Randy woke up early considering it was a Saturday. He looked over at his clock and groaned when he read 8:30 AM in big red numbers. What woke him up? As if to answer his question his stomach growled.

Randy groaned and got up, careful not to wake up his boyfriend. Most kids would be worried about their parents discovering you sleeping in the same bed as your boyfriend or girlfriend but Randy's mom absolutely loved Julian.

Not that he could blame her. The Gothic boy was smart, kind, polite, and pretty. Pretty? Randy shook his head. While his boyfriend was very cute pretty wasn't the word to describe him. He could either be downright adorable or the most beautiful thing Randy had ever seen.

He sighed as he realized that not even Nomicon would be up yet and decided he'd wait a little while longer before going downstairs to get breakfast. His mind wandered back to what his parents thought of Julian. He doubted his mother would be pleased that he and Julian had been intimate last night, no matter how much she adored Julian.

What about his dad? Randy's father traveled a lot for work and so he wasn't home much if at all. In fact he and his mother had officially divorced a few years ago. It wasn't that they didn't love each other it was just hard to maintain a relationship long distance. Randy shrugged off those thought and rolled over to face Julian.

The taller teen's face was peaceful and a small smile was on his lips. Randy reached out ran the back of his hand down Julian's cheek. The other sighed and nuzzled Randy's hand, making a grin spread across Randy's face. He pulled his hand back and took in the other boy's full appearance.

A bright blush spread across his cheeks when the neck of Julian's shirt slid down his shoulder revealing the pale smooth skin and the bright red mark on his skin. Randy's hand wandered up to his own neck feeling for the mark he knew was there. His eyes followed the path of smooth white skin from the mark on his neck, down his shoulders and under the shirt.

Now that he'd seen what was underneath it left very little to the imagination. His eyes finally came to a stop on the faded scars on his wrists and up his arms. Randy ran his fingers lightly over them, tracing them. There were so many that you could see where they'd crossed over each other. He watched Julian's face for a reaction but the other boy continued to sleep peacefully, unaware of his boyfriend's actions.

Randy hated to admit it but tracing Julian's scars had become a bad habit of his. He knew the more he thought about them the more guilt he felt. In a way he was torturing himself but he thought he deserved it. I mean he was the one who ignored Julian for almost their entire childhood.

He and Julian had been best friends in kindergarten and first grade. He didn't actually remember it that much but Julian did and so did Randy's mom. What happened? Well Howard moved to town and Randy liked having another boy a round. One who wasn't as shy and gentle as Julian. Howard was willing to wrestle and play dirty and do all the things little boys liked to do and Julian was soon forgotten.

Randy winced almost as if the blade that marked his love's pale skin had cut him at the memory. Randy was fully aware that he wasn't the only one who ignored Julian but somehow that only made him feel worse. He couldn't stop the questions that flowed into his mind. Would Julian have turned out this way if someone had bothered to notice him? Would he have been able to stop the other from hurting himself?

Randy sighed and scooted closer, pressing his cheek against Julian's and closing his eyes. His stomach growled again so he slid out of bed a second time and went downstairs. He got a bowl of cereal and washed it when he was done before silently going back upstairs. Julian was sitting up in bed rubbing his eyes cutely when Randy walked in.
"Morning, Randall."
"Hey babe," Randy leaned in and kissed his boyfriend softly on the lips. "Sleep well?"
Julian smiled and nodded. He pressed a quick kiss to Randy's forehead before getting up and stretching.

"I just ate breakfast. No one else is up yet." Julian nodded and went over to his bag and got two breakfast bars and his pills.

Randy felt his gaze settle on those pills and a surge of pure anger washed over him. Nobody his age should be taking anxiety and depression pills, especially not with a dosage that high. But Randy had seen what the other was like without them and he never wanted to see it again.

FLASHBACK

Randy hesitated outside the door. Julian had confessed to him two weeks ago on the last day of school, but Randy remembered it like yesterday.

"Randall!" Randy stopped and turned to face the Gothic boy.
"Sup Julian?" The taller boy blushed and looked at the ground nervously.
"I-um. I wanted to tell you something."
"I'm listening."
Taking a deep breath to gather himself Julian said what he'd been dying to say since the fourth grade.
"I like you. Not just as a friend but as...well, you know. Anyway, I know you may not remember but I have liked you for a while. I was the one who every Valentine's Day would slip you the chocolate cupcakes with the purple frosting."

Randy's eyes widened as he thought back. Every Valentine's Day since the fourth grade he'd always walk into class to find a cupcake with purple frosting on his desk. Or it would be delivered to him at lunch. He never could figure out who was the one leaving the cupcakes, even though each one came with a small clue.

