Summary: Harry wasn't sure when he went crazy, but he wasn't complaining. Harry/Vegeta Crackfic
Warning Crack fic ahead!
Just a Bit Crazy
Harry snorted milk out of his nose and then proceeded to throw his half eaten apple at Fred. The git had been pulling pranks all day and Harry had witnessed every single one of them. Harry was sure that the prat was trying to break his vow of silence. Harry couldn't laugh, talk or even moan for the next week. Why not? Well, he just didn't want to. Harry wasn't much of a talker, but after the third day everybody had realized that something was up. He was on day seven now and nobody had succeeded in making him talk. Their attempts were annoying and Harry was considering locking himself up in the astronomy tower. Instead, he decided to do something more sensible.
Like hiding out in the forbidden forest,
Harry might have been drunk when he decided this.
Okay, Harry was definitely sure that he had been drunk. Who else would steal the sorting hat and fill it with treacle tarts? Then again maybe the hat had been hungry and wanted something sweet to eat? Could hats even eat?
…Probably. This was the magical world after all. If books could attack students then hats could eat desserts. It was only fair.
So here he was very much sober and lost in the forbidden forest. He vaguely remembered partying with the centaurs and listening to tales of promiscuous stars. Centaurs were wild, wild people. They held awesome parties. Harry also remembered visiting Hagrid's giant spider and playing monkey in the middle with it and a unicorn. Harry really hoped he dreamt that last part because it was far too weird even for him. Harry then decided that being normal was overrated because playing monkey in the middle with magical creatures was awesome!
Currently he knew three things. One, he was hopelessly lost. Two, it was actually quite nice getting away from Hogwarts and the rest of the wizarding world. And three, he still wasn't going to talk.
Nope.
Not a peep.
Harry reached into the sorting hat and grabbed a treacle tart and started eating it. The hat seemed to be asleep right now and Harry didn't fancy it waking up anytime soon. Sure, it would have been nice to know what happened last night, but on the other hand he still wasn't quite sure that he wanted to know. Not knowing was quite fun at times. Peaceful too.
Harry titled his head as he heard a whistling sound off in the distance. It was getting louder and louder and then.
-BANG-
Something or rather two someones crash landed a few feet away from him. Harry took a seat on a tree stump and proceeded to watch two glowing, blonde haired, overly muscular males beat the living snot out of each other. Harry munched on the treacle tarts and considered the possibility that he was still just a bit drunk. He reached for another treacle tart and instead grabbed a piece of paper. He unfolded the note and began to read.
Thank you Harry Potter for taking the journey to the Other Earth. Our kind has been looking for one of our own to fulfill this great task, but no one has fit our qualification. That is until we met you. We've never met somebody who could chug three bottles of Centaur brand Fire Whiskey before.
Thank you again,
The Centaurs of the Forbidden Forest
Ps. Turn around the letter for your task.
Harry turned the note around.
EXPLORE THE OTHER EARTH AND SEND A REPORT THROUGH THE MOON WHEN YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED YOU MISSION.
Good luck,
The Centaurs of the Forbidden Forest
P.P.S. Turn the note sideways.
Harry turned the note sideways.
THE OTHER SIDE.
Harry turned the note upside down.
THE WIZARDING WORLD IS AWARE OF YOUR MISSION THEY GIVE YOU THEIR BLESSINGS.
Harry turned the note around and scanned it again to see if he was missing anything. He put the note back into the sorting hat and decided that whoever wrote the note must have been as drunk as he was last night.
Harry hiccupped and the two fighters whipped around and stared at him with disbelieving eyes. Oh right…Harry had forgotten about them.
One of them waved at him.
"Hi!" He grinned at Harry.
Harry hiccupped again and waved back.
"We don't have time for this Kakarot! You promised me a spar!"
"Well we can't spar if someone is here we might hurt him!"
Harry felt flattered that they thought of his safety. He was so grateful that he ushered them over to him. They approached cautiously. Harry gave them a wide grin, reached into his hat and pulled out two treacle tarts. The two glowing males stared at him before the nice one gave a laugh and grabbed a tart. He took a big bite out of it.
