips fall where they may."

"No," Sarah interjected, "The second we start to move in that direction, Dyad, Topside, Neolution, and whatever remnants of Castor remain out there, including the military, will come for our heads, and our families, just like Helsinki."

"I know," Cosima stared back at Sarah seriously. "But how long can we keep doing what we're doing without them coming for us anyway?" Cosima offered reasonably. "It's the only way I can see to get the legal protections we need in place before Dyad figures out how to duplicate their results and make us slaves."

She looked apologetically at Allison. "Sorry. Didn't mean to be a big downer for your party."

"Well, I did ask."

. . . . .

Cosima had gotten home from Allison's party several hours earlier. Unable to sleep, she stared at the ceiling from her pillow. Her mind had been bouncing from Delphine to Shay to Delphine to Shay, with guilt layered in between. Ultimately, she hadn't been honest, literally, or emotionally with either. And the internal mirror she had been gazing into over the last few hours did not return a reflection she found at all flattering. But damn, if she couldn't think of a thing to do to try to make any of it right.

Her cell phone began to vibrate on the nightstand. Her bedside clock read 2:11 a.m., as she reached to see who was calling. It was Shay. Her heart started to beat a little faster. The only solace she had had in the last few hours of soul searching was that there was nothing to do about Shay. Shay was out of the picture by her own choice, and rightly so. And now she's calling. Cosima was tempted not to answer, to keep her life simple and avoid re-opening an emotional entanglement she really couldn't afford right now.

But, she had been the asshole who had sent Delphine to interrogate Shay when she thought she might be a Castor mole. She owed Shay something for that screw-up. She pressed the "answer" button.

"Hi," she said quietly, once she was sure the connection had been made.

"Hey," Shay said softly in return. "I'm sorry it's so late. I have been staring at my phone off and on for hours trying to decide if I should call, or just let it go. I finally decided I didn't want to let it…you, go just yet, but if I waited until morning, I might chicken out and change my mind."

Cosima's heart warmed at the words. While she harbored some guilt for having started the relationship in the first place, Shay had been a huge comfort to her in the upheaval of Delphine's withdrawal and the resumption of her illness's progress. She could easily see this relationship developing into something serious. If it wasn't for her illness. If it wasn't for the secrets she would have to keep from Shay. If it wasn't for Delphine and their lack of anything resembling the closure she had begged the woman for in her office yesterday.

"I…think….," Cosima started, hesitantly, "that it would be better for you if you did let it go." She couldn't drag Shay back into this. Her warning to Sarah and the others that someone would eventually come for them and possibly their loved ones was not just hand wringing paranoia. Probably. She had been far too selfish lately, and it was time to change that.

"Yeah, that had been my thought too. Until Delphine showed up on my doorstep earlier tonight."

"What?" Cosima got up from the bed and started pacing, her free hand going to her head as if to keep the top from coming off of it. "Why? What happened?"

"She was, surprisingly different this time. I could almost believe she felt as contrite as she acted, but I don't want to give her that much credit."

Cosima could believe. Hard choices had consequences, lingering injuries to the heart and soul. When Shay had told her what Delphine had done, she had been shocked, like a slap to the face. Never, in a million years, could she picture the gentle woman she loved doing such a thing. And finally, Cosima had realized what Delphine had been trying to tell her. "To do that, I can't do this," she had said. She couldn't be the gentle, loving Delphine and still protect them…her. And a core of ruthless steel had been revealed. That was when Cosima had truly recognized the magnitude of what she had asked of Delphine, and that Delphine had accepted. But this new action told Cosima the Delphine she knew was still there as well, ashamed of the choices she felt she had to make in the name of efficacy and expediency.

"What time was she there?"

"Early, around 6, maybe." So, before Delphine had come to Bubbles, she had gone to Shay to apologize.

"She, uh, gave me something to give to you. I don't understand what it means, but, can we meet and talk and maybe try to figure this out together?"

Cosima's brow furrowed. Why would Delphine give Shay something for her, when she was coming to see Cosima just an hour or two later? "Uh, yeah…sure. I've been having a sleepless night here, too. Why don't I come over now?"

"Yes…please."

Cosima started throwing on extra layers over the sweat pants and tank top she had been not-sleeping in, topped it with her red coat, and ran out the door.

. . . . .