"I know that it's a lot to ask considering I'm not even sure if you're into guys, but please," He handed Randy a scrap of paper with a phone number written in purple ink.
"Just think about it?" He turned his hopeful blue eyes to Randy waiting for an answer.
Randy slowly reached out and took the paper and then pulled his phone out to put the number in.
"I will, promise." Julian smiled brightly and hugged Randy, breathing out quick thanks before dashing off.

Randy and Howard had planned to go to a summer camp together but then Howard's mother made him get a summer job. Randy was bummed but he promised Howard that as soon as he got back he'd call him so that they could hang out.

END FLASHBACK

'Whoops,' Randy thought with a grin. Julian had gone downstairs to get a drink and Randy heard his mother stirring around. Julian came back in with a soft smile on his face even though he was rolling his eyes.
"Apparently your mother has decided that I need to eat two pancakes that are as big as the plate."
Randy had to laugh at that. His laugh faded when he looked at Julian. He was awfully thin.

"Maybe she's right. I know most tall people look skinny but you're still too thin."
"Don't you start." Randy laughed and pulled the other over to sit on his lap. He nuzzled into Julian's neck and kissed the skin there. Julian relaxed and reached back to comb his fingers through Randy's hair.

FLASHBACK

Randy had been at camp for a week and he had spent the week before with Howard. He had made some new friends. A few of which happened to be crazy fan girls and they "offered" (demanded) to help him with his situation. He was surprised that their advice was surprisingly really helpful. He realized that while he and Julian had definitely become closer and were friends he just didn't feel that way about him.

So he took a deep breath and called.
"Hello, who may I ask is calling?" Randy smiled. That was just so...Julian.
"Hey, Julian it's me, Randy."
"Oh! Hello Randall. I heard that Howard wasn't able to join you at camp."
"Yeah. But it's not that bad I made some new friends."
"That's wonderful. As long as you're having fun."
"Yeah this place is a lot of fun."

Randy found himself talking to Julian for the next two hours about stuff that he'd done and what Julian was up to. Apparently he was doing some community service program to help him get into college and said that when Randy got back he could sign up to. Then they spent another hour talking about what they wanted to study in college.

Apparently Julian wanted to go into Drama. Hair, makeup, set design, script writing, and acting. Randy had to admit it did fit him. Randy wanted to be a martial arts instructor but he also wanted to help with PE. But he couldn't help but admit that he found himself obsessed with riddles and other things like that and mythology.

After all he spent enough time learning mythology from Nomicon not to mention solving countless riddles. Julian had laughed and said he hadn't expected that.
"I'm full of surprises."
"I see that. While this has been lovely, I don't imagine you called to chat."
Randy had actually totally forgotten why he had called Julian.
"Actually I had forgotten. Anyway, I have an answer for you." He heard Julian take a deep breath and could almost feel how tense he was.

"Ok."
"Look Julian, I like you a lot. I mean it. I really enjoyed talking to you. I can't talk to Howard about stuff like this. But I only see you as a friend. I still want to be your friend though."
"O-O-ok," The other's voice was shaky.
"I have to go."
"Julian, I mean it. I want to still be friends." He heard what sounded like crying and then Julian hung up. Randy felt bad instantly.

Maybe he liked Julian more than he thought? No, he was straight, right? He'd never liked another guy before so he had to be, but Julian was cute,
'Cute? He's adorable! His voice, his face, his laugh. Come to think of it I think that's the first real laugh I've heard from him. I wish he'd laugh more, it's nice.'
Wait huh? Where had those thoughts come from? Julian was a boy. Boys didn't call other boys cute!

Randy tried calling back a few days later but Julian didn't answer. It had been four weeks since summer break before he got a call from Theresa. She said Julian wasn't answering anyone's calls and no one had seen him in a few days. Randy was worried but couldn't just leave. He had four weeks of camp left! He doubled his efforts to reach Julian and he never answered finally after a week he couldn't take it.

He called his mom and said a friend of his was really sick and he wanted to come home to see if they were ok. She was a little confused but agreed and he was home the next day. Nomicon was waiting for him and he seemed upset. Apparently Julian had been stanked several times in the last few days and had locked himself in his house.

The house wasn't what Randy had expected. It wasn't in the really bad part of town where the housing projects were, but it wasn't a good neighborhood. It was on the edge of town at the end of the middle-lower class houses. The paint had peeled off and the windows were dirty. The house itself was small and had one floor

Randy was still hesitating at the door when Nomicon knocked for him. There was a noise like a moan of pain and then a hiss from inside the house. Nomicon cursed and twisted the nob to find it unlocked. They rushed inside. The inside was dark with a dusty smell. The furniture was old and worn and it looked rather empty.

He and Nomicon saw that the counter had many empty bottles of pills and it looked like somebody had frantically thrown them about before pillaging the cabinets in search of more. Then there was a scream and a crash. They rushed to the room at the end of the hall. Julian was inside he had thrown himself back against the dresser, knocking it over.