"Hey! This is pretty good." Harry grinned at him.
"Kakarot!" the hostile one yelled at the nice one.
"Calm down Vegeta and eat a snack. These are sweet I think you'll like them." He turned to Harry. "My name is Goku by the way. He's the only one that calls me Kakarot."
Harry nodded at him. He wasn't quite sure how he was going to tell him his name. Charades was pretty silly after all. Suddenly, Harry had a flashback to playing charades with Fluffy last night. Apparently, the giant Cerberus liked to browse the forbidden forest and he had run into Harry. Harry thought that he shouldn't hang out with centaurs anymore. He wasn't sure if they were a good influence or not.
Instead of giving them his name he gave them a sad look and pointed to his throat.
"Cat got your tongue?" Vegeta asked cruelly. Harry had the feeling that he was pissed that Harry had interrupted their spar. It wasn't Harry's fault that they had landed where he was walking! Or that instead of walking away that he had sat down and decided to watch and eat treacle tarts. Okay…maybe that last bit was his fault. Merlin, it was all his fault!
Without warning Harry started crying. Goku started panicking and tried to soothe the boy. He powered down and hugged him. Somehow he also managed to kick Vegeta in the stomach.
"Vegeta look what you did to him!" Harry sniffled and cried into Goku's arms.
Oh great. He was a wild, spacey and sad drunk. He cried harder.
Vegeta scowled and powered down.
"You hurt his feelings! Say you're sorry!" Goku demanded and Vegeta growled at him. He cursed when Goku popped him upside the head.
"I said say you're sorry!"
"I'm…I'm sorry." Vegeta mumbled. Harry sniffled up the last of his tears. He turned and blinked wide tear filled eyes at the saiyan.
"I'm not saying it again!" he said harshly.
Tears welled up in Harry's eyes again and he started sobbing.
"Vegeta!"
-time skip-
After Harry had finished bawling his eyes out Goku decided to take him home with them. Vegeta had protested, but Goku was unrelenting in his decision. Harry was coming back with them.
Not that they knew Harry was his name. Or that he was still kind of drunk. Harry decided that it was in his best interest that they didn't know that he was drunk. They probably wouldn't be so nice. The sleeping hat hadn't awakened and Harry thought that it was in some sort of magical sleep. He had checked for his wand too, but he hadn't found it. Surprisingly, he wasn't sad. He had lived eleven years without it and only six years with it; he would do fine on his own. He just needed to make sure that he didn't piss off a lot of people. He was kind of good at that though so it might hard.
Goku's wife had accepted him with open arms and she was sad when she realized that Harry couldn't talk to them. They had also learned that Harry couldn't write or read either. Harry didn't know Japanese, but for some reason he understood them just fine. He thought the centaurs might have something to do with that though.
Harry had been fed and put to bed in one of the spare rooms. When he woke up he realized something important. He wasn't drunk. He doubted he had been drunk yesterday. He was just really really weird. It was like somebody had taken a dash of Luna Lovegood and sprinkled it all through his system. He didn't mind though. He actually kind of envied Luna because she lived most of her life feeling this way. He kind of liked being just a bit crazy.
Chichi, Goku's wife, was the one that offered Harry a place to stay. As long as he took care of some of the chores he was welcome in their house. Harry had been very thankful and gave the woman a big smile, hug and treacle tart. Apparently, his hat had a never ending supply of treacle tarts. How? Harry didn't know and quite frankly he didn't care. It was quite nice. He really really liked treacle tarts.
Vegeta wasn't very nice to Harry, but Harry really liked Vegeta. The man was very attractive when he wasn't glowing with blonde hair. He smirked just right and he had just the right amount of confidence to make Harry want to do very naughty things with him.
It wasn't until day four of living with them that Harry made a move. After discreetly watching Vegeta for the last few days Harry had determined what the man liked to eat. Apparently, Vegeta ate everything. This made it a lot easier for Harry because the man wasn't picky. Harry took over the cooking for the day and cooked different American and European foods. Everybody else loved it, but Vegeta didn't really say much. Harry didn't care though. He just wanted to let the man, erm, alien know that he could cook.
