So here is my first Vampire Academy fanfiction, I really hope you like it, please be nice with me, I wrote this chapter at 3am :D

Here's a brief summary:

Takes place in Frostbite, a day after Dimitri found Rose with Mason's body and the two killed strigoi. Rose and Dimitri are of course fighting the problems with their relationship, Rose has to fight insanity and nightmares, and there's a huge problem with strigoi.

I won't tell you more, because it wouldn't be fun to read anymore!

So read and review!

Chapter 1: It's not your fault

It's been one day since Mason's death, one long dark day. I've been wandering around the academy's campus like a zombie. I skipped classes, not that I cared much, and I even skipped training with Dimitri.

Although I know that he's been looking for me, I successfully avoided him over the past hours, I just wanted to be alone. And I really have been alone, I even managed to block Lissa from my head.

So here I was, sitting by the lake in the middle of the academy's forest, waiting for my life to turn good again. "Roza?" I turned around to look into my favourite pair of chocolate brown eyes. Dimitri. I just looked at him and he stared back.

Then he sat down next to me and pulled me into a tight embrace. He didn't say anything but that wasn't necessary, I just needed him close to me.

"Have you been out here all the time?" I just shrugged and leaned against his chest. "Do you want to talk about it?" He whispered in my ear but I just shook my head. I didn't want to talk about it, with anybody.

"Can we please go back to your dorm? Everyone is worried about you!" I slightly nodded, he stood up and pulled me with him. Slowly we walked to the building, on our way back we crossed Alberta's path. "Guardian Petrov" Dimitri greeted Alberta in typical guardian manner. "Guardian Belikov. Miss Hathaway." She nodded and was about to walk away when she turned around. "Rose, I'm sorry about what happened."

I knew it meant sincere and comforting but I didn't let my body react. Dimitri smiled apologizing for me and let me to my dorm.

I lay down, just like I was dressed and Dimitri was about to leave when I asked him. "Please, stay here with me." My voice was just a whisper but still he heard it. Slowly he came back and lay down next to me.

Soon I heard him snoozing but my eyes stayed open, like they had the past day, I didn't expect to get some sleep anytime soon. But I just stayed where I was, enjoying the company I had tonight.

In the morning when Dimitri woke up, he looked at me and smiled. "Roza … You need to talk about what happened. No one gets over their first kills easily, especially if a close friend dies."

"I don't really want to talk about what happened." I whisper, recalling pictures of the dead strigoi, of Mason's body. "Maybe I need to talk about it." I looked down but took my face into his hands and made me look up to him. "When I saw your face … when we found you in that house … you can't even imagine how felt."

I looked at him questioningly, maybe he was right, and maybe he needed to talk about it too. "How did you feel?"

"Devastated … grief-stricken. You were alive, but the way you looked, you weren't alive anymore and now you haven't recovered and I'm scared that you never will. It tears me apart to think that something bad like this is happening while you are so young."

He pulled my hair out of my face. "But you will recover, I will help you, I'm always there for you."

"It's my entire fault." I whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Mason's death."

"Roza, don't do this to yourself. It was not your fault. Sure you did make some bad decisions, but you can't blame yourself for this. You didn't kill him." I laughed sadly. "I might as well have. I don't think there's any difference. I told him where the strigoi were."

"Don't blame yourself. You can regret your decision, but Mason made his own."

I looked at him for a long time, his words made sense but in my heart I didn't believe in them. I should've done something to keep Mason alive.

"I should visit Lissa, I'll see you at practice sessions." I said hasty and got up from bed but I didn't get far. Dimitri's hand had stopped me. "No."

"Excuse me?"

"No" he repeated. "I told her no. Tasha." My eyes widened, I couldn't believe what I just heard. "What? But why would you do this? You could have had a family with her. And she was … you know, she was really into you."

A strange smiled crept over his face. "I know, and that's why I didn't take the offer, I just didn't return these feelings and could never do so when my heart is set with someone else."

I still couldn't believe I heard him say that. "But you looked so into her, too. You had fun with her. And you were always complaining about how young and stupid I acted."

"Oh Roza, you act so young because you are young. But you were right about something else. You were right about how I was fighting control. It's like I'm an open book to you, and this scares me. Nobody ever understood me so well when I was trying to hide my feelings."

I looked at him and suddenly I understood why everything in the past month happened the way it did with him.

"You feel vulnerable? Is that the problem?" He laughed and nodded. "Yes, that is the problem. It's much easier being with someone who's more a casual friend."

"Like Tasha?"

"Yes, like Tasha, but she doesn't …" He didn't seem to find the right words. "She doesn't get to you?" He nodded again. I knew exactly what he meant, it had been exactly the same with Mason. "I still wanted the relationship to work. I thought she could make me forget you, but it didn't work."

"Is that a problem?"

"Yes"

"Because it's wrong for us to be together?"

"Yes"

"Because of the age difference? Because of Lissa?"

"Yes"

I looked down, now really sad. I had expected this conversation to end different. "But none of this is important to me anymore." I heard him whisper and suddenly he kissed me.

This was kind of our first real kiss, no spell, not me stealing a kiss in training session. I entangled my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me.

He pressed me down onto the bed and put his arms on either side of my face, while my hands wandered into his hair.

It could have been one of my best moments, but suddenly the door opened. "Rose, Lissa sent me to get you, you really have to …" The voice was cut off. Dimitri got off of me and we both watched as Eddie stood there frozen.

He looked disgusted and angry. Before I could say a word he turned around and began to walk away. "We are in deep trouble" I mumbled and Dimitri stroked my back comforting. "I know."

I hope you liked the first chapter, it got a bit corny but I promise the next one will be with more actions. Love you guys! 3 Lis

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