"Don't hurt me Ninja! I'm sorry! I'm trying but I can't help it." Randy and Nomicon's eyes widened. They both thought that Julian knew but then they realized Julian hadn't even looked at them yet. Well Nomicon could see why that was his first guess considering how many times he'd had to d'stank the boy.

"What do you mean?" Nomicon asked, motioning for Randy to stay back.
"Turning into a monster! I don't like it! Really, I've tried to stop it and it's worked a few times but I can't now."
"How did you stop yourself before?" Nomicon asked, genuinely curious.
When Julian looked up his eyes were puffy and bloodshot and he had bags under his eyes. His usually neat black hair was a mess.

"I would think about my friends and how happy they made me. But I've tried that and it doesn't work! It makes me feel worse!"
"Why?"
"Because, friends leave. I've already lost so many people. I'm scared."

END FLASHBACK

Randy was jolted out of his thought by Nomicon smacking him on the back of his head.
"What the juice!?"
"Your mom has been calling for a minute now and Julian's been trying to talk to you for the past five. Where have you been?"
Randy blushed and let Julian go.
"Sorry I was thinking."
"What about?" Julian asked, just a little concerned for Randy.
"You." Both boys in the room looked confused but Randy promised to explain after breakfast.

Randy only had one pancake since he'd already eaten that cereal and Nomicon wound up eating half of Julian's second one plus three of his own. Yeah Nomi's appetite was impressive. Nomicon offered to help with the dishes so that Julian and Randy could talk.

"Care to enlighten me about earlier?" Randy flopped down onto the bed with a sigh and pulled Julian down next to him.
As soon as they were both situated, with Randy's chest pressed against Julian's back and his chin on Julian's shoulder, Randy wrapped his arms around the thinner teen and traced his scars again. Julian fidgeted, he hated it when people stared at his arms let alone touched them. He was slowly getting used to Randy doing it, but he was well aware of the sour mood it would put his boyfriend in.

"Randall?" Randy just hummed in response.
"You promised, now talk." Randy sighed again before he spoke.
"I was thinking about when I came back from summer camp to check on you."
Julian stiffened.
"You know you didn't have to do that, right?"
"I'm glad I did," Randy huffed. It was Julian's turn to sigh.

FLASHBACK

Nomicon knelt next to Julian.
"What do you mean?"
"I did something stupid. I told this person I'd been crushing on for a long time I liked him and he agreed to think it over. I should have known he wouldn't want somebody like me. He said we'd stay friends but we were best friends once."

Nomicon looked at Randy who was just as confused.
"He probably won't remember it was so long ago, but we used to be best friends. I was always so shy and he always stuck up for me and we would read together during story time. Then a new kid came and they climbed trees and played in the mud and he forgot about me."

Randy's eyes widened. He remembered that. Guilt knotted in his stomach and it only worsened with Nomi's glare.
"I was glad he was happy but I hated being alone," Julian laughed bitterly.
"Even the beatings from my dad and my oldest brother were better than being ignored completely. At least when you're getting beat you know you exist, even if you have a miserable existence and you know that nobody else wants you to exist."

"Your father hit you?"
Julian tensed and then let his shoulders slump.
"For years I kept that secret and now I'm telling the foreign exchange kid. Aren't you staying with Randall?"
"Yeah. He was worried about you so I came to check up on you."
Julian's eyes widened. "H-he was w-worried? About me?" He asked in a breathy voice.

Randy felt guilt stab at him again. The amount of heartbreak mixed with hope in the other's voice made him feel like one of the monsters he fought. Had he really caused the Goth so much pain without realizing it?

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"
"I couldn't. He threatened to kill us if we did. And mom didn't have the money to leave him."
"Us?"
"I had two other siblings. A sister and a brother. My eldest brother is in juvee, my father went to prison for DUI and then abuse and neglect, and my other two siblings got scholarships and left for college. They have jobs and send money when they can, but as you can see my mom and I are still poor."

"Is that what you meant when you said everyone left?"
"Yes. I had to be put on medication for extreme depression and anxiety. I couldn't trust anyone. High school has proven that you can't trust anyone. Yet I never gave up hope that maybe Randall would remember. I even baked him cupcakes and left hints. I would have told him myself, but for a boy to give another boy a Valentine? That would've given them all new bullying material. I had dealt with hitting, shoving, name calling, before. But if they found out I was gay?!"

Julian's voice broke off in a sob and his shivered. Green mist wafted around him and Nomicon brushed it away. He turned back to Julian only to see that the poor boy was shaking so hard that it looked like he was having a seizure. His eyes were wide and distant and his breathing was so fast it's amazing he hadn't passed out.

He was having a panic attack. Nomicon quickly pulled the other boy to him but Julian only screamed.
"It's ok! It's not real, Julian. It's in your head." Nomicon tried to soothe but the Goth just kept flailing. Randy ran into the kitchen and looked through the pills. He only found one that wasn't empty. He grabbed them, hoping they were the right ones then ran back into the room and sat down next to Julian.