One day five Harry dressed up. On a whim he decided to regrow his hair. Harry's hair was kind of special, and to tell you the truth he had forgotten about its hidden talent. Harry's hair could either be as short as his father's or as long as his mother's. Aunt petunia had kept chopping his hair off and it kept regrowing. His aunt and his hair had come to an agreement one day. It would stay short if she stopped trying to shave Harry bald. When he remembered this on day five he sent his hair the signal that it was okay to grow.
Now his hair was to the middle of his back. It was nice and wavy too. Harry thought it was really pretty. Chichi had noticed that Harry was trying to get Vegeta's attention and approved wholeheartedly. She though that Vegeta had been lonely since he had broken up with Bulma. The two had only been going out for two months and then decided that they just weren't right for each other. He had been moping around ever since. Harry was just what Vegeta needed! She bought the boy new clothes to help capture the saiyan's eye. Harry now wore black cargo pants that rode low on his hips, dark green sleeveless shirt that rode just high enough to show a tantalizing strip of skin. He wore his hair down too. His glasses had been removed as well. He thought he was going to need contacts, but the moment he took off his glasses his vision cleared. He was surprised, but he wasn't complaining. It was a nice surprise.
Vegeta had looked at him and Harry was happy to say that his gaze had lingered.
Day six was definitely a challenge. He had to show his cunning, his creativity, his bravery because on day six Harry pranked the hell out of Vegeta. He temporarily dyed Vegeta's hair pink, switched out all of his clothes with green spandex jumpsuits, whoopee cushioned his whole room and last but not least laced a treacle tart with happy pills. Harry decided that the last bit was too much. It was very disturbing to see Vegeta running around and yelling about youth. Harry wasn't sure how the man's smile glowed white. It was kind of creepy which was saying something because Harry was sure he was just a tad bit crazy. Crazy and creepy usually go hand in hand, but that…was just too much.
When the pills wore off Vegeta was beyond pissed. Harry decided to hide out for the rest of day six. He was crazy, not stupid. He knew Vegeta was on a war path. The saiyan was very pissed that he couldn't sense Harry. Harry was just thankful that he knew how to hide his magical signature. It basically made him invisible to the enraged male alien. What made it even better was that Harry actually disappeared to the saiyans. They couldn't see him at all. Harry took this wondrous opportunity to rig Vegeta's room with nonlethal, but very humiliating traps. Harry might have also spied on the man in the shower, but he wasn't going to admit that anytime soon.
On day seven Vegeta was out for blood. Unfortunately or fortunately he wasn't out to kill Harry. In fact, it didn't involve Harry at all. Vegeta and Goku had a lot of bad blood between them and other aliens. One of them decided to try to kill them…again. According to Chichi this was a regular occurrence. Harry thought it was very fascinating. He and Chichi had sat down outside the house the watch the battle. Chichi had a medic kit and some sort of beans too. Harry didn't really know what the beans were for. Maybe they would get hungry? It seems kind of likely with all of the energy they burned, but Harry didn't think that was why. Oh oh! Maybe they were magic beans!
Magic beans…that gave magical gas.
Oh god. He hoped Fred and George didn't find out about them. Bad things were sure to happen.
Harry was jolted out of his train of thought when he saw Vegeta get thrown through a boulder. Harry frowned. He didn't like Vegeta hurt unless Harry was the one that was causing him pain and they hadn't gotten to that stage yet. Introducing pain into a relationship meant that they had to have been having sex first!
He narrowed his eyes at the bluish ugly alien. He hoped this didn't turn out to be some sort of freaky courtship. If it did then Harry would have to kill the alien. Vegeta was his.
All his.
Harry was shocked out of his murderous rage when he saw Vegeta glow an even brighter gold and his muscles get bigger. If possible his hair got even longer and blonder. It was very disturbing. Harry was not fond of seeing blonde hair on Vegeta's head. He always had bad experiences with blonds.