Shay let Cosima into her apartment, closing and locking the door before turning and enveloping her in a hug that lasted just a bit longer than lets-just-be-friends. Cosima didn't hesitate in returning it. Shay really was a wonderful person, beautiful, smart, philosophically complex, and cute as a button. The hug lasted long enough that Cosima thought she felt the smaller woman's body heat starting to seep through her layers of clothing. And that thought led to some physical sensations a bit lower. It had been nice, after Delphine, to have a lover who was experienced with women. Not that Delphine had not been able to get her where she needed to go – ever and easily. But her lack of sexual experience with women had manifested a surprising insecurity in Delphine, one that Cosima had found endearing early in their relationship, and had then used to wound her with during the argument preceding Cosima's flight from Minnesota. Shay, as a contrast, was not at all shy in the sex department and had no need of any reassurances. Much less effort required.

As Shay started to pull back from the hug, she tilted her chin up and kissed Cosima with a passion that felt like it should melt her dreads. Cosima could feel her resolve to keep Shay out of the mess that was her life start to deteriorate. In her defense, Delphine's kiss from earlier had both lifted her heart and revved her engines, only to be shut down a second later. Now with Shay's encouragement, her libido was shifting back into high gear.

No. She pulled back from the kiss trying to catch her breath. "I thought we needed to talk," she gasped.

Shay smiled and returned a sly "Yeah, after…after…" as she tried to steer Cosima towards the bed in a re-creation of one of their earlier encounters.

Cosima laughed and let herself be led half way across the room before slowing Shay's progress. "No," she said with a sorrowful smile. "I think this time, it should definitely be before, before." Shay groaned at her denial.

And I need a cold shower, Cosima thought to herself.

"Kill joy."

"Hey," she pulled Shay into a loose hug, expression no longer playful. "You've had a taste of the kind of serious shit that goes on in my life. I genuinely do not believe Delphine would have hurt you, could have hurt you. But the people I work for, the company intrigue…people have disappeared and people have died. That's why she was so ruthless. Some of what we are working on…people's lives are at stake. I need you to just trust me on this."

Shay searched her eyes closely, trying to assess the truth in them. "Ok," she said quietly. "That's a good starting point for our conversation." With that, she withdrew from the light embrace. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out a business card, handing it to Cosima. She curled up in one corner of her sofa, eyes never leaving Cosima, waiting for her to finish her examination of the card.

Cosima scanned the card and, flipping it over, scanned again, locking on the only hand-written portion. It was Delphine's clean, crisp lettering – and her id tag number. She felt the bottom drop out of her world for just a moment. She looked up quickly from the card and found Shay watching her reaction closely. She even knew what Shay was seeing. Her, with her eyes wide and mouth hanging open in complete shock. Definitely not what she had been expecting.

"What exactly did Delphine tell you?" she asked as she stumbled her way to the opposite end of the sofa and sat heavily. "I need to know everything she said to you."

Shay's eyes narrowed a bit at her tone. "You are still in love with her, aren't you?"

Cosima closed her eyes in frustration. Her feelings for Delphine were so complicated right now, one single word, not even the most powerful, four-letter word in the history of language, could adequately describe it. But Shay's question did not allow for the ambiguous aspects of what she was feeling, so she stuck with the simplest truth. "Yes."

"So why aren't you two still together? Because she obviously still loves you."

Cosima's eyes teared a bit at Shay's words.

"Rewind to 60 seconds ago, when I told you why you should stay away. I am neck deep in one pile of shit," she waved the business card half-heartedly, "and I think Delphine is neck deep in another…maybe. We can't make a relationship work under those conditions and they aren't likely to change any time soon. And to get it out on the table, I don't see a relationship working with you either, for the same reasons. I'm just trouble for anyone right now."

"Well, Delphine does not agree."

"What?"

"She said she thought you and I 'fit'."

Cosima shook her head in disbelief. "Please…tell me what she said to you?"

"Well, she apologized. Said what she had done was unforgivable, which it was. She said that you genuinely cared for me." Shay paused and looked at Cosima expectantly.

Cosima smiled despite herself, "Which I do."

"Hmm," Shay preened with a slight smile. "And that's when she said she thought you and I fit, and she wouldn't be standing in the way anymore, but that it had to begin with the truth. Then she handed me that very vague business card and said to give it to you. And to tell you to…tell me everything, if you wanted, it's your choice," Shay finished in a tone that indicated a verbatim recitation.

And then she came to Bubbles and kissed me like she meant it…or like a goodbye? Closure, she thought to herself. This is her way of giving me what I asked for. Again. Her stomach felt like it was twisting itself in a knot.

"Well," she said, knowing she sounded stunned. "I did demand that if we couldn't be together she had to let me go. I guess she just did."

"I'm sorry," Shay looked genuinely sympathetic. After a pause, "But I'm still here."

Cosima eased back on the sofa and pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them like a shield. She really should cut this off now and leave. But a part of her was grieving, the loss of Delphine feeling permanent now, in a way it never had before. She didn't want to be alone with it, knowing it would consume her.

