DISCLAIMER: All things Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling. All song lyrics used here belong to their original owners.
A/N: Death Drinkers is my most-reviewed oneshot and since you've all been asking for a sequel and I need to write something silly to pick me up from the depressing stuff I've been writing lately, here we go.
WARNING: heavy drinking, some cussing, sexual references.
-- Death Drinkers 2: Karaoke --
This time instead of staying in, they went to a bar. The same group as before, except that for some odd reason Macnair had been invited along as well.
The group was in a private room in the back of the bar, so as not to be interrupted by any... um, interruptions. The game was I Never, once again. They were seated a bit randomly around the room, not in a closed circle like the last time. Bellatrix and Rodolphus were sitting together, as were Narcissa and Lucius. Macnair was sitting by himself at the single small table in the room. Voldemort leaned casually against the edge of the small stage in the corner of the room that was used for karaoke. Greyback, antisocial as ever, crouched alone in a corner of the room.
Macnair, as the newcomer, got the first go.
"I never did it in public."
Greyback drank.
Bellatrix and Rodolphus both sighed and downed their shots. They were starting to wish their first time hadn't been in the Slytherin common room. Someone had snuck alcohol into the dorm for an unsanctioned Christmas party when Bellatrix was in her fifth year and they'd both gotten shitfaced drunk... and that's why they ended up married to each other. No, they didn't have a pregnancy scare after the incident. It's just that no one else would go out with either of them once the story got around...
"I never had sex with a corpse," Voldemort intoned.
Greyback drank again, as did Rodolphus. Ah, yes. That person he'd accidently killed during sex that they'd learned about during the previous game...
Apparently everyone else who's killed someone during sex had stopped once the other person was dead, because no one else took a shot.
"I never..." Bellatrix trailed off. She was having a hard time thinking of anything that hadn't already been said in their last game. Her eyes slid to the stage. "Fuck this game! Let's do karaoke."
"Me first!" Greyback roared.
Voldemort moved away from the stage as Greyback made his way toward it.
"I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
He was looking for the place called Li Ho Fook's
Gonna get himself a big dish of beef chow mein
AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Werewolves of London
AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Werewolves of London
AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You hear him howlin' round your kitchen door
You better not let him in
Little old lady got mutilated late last night
Werewolves of London again"
The group, now slightly drunk, howled along with the chorus.
Greyback finished his song and Bellatrix took the stage. Everyone seemed surprised when she started singing Shania Twain's "Any Man of Mine"... cause it wasn't really a secret that she had a thing for the Dark Lord and this song certainly didn't seem to fit with THAT.
"Any man of mine better be proud of me
Even when I'm ugly he still better love me
And I can be late for a date, that's fine
But he better be on time
Any man of mine'll say it fits just right
When last year's dress is just a little too tight
And anything I do or say better be okay
When I have a bad hair day
And if I change my mind
A million times
I wanna hear him say
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like that way"
...but they weren't so confused after she came down from the stage and sat in her husband's lap, singing the song directly to him with a sarcastic smirk on her face.
"Any man of mine better walk the line
Better show me a teasin' squeezin' pleasin' kinda time
I need a man who knows how the story goes
He's gotta be a heartbeatin' fine treatin'
Breathtakin' earthquakin' kind
Any man of mine
Well any man of mine better disagree
When I say another woman's lookin' better than me
And when I cook him dinner and I burn it black
He better say, mmm, I like it like that yeah
And if I change my mind
A million times
I wanna hear him say
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it that way"
And she really did burn dinner black sometimes... most of the time... well, anytime she tried to cook, really. She'd never quite mastered the domestic spells. Which is the reason that Rodolphus had learned how to cook, or else he'd be dead by now from either food poisoning or starvation.
Voldemort was next to take the stage, singing Disturbed's "Ten Thousand Fists"
"One more God damn day,
When I know what I want,
And my want will be considered tonight,
Considered tonight!
Just another day,
When all that I want
Will mark me as a sinner tonight,
I'm a sinner tonight, yeah!
People can no longer cover their eyes,
If this disturbs you then walk away!
You will remember the night
You were struck by the sight of,
Ten thousand fists in the air!
Power unrestrained,
Dead on the mark,
Is what we will deliver tonight,
Deliver tonight!
Pleasure fused with pain,
This triumph of the soul
Will make you shiver tonight,
We'll make you shiver tonight, yeah!
People can no longer cover their eyes,
If this disturbs you then walk away!
You will remember the night
You were struck by the sight of,
Ten thousand fists in the air!
We are the ones
That will open your mind,
Leave the weak
And the haunted behind
We are the ones
That will open your mind,
Leave the weak
And the haunted behind
We are the ones
That will open your mind,
Leave the weak
And the haunted behind
We are the ones
That will open your mind,
Leave the weak
And the haunted behind
People can no longer cover their eyes,
If this disturbs you then walk away!
You will remember the night
You were struck by the sight of,
Ten thousand fists in the air!
Ten thousand fists in the air!
Ten thousand fists in the air!"
Bellatrix was still sitting in Rodolphus's lap at this point, but once the Dark Lord finished his song, she got up and ordered her husband, "Go sing."
And, of course, he went and sang. Cause he's her bitch.
"Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't miss you yet
Only when I stop to think about it
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
Only when I stop to think about it
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
Only when I stop to think
About you, I know
Only when you stop to think
About me, do you know
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
You hate everything all about me
Why do you love me
I hate
You hate
I hate
You love me
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you"
The song was directed at his lovely wife, of course.
And since everyone kept drinking while everyone else was singing, the whole evening soon descended into drunken madness, random curses, and bad sex.
And twelve months later Narcissa gave birth to a hippopotamus... WHAT?!
-totally random ending-
A/N: Ah, I had SUCH a hard time picking a song for Voldemort to sing. I hope you enjoyed it. Goodnight.