Author's note: This was only supposed to be a short fluffy bittersweet end of the world fic... it grew slightly.
On my last night on earth, I won't look to the sky
Just breathe in the air and blink in the light
On my last night on earth, I'd pay a high price
To have no regrets and be done with my life.
~ Life Goes On, Noah and the Whale
Last Night on Earth
Dean took a swig from the beer in his hand, savouring the taste and feel of the cool liquid in his mouth before swallowing. He was glad he'd thought to stock up on the slightly more expensive beer; if this was the last night they all spent together he wanted everyone to be drinking the good stuff. They had all worked hard over the last few days to get everything ready, they deserved some downtime.
The night air was cool and crisp, the sky was clear and Team Free Will (the second coming) were sat around a small fire in the woods just outside the bunker.
There had been a steady stream of chatter amongst the small group as they roasted marshmallows, laughing when someone had left theirs over the fire for too long and lost it to the flames. No one mentioned tomorrow, skirting around the subject as carefully as possible, not wanting to dwell on what might happen or ruin the relaxed atmosphere in the clearing.
Slowly people excused themselves to bed, whether their own or someone else's. A slightly tipsy Garth was the last the leave, being steered in the right direction by his wife, Bess. Suddenly their party of nine was down to four, and as Garth's chattering faded into the night, a comfortable silence settled over them.
"Did you ever think it would end like this?" Sam piped up eventually, directing his question at Dean from across the fire.
"What? All in, guns blazing?" Dean quipped, a sad smile on his face. "Yeah, as much as I wanted that apple pie life for you, this is always how I thought it would go."
"And what about you, Dean? Did you ever want that 'apple pie' life for yourself?" Castiel asked. He was sitting against the large cooler they'd bought the previous day, slightly to the left of the fallen tree Dean was leaning on, wrapped in a blanket. Dean didn't have to look up from the fire to know the former angel was fixing him with an empathetic stare.
"Hey, no chickflick moments!" Dean warned before taking another swig of beer and prodding the fire with a stick.
The clearing fell silent again. The atmosphere had shifted into awkward territory.
The silence was broken by Katie, a hunter from Colorado the Winchesters had met a few months previously during a particularly tricky hunt. "Well, as cheery as this is..." she trailed off, getting up from her place on the floor next to Sam, and brushing the dirt from her jeans.
"Going to sleep?" Dean scoffed, knowing how many marshmallows she'd eaten and her tendency for hyperactivity at the mere mention of sugar.
"Sleep? No. Bed? Yes." She turned and held her hand out to Sam, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "You coming?"
Sam's jaw dropped and he stuttered out an "I, uh...well, I... uh" much to Dean's amusement. He knew the younger man had had a huge crush on Katie from the moment he laid eyes on her.
"Come on, Sammy. Last night on earth, what's the worst that could happen?" Dean wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Sam threw a glare at his brother and got up quickly, taking the offered hand.
"Night boys," Katie said over her shoulder as she led Sam back to the Bunker. "Sorry if we keep you up, we'll be having mind blowing sex until the early hours.
Dean chuckled as the pair disappeared into the night.
He glanced across at Castiel. The man was still cocooned in the blanket but had turned his gaze to the night sky, watching the stars through the trees. Dean found himself watching the light from the fire dance across Castiel's features, blue eyes glistening as the flames flickered.
Cas turned his head away from the heavens and looked directly at Dean, eyes meeting briefly. Dean looked down, a scarlet tint rising from his neck to his cheeks at having been caught watching the other man. He'd been doing that a lot recently.
They'd come up with the plan five days ago. One supernatural war to end them all; their last battle. Small units of hunters prepped across America to strike at specific times in key locations to distract the demons long enough for Team Free Will to shut the gates of Hell for good, and all coordinated from the Bunker. They had worked for days to formulate a fool proof plan, every key detail accounted for. Someone had quoted Lord of the Rings, "Certainty of death, small chance of success... what are we waiting for?" While he loved a LOTR reference, it had started a chain reaction of thoughts in his head, and Dean hated thinking.
For the last five days, when he wasn't thinking about the plan or tying up loose ends, he had been lost in thought. Certainty of death, for good this time. The end of all things. He found his eyes wandering to Castiel more than he cared to admit, he'd been caught a handful of times by those piercing blue eyes, and by Sam once or twice. His brother hadn't said anything, of course, but had shoved him in Cas' general direction – he earnt a groan from the taller man when all he did was hand Cas a beer and walk off again.
Why did this angel turned man have such a hold of him? Dean never once questioned his sexuality when he was growing up – he liked girls and boobs, alway had. The thought that he could be remotely attracted to another man never crossed his mind, why would it? Until Cas.
At first the angel had scared him, he was a freaking angel for crying out loud! His first angel. Yes, Cas had pulled Dean out of Hell and pieced his soul back together, but he'd also threatened to send the hunter right back. Back then he hadn't felt any attraction, a bond maybe, but more 'brothers in arms' than 'I want you in my arms'.
Over the years they had become friends, good friends and bad friends. They'd betrayed each other and made up. Their friendship had been a rollercoaster of emotions, but in the end their bond was stronger than any fight or misunderstanding, no matter how big.
In the last five days Dean had started to accept that maybe, just maybe, the feelings he felt around Cas were something more than a 'profound bond'. He'd been keeping them hidden beneath the surface for so long, he didn't really know what he was feeling anymore. He didn't consider himself bisexual, or gay. He wasn't attracted to anyone else, just Cas.