"Yes, you are. Thank you."

"Cosima, you know I was in the military. I don't talk about that part of my life. But just know, I'm not as delicate as I may appear. If I know trouble is coming, I'm not afraid to face it."

"Now, while that is sinking in, I'm going to make you up an herbal tea, maybe with some chamomile and mint – something soothing. And I think you need to decide if you want to tell me whatever you think I should know."

"No, that decision is already made. There really isn't a choice. I like you too much to drag you into this. I would be the most selfish asshole on the planet if I put you in the middle of this just so I can have someone to help me fight my demons." She had to be strong, and a little bit ruthless too, "And to hold my hand while I die. That's not something I'm going to do to you."

Shay looked back at her sadly, having stopped half way to her kitchen.

"Are you leaving then?"

Cosima looked back at her, her eyes tearing. "Would it be ok, if I just sat here with you for a bit?"

"Of course. As long as you need."

Shay put the tea kettle on the stove and turned it on. "Can you at least tell me what the code on the card meant, I mean, you know, without getting me killed?"

Cosima thought about it for a moment. How to answer, without answering.

"Do you remember when I offered to show you the lab and you made a joke about seeing the mutants?" She waited for Shay's nod. "Well, I'm sort of one of them. That's my ID number."

Shay stared at her for a moment to determine if she was joking. She wasn't.

"Your illness," she said with sudden understanding.

Cosima, letting Shay fill in the blanks with her own logical conclusions, simply nodded. After all, her illness was a part of being a clone, so it wasn't an outright lie.

"Ok. I'm good with that," she said as she sat down next to Cosima. "But something feels left undone with us, and you don't owe Delphine anything." She wrapped her warm hands around Cosima's cold ones. "I would like to get us both naked, and over there," she used her chin to indicate the bed, "and not come up for air until the sun is rising. And if I don't see you again after that, I will always remember you with fondness," she smiled.

Cosima looked down at their joined hands, not able to form a response. Silence rang in the apartment for several minutes until the tea kettle started to whistle. Without saying anything, Shay let go of her hands and went to take it off the burner.

Cosima stood, hesitating, then turned towards the bed. She stripped off layers of clothes and doubt as she walked. It wasn't perfect, and it wouldn't be fair to either of them, but she needed this and maybe Shay did too.

. . . . .

With sunlight streaming through the windows, Cosima slipped from the bed and began to dress. Shay rolled over to watch her.

"You're not coming back are you?"

Cosima stopped dressing and looked at her. "No."

"Ok. No strings. No blame. But keep my number? You never know. You might want to reach me one day."

"I will definitely keep your number," Cosima said with a smile. Then she finished dressing and headed towards the door.

"Cosima?"

She turned to look back towards the bed.

"I have held more than one person's hand while they died. I can do it again…and would do it for you without hesitation."

Cosima's throat closed around any response she might have made. She let herself out of Shay's apartment without a kiss goodbye.

Shay laid in the bed for a minute looking at the ceiling and then smiled softly. Getting up, she threw on her clothes from the previous evening and hurried out. She drove across town to a strip mall still under construction. Pulling around back where it couldn't be seen from the street, she parked her car next to a white one with a bloody streak on the trunk. She would have to get rid of that car sometime today.

An armed guard let her in the back door of what would, eventually, be a shoe store, she made her way to a large store room, and the makeshift hospital bed in the corner. There, Delphine Cormier lay, hands and feet strapped down to a narrow cot. Her complexion was almost as white as the paint on the store room wall.

"How is she doing", she asked the other occupant of the room.

"All things considered, reasonably well," the medic replied. "I'm glad you are here to spell me though. I could use a nap."

"Me too. But I can watch her for a few hours." With that, the medic snatched up his coat and left the room.

The blood bag hooked up to her patient was almost empty. She checked the woman's pulse and, satisfied with the results, moved to a refrigerator in the opposite corner of the room. Pushing aside a tray containing multiple vials of medications, she pulled a fresh bag of blood and began to change out the old one. As she worked, Delphine's eyes slowly opened and aimlessly moved around the room.

Blood. Transfusion. Her fuzzy brain was trying to make sense of what she was seeing around her. Another bag hanging above her, this one clear. Saline? She also felt a familiar pinching sensation that said she had been catheterized. And then her eyes focused on the nurse changing out the blood bag. No. Not a nurse. What was her name? Cosima's new love? Shay.

"Où suis-je?" her voice cracked weakly. Where am I?

Shay looked down at her and smiled sweetly, "En enfer." In Hell.

"Pourquoi?" she replied, still too confused to understand the mockery in the response. Why?