"Julian! Julian, did you take your medicine?"
Julian whimpered. Randy took him from Nomicon and held the other in his arms. He was shocked at just how thin the other was. Julian stiffened then broke down sobbing.
"Julian?"
"I'm sorry Randall."
"Why?"
"I should b-b-be happy...that y-y-you want to be m-my friend but...I'm scared!" He wailed.

Randy hugged him and rubbed his back.
"Julian, I promise I won't forget you this time. Promise."
"Really?"
"Yeah, really."
"I'll make sure he doesn't forget," Nomicon chimed. Julian nodded and pressed his face into Randy's shoulder. Once he calmed down he pulled away blushing. Randy just laughed and handed him the pills.

"Sorry. I usually have some set back but mother was busy this month and wasn't able to get my refill. I forgot to remind her so I've been out for a few days. These are my emergency pills, they're basically tranquilizers."
"Where's your phone?" Nomicon asked. Julian pointed to where the dresser fell over. Nomicon called Julian's mom and explained that Julian had a panic attack and that she needed to get him more pills.

After assuring Julian's mother he was fine they helped Julian clean the mess. Randy called his mom and said he was staying with Julian until his mom came home. Nomicon was in the kitchen making dinner with Julian when Randy came back.

He tapped Julian's shoulder and motioned towards the living room. Panic flashed in the other's blue eyes, making guilt knot Randy's stomach. However, Julian told Nomi he'd be right back and followed the other into the living room.
"I'm really sorry about all this," Julian whispered.
"I'm the one who should be sorry. I totally forgot about you when we were younger and that's not right. In fact I feel really bad about it."
"Don't!" Julian suddenly snapped. He continued in a broken voice. "Don't pity me."

"I don't. I just feel really guilty about what happened. I feel like a big jerk considering I compared you to Howard in that conversation. I kinda implied I could talk to you when I couldn't get Howard."
Julian looked down.
"I just wanted to say that you're not my second choice."
"But I am aren't I? If Howard showed up right now saying he got invited to a party but only one more person could come wouldn't you go?"
"No. Because I'd want you and Nomicon and my other friends there as well."

"Out of pity?"
"No, because I enjoy spending time with you Julian."
"Don't do this Randall. Don't give me false hope. I appreciate your kindness, but all year you've been kind to everyone, I'm nothing special."
"Then why would I give you the golden dr.'s note? Why would I join your Monster Klub? Why would I have come back from camp early?"
"You left early for me!?"

"Yes. Julian, listen. When I said I just wanted to be friends I said that before I talked to you. Afterward I realized that I liked you more than I thought, but I've never considered being gay. I can't promise anything, and this may be cruel to you, asking you out now after everything that's happened and still not being 100% sure, but I would like to go out with you after you feel better. Who knows I may enjoy it."

"So you want to go out as friends or...you know?"
"As friends. I would feel terrible if I asked you out just to experiment with my sexuality. So, what do you think?"
Julian smiled brightly up at him.
"I'd love to!"

END FLASHBACK

Randy smiled and tugged on Julian till he turned to face him. He had been absent mindedly stroking Julian's scars in a soothing manner and the other had almost gone back to sleep. Julian wrapped his arms around Randy's neck and pressed their foreheads together.

Randy smiled and kissed the other softly, just brushing their lips together. Julian hummed happily and sleepily kissed back. He was instantly more awake when Randy started kissing him harder, sending heat throughout his body. Memories of last night flashed behind his eyes and he found himself blushing.

Randy smiled and closed his eyes opening them again when he felt the heat coming off of Julian's cheeks. He suppressed the laugh when he saw how badly the other was blushing. He pulled back and kissed Julian's cheeks, nose, forehead, and his neck in swift, short kisses that tickled before he finally returned to Julian's lips.

Julian opened his mouth instantly, letting Randy's tongue in and moaned lightly. Randy explored Julian's mouth briefly before pulling back. He kissed Julian's cheek again before he asked,
"So, still think this was a good idea?"
"Definitely," Julian answered breathless.
"Are you still scared?" Julian froze for a second before his eyes softened. He leaned up and kissed Randy.

Randy responded eagerly and his grip on the Goth's waist tightened.
"As long as you're still here I'm not." He whispered after they pulled apart. Randy smiled and peppered the other's face in kisses.
"I promised I wouldn't forget," He breathed in between kisses.
Julian hummed and giggled mischievously.
"Should have promised you wouldn't leave. Not having doubts about our sexuality now are we?"
Randy laughed and nuzzled the raven haired boy's cheek.
"Yes," he teased earning a light smack on the arm.
"I was kidding."
"I would hope so." Randy just laughed and kissed Julian again