A few more minutes and Vegeta and Goku had beaten the alien into a bloody pulp. It had sworn vengeance and told them that it would be back. Harry hoped he had already successfully finished his courtship with Vegeta by then. Harry nodded to himself. It was time to put the last plan into action. Disappearing.
For the rest of the seventh day Harry could not be found. Vegeta wasn't angry at the boy anymore he just wanted to know where he was. Chichi had theorized that the boy had been afraid of the fight and didn't want to have anything to do with them anymore. She had seemed incredibly disappointed. She had like Harry and wanted to become good friends with them.
Vegeta was pissed that the boy had left without letting anyone (or him) know that he was going. He hid his disappointment with his anger. Harry had proved to be very interesting the short time that he had stayed with them. Vegeta was already thinking about using some of Harry's pranks on Kakarot. The other saiyan deserved to see what having pink hair for a day felt like. He had laughed himself sick when he saw Vegeta's bright pink hair.
Vegeta would deal though. He hadn't known Harry long enough to really get attached to him. Sure, he liked the kid, but he wasn't going to search the world for him. If Harry left then he wasn't happy. Who was Vegeta to keep him from leaving?
That's what he told himself, but that didn't stop him from wishing the green eyed prankster would decide to come back to them. To him.
Harry POV
Harry skipped through the forest happily. At first some of the animals eyed him warily, but when they saw he meant no harm they ignored him and went back to the lives. Harry had decided to leave the house for the day as part of his plan to snag Vegeta. Time away from each other would do both of them good. Harry had decided to explore the surrounding forest. It was by no means as fun as the forbidden forest, but it had its pluses too. Harry had found at least three waterfalls already.
Deciding to be the kid he never got to be he had stripped down and dived into the pools of water. Each waterfall had a perk. The first one had rocks on the side to lounge on, the second had beautiful flowers growing around it and the last had a cave behind the waterfall. Being the curious being that he was Harry decided to explore the cave.
The cave led to an underground room. It looked lived in, but everything had a layer of dust on it. Harry thought that whoever used to stay here probably hadn't been back in years. Harry straightened up the place a bit and decided to sleep there for the night. He would return back to the others in the morning.
It's too bad that Harry wouldn't get that chance.
Above the bed was a crescent moon. It began to glow and light the whole room. When it dimmed and finally disappeared. Harry was gone.
-Time skip-
When Harry came to he was in the middle of a clearing and it was daytime. The last thing he remembered he was going to sleep in the cave. Now, he was lying on some sort of ceremonial stone and when he sat up he saw that he was surrounded by centaurs. He blinked in shock.
"Um, hi?"
One centaur came to the front and Harry grinned when he recognized him.
"Firenze!"
The centaur smiled at him.
"Hello, Harry. How was your trip? What have you learned about the Other World?"
Harry smiled.
'Straight to business that one.'
"It's alright. It's more futuristic then the muggle world and people are very powerful there. They have explored other worlds and the population is a mix of aliens and humans." He said.
"But why am I back here? I thought my mission would have taken much more time."
"You came to us. You have been with us a day and a night." Firenze said.
"Really? Crap! I got to get back! I need to tie Vegeta down and have sex with him. Send me back send me back before that freaky blue alien claims him while I'm gone!" Harry panicked. He waved his arms trying to show his urgency. He wouldn't let some stupid blue alien get Vegeta. He was Harry's dammit. He had worked hard to get the saiyan male's attention.
Firenze chuckled at him.
"Are you sure young one? You wish to remain there? We can only send you once more before you are forced to stay there."
Harry paused. Wait. He had to stay there? He hesitated before a flash of a naked Vegeta showering under a cascade of water crossed his mind.
He was such a pervert.
"Send me back. I'm sure. Just tell everybody I'm happy now." the centaur nodded.
"I ask once more are you sure? The time between our world and the other is different."
Harry narrowed his eyes at the centaur.
"How different?"
"A year has passed in that world since you have been with us"
"WHAT?"
Harry grabbed the centaur by the neck and pulled him forward.
"Send me back! Send me back so I can go kill that stupid alien! He better not have stolen my Vegeta!"