"I'm guessing you are suffering from traumatic amnesia. You don't remember me shooting you?" Delphine's mind struggled, at first, to translate what she was saying. Once she had, it still took a moment for meaning to register. And then the memories leading up to the pain began to return.

They were coming for her, had been waiting in the parking garage…no, she had been waiting. Delphine had not been overly surprised when she had turned and found Shay, in a hooded coat and with a gun. But she had hoped, for Cosima's sake, at worst Shay was simply a new monitor. She had been very wrong. Agonizing pain, trying to catch her breath, looking up into Shay's face smiling down at her.

"You know, I don't hold your threat to suicide me against you," she had said then. "That was business. But killing my father, that made it personal," she had said, still smiling softly. She had sounded so completely reasonable.

There was a gap in Delphine's memory, for the next thing she remembered, was looking up at Shay from the trunk of a car. "You want to know what will happen to her? Well, since she is so desperate for affection even on a good day, you kicking her to the curb pretty much guarantees she's going to fall for that card you gave me. She's going to let me into her confidence and into to those cute little lace panties of hers. Oh, I promise you, I will take very good care of her, up until the day she dies. Which will be soon, because they've written her off. Decided to let nature take its course and work with less troublesome clones. But on that day, when she's dying, I will tell her in graphic detail how I killed you tonight, chopped your body into pieces, and fed you to an industrial meat grinder."

Delphine remembered reaching out of the trunk, to try to stop her or to beg her, she wasn't sure which. But she had nothing left, no strength, no breath.

"Tonight though….Once I'm done with you, I'm going to use that card to get her to come over. I'm going to get her into bed, and I am going to run my hands over every millimeter of her skin that you ever touched." Shay's face and voice had been soft, intimate, stroking Delphine's outstretched fingers with the barrel of the gun as she spoke. "But don't be jealous. All the while, I will be thinking of you."

Another hiccup in her memory and she was watching Shay speaking on a cell phone. "I haven't finished yet, but she's well on her way." She listened again, a look of anger crossing her face. "Understood. I'll need a medical team standing by, and lots of O-neg."

After hanging up, she had grabbed Delphine's outstretched hand and pressed it to her bullet wound. "It seems the resource we sent to get us the original genome has gone dark. They want you for leverage now." A flash of rage crossed her face. She pulled back and raised her gun at Delphine, only shifting the barrel minutely at the last second to put two slugs into the trunk behind her. Then the lid had slammed down.

Her attention returned from her memories to see Shay, smiling down at her once more.

"Are you remembering?"

Delphine nodded slightly. "Dr. Nealon… your father?"

"And the top geneticist with Neolution." She didn't sound angry, in fact she had sounded nothing but calm and quiet the entire time. "You made more than just my hit-list by killing him. When you came by my apartment last night, I so wanted to kill you then. But I was still awaiting approval. I got the call right after you left."

Shay sighed. "Shooting you felt so good. I wanted to watch you bleed out, but I was forced to try to save you instead. I thought that part would really suck. But operating on you without anesthesia turned out to be entertaining, too. You were unconscious for most of it, but you woke up towards the end. Do you remember any of that?" she asked curiously.

Delphine shuddered. No, and she wasn't going to try. The human brain, she knew, had protections build in to it, fail safes, so that the worst memories, those that were unbearable to carry, were stored and then blocked from the consciousness. But they were still in there, somewhere.

Shay raised the hospital gown covering her patient and ran her hand slowly across Delphine's abdomen, stopping at the bandage where the bullet wound and surgical incision were. She gently brushed a finger down the bandage. Delphine flinched at the light pressure.

"Do you remember what I said to you after I shot you? When you were in the trunk of the car?" Shay asked, leaning closer. She reached a hand up to grip Delphine's chin, and brought her face to within a few centimeters of her own. "I didn't get to kill you last night… But, just for you, I didn't shower this morning." She smiled softly and whispered, "Can you still smell her on me?"

Delphine didn't move, didn't respond at all, simply looked into the gentle expression so at odds with her words. But a different pain awoke along with a wave of fear, sweeping away the confusion and lethargy. Because the answer was yes.

"While I was sexing up Cosima, all night long," Shay said, as she began to apply increasing pressure over Delphine's bandaged incision, "you were here…not dying."

Delphine moaned in pain and tried to shift away from the force of Shay's fingers pressing into her wound, but with her wrists and ankles restrained, all she could do was try to move her torso. The strain that put on her abdominal muscles only served to increase the pain with her movements. She cried out when the pressure and pain became too much. She couldn't help but remember her own thumb, pressing into Rachel's eye socket not so very long ago, making Rachel scream.

Hell. She understood now. Thankfully, her consciousness fled to where the agony could not follow.