It suddenly hit him – it was only Cas he was attracted to. He hadn't slept with a woman for over a year and he'd never been with a man. When he touched himself he no longer pictured Busty Asian Beauties or the last cute waitress that had served them pie and coffee. He wasn't straight, or gay, or bi... he was Casexual.
Dean had been so lost in this sudden realisation that he hadn't heard the rustling of the blanket, or the cool box being opened. He jumped slightly as another beer was held in his line of sight and he became aware of the subject of his thoughts sitting down next to him on the ground.
"Penny for them," Cas smiled at the startled look Dean had on his face. He hadn't wanted to interrupt what looked like a very intense internal conversation Dean was having with himself, but his friend was out of beer and Cas knew that Dean shouldn't be trusted alone with his thoughts for too long.
Dean accepted the beer, fingers brushing Castiel's, and placed his empty bottle down next to him. He took a big gulp from the fresh beer, trying to calm his racing heart. The proximity between the pair wasn't helping. He felt Cas' arm touch his shoulder briefly as the older man adjusted the blanket around his shoulders, the contact sent a shiver down Dean's spine.
"Are you cold?" Trust Cas to pick up on that. "We can share the blanket, it's big enough for two."
Dean thought about declining the offer, for a split second. He offered a smile and shifted closer, "Thanks, Cas."
Castiel smiled and wrapped the blanket around the both of them, shifting even closer so that their sides were pressed awkwardly together. Cas sat with his knees up in front of his chest, while Dean's legs stretched out in front. They sat silently staring into the dying flames, both feeling much warmer but slightly uncomfortable for a few minutes.
"Dean, do you have any regrets?"
Dean shifted his gaze sideways, feeling a pang of guilt at the forlorn look on Castiel's face. He sighed and moved the beer to his other hand.
"Someone once said that there are no regrets, just lessons learnt." He paused. "But I think that's bullshit."
Cas nodded, eyes not leaving the glowing embers of the fire.
"I have one regret," Dean whispered after some time had passed. It was now or never right? Moving under the blanket, Dean wrapped his left arm around Castiel's shoulders, slotting their bodies comfortably together. Their sides pressed together fully, Cas slightly turned into Dean and his knees falling to rest on the hunter's thigh. Dean's grip was strong but gentle, communicating exactly what he was implying in the touch.
"Me too," Cas whispered back, turning his head into the other man's shoulder and bringing a hand up to place over Dean's heart. "Dean, I-"
"I know."
Cas laughed into Dean's shoulder, "Star Wars!"
"It seemed appropriate," Dean smiled, resting his cheek against Castiel's unruly hair. He discarded the bottle of beer next to the empty and brought his free hand up to the one on his chest, holding it in place. "I don't want to ruin this moment, but my butt is freezing and we should get some sleep.
"Big day tomorrow," Cas agreed, not moving.
Dean pressed a light kiss into dark hair before untangling himself. He stood and pulled Castiel and the blanket up. Suddenly they were standing toe to toe in the dying fire light. Dean's eyes flicked from Castiel's slightly chapped lips to his brilliant blue eyes and back again. Never had he felt like this before, nervous and completely at ease at the same time.
No regrets. He leaned in brushing their lips together tentatively. He started to pull back when Castiel leaned forward, wrapping a hand behind Dean's neck and pulling them back together. Their kiss was tender and loving, a mixture of give and take as they explored each other's mouths. Dean ran a hand through Castiel's hair, toying with the strands at the top of his spine. Cas tasted like beer and marshmallows, bitter sweet, perfect. He lost himself in the kiss.
The hand on Dean's neck moved around to cup his face, it was met on the other cheek by it's cold brother, making Dean gasp. They pulled apart, lips red and swollen, cheeks flushed and hair tousled. In that moment, Dean could only use the word beautiful to describe what he was looking at. He lifted his hand to cover the cold one on his cheek.
"Let's go inside, you're freezing."
They quickly gathered the blanket, cooler and empties and headed for the Bunker in companionable silence, occasionally glancing across at the other. Once inside, they deposited the items and moved towards the corridor of bedrooms. Despite the threats from Katie, not a sound could be heard as they walked past Sam's room.
When they were outside Dean's door, Dean excused himself to the bathroom to clean his teeth and relieve himself as quickly as possible before heading back. He expected Cas to be waiting, but there was no sign and Dean wondered if he should go to the former angel's room or give him some space.
By the time he had changed into a pair of pyjama pants and put on a clean t-shirt, Castiel had appeared at his door, looking unsure. He had also changed, but into one of Dean's old AC/DC tshirts and a pair of shorts. He looked adorable.
Dean smiled reassuringly, "I thought you'd disappeared, I was about to send a search party."
This seemed to give Castiel enough confidence to shut the door and move to the left side of the bed, knowing Dean always slept on the right.
Dean flicked the light switch and they crawled under the covers, facing each other.
"I do love you, you know." Dean whispered.
Cas moved closer, placing a light kiss on Dean's forehead before turning over to become the little spoon.
"I know." He sighed contentedly as Dean wrapped strong arms around him, moved a leg between both of Cas' and nuzzled into his neck.
They fell asleep, wrapped around each other with smiles on their faces.
No regrets.
~fin~
Author's note: Sorry, no sex! If Dean and Cas were in an 'end of the world, I realise I love you' situation, I honestly think they'd prefer kissing and holding each other to first time, awkward (probably painful – do they keep lube in the Bunker?) guy sex. Dean used sex as a coping mechanism for years, it must have lost some of it's meaning and specialness already – how many people has he spooned all night? That being said, everyone has a right to an opinion and I respect that.
Let me know what you think! x