The other centaurs pried Harry's hands from around Firenze's thoart and with hurried movements cast the spell to send him back to the Other World.
Harry screamed as he was sent through a vortex. He fell through the ceiling of the cave and bounced on the bed. He was back! He ran out of the cave and fell into the water. He sputtered as he came up for air.
He had forgotten about the waterfall.
Harry swam to the side and climbed out. Something on his wrist caught his eye. It was a…bracelet? Where in the hell had he gotten that from?
He eyed it before deciding it could do no harm. It wasn't important and it wouldn't stop him from getting back to his Vegeta. He didn't want to make the man wait a year for him! Just a day!
Harry willed himself to move faster through the forest.
He had to get to Vegeta.
*pop*
And he was gone.
-At Chichi's-
Everybody was eating dinner in the kitchen. Krillin and Piccolo had decided to stay the night. Vegeta was glaring at Goku over the table for some stupid comment that he had made and Chichi was rubbing her bulging stomach. She loved the baby in her belly, but damn her back was killing her.
*Pop*
Someone fell from the ceiling and landed into Vegeta's lap. Vegeta stared at the dripping wet Harry in shock. Harry grinned at him before throwing his arms around the male and kissing him.
Krillin and Picollo gaped and Chichi giggled while clapping her hands happily. Goku grinned, but couldn't help but wonder where the hell had the boy come from and where he had been for the last year. More importantly he wondered why he was wet.
Harry pulled back from the kiss with a loud smacking sound. He grinned at the stunned look on Vegeta's face. Harry was incredibly pleased. Vegeta had not been claimed in his absence. Harry would have tasted it.
"Hi."
"You talk?" Vegeta asked half in shock. Harry grinned and nodded.
"Yup. I took a vow of silence before I met you guys so I couldn't talk when we first met."
It looked like Vegeta wanted to say more, but some short man cut him off.
"Who the heck are you?"
Harry turned to the rest of the bewildered people sitting at the table.
"Why I'm Harry of course! Who else would I be? Would you rather I be someone else? I hope not because I rather like being me."
"Harry it's great to see you again! Why'd you leave us?" Goku asked.
Harry frowned and shifted in Vegeta's lap so he was sitting with his back against the saiyan's chest.
"I didn't mean to. I went for a walk and found this awesome cave, but it transported me home. I stayed there for a day or so and then they sent me back. Apparently, we have a huge time difference. I'm really sorry for leaving like that. I really didn't want to." Harry turned huge green eyes to Vegeta.
Vegeta was oddly silent. He wasn't sure how he should feel. Here was the boy he had been attracted to last year. Here was the boy that had left him, and here was the boy who came back to him. Harry hadn't changed a bit. He was still even wearing the clothes he had left them in, but if only a day had passed for Harry…could he really be mad? It wouldn't be fair for him to be. It's not like he had some claim on Harry.
"Vegeta? Are you angry at me?" Harry asked uncertainly. He felt like he had a lot of ground to cover because of that stupid time difference.
Then again maybe that wasn't a bad thing if he could peek on the older male in the shower again…
"no." Vegeta finally grunted.
Harry grinned at him.
"Good." He stood up off of the man's lap and grabbed his arm pulling him up. "Let's go have sex now."
One more pop and Harry and Vegeta were at waterfall number two. A few waves of Harry's bracelet hand and they were naked. He pounced on Vegeta and the male didn't even think about resisting. He had sworn to himself long ago that when he saw Harry again he was jumping him. He would make sure Harry never wanted to leave again.
-One year later-
Harry laid his head down on Vegeta's chest panting. He had never thought something like this would happen to him. He had an amazing house and amazing mate and soon he would have two amazing children. He smiled when Vegeta caressed his hand over his protruding stomach.
When Harry had first decided to pursue Vegeta he never imagined that it would turn out this way. He hadn't envisioned building their own house or having kids. He hadn't envisioned being happier than he ever would have been in the wizarding world. He mostly definitely hadn't envisioned the strong feeling of contentment and happiness that permeated through his being.
Going just a bit crazy had to be the best thing to ever happen to him.